I know we’re not supposed to say so, but I never liked that kid.
He is my son’s age and lives in our neighborhood. And he wants to play. That alone was enough to win Devin over.
I’m not as easy to please.
He lacked the manners that you’d expect of an 8 year old. Basics, like please and thank you and not getting into the refrigerator in someone else’s house. I was annoyed by the odd times he would show up at my door step – often ringing the doorbell as the kids were getting into bed, or staying long into the evening without a phone call to or from home.
“Matthew, we’re going to have dinner now, it’s probably time for everyone to go home for the night and you guys can play tomorrow.”
“I’ll just wait while you eat.”
“No, you should head home now. Your parents are probably wondering where you are.”
I suspected this wasn’t true. I’d often see Matthew and his brothers playing in the middle of the street when I drove by and I would remind Devin “you don’t ever, ever play in the street like that. That’s not safe.”
I was nervous about the idea of my son getting too close with this kid. Every stereotype and judgment I’d picked up over the last twenty years screamed that he wasn’t going to be a good influence. Something about him just seemed… off.
A few nights ago Matthew showed up at my doorstep awkwardly late as usual. And as usual, he stayed long after you’d expect a third grader to stay at your house on a school night. When it was clear he wasn’t going to come to the decision on his own, I let him know it was time to head home for the night.
“Will you walk me home?”
No problem. Devin and I got our shoes on and headed down the street beside Matthew’s bicycle.
I tried to make small talk along the way. I suck at kid small talk. “Are your parents going to be worried you were out this late?”
“No, they aren’t home.”
“Oh, are they at work?”
“Yeah, they get home after I’m asleep.”
I made a mental note never to let Devin go over to his house. Ever. “Is anyone home with you?”
“My brother. He’s 15 and crabby.”
“He must be a pretty responsible 15 year old. Does he make good stuff for dinner for you guys?” because at this point I am curious. And more than a little self righteous.
“No. He doesn’t make stuff really.”
“So….” I’m spinning through the Rolodex of searching questions I could ask that will give me a clearer picture of what the hell is going on in this kid’s house, “where do your mom and dad work?”
“Well, my mom is dead and my dad works at -”
I have no idea how that sentence ended. My heart and my brain seized up at “Dead”. His voice was flat and unapologetic, his words direct. She didn’t pass away. She wasn’t in heaven or not here.
She was – she is – dead.
My desire to ask questions vanished. Not because I didn’t have a million of them running through my head, but I couldn’t stand the thought of pushing them on him, poking at his reality with my own morbid curiosity.
In the space where my silence lay, between the three of us on the empty sidewalk, Matthew began to talk. I have no idea why. He couldn’t have chosen a less qualified pair of ears to unleash on.
“Who made God?”
“Um… what?”
“Well, I know God made everything and stuff. So who made God?”
I’m sorry kid, can we go back to Your Mom Is Dead? I am certain I am much more equipped to discuss that.
“Um… er… well… see… we believe…”
I have no fucking clue what I told him. Something about eternity and omega and foreverness and OUR ITTY BITTY HUMAN BRAINS ARE JUST TOO STUPID TO KNOW, so please don’t ask me these questions. Apparently it sounded like bullshit.
“Everything has a beginning and an end. God must too.”
“Well, um, er,” how do I say this without coming off as the pushy Catholic lady – because I so don’t want to be the pushy Catholic lady and we respect other people’s views in this family. Really. We’re democrats. But, well, you asked.
“Well, some people believe, we believe that we don’t really have an end. When you die you go to heaven and.. um… er…”
“I don’t believe that,” Matthew cut me off. “I think you’re born, you die, and you just get born again someone else. And it happens over and over again and you never remember.”
Shit. Ouch. Damn.
Matthew’s mom is dead. Matthew’s mom is dead and he believes that people who die are just dead until they’re born again as someone else. Matthew’s mom is dead and he believes she doesn’t remember who he is.
I wanted to tell him that wasn’t true. Standing there under the streetlight in front of Matthew’s house, I wanted to put his face in my hands and look in his eyes and insist that his mother still knew him. I wanted to make him believe in a soul and a heaven and a love that would never, ever forget.
But I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“They call that reincarnation,” I told him instead. “A lot of people believe that.”
