7 Things I Learned This Weekend That Have Nothing To Do With Self Esteem on Miss Britt

7 Things I Learned This Weekend That Have Nothing To Do With Self Esteem

by Miss Britt on August 17, 2009

Because my God I am tired of looking at that other post.

1. The words “another round” are from Satan himself.

2. Especially when they are said by someone else and yet, somehow, include you.

3. Especially if you do not drink as much – or as quickly – as the person saying “another round” who is, somehow, including you.

4. Just because there is another drink in front of you does not mean it is a good idea to hurry up and finish the drink you are not even half way through because oh my God I don’t want to waste food!

5. Diet Coke and Bacardi Limon should probably not be considered “food”.

6. You should always, always pee before you leave the bar.

7. It is always, always possible to sink to a new low.

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Posted in Dignity Is Overrated - Funny and Embarrassing Stories Tagged: bacardi limon, britt, diet coke, drink, satan, twitter, weekend

33 Comments so far

avitable August 16, 2009 10:48 pm
8. Lonely strangers will be strongly attracted to any women who take pity on them and dance during their karaoke numbers.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:34 am
@avitable, *sigh* sadly, yes.

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Avitable Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 9:06 am
@Miss Britt, You know, I was just thinking about it and I don’t think I’ve ever actually peed on the side of the road!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 9:45 am
@Avitable, reaaaaaaaaaallllly???

*scribbles madly on her “List of Shit To Make Avitable Do In Order For Him To More Fully Appreciate The Human Condition”*

Noted.

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Finn Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 9:49 am
@avitable, Lonely strangers will be strongly attracted to any woman stupid enough to make eye contact with them across a crowded room.

True story.

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Faiqa August 17, 2009 12:32 am
“And not in a bathroom.”

I don’t *even* want to know.

Wait.

Yes, yes I do. Call me.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:35 am
@Faiqa, oh, my dear, you would probably have to stop being friends with me.

*hangs head in shame*

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Christine August 17, 2009 12:48 am
Sigh. This post takes me back a decade (okay, two) to when we had regular “Piss Stops” just off the highway on our route back from Windsor, Ontario (where the drinking age was 19) to our Detroit suburb (drinking age was 21).

They weren’t gas stations. I don’t know why we picked them. But we were nothing if not consistent in our selections.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:36 am
@Christine, the consistency is impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever popped a squat in the same place twice.

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Chic Mama August 17, 2009 4:44 am
Oh dear…..
I think I should copy your post and carry it around on a card with me whenever I go out, exchanging diet coke & barcardi limon (never heard of it) for wine, any colour and champagne.
I’m glad it’s not just me……I hope you managed to have a good time as well though? LOL

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:37 am
@Chic Mama, ohhhh yes. A good time was, indeed, had.

From the pieces I remember anyway.

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Elisa August 17, 2009 5:37 am
Adventurous peeing is so much easier with a few drinks in you

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Elisa, adventurous peeing. LOL That sounds sooo much better than “I jumped out of the car at a stop sign”.

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Shash August 17, 2009 6:06 am
You are my new hero. I will worship you next weekend. LOL!

I polished off 4 bottles of wine with friends this weekend. Got alcohol poisoning. Apparently I can’t drink as much as I used to. Bah.

Glad to know I wasn’t the only one!!

xoxo

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Shash, ALCOHOL POISONING?!?! Oy. Poor thing.

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Mary Neal August 17, 2009 7:09 am
LOL, City Girl! Live in a rural area for a few years and you learn to hang “it” over the back of a log because some things just can’t wait! LOL

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:39 am
@Mary Neal, oh, honey. I grew up in Iowa. I can do it without a log or a tree and not even pee on myself anymore!

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Jared August 17, 2009 8:28 am
And sadly, you are still probably the classiest person I know.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:39 am
@Jared, sweetheart, you need to get out more. LOL

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Hilly August 17, 2009 8:33 am
I once peed on the side of the road when I was really really drunk however NEVER EVER on Disney property…I’m way too afraid of the Disney Gendarmes.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:40 am
@Hilly, you’ve only peed on the side of the road ONCE???

You should hang out in the country more.

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Robin August 17, 2009 8:38 am
I tend to flash people, mostly when I’m intoxicated…sometimes when I’m just having fun.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:41 am
@Robin, well THAT i do not do. But then – I don’t have wonder twins.

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muskrat August 17, 2009 9:26 am
I’ve seen and done worse, so no judgment here.

At the U. of Auburn, Alabama, there’s a practice field where I pissed, but that was on principle.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:02 am
@muskrat, I cannot speak of my experience with a certain football field.

But I’m nodding and winking at you knowingly.

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Sharon - Mom Generations August 17, 2009 9:27 am
Ah… how I love spicy scandal. Or, at least, spissy scandal.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:02 am
@Sharon – Mom Generations, it’s only a scandal if you get caught.

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NYCWD August 17, 2009 9:27 am
So it’s true.

Disney truly is the happiest place on earth.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am
@NYCWD, heh. Well, it’s certainly a liberating place.

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Deb August 17, 2009 9:36 am
I have a new found respect for you!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am
@Deb, yessssssssssssss!

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Finn August 17, 2009 9:48 am
Now you can mark yet another thing off your life’s “To-Do” list.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am
@Finn, thank, god!

