I'm probably in hell right now

by Miss Britt on August 18, 2008

I wrote this post on Friday. So maybe I got it all wrong.

Maybe today I am overwhelmed with joy at having my kids back.

But… well… I doubt it’s as simple as that.

I’m guessing I am in total hell right now.

I’m guessing that because I got home from Nashville at about later than shit last night after driving for 12 hours, I am exhausted.

I’m guessing that it was an absolute bitch to get myself and two kids up extra early this morning for the first day of school.

I’m guessing that I cussed out anyone who would listen about what a horrible idea it is to have your kids come back from a three week grandparent vacation the night before school starts.

I’m guessing that I am also very, very pissed off that I CANNOT HAVE A CIGARETTE!

So. Um. Yeah.

Everyone is probably home. We’re all back to school and back at work. I’m all “yay, you’re home! I missed you!” and secretly wanting to murder the next stupid son of a bitch that crosses my path without a cigarette and a french fry in their hands.

At least, that’s how I’m assuming today is going. What do you think?

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Posted in Kids and Parenting - Real Mommy Blogging Tagged: , , ,

53 Comments so far

  1. AmyD August 18, 2008 12:22 am

    See, if you had gone for my taser idea than you could just zap your ass into oblivion and none of it would matter.

    :evil:

    Reply

  2. Undomestic Diva August 18, 2008 12:24 am

    YOU CAN DO IT!! [said in Rob Schneider's voice, of course] :clap:

    And hey, at least you have good reason to act all psycho bitch. USE IT.

    Reply

  3. othurme August 18, 2008 12:25 am

    You should have had your kids smuggle fags across state lines for you from gramma’s house.

    Reply

  4. Winter August 18, 2008 12:27 am

    It’s not often people will give you a free pass to be an unconditional bitch. When you tell them you quit smoking… they will let you. And give you candy. I know. It happened to me. Good luck!

    Reply

  5. Karl August 18, 2008 12:28 am

    Woo hoo! It’s day one without smelling like an ashtray! OK, so I’m only 30 minutes in, but still…

    Reply

  6. flutter August 18, 2008 12:33 am

    tell ya what, you kick this thing’s ass and i will embroider you a custom set of tea towels. :) ooooooh there’s some big incentive!

    Reply

  7. Karen Sugarpants August 18, 2008 12:34 am

    Like I said to Karl, at least you won’t smell like ass anymore.
    The 1st three days are the hardest. Drink juice to keep your blood sugar up, stay busy and get more sleep.
    You can do this!

    Reply

  8. Ms. Karen August 18, 2008 12:56 am

    Let me get this straight, if I tell people that I’ve quit smoking, they’ll let me act cranky AND give me goodies? Damn… I am SO there!

    Ok, so, do I have to tell them I quit 20 years ago?

    Reply

  9. Tori August 18, 2008 1:11 am

    i’m guessing you’re tasting your coffee and it’s stronger than normal and you may need to add some creamer and splenda to mellow it out…

    i’m guessing when you walk into Adam’s, the smell of his B&BW smelly things are going to be 10 times stronger than you’re used to…

    i’m guessing the urge to smoke after your first sale of the day is going to be uber strong, but you’ll suck on a sugar free candy and drink some crystal lite and it’ll still feel just as great…

    because, know what? your stronger than any urge out there, and you’re gonna do this… one day at a time.

    Reply

  10. Sybil Law August 18, 2008 2:13 am

    Did Adam save those candy smokes for you?!
    Also, mmmm.. french fries sound SO GOOD right now!
    I am so proud of you, though!

    Reply

  11. Sarah August 18, 2008 2:42 am

    Yay for your first day without smoking.

    I don’t have a cig for you but I can bust out a french fry if you need one.

    Reply

  12. Gunfighter August 18, 2008 2:45 am

    All this and Tropical Storm/Hurricane “Fay” inbound.

    What a lucky girl.

    Reply

  13. Lynda August 18, 2008 3:07 am

    Good luck!

    Reply

  14. Maria August 18, 2008 4:01 am

    :clap: You can do it. The first few days will be a bitch, but you can get through them.