“See you tomorrow!” Matthew waved and ran into his house. No one came out to greet him or inquire where he’d been. No face peeked out the windows to stare at the strange woman and child who’d walked him home. He disappeared into the still house and Devin and I turned back towards home.
I find myself waiting for Matthew now.
I look for his bike as I drive up the street after work each night. I listen for the doorbell in the evening after other kids have gone home. I save some dessert for when he rings it. I let him come inside and wait while Devin finishes up his chores or his homework. I walk him home when he tells me he doesn’t want to go alone.
And maybe it’s ridiculous. Maybe none of it makes up for the resentment I harbored before. Maybe none of it makes any difference at all.
But I do it anyway. I want to. I have to. Because Matthew’s mom is dead.
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Posted in Friends and Family Tagged: afterlife, death, family, loss of parent, morality, parenting, reincarnation, religion, spirituality
That’s strange that he’d get the idea of reincarnation instead of heaven – I wonder if his family is Buddhist?
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Oh ouch baby.
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My heart stopped, too (even though I already knew from the title). My heart stopped right in my throat.
We have a girl on our street in a similar situation, and she also comes here to play too late, looking shabby, no one seemingly looking out for her, etc. Her dad is dead and her mom works a lot.
You’re a good person. Someone has to offer something to these kids, even if it’s just as simple as dessert. (Even though that really isn’t all that simple.) :hug:
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This is where you and I are both similar and sick: We worry too much for others, we feel guilt and sorrow for other peoples’ pain and tend to take it on as our own. We can’t help it and we try to make things better that are impossible to make better. This is a blessing and a curse.
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my dad was killed in a car accident before I was born. I didn’t know any different, and when people asked me where my dad was, that is what I’d say… It always made me wonder why people stopped and stumbled and stuttered the next portion of the conversation… I still wonder why people apologize.
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I’m glad that you know now. Perhaps you can add what looks like some much needed mothering influence on him. I hope that when you save him some dessert and let him stay later than you normally would, you are letting him know that even though he doesn’t have a mom to tuck him in at night, he is still cared for.
Wow, that broke my heart. I feel the need to go hug all my little ones now.
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it is important that you can be the mom that kids like Matthew can come to and bounce ideas off of…
A friend of Lillith’s asked me one (at a sleepover no less) if I had heard of the holocaust. When I told her that I had, she then asked me if I believed that it had happened. This girl’s parents were raised in Poland.. I am not sure what they were even taught since it was under the Communists… so I told her that I did believe that it happened. Because when I was in 7th grade, I met a woman named Gerda Klein… and not only did she tell me her story, but she showed me the camp tattoo on her arm.
I can only hope that I have damaged some family story by telling her what I know, but I don’t lie when asked a direct question.
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or haven’t damaged… I type well after a nice dinner…
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It’s interesting how a slightly different perspective makes us feel so differently about people. We had a kid like that in my neighborhood, just very odd social skills, always walking around with his three much younger sibs (like 4, 3, and 2) and I later learned that his dad is a paranoid schizophrenic who made home life very challenging. Def. changed how I viewed kid. Good for you for looking out for this one.
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I wouldn’t be surprised if in 10 years he looks back on this and think that even though his Mother died he still had a Motherly influence in his life for however long you are in it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you change his life just a little bit.
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Such a well written post! great job – really! We too had a boy showing up on our doorstep for years. He was so annoying – always THERE. It took several years before I found out just how terrible of a place his house was for him to be. He is now 17 and still practically lives at my house. Just a few weeks ago he told me, “I tell a lot of people you’re my real mom.” I almost cried. I know I haven’t changed his life, but I hope that in some small way I’ve allowed him to believe that there are loving homes and kind people out there. Your post so touched me!
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It makes a difference. Kids like that are so not used to anyone caring . . . it just makes a difference.
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Wow. As I was reading along, I was in total agreement with everything you wrote. I, too, would have felt morally superior to Matthew’s parents.
But when you got to the point about his mom being dead. Wow.
That poor child. What a blessing for him that he has found a friend in Devin: not only for Devin himself, but because that also brought you into his life.
You have a wonderful opportunity to be a positive influence in the life of a child who desperately needs it. Kudos to you for being there for him.
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I’m guessing the 15 year old has more than just the usual teenage reasons for being crabby.
