You do NOT suck at marriage. It’s not wrong or bad for you to expect unsolicited reciprocation from your spouse. And it’s not wrong or bad for you to be frustrated when that doesn’t happen.

You deserve to be appreciated just for being you.

Reply

I’m sorry, Britt. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom, but I truly don’t know what to say. But I’m here and I care. :hug:

Reply

Oh, but I will say that I think you are being way too hard on yourself. I see nothing selfish or shrewish in the least in what you’ve written here.

Reply

I think relationships are supposed to be reciprocal, right? give and take?

Reply

Ian Reply:
February 28th, 2009 at 8:33 pm

@Amanda, exactly….sugar…I give …you take…!! That’s reciprocal…!!! I feel we have some electricity happening here..??

Luv
XXX

Reply

I wish I could give you some advice. But, seeing where my marriage is, well, umm, I’m not one to speak words of love.
But, what’s worked in the past was a program called Love and Respect. (loveandrespect.com) Check it out…

Reply

janie Gittings Reply:
September 21st, 2009 at 10:22 am

I tried the “love and respect” dvds. I thought they were great! My husband watched them and said, “Yeah, I’ve thought you were acting childish all along.” That didn’t go well. What an awful way to begin a positive conversation! He apologized nicely for treating his ex with more consideration than me…and then, he was back to his same attitude of ugly sarcasm and lack of compassion. The series is great for a receptive heart but not for someone who is being forced to watch it as an ultimatum. Bad idea! Yea, I’m feeling like I’m the problem too. I’m the woman who actually wants to be loved and respected. Is that sooo much to ask of the person who promises to love and respect you? Oh, I suppose that’s only during those times when it’s not offense to anyone else…ex’s, friends, kids, co-workers. I think about what an idiot I am for not seeing this ahead of time. Seems no one else wanted the man until I did. Now I’m heartbroken to hear him talk to others with compassion and respect and talk to me with negative sarcasm and frustration. I tried pouring out love and respect and only got pushed to the side more. How humiliating! I’m a very attractive, funny, well educated woman. What’s wrong with me? I’ve never bee treated this way before. I’ve even tried being a “yes, woman”. It wasn’t easy because I feel as though my opinions and ideas have value…but I let him be the smartest, funniest, etc. Didn’t work. I’m at a loss. First husband was 20 years and passed away. This one is 2 years and I’m tired! Too tired to keep talking and explaining only to be wrong in how I think and how I feel. This sucks!!!!!

Reply

Britt, Please hang in there. You are a good and solid person. Anyting else I had to say would just be blathering.

Reply

i really want to make a joke about if you’d give up the ass, it’d all work out… but that’s just not funny considering how much you’ve shared with us. :kiss: I wish things were different… and I still may make the anal secks joke another time… :cheese:

Reply

Gotta tell ya, it is the same story. The very same. Saw it all the time, over and over, in our age group down to yours (I’m 65) There are lots of helps out there, if you both are willing, (and really, most men want success in marriage too) just to find the one which fits. Ours was church based; some like Marriage Encounter but the one best fit for us was “Marriage Ministry International,” (LOTS AND LOTS of time commitment….Tons of it) pentecostal based, though we are RC.

Reply

And GOD…what is this about Palin. I know I’m just a Canadian and haven’t got a clue, but really, how scary to us all that she could be within spittin distance of BECOMING the ……..GOD!!!!

Reply

I repeatedly think all the same things. I have figured out that I’m the problem and I can fix it and I can make it work. But I can’t. Because I’m not married to myself.

It’s hard when there isn’t that reciprocation. Maybe some people don’t need it. You aren’t less because you do. (Note to self: neither am I)

Hang in there…

Reply

I don’t think you’re wrong for expecting something back. And I don’t think your husband’s failure to reciprocate represents a failure on your part. Or even on his part.

Everyone’s willingness to change is a time line that they have to set for themselves.

I have been exactly where you’ve been. Oh, hell, I still I find myself there every now and then.

Times like this reiterate that any change that one makes in their life should first and foremost benefit their own soul. When one initiates personal change with their own interests in mind, I think that patience with other people’s time line for change automatically follows. That’s been my experience, anyway.

Whatever happens, you’re an amazing woman, and I have no doubt you’ll be fine. More than fine. Dare I say, absolutely spectacular? :hug:

Reply

i had this very conversation with my mother last night. his name is off, my name is on. over and over we go, for years now, and i feel like i’ve lived my life in total accommodation to his (and everyone else’s) needs. now here i find myself feeling unanchored and unsure as to how to proceed — i don’t want to hurt him because he’s a good man, but how can i keep living like this? WHAT ABOUT ME?!

maybe we can be roommates.

