I came home yesterday to a pleasant surprise. My husband was actually home before I was.
As I’ve mentioned here before, I spend a lot of nights in the house alone (or with alone with 2 kids) and Jared’s work schedule has caused more than a little bit of *tension* between us.
I like to practice Positive Behavior Modification so I made a point to let him know how thrilled I was to see him. I wrapped my arms around him and stood up on my tip toes to kiss him.
“It is so nice to come home to you. I’ve missed you,” and I kissed him again.
He kissed me back and pulled me closer to him. “I miss you too, baby.”
I felt his hands slide down to small of my back, encouraging me to lean in to his lips. I pressed my mouth harder against his and began to get lost in the middle of my own kitchen.
He loosened his embrace, his touch traveling up the sides of my body. I felt him cup my breasts and then, with what I imagine was all the love and passion he could muster in that moment, gave them each a generous honk.
Yes, honk. Both of them. Honks.
My mind flashed to all of the times we had discussed my personal disdain for The Honk. I remembered how I had tried to explain to him that I very much enjoyed being touched, caressed even, but that groping was a horse of an entirely different and extremely annoying color.
And I realized right there in that moment, entwined with my husband in an empty house, that he was never going to understand the difference.
I pressed one hand between us, my palm flat against his stomach. I heard him moan against my touch. My lips still tight against his, I slowly and carefully worked my fingers down his thigh and back up again until they came to rest squarely between his legs.
HONNNKKKK!
Oh yes. I did. You bet your sweet ass I did.
And you know what? I guarantee the man finally gets The Difference.
I could tell by his yelp.
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Posted in Love and Marriage Tagged: husband, Jared, marriage, sex
You honked the junk? That breaks all the rules. Boobs are supposed to be honked!
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:lmao: See? My husband STILL doesn’t get the difference!!! (He’s a honker, too. Groper, grabber, squisher – whatever. I guess I should be grateful he can’t keep his paws off of me, but ggrrrrrr. Honking sucks!!)
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That’s my girl!!!!! I’m SO proud!!!!!!
:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
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He could have given you a Purple Nurple! Then you would have had to reciprocate with a crotch shot…… :spank:
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Boobies were made to be honked.
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If that isn’t ‘Wedded Bliss’, then I don’t know what is, dawling!
:clap:
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Ooh, you are bad – but what a way to teach a lesson!
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We are married to the same man! Briefcase travels all the time, I spend more than half my time alone. And yes, it causes a lot of tension. Clearly he is with you when he’s not here. Honking hooters. And not knowing the difference between a honk and a caress. How many times have I said, groping is never a turn on??
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Thanks for the laugh, from the bottom of my heart!
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And oh yeah … thanks for stopping by my contest! Hope you win that 50 bucks!
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:lmao:
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Yep, that is wedded bliss. Silly men, will they ever learn?
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High-larious! Glad you got him back!
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Love it.
HeHe. Too funny!
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Who could have possibly pictured Miss Britt as a ball-breaker?
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A honk on the man stuff is ok if it’s done tenderly. Just like a honk on the breasticles.
I’m all about respect.
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Bwahahahaha!
Bri’s trick is to lay his junk between my ass cheeks while I am sleeping. Not IN them, mind you, just resting between them. Not an uncommon thing, I’d imagine, but when he wedges all of the backside of my pjs in there with it, it isn’t so very comfortable. Nothing says “I love you” like six inches of fabric and even more inches of junk crammed between your cheeks. :love:
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Has Danielle Steele retired yet? You could totally pick up where she leaves off.
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i actually had this sort of issue with the mr. and i did the exact same thing to demonstrate why it irritates me. he definitly got it.
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I’m so glad that this episode – shared universally by the wives of mens men everywhere – has finally been captured in print. My husband loves him a good honk.
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I have never respected you more!
hgreatone:
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That’s pretty hilarious.
The only person who gets to honk my boobs is myself. I’m pretty damn entertaining. :lmao:
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You Honked him? Sounds like some Late saturday night TV show…
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OMFG Pffrrrrrttttttttttttt Buwhahahahahahahahaha
That is EXTREMELY funny, Britt!
You Go Girl!!!
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Well, that’s the best thing I’ve heard today! HA!