That poor baby. You know, maybe his dad is doing all he possibly can and he just doesn’t have any more than that. Maybe you ought to try to meet him, at least let him know that when his son is out wandering, he’s wandering to a safe place where people care about him. It might give the poor guy a little peace of mind.
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I am crying. OMG Britt, you never know what a difference you might make in that kid’s life. He will probably always remember his friend Devin’s Mom who saved him desert and let him come over at odd times.
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Seems like God brought Matthew and you together for a reason. You both needed each other.
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Wow, difficult conversation on shockingly short notice, nicely done. I bet your presence, your house and kid, help him feel anchored, and I’m glad you now have some insight into his situation. I bet feeling welcomed by you means a hell of lot more to him than you even realize. The people who raised me (not my parents) kinda left me hanging in a lot of ways, and the parents of friends and neighbors were at times a godsend for me.
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Thank you for being there for him.
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What a heartbreaking story
Poor Matthew. I’m glad you can be there for him and help your son’s friend along the way.
You’ve already been forgiven for the resentment you harbored before, but I know the feeling. Judging someone before you know the whole situation can be a strange and enlightening lesson to learn.
You have a big heart, Miss Britt. Thank you for that.
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Oh, Britt!
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Which just goes to show you should never judge a book by its cover. The little boy in my son’s class that kept kicking and biting and being mean and had just about every mum running for the hills when their child asked if he could come over to play, turns out he is slightly autistic and can’t cope in large groups but is the sweetest little man when you meet him.
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So, now you make me cry at 6:00 a.m. huh? Oof..
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Everyone’s got a story. If his mother wasn’t dead, maybe it’s his father who’s a deadbeat or in jail. Kids like that, who haven’t been taught what you call “the basics” always have a story, and it usually involves one of the two parents not being able to parent the child. There were a couple of kids like that in my neighbourhood, and they often hung out at our place for an entire day in the summer.
In a strange way, I’m glad he asked you to walk him home. I think you’re going to be able to make a small difference in his life (in the grand scheme of things) that he will see as so much more when he looks back.
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I think it’s wonderful that the two of you “found” each other just when Matthew seems to need the human connection. I bet you are a tremendous help and influence to him.
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From someone who lost (such a silly word, huh? like I misplaced her…) her own Mom at four years old, the little things that you do — walk him home, save him some dessert, etc… — are HUGE in his world.
I called all my friends’ mothers “Mom,” even as an adult. Imagine my glee when I got married and my mother-in-law asked (begged, pleaded) if I was going to call her “Mom.” As if there was an iota of doubt…
Back to Matthew… the little things you do make him feel loved, I bet. It’s a good thing. A very good thing.
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That is such a sad story, bless that little boy’s heart. I can’t imagine.
Never underestimate the power of small acts of kindness.
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you make a difference.
:hug:
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Oh God, yeah. There was a kid like that in our neighborhood for many years. I didn’t like him. But I couldn’t stop worrying about him. His Mom was a drug addict who was in and out of jail, and then she died of an overdose. They’ve moved away and I will probably, until my dying day, wonder what happened to that kid.
I’m glad you will be there for him. Somebody has to.
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You will leave a lasting impression on Matthew. It sounds like he enjoys your home and is something he craves. I work in an elementary school and every year I have one or two kids that I wish I could take home with me so they can have a normal, loving home. It’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you’ll be there for him.
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I am so glad that you are there for him babe. I know from Megan and Jack how hard kids’ lives are after losing a parent.
And in ten years, when he’s looking back on the memories he has of his childhood, rest assured there are going to be stories about you and Devin.
Love you!
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You’re a better woman than I.
We have a stray on our street too. She’s a poor little thing and we are pretty sure her parents sell drugs. And we are torn as to what to do… Alas.
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Wow Britt… That’s so sad, but you’re so wonderful for taking him in under your wing for certain circumstances, and understanding now that well, he doesn’t have a mom, and clearly, he must get the attention he needs, or he feels some sort of welcoming love at your home that he doesn’t feel at his own home.