Reply

Be yourself. It’s the most comfortable thing that you can do. If it’s not good enough for somebody else, then that is their problem. Love yourself first.

Reply

Ok, everything I have heard about marriage has always said that it is a two way street! There should never be a “one way” sign, or there is gonna be a wreck really soon. HHH and I are pretty good at the two way thing, but I know we have our days whe he needs more, or I need more…..*sigh* I wish it could just be easy and not require so much damn thought. :banghead:

Reply

I do know how you feel. At one time in my life, I was going through the same thing. Exactly.

When it came down to sorting it all out, my husband told me that the reason he was always out of reach to me was because he never felt that I needed him. That because I was working, taking care of the house, the kids, and all that other peripheral stuff going on that I was perfectly capable of taking care of it all.

He said that he did not see any vulner-abilities in me that he could step in and do his thing. His part of our partnership.

He said that even if he did see or know that things were overwhelming for me that he did not dare step up and help for fear that he would be rejected.

Once I stopped trying to be supermom, super cleaning lady, super grocery shopping, super career woman (the list is too long to type all of it here) then he was able to get in his contributions to our marriage and actually feel like he was an equal and willing partner.

Reply

For the record, I am not making jokes about the fact that many men want a “resigned” wife, nor about the desire for a wife who sucks. Just for the record.

Another dad blogger, MetroDad, once said something about marriage that really stuck with me. I’ll paraphrase: Marriage is like a duck. On the surface, everything looks nice and smooth as the duck glides across the water. But underneath the water, the duck is paddling like crazy to make that happen. We just don’t see the effort.

Expecting reciprocation doesn’t make you a shrew. I said it before (in the comments of your last post about this) and I will continue to say it until you believe me: marriage is a partnership. You’re not going into business with a “partner” where you do everything and they just reap the benefits, are you? Marriage truly is no different. Call it a two way street, call it fucking difficult, call it whatever you want to call it. Ultimately, it is a partnership, and if one partner isn’t at least making an effort to fulfill their side of the deal (I wanted to use the word obligation, but I didn’t like the connotation it had), then it is the right of the other partner to feel just how you feel.

It’s not solely your fault that your situation has gotten to this point, no more than it is the fault of the one duck’s leg that is kicking while the other drags idle that the duck is going nowhere, just round and round in circles.

(Sorry if you have to re-read that last paragraph a few times to comprehend the syntax.)

Reply

I hope you turn all that love you are brimming with and turn it on you, authentically, persistently, fiercely, truly, with devotion on you.

Reply

I am certainly not the one to really give you advice… Or anything in this area…. (I have 2 failed marriages….)

BUT, maybe he just wants/needs you to take care of him. You are the one that he counts on, you are the “decision” maker in the house, you are the one he turns to to fix things… So the thanks he gives maybe all he thinks you need… or something….

Or you could just talk to him.
:martini:

Reply

Britt, you don’t suck at marriage at all. You are completely entitled to feel appreciated. Sometimes a busy work routine can affect how well our partner reciprocates the effort we put into the relationship. Sometimes the apparent lack of caring is just habitual. Many men don’t know how to show their appreciation. I don’t mean that in a man-bashing, sexist way – some men are just unsure of the best way to proceed. Tell Jared how you feel. It is obvious he loves you. Maybe he’s just not sure how to turn a one way street into a two way street. Take care.

Reply

If you suck, then I suck. But in reality, it’s our husbands that suck. They don’t realize that WE need to be taken care of from time to time!
Tell him how you feel, I know Jared, and I know hat HE will be receptinve, and he will make a vested effot in helping!
Love ya

Reply

I don’t think you suck at marriage.
I think you made some awewsome changes.
However, if you do it expecting he’ll change,
than the motive is off (at least that’s how I look at it in my own relationship).
While you deserve those things..
it doesn’t guarantee you’ll get them by the changes you’ve made. And ALL of the problem is not with you.
My partner and I went to couples counseling.
And although I found out I had to make some changes. She did too. It’s not a one way street. I admire that you are willing to take a look at yourself and make some changes – but maybe he needs to do so, as well.