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thankfully i am NOT married to a honker, i guess that comes from having taught him how to have sex/make love/f*** when we met… he wasn’t a very experienced man, but he had potential…i did have to grab his face and almost yell at him stop and and say “hey, you need to pay attention, you’re doing it wrong!” anyway, i’m laughing so very very hard right now…it’s hard to even post a comment, i wonder if i’ve woken jason up? hehe…way to go, i bet he figures it out now!
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Oh God another one here married to a honker but I have tried honking back and you know what? I think the perv likes it!! :eyebrow: Maybe I didn’t honk hard enough?
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On 2nd thought maybe a rousing game on Ramshambo is in order?
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:lmao: You rock Miss Britt!
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Boobs are NOT meant for honking! OMG, I would have done more thank honked him back. Honk??? Oy.
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*giggle*
I am surprised that he went for the cheap feel while he was getting passion lucky.
Dear Jared,
Next time wait to Honk until After the Sex.
Signed, Poppy
PS – You’re welcome for the awesome advice.
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While my wife balks at the honk too, I am much more of a gentle groper. However, there is something to be said for the fact that he still WANTS your honkers. Deep down it’s a good thing.
Really.
FMD
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Every woman likes a good honk. It’s a known fact. :nana:
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The last part made me cry a little, it was so beautiful.
(And I have to agree with Bucky. I mean, come on, everyone knows the song:
These boobs are made for honkin’
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boobs
Are gonna honk all over you (god willing)
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You, lady, are every woman’s hero for that!
Collective bow…
hgreatone:
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You mean honking the dinger is NOT FOREPLAY??
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
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so lemme get this straight, you didn’t do him right there in the kitchen???!?!!?!?
:crazy:
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honk the junk! honk the junk!
i have done that too — a few seconds after i am dry humped in the kitchen, say — and it always shocks the penis person. he can’t conceive that anybody would do that; he roars in laughter.
sometimes i want to kick the junk!
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Too funny!
I’m with Becky though –man I’d have taken him right there and then when I was done–HELL YEAH he’d get his junk ‘honked’ –I HATED that!
Guys –there’s a right way to passionately appreciate a breast–you are not a two year old looking for a meal —well that might be true for Adam
but take time to LEARN what she likes–you’ll be rewarded
(mine doesn’t need this message cause he soooo gets it right*giggling*)
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I can categorically say that the last time I honked anyone’s boobs was when I was 13.
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Yup, maybe he will get it now, lmao
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avitable: I am too cool for rules.
Sybil Law: grateful my ASS. He should be grateful you let him rub his hands all over your delicious body!
AmyD: I knew you would be.
blondefabulous: or death.
Nobody™: dude, you know your wife reads this, right?
Mrs. F: hehehehehe
kateanon: in my defense, I wasn’t bad FIRST.
Twenty Four At Heart: EXACTLY.
Mary: you’re welcome
Violet The Verbose:
Fantastagirl: I’m just sayin… I think he learned something that day.
Atomic Bombshell: me too.
Chrissi: thanks
Dave2: I know! The shock!
B.E. Earl: I assure you, it was not done in any way that would cause harm. And oddly enough, he didn’t find it anymore enjoyable than a gentle honk on the boob!
Angel: hahahahahahahahahhahahaha Oh my.
X: hey, I didn’t mention throbbing member ONCE.
Cri: ha! I’m not the only one! LOL good for you!
SportsFan’s Daughter: I am doing what I can to promote the greater good. For women.
Angie: why thank you.
Sarah: so far… you just wait. And when it happens – remember this post.
Freelance Guru: um… yes?
DutchBitch: woo hoo!
little_lj: heh – I’m not sure if I should wish for your day to get better now. LOL
Jamie: ooh lucky you – and good for you, really, for COMMUNICATING!
Kay: yeah, after all the yelping, he tried to show me that in SOME ways it’s OK. Bastards.
Maria: thanks!
Lisa: I KNOW! See, this is what I’m saying!
Poppy: EXACTLY! Thank you!
Fu Manchu Dad: oh pshaw. “Oh dear husband, thank you so much for still finding me sexually attractive. muah muah muah.” Screw that. I AM sexually attractive!
RAWR!
Bucky: is your wife there? Tell her I said she owes you a honk.
SciFi Dad: dude – I CAN find your wife. You just watch yourself!