When certain times arrise and it gets old that he stops over all the time, I guess it always helps to remember that he feels comfortable at your place… and that’s enough to make your heart feel all squishy inside, especially since you know he doesn’t have barely anyone to go home too……
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When my friend Lee was 39 she passed away leaving her 7 year old daughter and husband.Joe did the best he could with Ellie luckily a big family and large circle of friends surrounded them and that truly helped them both.I have always been close to Joe and did my best to shower that little girl with love. Little by little something magical began to happen..Joe and I fell in love. In July 05 I became a mother and wife and in Aug 06 Ellie got her long wished for sister.This morning Joe and I saw our big girl Ellie off to her very first day of high school.Britt whatever you are led to and whatever is led to you is always for a reason. Jenn
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Oh, and I second hello ha ha narf on the “you make a difference”… so think back on your one post a while back when you said you didn’t think you made a difference….
You do…
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How sad. Matthew is lucky to have you in his life.
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Poor kid.
It can be challenging for us as adults to know the “right” thing to say when something like this comes up. Just listening to him might be what he needs.
I bet there’s something about you that reminds him of his mom, and that’s why he’s been gravitating to your place, rather than somewhere else.
Just a thought.
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I have my issues (what an understatement) with religion. But, bless you and your soft heart. I was young when I lost my mother too. He is reaching out for you, thank you for grabbing his hand.
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avitable: yeah, that’s what I wondered too – which is why I was careful not to tell him he was *wrong* or anything.
And reincarnation never sounded like a BAD thing to me – until right there in that moment.
Britt’s Mom: yep. Exactly.
Sybil Law: well, it’s usually popsicles or something – so it is pretty simple. lol
Undomestic Diva: yeah, it can be. That’s true.
tori: do you know I almost said “Oh Tori, I’m sorry.”
I could tell it was his reality. He wasn’t being tough or brave – it just was. It just is.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton: it definitely made me want to hold mine tighter too.
maman: I’m with you – I don’t want to lie when asked what I think, but I also want to be respectful of whatever his family’s beliefs, etc. are.
Rock and Roll Mama: I wonder how often that is the case? My mind is going back now through other kids I’ve come across in the past.
Sarah: oh I’m sure that’s overstating it a bit. I’m sure that kid made a much bigger impact on my night than vice versa.
Twenty Four At Heart: and I don’t know that I would go so far as to say his home isn’t loving – but I hope if nothing else he knows there is always places you can go when you need a little extra. That none of us are in This alone.
Honeybell: I doubt I’m the first person to care for him, but it sounds like his dad probably has a whole hell of a lot on his plate right now too.
Sharon: I hope so. I hope kids get the chance to have lots of positive influences from lots of places.
AmyD: that is an excellent point and idea. Thank you for bringing that up. I can’t even imagine what they all must be trying to balance.
Special K: awww, don’t cry. There’s also a good chance he remembers me as his friend’s really pushy mom.
melanie: heh, maybe
Catherine: short notice in deed. I kept thinking “what the fuck? seriously? now? me??? CRAP!”
Ms. Karen: I have no response to that that doesn’t make me feel really self concious. Heh.
sodapop: you’d think I’d have learned that lesson by now. But. Um. Apparently not. I suck at lessons.
Maria: yep, sad.
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk: and I have such limited patience with other people’s kids, I’m always the last to dig deeper.
DeannaBanana: hey, I can’t help it. You’re rubbing off on me.
SciFi Dad: everyone’s got a story – yeah, my mom always says that. I forget that sometimes when I’m annoyed.
Evil Genius: oh no, really. Teeny, tiny, itty bitty. Like MAYBE 30 minutes to an hour a day.
Dawn: oh ouch.
Queen of Shake Shake: I know, it killed me. And Devin is looking at me like “what?” My kid has no idea.
hello haha narf: :hug:
Blog Antagonist: well it’s only been a week. I have lots of time to fuck it up.
Summer: I don’t know that his house isn’t “normal” – but… fuck. I don’t know what to say anymore.
Kristin: I wish I knew more about the circumstances surrounding his mom’s death.
Nat: does she come to you? If she comes to you, don’t turn her away. That part is easy.
Krystle: I really don’t think it’s any kind of super wonderful. He comes over and plays video games with Devin.
Jennifer: wow, that’s an amazing story.
angd: thank you.
Antonette: well, there aren’t a ton of kids their age in our neighborhood – so he’s got slim pickins.