Reply

Marriage is hard for me too! One thing that works for me that I thought I would share is that it seems to me that my husband is not wired in the same way I am wired. He sees the world as being about money and security more than being about feelings and peace. I don’t think it would ever occur to my husband to wonder if I need something. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care his mind works differently. What worked for me is that I made out a list of all the things that happen in the evenings, my bad time of the day. I showed him the list and asked if he could pick a few things that would be his evening responsibilities so that we could divide the work and then both have a chance to relax and unwind before going to bed. For me, being stressed and working my ass off while my husband has his feet propped up sucks. So I very nicely and asked for help, I gave very specific details of what I needed him to do. And then, I never criticize how he does those things. He folds laundry and clears the table which isn’t a lot but it really makes a difference.

Perhaps your husband is not as intuitive about what you need as you are to what he needs. Perhaps if you were to politely ask for one or two things he would oblige? It sucks that you have to ask. It is scary that he might say no. But, then again it might work. Perhaps if you hubby doesn’t want to pitch in he would be agreeable to hiring someone to do some of the grunt work that is needed in your home.

I also wanted to say that you are not a horrible shrew. Being overwhelmed sucks. This really busy and hard period will not last forever.

Reply

I have the same sort of marriage, and have been through what you’re going through in a round-a-bout for many years now. And since this is my SECOND marriage, I guess I finally feel that it’s not so much that I suck at marriage, it’s that I suck at picking men who go into relationships with expectations and goals and levels of maturity/responsibility/thoughtfulness/appreciation, etc. that match mine.

It’s not wrong for either of you to have expectations. But when they don’t match, there is conflict. And somehow, even the second time around, I failed to recognize that fact.

Reply

I pretty much suck ass at being married. The difference between you and I is that I refuse to try to change because I know it won’t be reciprocated.

That in and of itself makes you an awesome wife.
:rock:

Reply

Don’t get me wrong.
My motives are off at times too.
Didn’t mean to sound preachy, if I did.
It’s a Monday, I’m still waking up. :nana:

Reply

I told myself that his happiness was ultimately the same as our happiness.

I think I saw this in an Ladies’ Home Journal article from the 50s.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the last question… my last why… is why doesn’t he want to take care of me?

This is the lament of many strong, indpendent women. I suspect he doesn’t think you really need it. He may be just a little bit intimdated by you.

Reply

I’m confused, I thought marriage was supposed to be about a give and take, but what do I know.

Reply

Marriage only works if both partners are willing to work and fight for it. Sounds to me like you’re fighting all by yourself, and that’s going to have to change. Luckily, that really is possible — I’ve been married for 18 years and I can attest to it. But, man, it’s hard work. Is counselling an option?

Reply

Mattie hit the nail on the head. My husband has said the exact same thing to me.

I am a custodial stepmother, living with my husband, 8 year old, my sister and her 4 year old. I work 2 jobs and remain very active in my civic orgs. I am independent to a fault. I try my best to do everything I can to make my household run smoothly and make everyone’s lives easier.

I never really give Joe a chance to take care of me. I’m not used to having someone there to take care of me, even after 4.5 years of marriage.

You’re not a shrew because you expect care and nurturing from your husband.

Reply

I suck at it too!

Reply

Hang on, I’m confused…

When you tell him what you need = you suck
When you don’t tell him what you need and bend over backwards trying not to need at all and instead focus 100% on keeping him happy= you still suck?

When is it his turn to suck? Further, why is it a bad thing for him to feel like he isn’t doing something right but it is okay for you to turn yourself inside out and hate on yourself when things get rough? Why is his ego is more important than yours?

The only thing that pretending everything is fine when it isn’t is good for is working yourself up into a spectacular tantrum that will erupt when you least expect it–which could make everything even worse.

Reply

“Why can’t I be like those women who genuinely don’t need so god damn much? Why can’t I just build my whole damn life around this man with no ulterior motive or expectations of my own?”

Britt, you *know* those women don’t exist, except maybe as Stepford Wife images on old reruns. And that’s just fucking boring and prehistoric, if you ask me. Building your whole life and wants and needs around another person without any regard to your needs/wants/desires is total self-annihilation. And you’re too awesome to do that to yourself.

You have every right to expect your husband to be an active member of your marriage partnership, to care for you, to fight for you, to stand up and work with you. I’m not experienced enough in marriage to offer any advice on how to get that through his skull (p.s. cast-iron objects don’t work for this purpose…), but oh, how I want that for you. I so want that huge lightbulb to go on in his head.