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daniel August 17, 2009 9:51 am
It’s even sadder when that situation happens in the morning, say around 10 am…

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am
@daniel, ok, yes, that is definitely worse. LOL

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Hockeyman August 17, 2009 9:56 am
hehehehehehehe…..mostly all I can say reading this one. Thanks though for a reminder to yet another reason I am glad to be born a male. Every palm frond on the side of the road can easily become a private restroom for a male.

On Disney property though, instead of saying it was an embarrassing event, say you were protesting the high prices. Fist in the air, pee pee on their land. Hooah!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:07 am
@Hockeyman, DAMN THE MAN!

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hello haha narf August 17, 2009 10:14 am
will it make you feel better if i told you after a trade show function where i drank too much booze my (then) boss and i we rushing to the orlando airport when he took a wrong turn and drove for so long that i finally hollered, “pull the fuck over or i will pee in this damn car” and he did and i peed on the side of the highway in full daylight view of all the other passing cars?
coz i so did.
at least i didn’t piss my pants.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:07 am
@hello haha narf, hahahahhaha – somehow, I am not surprised by this story.

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bo August 17, 2009 11:00 am
If by ‘Disney property’ you meant Princess Jasmine, I wouldn’t call it a new low. I’d call it the hottest human-cartoon interaction since Eddie Valiant hit his head on Jessica Rabbit’s boobs while pulling up his pants.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:08 am
@bo, so you’re into peeing on people?

Dude.

To each their own, I guess.

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Darla August 17, 2009 11:16 am
A long time ago when I was still very single and barely 21- I was back home (which, now, ironically is just “home”) visiting…after a “night on the town”, a friend of mine was driving me home and I had to pee. So she found a “sort of” back road (it was gravel but close-ish to town) and I peed on the side of the road. A cop came along midstream and stopped to check to see what we were doing (duhhh). ANYWHOO we actually ended up in COURT over the deal — my peeing. Oh yes indeed we did.

And also? That cop now works part time for the police department where my husband is the chief of police. Oh the irony.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:08 am
@Darla, in COURT??

Wow.

That means it made the paper, too, didn’t it?

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hello haha narf August 17, 2009 11:58 am
also? you just reminded me to tell the story of my little cousin drinking with us older cousins. thanks!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@hello haha narf, welcome!

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Miss Grace August 17, 2009 2:06 pm
I peed on a church yesterday. Yeah, *on* a church, on a Sunday. Luckily it was a 7th day adventist church, and I’m pretty sure they do their churchy thing on Saturdays. Well. I hope so anyway.

What? I’d just had 1/2 a bottle of cheap wine in a storm drain with my brother. I had to pee.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@Miss Grace, oh. my. God.

You win.

Or… something.

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SwanShadow August 17, 2009 4:29 pm
Somewhere, Uncle Walt is weeping.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@SwanShadow, and also spinning, I suspect.

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Coal Miner's Granddaughter August 17, 2009 4:38 pm
Peed in my backyard. Mickey Mouse might have flicked through my mind while doing it. Does that count?

Glad you survived, hon!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I think… no.

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Kay August 17, 2009 5:11 pm
#6???
The bathroom is always the last stop. I’m pretty sure you’ll never forget THAT rule again.
Now that I’m able to get out and drink more often, my body has betrayed me by becoming OLD… and completely losing it’s tolerance for alcohol.
I might be a lightweight (now) but at least I’m a cheap date

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:10 am
@Kay, I have always been a cheap date.

Wait.

That didn’t come out right.

No, wait, yes it did.

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floating princess August 17, 2009 5:34 pm
I peed on the side of the road during a hurricane evacuation because I had been in the car for 9 hours and couldn’t take it anymore. There were no trees in sight, just miles and miles of Georgia highway and about 25 other people doing the same thing. The boy managed to hold it for the 19 hours it took us to get to Atlanta and I still don’t know how he did that.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:10 am
@floating princess, I think hurricanes excuse all public urination.

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Sybil Law August 17, 2009 5:56 pm
Been there, done that. No, wait – I never pissed on Disney. But I’d like to, since they’ve given us such gems as “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody”. You pissing there makes you my hero!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:12 am
@Sybil Law, well at least there’s that.

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Poppy August 17, 2009 6:46 pm
I think you should sue Disney for Failure To Deliver World Class Customer Service by suggesting to you that you pee before you left the bar that is on their property. That’d be fun.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:12 am
@Poppy, welllll… technically the bar wasn’t on their property. The hotel we were going to AFTER the bar was.

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AmazingGreis August 17, 2009 8:36 pm
Could all of this alcohol have had something to do with the awesome Karaoke performance? You ROCK!

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@AmazingGreis, undoubtedly – YES.

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NaysWay August 17, 2009 10:59 pm
But you redeemed yourself by having Prince as your Twitter background. Prince makes everything better. And Disney had it coming.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@NaysWay, agreed.

On all points.

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Al_Pal August 18, 2009 8:43 am
*giggle* Oh my!

Yeah, feck that “drinking too quickly” stuff.
Scary.

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Miss Britt Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@Al_Pal, too quickly and TOO MUCH. A bad combination.

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perpstu August 18, 2009 10:41 am
I had the same experience last weekend, except it involved 2 bottles of Patron, some limes and a salt shaker that I kept in my pocket. Yep.In.My.Pocket. God help me.
I did manage not to pee anywhere outside of a bathroom though! Whew!

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ADW August 19, 2009 9:25 am
OH

MY

GOD

Scary, scary things happen in Disney after dark…..

Reply

7 Things I Learned This Weekend That Have Nothing To Do With Self Esteem

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