Jen: yeah, lots of people have issues with religion. And I would never push mine on someone else. It just killed me to think of her being GONE GONE for him.
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Somewhere, somehow, a mother is smiling down on you and thanking you for all that you have and will do for her son.
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Oh Britt, you did exactly what I would do! I think I’d be around the neighborhood making plans with the other moms to take the kid on different nights of the week.
It’s so sad. But, he will make it through ok with love from his extended family … all of you.
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Wow…
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Everyone in the world has bought into whatever after-life scenario that makes them comfortable. There isn’t anymore reasonable argument for there being such a thing as reincarnation as there is for there being a heaven and hell. We guess, even in our convictions about it – it remains just a hopeful guess.
It could be a way he or his family have dealt with her death, in a way. The important thing is that your instincts are right. Now instead of ending up being “strange cat lady down the street” when you get older, you’ll be “remember Devon’s cool Mom”.
Ur doin it right.
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Your post made me tear up a little, because when I was 13 my mother died, and my friends’ parents really did make a difference in my life. I spent the night almost every school night for months – and even though I’m sure they probably resented it a little (why is this girl always here eating our food?), it made all the difference by helping me to get away and cope. I don’t know how I can every properly thank those families – but you should know that you ARE helping – probably more than you know. (and don’t feel bad for the resenting – that’s just human!)
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you replied to jen that you would never push your religion on someone else, but i think in this situation you wouldn’t be pushing so much as teaching. (matthew doesn’t seem to have too much structure as i am sure his dad works often and most boys who are only 15 aren’t terribly interested in dealing with religious and higher being issues.) as much as i hate preachy “my way is the only way to eternal peace” type people, i really don’t think it is a bad thing for you to educate matthew on your beliefs as to where his mom is. i remember being about dev’s age and hanging out with the senior citizen who lived behind us. she always shared stories about how god worked in her life…she wasn’t preachy, just stating her reality and beliefs. simply educating me on her point of view. i learned so much about faith from her.
anyhow, i am kinda (ok totally) rambling, but i just want to say that i hope you don’t shy away from sharing your beliefs just because a child is regurgitating what they heard somewhere (maybe not even at home). he is seeking you out for a reason and you have every right to educate him on things that he might never have heard of before.
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Poor kid. That is so very sad. I’m glad he found you and Devin….and you found him.
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Britt, you’re amazing. This post was amazing, so well-written. I think you will make a difference in this kids life…
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That really broke my heart.
That poor boy!
I think you are doing the right thing.
I know it will make a difference in his life.
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Funny how karma can be. I can remember a blog of yours not so very long ago asking if you were meant to be a mom. Don’t you think this little boy’s arrival in your life, with that deadpan story on his lips is your answer?
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Fuck.
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beautiful.
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I’m kind of going through this with my niece right now. She practically LIVES here every summer. I used to resent it, but looking at her home life with “Dad”, I just can’t. All I can do is be there for her when I can.
You’re doing a kind thing, missy. He will always be grateful and remember you for it.
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You have a good heart.
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Oh, that poor baby. You’re doing the right thing. He could probably use a friend.
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Isn’t it amazing how your entire way of treating the kid and way of feeling about him changed when you found out his reality? We have some kids in our neighborhood that used to annoy me and now I am the first one to invite them over because they need someone to take care of them.
Also, this post made me cry a little because I always wondered what would happen to my kids if I had died from the cancer. I thought about it a lot, and I always hoped some kind friend’s mom would sort of take them under her wing and help give them some of the love that I wouldn’t be here to give. It sounds like you are doing that for this kid. Even though he isn’t my kid, thank you.
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Very touching. And nice of you to look out for him.
And you can’t be held responsible for the things you thought before you had all the facts.
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This just kills me. I never can get stories like this out of my head and I’m so glad that he told you and that you can care for him a little. I do hope you are not the only one caring for him.
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My heart hurt when I read this. I’m sure when he gets older, he’ll remember that Devin’s Mom was really nice to him.
If he starts to talk about his Mom, and seems to have good memories of her, I would tell him that is how people we love live in our hearts when they’re gone.