It is not 100% your responsibility to make things work or to fix a situation all by yourself, either, so when you give everything you have and more and it still doesn’t come out the way you want, don’t blame yourself. It’s not what YOU didn’t do…

Reply

Hey, you know what, it takes 2 to make a marriage work, if you suck at it, then he probably does too. Don’t beat yourself up. I would love it if you would come over to Marital Talk and write about it some of this, you can even go in greater detail if you want to comment or write anonymously.

Reply

I can relate. Totally. I think I already did a lot of work and still am struggling.

What helped me so far is: not to ask why. (Doesn’t lead anywhere.)
And to focus on my part in the game. The rest may (or may not) follow.
And (hence) the hardest: trying to let go of my expectations. Bit by bit.
They say: plan the action, not the result…

(Hope I’m not boring you with this but I felt like sending you a sign of sympathy.)

And besides: great blog Britt!

Reply

Um, no. Ok, so I don’t know you and you don’t know me, and I don’t really know your life, but this has me ranting at the screen. Sorry for the anger that’s about to pour in to this comment, but I can’t help myself.

Hell mother effing no.

Marriage is a two way street. It’s a partnership. It’s not a frigging monarchy.

It takes work. It takes sacrifice. It takes compromise. What it does not take is a commitment to indentured servitude for the rest of your life.

I am so over the Promisekeepers, Surrendered Wife, bullshit that seems to have convinced women that they are less than human if they would prefer chocolate ice cream to their husband’s favorite vanilla.

Two become one. Not one grinds the other one into sumbission and takes away all evidence of their having existed without them in the first place.

:crazywife:

Rant over.

Reply

is your hub and my hub separated at birth?

I knows exactly where you are coming from babe.

I tried the exact same shiot recently, thinking he is right, I am too me-me-me-me. When I stepped back, doted on him and the kids for a while, I noticed something.

Everybody forgot me. Nobody appreciates me. Nobody respects me. mom is just here to SERVE.

Fuck that. :crazywife:

Reply

OK, I can’t read all the comments, so I apologise if I’m being redundant here:

If things are in fact the way you’ve described, then you seem to be going from one extreme to another, and of course that can’t be maintained in the long-term. You can’t behave in the exact opposite way that you always have and not come out exhausted and resentful in the end. It’s simply not possible.

Now that being said, I very much doubt that you are generally demanding and shrewish. I think you are a strong woman who knows what is right. I think that Jared knows who you are, and beneath all that strength and confidence, he knows that at heart you are a sweet loving person.

Perhaps that’s what makes him accept/tolerate any moments of nagging. Or perhaps he takes advantage of it. Who of us could say?

But I do agree that you’re not happy, and that perhaps whomever it was that suggested counseling was correct. Perhaps a third party might give some perspective. At least it will be someone qualified to tell you some things that might need to be worked on.

Hugs, kisses and happy thoughts…

Reply

WHOAH. Deep deep breath. Sounds to me like you are most definitely NOT the one who sucks at marriage.
It’s EASY to give and give and give, when you get it all back! It’s not a life if you give and get nothing but a pat on the head in return. That’s not what marriage is supposed to be about. (Parenting maybe, but not marriage!) It’s supposed to be a give and take, a partnership, where each person takes equal responsibility for taking care of the other.

I think your experiment was a roaring success. You tried it the other way and it DIDN’T work! The goal is not making HIM happy, it’s making BOTH OF YOU happy.

Hang in there and stop listening to those who would have you believe that an ideal marriage is one where the wife subjugates herself completely to her husband’s happiness.

Reply

Because he thinks you can take care of yourself. I’ve got one at home just like him….frustrating, huh?

Reply

Britt – you are working on you. BUT, you said “I was focused on his needs and his happiness….I told myself that his happiness was ultimately the same as our happiness” and what I’ve learned is that you can’t MAKE someone be happy. They have to find it within themselves. It took me 15 hard years to make that connection. And, if you aren’t happy, you could never make someone else be happy anyway. (That sounded better in my head.)

I had to find my happy first, then it filtered to those around me. I spent years wishing my husband was something he wasn’t and in the end, I realized he would never be that perfect combo of what I wanted so I accepted what I had, got thankful he wasn’t a wife beater or molester or an addict and once I accepted those things, I became more relaxed and actually happier.

Of course, as we’ve discussed via comments and email, we moved here because he was in search of his Eden. He thought moving was the answer and it turned out not to be. I became stronger while he searched and did his own thing. He didn’t find it here because he had to figure out what made him happy within himself. Finally FINALLY this year he clued in and I will tell you things are different. We’re all different and happier and it fell into place.