    Reply

  15. libragirl August 18, 2008 5:38 am

    Go Britt you can do it.

    Reply

  16. Blue Streak August 18, 2008 5:43 am

    in the same boat here with the ciggys. life sucks.

    Reply

  17. SciFi Dad August 18, 2008 6:33 am

    Today’s probably not the best day to make jokes (unless, of course, I WANT you to gnaw my arm off), so I’ll just say, “you can do it” in that Rob Schneider voice from Billy Madison.

    Reply

  18. DeannaBanana August 18, 2008 6:44 am

    I have faith in you. And pity the people that piss you off today :P

    Reply

  19. Queen of Shake Shake August 18, 2008 7:16 am

    Giving up smoking is a 100% get out of jail free card for bitchiness. I promise.

    Bitch all you want. You’re earning it right now.

    Reply

  20. avitable August 18, 2008 7:59 am

    I’m locking myself in my office.

    Reply

  21. Wendy August 18, 2008 8:45 am

    Yay for you! I quit 3 years ago in June. I think the 1st 3 days were the hardest. Try to link smoking to something you really don’t like in your mind. And keep your hands busy. You can do it! It is SO SO SO SO worth it.

    Reply

  22. NYCWD August 18, 2008 8:45 am

    Chew gum.
    Chew toothpicks.
    Chew Jared (he may like it).

    DO NOT CHEW ON CHILDREN.

    Reply

  23. metalmom August 18, 2008 9:08 am

    Needlepoint or crossstitch..it will keep your hands busy. Try not to chew your fingernails…chew Adam’s instead! :hug:

    Reply

  24. Princess of the Universe August 18, 2008 9:13 am

    On a completely irrelevant note- Wow, do kids ever have to start school early down there. We don’t go back until Sept here. Mind you we also don’t finish until June 30.

    Good luck with the smoking- I’m cheering for both you and Karl!
    xo

    Reply

  25. Crys August 18, 2008 9:56 am

    yeah, i’m thinkin’ you’re about right. e-hugs foreva

    Reply

  26. Finn August 18, 2008 10:35 am

    Sounds about right to me. You just forgot the part about the hurricane. :poke:

    Reply

  27. Poppy August 18, 2008 10:41 am

    That sounds like a fair assessment. They make REALLY good fries at the diner a few blocks away if you’d like to come visit again.

    Reply

  28. Poppy August 18, 2008 10:42 am

    (Their omelettes are awesome too.)

    Reply

  29. Shelli August 18, 2008 10:44 am

    I’m guessing you are probably right. But, it will get better. Go easy on Adam today.

    Reply

  30. maggie, dammit August 18, 2008 11:11 am

    Well?

    Are you??

    Reply

  31. Miss Britt August 18, 2008 11:15 am

    The kids? Were awesome. Got out of bed, got dressed, we had eggs and sausage for breakfast, blah blah blah.

    Me? I want to eat someone’s face. And take a deep fucking breath.

    And blow something up.

    Reply

  32. Angel August 18, 2008 11:19 am

    Britt, you are gonna kick this thing’s ass, just like you do every obstacle that falls into your lap! I have Faith! (I really do-she started kindergarten this morning!) :lmao:

    You make it till the 11th of September and I’ll sponsor your registration for Izeafest if you want to go with me! (Link: http://izeafest.com/index.html ) :rock:

    Reply

  33. Hilly August 18, 2008 11:21 am

    I’m guessing that you can totally do this not smoking thing. Wait, not guessing…knowing!

    Reply

  34. TSM August 18, 2008 11:24 am

    Girl, you can DO it! I’ve made it three days (including going out to the pub!) and am blissfully non-stinky! The cravings are less now, though still there.

    Oh and the Mr? Totally french kissed me last night :)

    Reply

  35. Robin August 18, 2008 1:10 pm

    I really need to find a way to be able to quit cigarettes just so I can take it out on everyone, since I can’t really use PMS anymore.

    Reply

  36. Dawn August 18, 2008 1:11 pm

    I was going to ask if Adam is still among the living, but I saw the “tools” he gave you — he’s awesome, and I hope they’re helping.

