…rarely drive more than 5 miles over the speed limit.

…own multiple hot glue guns. Which I’ve used.

…can sew.

…hate recapping. If you ask me how my day was, I’ll tell you it was “fine”.

,,,would rather have salt than sugar. That includes chocolate.

…never wear nail polish.

…have had 14 brothers and sisters.

…am genetically an “only child”.

…once got kicked off the school bus for fighting.

…have worked as a voice over actor for commercials.

…believed in Santa Claus until I was 16.

…still believe in magic.

…always fall asleep when I’m riding in a car.

…suck at bowling, golfing, volleyball and playing pool.

…taught my son how to fish.

…was inspired by Finn. Again.

And I don’t know that you…

Posted in Random Miss Britt Crap - including memes Tagged: Finn, lists, memes, personal | 57 Comments »

Do you know what is my biggest blogging pet peeve?

When people just randomly throw up pictures of their kids or family members or friends and are all “Oh, look! Isn’t So and So awesome?!?!” and you’re all “Uh… I guess you had to be there.”

Or what about when every parent on the freaking planet feels the need to do the blow by blow “You’ll never guess what WE did this weekend?!?!” on the Monday after a major holiday? I mean seriously, how many times can we be expected to say “Oh, wow, they have Halloween in Arizona too?!?! NO WAY!!”

GAH! I hate that! One day I’m going to breakdown and leave the comment we all really want to leave that says “this would only be interesting if I was your mother!”

I mean, do these bloggers really think random strangers give two craps about random pictures of random people in your life? Like you’re Brad freaking Pitt or something and “Oh my God! Look! Your kids walk up right too! Oooh!”

Don’t you just hate that? I know.
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Today’s Guest Post Challenge stuff can be found at: Patrick Says and The Orlando Sentinel.

Posted in Friends and Family, photo essays Tagged: devin, emma, family pictures, Halloween Costumes, kid pictures, lazy blogging, trick or treating | 48 Comments »

Related Post:How Miss Britt Makes Guacamole: A Photo Essay

I don’t remember how the conversation started, exactly. It had something to do with the picture I chose to use in this post, although I’m not sure how the road turned from there to here.

We were lying beside each other in the darkness, a momentary silence resting between us that seemed to be weighted with doubts and assumptions and questions never asked because you thought you knew the answers.

“Did you vote against Proposition 2?”

“What? Of course not,” he assured me. And then, as if he needed to make clear his motives, “I believe in the separation of church and state.”

(Edited: he voted AGAINST Prop 2. This was a typo on my part. He voted to NOT take away the rights of gay couples.)

I sensed there was something more to that. Some ugly chasm between us that was just now flirting beneath the surface of our dialogue. “And?”

“And what? It’s none of my business what people do. It’s not my job to judge.” I felt him straining to escape the conversation.

“What is there to judge?”

“Britt, you know what I mean. Let’s not talk about it. It doesn’t matter if I think it’s wrong. I do things all the time that are wrong.”

“You think it’s wrong to be gay?”

“It’s not what I believe. You think Jews are wrong, right? I mean you don’t judge, but you think what they believe is wrong because of what you believe.”

“Actually, no. I don’t. It’s not what I believe, but I believe that fully aware that I could be very, very wrong. And who the hell am I to say what’s right or wrong? But that’s not the point. You can’t compare choosing a religious doctrine to being gay. You make a choice about what you believe.”

“Yeah, well…”

The conclusion to that sentence hung between us in the night, taunting us to come closer and confirm its existence. I sat up and leaned closer to it to get a better look. He got up and walked into the bathroom in an attempt to make it go away. I called into the darkness after him.

“Jared, do you think being gay is a choice?”
Read More…

Posted in Love and Marriage, Serious Discussions - Politics, Religion and Tough Stuff Tagged: civil rights, Florida proposition 2, gay and lesbian, gay marriage, gay marriage ban, gay rights, homosexuality, marriage, prejudice, proposition 8, relationships, tolerance | 108 Comments »

Related Post:How Can We Help Gay Rights?

I do not run with the BlogHer crowd.

Most of you know this because you are my crowd and not of BlogHer. My Crowd attends gatherings with names like TequilaCon and post videos of ourselves doing body shots off one another’s labia.

We? Are the fucking party animals of the Internet, people.

And BlogHer? Well, BlogHer is kind of like that older sister of yours who married the guy with the good job and great teeth. She brings a bottle of wine to the dinner party and remembers your mother-in-law’s birthday. Before the actual day.

I? Joke about being a big deal on the Internet when my husband ignores me. It’s funny because it’s ironic.

BlogHer? Really and actually is a big deal on the Internet. It’s impressive because it’s true.

Now, my point here is not to say that one is better than the other. I happen to really, really dig My Crowd. You guys rock my socks and have made the last two years of my life - offline as much as on - more rich and dynamic than I could have ever imagined. I’ve moved to a new state and fulfilled lifelong dreams because of this here blog and this here group of people.

My point is to say that I’m going to be going to BlogHer 09 in Chicago this summer and I’m kind of (read: totally and completely) crapping my pants at the idea of having to go meet thousands of bloggers who I’ve only watched from afar and never really interacted with and HELLO! I’M GOING TO BE THE LOSER IN THE CORNER WHO DOESN’T KNOW ANYONE!