Reply

From one selfish, ambitious, stubborn, proud, egotistical, babe to another, give it more time and think of it as a process (years, not weeks). I’m sure your husband loves you to pieces and that you’re meant to be together. He needs very, very concrete direction about what you need. And you need to know what you need first. Say out loud to each other that no one is going anywhere, and you’re going to work this out. Love gets sweeter and sweeter. It’s totally worth it to hang in there.

Reply

…oh, i forgot AVI

Reply

I have to agree with marriage counseling. You need the right tools before it’s too late. I’m a hopeful romantic and believe in forever, etc. So please think about it. He’s a guy and probably doesn’t even know there’s a problem.

Reply

You’re right, it needs to be reciprocated. And the reason it felt wrong? Is because you weren’t being you, and you have GOT to be you, Britt. There is no alternative.

Reply

You should be GRATEFUL that you and your husband are even in the same country. My husband is in Iraq and… uhm.. wait.. never mind. I have always wondered why spouses of deployed soldiers felt they could use that to blast people who have real problems in their marriage. Now.. for my real comment.

My husband is much like yours. I’m much like you — only fatter, with straighter hair, a few more years..well you get the picture. Anyway… I need to be taken care of. My husband is pretty good at some of it. But when I point out to him where he fails, when I stress to him in no uncertain detail what I NEED, he doesn’t do it. Just recently I sent him an email explaining for no less than the one hundreth million trillionth time how he made me feel less-than-loved. His email back to me made me feel so guilty that I ended up aplogizing to HIM for needing more. WTF?!

I ramble. I guess I’m saying you don’t at marriage. Marriage just… SUCKS. But it doesn’t suck nearly as much as being alone without the one you love (as in not having them in your life. Not as in having them deployed._

Reply

There is nothing wrong with you expecting the giving to be reciprocal. That’s the point of being married.

I read once that the best marriages are those where each person considers the feelings of the other person over his/her own. When that truly happens, there’s still someone who always considers your feelings first, so you never have to, and both of you are always taken care of.

Sounds beautifully perfect, doesn’t it?

Now if only it were as easy as it is beautiful.

By the way, the mere fact that it all “bothers” you so much, that you’re trying so hard, seems to preclude the idea that you “suck at marriage.” Just sayin.

Reply

Wow, after all those comments I don’t know what to say. My advice is to go see a marriage counselor. And if he says he won’t go, give him an ultimatim.

Good luck.

J.

Reply

I think everyone sucks at marriage at some point. No one person is perfect so how can 2 be perfect always? Not gonna happen. I’ve had my fair share of wondering when there would be something in this relationship for myself. I guess the bottom line for me is that I know it should be fair and equal. However, like the rest of life, it’s not. There are times I get very little back. There are times I get nothing back. There are times I’m overwhelmed by what Rott gives me. Overall, I give more than he does, but after 10 years, I’ve finally decided that it really is okay that things are this way. Equality may only happen in a perfect world. I cherish the times Rott is the giver because I know it could be awhile before the next time. I think about what my life would be like if he was dead… and I then I REALLY realize that as imperfect as he is, as little as he sometimes gives back, my life is so much LESS without him… If it were a choice between having him and feeling “Hey, where’s something for me” 2/3rds of the time or not having him at all… The not having him is clearly not an option at all, regardless of how much either of us suck at this relationship. So sometimes I just tell him, what’s in for me? You make me feel like a doormat you asshole. The next thing I know he’s fired up Titanic, made some popcorn, and wants a cuddle. And then I don’t mind so much that I had to go out at midnight to buy him a pack of smokes.

Reply

Look, I suck at all things man related, but I know this about the male creature: you are doing right. Keep trying. And if in the end you have needs unmet, voice them calmly, rationally. Say please and thank you. And then let him step up. If he doesn’t step up, get on your knees and pray for your own peace of mind and for peace in your marriage. You are in it for the long haul, and just because things are sucking now does not mean they will always suck. Hang in there. You are a good gal and you don’t suck at marriage. You are trying the best you can and that’s the best anyone can ask of you – including your husband.
:heartbeat:

Reply

I don’t think that either you or your husband “suck at marriage.” Please believe me. I suck at marriage, for real. I’ll tell you how I know: I really love my husband for many reasons, he is really a good guy, but, I don’t want to be married. We know that when the kids grow up we are going to separate and not out of hate or resentment. I just don’t want to live with anyone. I want to live alone.