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:clap: I applaud you. You are a good, good soul and this will come back to you ten fold! No wonder the poor boy doesn’t have the best manners,…no one to show him that manners matter, or curfews, or safety for that matter! Special K is right, he will always remember you! :hug:
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Oh,holy shit, dude. That’s a bombshell.
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OH.
Ow.
(oof.)
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“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” – Hebrews 13:2
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I’m sure he likes coming to your house because you provide him a view of family life. We use to have neighbors just like that, and I found out that the little girl was looking for a family she fit into, since she didn’t have one at home.
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You are doing exactly the best thing for that kid. And his mom knows it.
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Babe,
You will in time learn more. You could do some investigating yourself, but if you are opening your home and your heart to this little boy, he will open up to you. Give it time babe, you’ll know!
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Oh wow…what a kick in the heart.
I often wonder what people think when my daughter blithely tells people that her brother died. He died of a severe heart defect that these days has a few more treatment options and some survival rates are better, but the defect itself has vast vast variables, and his was one of the severest of the severe. Undetected he had no chance, if it had been detected…well he might have lived longer but the end I truly believe would have been the same.
My daughter is and always has been very scientifically minded. And if you let her she will explain to you exactly what part of his heart wasn’t developed and why he couldn’t live like that. And while I do have some concern for the poor adults she accosts with this information (it us usually at our local science center where my homeschooled daughter is a participant of many many of their programs, and it also has a HUGE heart display that kids can run through like a maze) I also refuse to tell her it’s not okay to talk about Rhys as she does. Because we’ve never hidden his birth and death from her (she was born three years after) she has to deal and learn and deal again when she learns more and is able to understand more about death.
This is a very round about way of me telling you that my heart goes out to you and Matthew and Devin too. And I want to hug you and kiss your cheek and tell you it will be okay, and that what you are doing makes such a huge difference in a kid like that life.
And maybe this comment is too long already, but telling him things like saying gently, “Here we ask for such and such and say please and thank you, okay Matthew?” with a smile can help as much or even more. And I’m babbling now, but gods…of all the things children shouldn’t have to live through…chronic illness, cancer, bullies…my list could go on…but losing a parent and losing that lifeline that I believe all children are entitled to…yes entitled to have…is close to the top of my list.
And now I’m stopping, so this doesn’t get any longer. Yeesh!! I’m a newish reader, and I want to thank you for having your blog.
:kiss: :kiss:
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I read this post too early this morning and couldn’t understand why Matthew wanted to linger so much… not specifically. And then my brain woke up while I was waiting for the electricity to turn on and magically had the lightbulb in my head turn on too.
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I think ya did right by the kid by just listening. Well done.
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Maybe there were bigger things in the works with you moving to Florida than just you working for Adam.
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I think it is wonderful that Matthew has someone to remind him what mother’s do for their children – and that you made him feel safe enough to talk about what must be very private and painful for him.
Maybe his mom, wherever she is, prayed for him to find a friend like you.
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Ya know…first thing popped in my head when I read reincarnation was a dastardly joke.
But then I regained my senses and read on. Kudos to you for someone at least caring enough to pay him some attention. It’ll go along way with that young man.
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I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach.
Tons of folks will say “kudos to you for being there for that boy!”. But I know the truth about you.
I know that being there for that boy was never an option. It was a moral imperative.
Sending non-smoking hugs,
TSM
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Aaaand then I read the post before mine. It actually said “kudos”. I’m a dork.
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That is unbelievably heartbreaking. I’m so sad for Matthew.
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That is so freaking sad. My ex-friend (of 17 years) isn’t DEAD, but she may as well be. Her 17 year old VERY immature son watches her 10 year old and her 8 year old. Those kids are always out after dark. And it’s like she doesn’t even give a flying crap.
That poor little boy.
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Ouch indeed.
It isn’t your fault. But perhaps you could feed the kid. (just kidding, but not at the same time… Trying to make light of the heavy situation)
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His Mum must be glad that, as she can’t be, he has someone like you in his life.
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Dammit Britt, you made me cry and fall in love with you all in once article.
Fuck you. :heartbeat:
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aww, poor kid. Good on you for being there for him.
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I don’t know. It’s surprising the little things that turn out to have a big impact on us when we were little.