    Hang tough, Britt. If anyone can do it, you can.

    Oh, and if we were in the same city, I’d let you punch me in the gut to get out some of your frustration.

    You’ve got a half day already under your belt already, and that’s AWESOME! Seriously. :clap:

    Reply

  37. Mrs. Schmitty August 18, 2008 1:43 pm

    :whosnext: You can do it…YOU CAN DO IT!!!

    Reply

  38. Steph August 18, 2008 1:44 pm

    Well, look on the bright side; you don’t have to tolerate every fuckwad on planet earth telling you how many years you’re taking off your life whenever you light up.

    So there’s that. Which is shitty consolation, but still.

    Reply

  39. John August 18, 2008 1:49 pm

    Short of offering you a cigarette, I can’t find any words that I feel will ease your pissedoffedness. So I’m going home now. I’ll check on you tomorrow. : |

    Reply

  40. maman August 18, 2008 3:36 pm

    What a good mom you are! You are showing them that sometimes we have to do hard things in life but you can do them!

    Reply

  41. maman August 18, 2008 3:37 pm

    Oh, and in a couple of days you are going to start smelling stuff you never smelled before. Resist the urge to go on a cleaning tear. For the sake of the children.. please.

    Reply

  42. JG August 18, 2008 4:01 pm

    Soooo proud of you for quitting smoking!! I made my mother quit smoking when I was about Devin’s age. The beginning will be hard…but the end results will be soooooo much better.

    Think positive Britt!!

    :disco: :disco:

    Reply

  43. Loralee August 18, 2008 4:25 pm

    I cannot effing believe the combinations of those things, girl.

    DUDE.

    If I was chewing my last piece of nicotine gum, I’d totally make out with you to help take the edge off. (Because I’m selfless like that.)

    Reply

  44. Darla - UltraBeautyBoutique August 18, 2008 5:27 pm

    Ummmm I think you’re dead on based on our chats & tweets.

    You forgot one thing – there’ll be a hurricane coming at you. :o mg:

    Take care!

    Reply

  45. MB August 18, 2008 6:02 pm

    Glad the kids are home and back to school. Now life can get back to its normal craziness.

    Good luck with getting off the cigs. I only smoked for 5 years before quitting so it wasn’t as bad as when my Mom quit after 40. No matter how long it has been, it is never easy. These seemed to help lots of people though … gives you that oral fixation without polluting your lungs: http://www.spencersonline.com/fun-and-games_gags/fake-cigarettes/

    Your lungs (and your kids) will thank you.

    Reply

  46. Doug August 18, 2008 6:07 pm

    Congratulations on quitting smoking!

    Reply

  47. hello haha narf August 18, 2008 7:25 pm

    yay, totally proud of you for getting through this far. now just 20 more minutes. go hug those beautiful kids of yours and play some games with em.

    so i won the free hotel room and if you want you can crash your drunk ass there without me crying “pleeeeeze no” about you wanting to smoke in our room. wahoo!

    :heartbeat:

    if i didn’t mention it a kerjillion times, i am seriously way proud of you. i totally know how rough it is.

    Reply

  48. Stacey August 18, 2008 8:18 pm

    Congrats on quitting. I hope it’s getting easier for you and that no one has died yet.

    Reply

  49. HoosierGirl August 18, 2008 9:28 pm

    Where are the back-to-school pics?

    Reply

  50. Becky August 18, 2008 9:45 pm

    I have no doubt that you have made it through the day. You are a strong woman and I have faith in you! Stay safe with Fay on the way!!

    Reply

  51. Stephanie August 18, 2008 9:50 pm

    Hang in there, sweetie. I’m rooting for you! :kiss:

    Reply

  52. Nat August 18, 2008 11:12 pm

    If all else fails, carrots and licorice, and clorets. I just remember 24 hours where I couldn’t do anything.

    This is a good thing you’re doing.

    Reply

  53. Robina August 19, 2008 3:32 pm

    When we left Panama City Beach yesterday, we heard school started back. And MY GOD! Your kids just got home and started back to school? AND you are quitting? You are WAY braver than me.

    Reply

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