Dawn: thank you, thank you (I am totally bowing in my head as I write that)
Halli: NO! Never!
hello haha narf: well I MIGHT have – if not for the damn HONKING!
Nothing spoils a mood faster than being treated like the horn on the front of a clown bike.
Crys: ooh, can’t do the kicking. Have brothers. And a son. Nooooo kicking the junk.
(Unless it’s Adam. But that’s different.)
Turnbaby: um, yeah, I can’t imagine having sex with someone all the while thinking “oh, I’ll get him afterwards”. I don’t have that kind of attention span.
And I can honestly say, Adam has never once honked my boobs.
avitable: and they were yours.
Jerri: I’d like to think so.
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Hehehehe… now you know why it was called “Honka Honka Love” back in the 50’s.
Bunch of sado masochists thanks to Elvis and his hips.
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Better to get an occasional ‘honk’ than a ‘tweak’! :nana:
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:clap:
Does he do the “sleep grope”? Mister used to grab me all over in his (and my) sleep. Until the night of the elbow…
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bwaaahahahahahaaa! oh god, GOOD WORK!
I was going to tell you a story about my man, but I think I have to save it for my blog…its too long. but thanks for the inspiration! it’s the Honk Heard ‘Round the World!
xo
b.
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HAHA I totally get that. I tell my husband he’s a full out groper because all he does is grab. He can’t hug he has to grope. Maybe I should try what you did next time.
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My husband does The Honk.
So I honk him back — either his nipples or his junk, depending on my mood. :nana:
Ahhh, marriage. :cheese:
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LMFAO!
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Awesome. You are officially my feminist hero of the week.
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Oh yes! I saw that one coming because I would have made the EXACT move! :lmao:
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good for you.
tit for tat.
or in this case, tat for tit.
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Deeeeeaammmnnnn Girl. You got me all hot with that. Where can I buy the DVD?
; )
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Oh My GAWD!!! This is classic Miss-Britt. This is why you remain at the top of my feed reader and why I look forward to your posts everyday.
I haven’t laughed so hard since Avitable’s jock shot.
Touche’
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You are my hero!
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Haha! I’ve done that to the hubby before too. It works! :clap:
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I am sorry to inform you that even a yelp isn’t a “fix” to the problem.
Trust me.
I have even honked HIS boobies. Or nipples or whatever. And his junk.
And my boobies still get honked, just when he had a half a chance to get laid. MEN.
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I swear, the more you tell a guy “I mean it, stop doing that” there is some chip in their brain that programs them to continue to do that. I have a list of them with my husband. My “favorite” thing he does is when I am bending over to pick something up he feels the need to hump me. Sadly I found out his brother does the same thing to his wife. Oh and my sil and I learned as well, that their father used to do it too. Good thing neither of them had boys.
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Ok, this is the post that FINALLY drug me out of the closet, in which I’ve been lurking for a couple of months now.
AMEN SISTER!!!!! You just struck a blow for all of woman-kind! I HATE being pinched or groped, but my husband ignores this and does it CONSTANTLY. Oh my god, just reading this post gives me some relief. As some have suggested, perhaps it won’t put a stop to future groping, but at least I’ll have the satisfacation of having returned fire.
lovins -
fiwa
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Woo hoo, girl! “That’s one small step for a woman, one giant step for womankind!”
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I totally need to know how he reacted to this. Ha.
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ROFLMFAO
This sounds a lot like Moose and I. Except I generally don’t have an “issue” with “the honk” in itself, but if it had broken up a romantic moment, then I would (possibly) be more inclined to take the same approach to it that you did
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My husband has a habit of grabbing my ass as I climb the stairs in front of him which I hate. One time he grabbed and I kicked back with my foot, I hit him square in the chest and he almost fell down the stairs on his back. Don’t think he’s done it since. You’re my hero Britt!!
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I kinda just honked my own boobs, reading this hot post.
Yeah.
:help:
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Oh … 65 comments are too many to read.
But, if someone hasn’t already mentioned it, you have a career waiting for you in soft-core porn.
The “honks” have to go, however.
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Very nicely done.
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Ouch… That’s all I can say. I have tears in my eyes just thinking of it.
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What’s a little honking between lovers? I don’t mind it if I get a happy ending. Even in the kitchen.
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Now THAT was freaking funny! I need to have my husband read this.
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