When you’ve been away from your house for oh, let’s say, about 10 days, one of the first things you’ll notice when you get home is that it’s been damn near a year since you’ve made any progress on decorating your not-so-new-anymore house.
At that point, the best thing to do is wait until oh, let’s say, about 3 o’clock in the afternoon on the Sunday before everyone goes back to school and work and their normal routines and declare it is high time we painted these damn walls!
And then you’ll look up the definition of “high time” and determine it is “now” and wonder if you are about to change tenses as you embark on telling the story of how you painted your walls. Then you’ll figure, fuck it. They’ll get the point.
You’ll want to label these pictures as “Before”.
Those of you familiar with my fine domestic skills are probably expecting some kind of brilliant tip, trick or short cut right now. But, alas, no. There is no way to avoid spending an ungodly amount of time separating your white walls from your white base boards with green painter’s tape.
Unfortunately.
Once you have put a boy and/or taller person to work on the high up parts, you’re going to want to start with the trimming. Except you won’t really want to because the only thing that sucks worse than taping is trimming.
Right about {here} is when your husband or some boy will start to complain that this whole thing is taking a lot longer than he had anticipated when he willingly agreed to help.
Right about {here} is when your three your old will walk in the room and ask:
And then you will go all ninja on her ass and punch her in her tears. Not really.
Ahem.
ANYway.
Right about {here} you will break out the roller and start filling in the big spaces with paint. You will not take pictures because everyone or some boy is starting to get a little antsy about getting this shit done and you think maybe this isn’t the best time to stop and document everything for the blog.
After roughly not very long at all you big cry baby pee pee pants, you will have covered all of those white walls with paint. You will stand back and marvel at your awesomeness.
THEN, you will remove all of the green tape.
And then, THEN MY FRIEND, you will show them all how wonderfully that time was spent. THEN they will see that it is not at ALL “white on white”!
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Posted in Photo Essays Tagged: domestic skills, home, house, ninja, paint, painting, Photo Essays, white walls
Miss Britt Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 6:04 am
I DID!
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avitable Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 7:57 am
Not this time, you didn’t. And here I was, left holding a handful of awesome excuses that I couldn’t even use.
“My grandmother’s really sick”.
“I think I have Ebola.”
“My painting elbow is sprained.”
“I just took Viagra four hours ago and can’t get my erection to go away.”
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Miss Britt Reply:
January 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Yes, I did too! I was on the phone with you on my way home from Home Depot. I was on the phone with you right before I started painting and we were taking the tree down. And I said “so, I’m going to paint, if you want to come over and help..”
And you said “oh, um, yeah, uh, BYE!”
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