{Insert breakdown here}

I’m not afraid of meeting people from the Internet. I hopped on a plane and flew 1400 miles all by myself to meet some pervy Internet guy who said he wanted to give me money. I’ve opened my home and exposed my family to bloggers on more than one occasion. I am not afraid of the Internet.

I am, however, seriously unnerved at the idea of going to a conference with thousands of people and being completely alone.

I tell you all that to tell you this:

I have already started making my list of people I’m going to accost at BlogHer, fully prepared to deal with the fact that they will not know me and not care because HOLY CRAP YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND WILL YOU SIGN MY NAME BADGE FOR ME!??!

I’m terrified. I’m planning to go anyway. And I might as well make the most of it by adding a few stalking charges to my rap sheet.

Here’s what I’ve got so far…

Miss Britt’s List Of People She May Be Able To Use A Fake Name With When She Is Asked To Please Stop Humping Their Leg:

Queen of Spain - or Erin, as I will call her in an attempt to trick her into thinking she knows me. Remember how excited I was about my media pass? Well she gets real ones to actual events like the Democratic National Convention. (She also, incidentally, told me how to get mine.)

Suebob - with any luck, I will end up in a picture holding a red stapler. The caption will probably read “Avitable with Red Stapler”, but you’ll know it’s me.

Dooce - dude, I know. We’re supposed to hate her. I know. We’re the rebel group of the blogosphere that is soooo above being Dooce fans. And I was right. there. with you. Truly. I just started reading to see what all the fuss was about! And, well, I’m not going to get I Heart Heather on my ass or anything - but her stuff is actually… funny. I know. Don’t you judge me.

Mocha Momma - truth be told I will probably not try to hump her. I have a feeling she could kick my ass. I am not ruling out the possibility of bumping into her in a hallway “on accident”.

Susan of 5 Minutes for Mom - or maybe it was Janice of 5 Minutes for Mom. Shit. Whichever. Anissa tells me they are wonderful. And Anissa knows everything.

PunditMom - or Goddess of All Things Liberal. I think she’d be recognized with either pseudonym.

Also thinking of ways to take pictures with Moosh, Sarah and the Goon Squad, CityMama and Mr. Lady. Consider telling them I’m with the press…

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Today’s guest posts from The Guest Post Challenge can be seen at: Midnight Cliff and Shiny’s Takeout

Posted in Blogging Tips, Tricks and Junk for Other Bloggers Tagged: bloggers, Blogher, BlogHer 09, conferences, insecurities | 66 Comments »

Related Post:The Guest Post Challenge

As I was cleaning off my computer and moving massive amounts of crap over to my brand spanking new external hard drive, I realized that I have a ridiculous amount of music stored on my lap top. Specifically, I have an embarrassingly large collection of shit music. (Seriously - does anyone really need 8 MB of anything from Black Oak Arkansas?? And while we’re on the subject - who in the hell is Black Oak Arkansas?!?!)

In addition to mounds of steaming poo, I also have The Perfect Song for just about any occasion. Including and especially such occasion as would warrant the removal of pants. I’m pretty much an expert in Songs That Make You Wanna Do It.

And I never use the term Do It. I promise.

But if I were to use the term Do It, then I would say with absolute authority that some songs were made specifically for the purpose of encouraging people to do just that. It, I mean. Songs that were made to make you Do It. Heh heh. (OK, really. Hand to God, I’m done now.)

TOP 9 SONGS THAT MAKE YOU SEXIEST SONGS ACCORDING TO MISS BRITT*

*who is awesome and all knowing**
** about these kinds of things

9. I’ll Make Love To You - Boys II Men

Hey, don’t snicker. I remember a time when Boys II Men was the hottest think since pink slap bracelets. And even if my accessories have since grown up, this song is still blatantly sexy.

8. Bed Of Roses - Bon Jovi

I think what gets me about this song is Jon’s willingness to sleep “on a bed of nails” - while I’m laid out like a princess on a bed of roses. That probably says something about me.

7. At Last - Etta James

This is the song I listen to in the dark. In the bathtub. With bubbles. And I imagine I am a big, black curvy woman on a stage with an amazingly sexy voice that can stretch two syllables into a lifetime of romantic angst.

6. Untitled (How Does It Feel - D’Angelo

The man does the video naked and tattooed. And does this weird-and-yet-hot biting thing with his lip. The song isn’t bad either.

5. When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge

I first heard this song done by Michael Bolton, but Percy Sledge’s version is much more sincere and primal and, therefore, sexier.

4. U Make Me Wanna - Usher

I should just list “Anything from Usher”, because Good Lord that boy is sensual. This particular song was actually considered one of “our songs” between my husband and I when we were teenagers. Because yes, we are that corny.

3. Closer - Nine Inch Nails

I think I was 25 before I found out this song was not titled “I wanna f$%* you like an animal”. I still contend that it should be.

2. Let’s Get It On - Marvin Gaye

This song would be a hundred times sexier if I didn’t remember my parents shimmying around the living room to it when I was a kid. And yet, somehow, that’s part of the appeal.

1. Satisfied - Prince

I heard this song from Prince’s 3121 album for the first time when I saw Prince in Vegas in March of 2007. It was in that moment that I understood why young female groupies throw their panties on stages.

You can here it by going here and clicking “Satisfied” from the list. But you should really be alone when you do. For the sake of decency.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a melody to put on repeat…

Posted in Random Miss Britt Crap - including memes Tagged: iTunes, lists, music, Prince, sexiest songs, sexy songs | 47 Comments »

Related Post:I know, I’m late