A kid who i was always mean to in grade school sat next to me at lunch one day when all my other friends made me a pariah. I learned from that to be a much nicer person. Because of one lunch. So imagine what Matthew could realize as he grows older and thinks back to his boyhood…
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OMG *tear* that is just the sadest thing ever. I think it’s sweet that you’re looking out for him though. It’s odd how situations look like one thing surface and then completely different when you know the backstory. I think I would want a kind woman to look after my son if I were gone. Even if he might not really appreciate what you’re doing, I’m sure his mother does. Well done Miss Britt :clap:
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First, I’d like to compliment your writing, I found it compelling. Secondly, I’d like to thank you for having an open heart. Matthew chose you, and that’s a very big compliment to you.
I grew up with an abusive, alcoholic mother, and a father who was either physically absent most of the time, or emotionally absent when present. So I went out into the world looking for acceptance, understanding, love. I found it in abundance in people in the neighborhood, the local librarian, and teachers.
Because of their interest in me, I received the recognition, acceptance, and caring that I craved. In my case, it took a village, and I’m rather proud of who I became. Couldn’t have done it without the kindness of strangers, who became friends.
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You know, honey I had that too. I had my next door neighbor lady who mothered me, and my Grandma House, and teachers who challenged and nurtured and nagged me.
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Wow sis that’s amazing. I can’t wait till you put a book out because you have a lot to tell
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I once asked a very clingy needy friend of my sons why he lived with his grandparents.
His answer is forever seared in my mind.”Because my daddy’s in prison and my mama walks the streets.”
His “mama” is the local burnt out druggie street walker who countless times I’d wished they’d pick up and remove from the area.
I loved that little kid. Soon after that his grandpa died and his grandma lost her mind for a little while and lost the two brothers. She has custody back now.
I try to remember those needy clingy kids usually have a reason for being that way.
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Wow, this hit me hard, for obvious reasons. You are a good person Britt. You always do the right thing.
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Cricky: unless she’s reincarnated and doesn’t remember, I suppose.
Jan: um, yeah, we’re not really that kind of neighborhood. Well, if we are, I don’t know about it. LOL
*pixie*: yeah, it felt just like THAT.
RW: thank you.
Sarah: humbled Sarah, humbled. Thanks for every word of it.
hello haha narf: well, I did tell him what *I* believed, but I also don’t think it’s fair for me to say he’s *wrong* – because what the hell do I know?
Mrs. Schmitty: I know, it is sad. And I keep thinking maybe it’s “nothing” and it happened when he was little and is no big deal to him. But is that even possible? At ANY point is it no big deal?
little_lj: wow, thank you. It didn’t feel well written, so that’s nice to hear.
Kate: yep, that’s exactly what happened to my heart too. Instantly.
Winter: it’s funny you say that because the whole time I was thinking “oh shit, this poor kid has SOOO stumbled onto the wrong woman. I suck at this stuff.”
Finn: LOL
Faiqa:
lynette: good for you – it’s awesome that you’re stepping up for her despite getting annoyed with it at times.
Willie G: meh, it’s good in spots.
Elizabeth: yeah, it kind of sounds like it.
radioactivegirltori: that’s part of why it hit me so hard too. I’ve always worried about what would happen to my kids – would they ever know how loved they were? That’s why the reincarnation idea hit me.
delmer: we never have all the facts though. Ever.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas: Oh I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Little Miss Sunshine State: it would surprise me if he brought her up.
Blondefabulous: I really didn’t DO anything specatcular. At all. I think I responded the same way anyone would – well, some people would probably have responded much better, actually. LOL
Captain Steve: yes, it really was.
maggie, dammit: LOL you really have a way with words.
Front Porch Legacy: I forget this. Often.
Crazy Lady: I don’t want to imply he doesn’t have a family life. But it sounds like it’s different from ours and sometimes it’s nice to tap into the parts you don’t have.
Insta-Mom: I’d like to believe that.
Kristin: love you.
Talon: thanks for sharing all of that. Seriously.
Poppy: I think it’s more boredom than anything to be honest with you. Kids get bored by themselves.
B.E. Earl: thank you.
turnbaby: heh, I have always said Adam was just a means to an end.
Judy C: it didn’t seem painful. I wonder if it happened when he was very little.
Dazd: I am notorious for inappropriately timed humor.
TSM: non-smoking hugs right back.