No one is angry anymore. We understand. That is what not wanting marriage sounds like Miss Britt. Angry divorces come from people that WANT to be married, things that just end make the sound of dead fish thloping on a cutting board. Your emotion speaks volumes.

Reply

I am too impatient to really ALL the comments. So I will say my peace (or is it piece?) and how you havent already read/heard it.

One, no, marriages are not always 50/50… but even when they are off balance, a good marriage typically swings in balance, as in, you give more in one area, him in another and sometimes at different times.
Two, it is NEVER wrong to need your own needs met, but no one is a mind reader. In your man’s head while he was getting all this extra attention, all he could think is, “Damn I did something right.” If HE started bring home chocolates every night for you, would you question it?
The problem is everyone keeps wording it as “asking” him to help out, or give back… don’t ask, just let him know… Want help around the house? “Honey, please clear off the table and put the dishes in the sink while I go clean up the kids.” “Honey, I was thinking you and I put the kids to bed and cuddle and make out on the couch tonight.”
You don’t kill your pride having to ask or beg… and he actually knows what you want and how he can be of use.
As for counseling… if you look into it, some places have accomaditions for kids too (at least the one my parents went to did.) and even through a church, they just MAY come to your house if you look into it.
There is also another site called marriageadvice.com that my sister has been reading different articles on and seems to like it.

But like most everyone seems to be saying, men and women think different, they show affection and love different. Sometimes the best thing to do is set aside time to go on “dates” with each other. Connect, talk, share and laugh…the everyday life is hard, you both need time where you put that aside to focus on yourselves and each other…

I will shut up now

Reply

Heh, seems to me that it’s your husband that sucks at this marriage stuff.

Who tried the most? You.
Who pretended she didn’t exist as a human being? You.
Who put herself on the back burner? You.

Who took it all in and never gave back? Him.

All evidence here points towards his inability to handle a real relationship.

Reply

Two weeks ?
Um. Yeah… I can train you to do hold down a job at McDonald’s in that time, but what’s the reward ?
Min wage, that’s what.

Marriage isn’t a no GED no training required task.
Marriage is an MBA, honey.

If you REALLY are the problem, you need to hear this : The 80/20 rule applies to marriage.

Even marital counselors will admit that year, 80% of the problem is ONE person, the mess of an unhappy marriage is 80% or MORE the fault of one person.

Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it IS.
If you were seriously trying to mend things, is it at all possible that TWO WEEKS is NOT going to bring your emotional bank account with hubby up to the point where he feels safe making a few deposits in return ???

You’ve got over 100 responses blowing sunshine and in general trying to make YOU feel better.

Those ego boosts might feel great.
What do they do for your marriage ?
Ask yourself if two weeks would be enough time for you to get over years of heartache.

Then ask yourself if you really want to do the work of marriage, or if you just enjoy having something to gripe about in a blog.

Reply

Dear Britt:

As one who has been happily married to the same woman for 28 years, and as one who practice the Christian faith, I believe I can share some insight that most of these folks have either overlook or they simply do not understand.

First, marriage is 100/100, not 50/50 as the “world” asserts. Each partner must give their all, not half of themselves.

Second, there must be “give and take” in the relationship with mutual respect which leads me to ask you this question: Do you really respect your husband? I ask because in reading some of your past postings, you could easily give the impression that you, not your husband, plays the “man’s” role in your marriage.

Again, I say that with caution for the obvious reason that I neither know you nor your husband, but in your writings, you give the impression that you are running things, not your husband!

It is vitally imnportant that a woman builds her man’s esteem, confidence, and manhood; that is simply how men are wired up. I recommedn a very easy reading book on marriage by a man named William Farley. The book is entitled: “His Needs, Her Needs”. Awesome!

Third, as a Christian, it is important that both you and your husband allow Christ to be the “Centerpiece” of your home life, including your marriage. Are you guys actively involved in a local church where you are being taught the Word of God? You need that kind of enviroment to help you in the development of your marriage.

There is so much more that I could say, but I sincerely wish you well as you seek to make your marriage better. One last thing: Please don’t listen to people who make it easy for you to distance yourself from your husband as we are living in a culture that no longer has the respect for traditional marriage or the traditional family as God Himself has established it.

Blessings to You!

Wayne

Reply

try http://www.BestMarriage.com
and you will find that the root problem is HIM == if he will start loving you like he should, in action, putting you first and living with understanding with you, listening to you …. then, you can begin to respond to him the way you were designed to do

Reply