As of about two o’clock this morning, I am officially the mother of a ten year old.
Ten.
One Zero.
It now takes two whole digits to accurately describe him.  Or rather, his age.  It obviously takes more than mere numerals to describe the rest of him.
As we drove to Walt Disney World yesterday to celebrate his birthday [...]

We met for the first time in the hallway of a Philadelphia hotel room.  I had just convinced all of her friends to ditch her at the airport and make her get a cab to the hotel.  I was sure she’d  understand why we’d rather do tequila shots than greet her personally.
It’s a miracle she [...]

We’re supposed to be discovering new surfaces on which to have sex.
That’s what people do when their kids leave town.  At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling us.
We’ve spent the first week staring at one another.  And fighting a lot.  And trying to remember just what in the hell we have in common.  And how [...]

“Alright, Mom.  I have to go.”
Our morning conversation was beginning to bleed into my working hours and I could no longer ignore the screams from my inbox.
“OK, baby.  I love you.”
“I love you, too.  Thanks for listening to me be a raging whore all morning.”
“Mmm… I’d say raging bitch.”
“Oh.  Right.”
“Technically I don’t think I can [...]

The condensed version of this post is, basically:
I had a good weekend.
The long version is:
Wednesday night I took my last Cymbalta.  My primary care doctor recommended I switch my anti-depressants in order to fix everything that was wrong with me.  My endocrinologist explained that yeah, actually, Lexapro is probably a better drug for someone like [...]

My dad called last night at about 8:30.
“Are you doing your show?” he asked.
“Yep. Do you have to assimilate to be American.”
“Oh, um,” he hesitated, “maybe I won’t listen to that one.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’m kind of… well… I’m probably a little conservative on that,” his voice took on that goofy quality it always does [...]

I may have given the internet the impression that I like gifts. Maybe.
I may have made a joke or two about how everything has a price – especially my loyalty and affection. Perhaps.
I may have alluded a time or two to the fact that if you really like me you can shove your [...]

Look! A Thanksgiving post! On Thanksgiving! With a creative title to boot!
(Who the hell says “to boot”?)
You know, I realize that a laundry list of “things I will thank the Gods Of Turkey for” is cliche and as overdone as the constant references to being sleepy from the tryptophan. I know.
But [...]