There is a nasty rumor going around the Internet that I cannot sing.

Someone even had the nerve to say that I was not a karaoke star.

Obviously, they have not heard me at my finest. Which is to say…

They haven’t heard me in the car.

Miss Britt and Prince Sing-Along from MissBritt on Vimeo.

I think I can safely say I have laid any and all doubts about my vocal prowess to rest.

Oh, and while I’m laying it all out there for you, if any of you are parents… would you mind clicking over here and giving me some advice on how to deal with the whole “allowance” issue?

You know how I was all “woo hoo, my guests are going home, and I will be all excited about getting my house back and settling back into my normal routine”?

What I meant was “woo hoo, my guests are going home, and I will be all excited about getting my house back and settling back into my normal routine… just as soon as I deal with this fantastic bit of bullshit:”

Oh yes. That’s right. Approximately 72 hours before my life was going to Return To Normal, I slammed my beloved Mustang into the back of a not so quickly moving vehicle on the Interstate. The front half of my car hasn’t been seen since.

How, dear reader, does one handle the overwhelming fuckthisshitedness that accompanies your first accident in 13 years?

With lots and lots and lots of these:

Of course.

Unfortunately, too many of those will inevitably lead to making an ass of one’s self. And having it captured on video.

I Will Survive from MissBritt on Vimeo.

My coping mechanisms need work. Clearly.

what up!

I blame the fact that this video is mind numbing on you.

You asked the questions, we just gave the answers.

Oh yeah, and we have a winner too.

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Remember when I told you that if you asked my brother questions, he would answer them on video?

This is not that video.

Remember when I had my husband share 7 things you might not know about me?

This is like that.

With more mush.

And toe sucking.

How does a pair of Dora the Explorer roller skates prompt me to start shopping around for a cheerleading outfit?

Oh, dear reader, let me tell you how.

My daughter got a pair of roller skates for her birthday this past weekend. Once gifts were open and cake was devoured, she insisted on trying out the new skates. We laced her up and headed outside.

While Jared, Adam and Adam’s wife and I all stood around watching how much fun the kids were having skating, I commented that I should get roller skates.

“They’d be great exercise, and roller skating is so much fun.”

At this point, everyone collapsed on the sidewalk in a fit of laughter.

Cock suckers. Every last one of them.

They explained that I was too old to roller skate. I reminded them that I used to skate all the time. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike! But again - they are cock suckers. All of them. They laughed and laughed and made some rather undignified remarks about me getting old. And possibly less than coordinated.

Cock. Suckers.

“Listen here,” I raged, “I know what my body is capable of! Not only can I still roller skate, but I can still do the cheerleading routine to my high school fight song! It hasn’t been that long!”

Ladies and gentleman, I give you…

My youth.

First person to comment on my thighs gets punched in the head.