I don’t think it was even “moral imperative” – that sounds so noble. It was just kind of… there. I really think anyone would have reacted the same way. It’s not like I’m building an extra bedroom in my house or anything. LOL
Shamelessly Sassy: me too
Robina: arggh, that makes me mad for kids who don’t have a choice.
themuttprincess: I AM feeding him! Promise!
Bec: I’m a teeny tiny itsy bitsy part of it, really.
Darla – UltraBeautyBoutique: I’m sorry, still in shock that you said Fuck.
anna: right time, right place and all that.
Sarah: well I do agree with that – you just never know.
Christine: and it’s so easy for us to forget that there even IS a backstory, isn’t it?
eggy: I’m a firm believe in the village theory.
Britt’s Mom: for some reason it didn’t occur to me until RIGHT NOW that you grew up as a little kid without a mom.
Creed: you’d think – and yet I’m sitting here with all of like 2 pages written. LOL
Fogspinner: holy shit. Talk about a bombshell.
Lisa: yeah, I know. I feel you.
I wish I could say I do always do the right thing, Lisa. But I’m sure we both know that’s not true. At all.
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…and because you’re a great, positive mother figure so he probably wants to be around that.
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You did so good. You really are a good mom. I know it doesn’t feel like that sometimes, but you really are. I’ve been thru many of the exact same things you have, I suppose we all have. And you are handling life beautifully.
You could always put him to work with your other 2 slaves (and I can’t figure out how to do the strike thru and change that to kids….). We had a similar situation in regards to no parents around, but it happened to be with my husbands nieces & nephew. You’d be surprised at how much these kids want to feel part of a home. They crave the feeling of belonging that chores and rules give them. I’m not saying adopt him or anything, but obviously he feels the love and security in your home. And he wants that too.
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Invite him into the kitchen to help with the cooking. Then he’ll have some skills and things to remember you by.
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Awh that sucks Miss Britt, but at least you’re giving him a little window of something else…right?
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Okay, when I first read the title of this post I thought that you were making a news announcement and wow, what a blunt way to put it… but then I thought that maybe you were mad at Matthew’s mom and that she was in trouble… then I just decided to read the dang post to figure out what the heck you meant. This post is awesome and you are obviously such a heartfelt and warm person. I would love to see more posts like this mixed in with the goofy calendar girl type posts!
Much love!
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Good lookin’ out, Britt.
My mom told me something once that always comes to mind when I run into someone I just don’t get:
“It’s the ones who act the most unlovable who need the love the most.” :hug:
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Every stereotype and judgment I’d picked up over the last twenty years screamed that he wasn’t going to be a good influence.
Conversely, it Sounds like you and Devin will a good influence on him
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Well shit. That just totally made me fucking cry my eyes out. And nobody makes me cry my own tears. Fucking hell.
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I think this was meant to be. He needs you, Britt, and you’re not turning him away. God bless you.
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Way late to this game but… that poor kid.
Reminds me of the story/concept of the “paradigm shift” in the seven habits of overpaid executives etc. You look at something from your paradigmn until you get a piece of information.. then you get a paradigm shift and realize that it wasn’t what you thought, that you need to approach it differently.
You can make a massive difference in this kid’s life. Just sayin.
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Oh my hell.
Bless you darling one. You may never know what an impact you’re making on him, but you may very well be his beacon in the dark.
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I just stumbled on this and didn’t expect to end up crying, but here I am. I want to hug that little boy. Moms just aren’t supposed to die.
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Shit, make me cry…
I love you!!!!
Man, this is heavy…
Good for you girl, I am so glad there’s a mommy out there like you. And maybe Matthew doesn’t see it now, but you are building important foundation of trust from a woman- a motherly “figure”. And I , as a mother, appreciate your new feelings toward him. Yes, that is what it took for you to realize how … don’t know, selfish perhaps, you were being prior to knowing this little fact… but now you are helping change his little life. I could only pray that another woman would at least feed my babies dessert if I couldn’t…
Keep it up…
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I’m new to your site and you are sooooo good. I just keep reading. I’m new to the blogging world and you are one person I will read again and again!
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Hi, I just found your blog today.
This post brought me to tears, because although my mom wasn’t dead, I was Matthew as a kid. Thank you for being kind to him.
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