I think it must be a law that if you have kids under the age of 10, people are required to ask you if you are “done yet”. Like you’re a slow roasted pork loin or something.
Of course what they mean is, will you be having any more children?
For the last two years my answer has always been the same.
I am done. Well done. Charred on the outside, no pink in the middle. Done.
I am madly in love with both of my children. I am humbled and grateful for the way in which both of them came into this world. I am constantly amazed and more then a little sad when faced with the reality that they are growing up far too quickly.
And still, I am done.
The smell of a newborn still makes me weak in the ovaries and I have yet to find a worthy substitute for the sweet peace that only comes from laying with a snuggling infant. The weight of a baby in my arms is one of the most comforting sensations I’ve ever experienced.
But just the same, I know that I have met all of my children.
I have zero interest in starting over in the childrearing department. If I ever change another diaper it will be as a charitable act for some other young mother. That chapter in my life, while wonderful and unique, is closed. I’m moving wholeheartedly, with no regrets, into the next.
Now if someone would explain this to my daughter, that would be fabulous.
She was flipping through pictures last week when it started. “Look! Iz my little sister!” she announced, holding out her own baby picture to me with a healthy dose of misplaced pride.
“No, sweetheart, that’s you when you were a baby,” I assured her. She accepted my explanation and continued sifting through snapshots.
A few days later she skipped into the kitchen with a wide grin lighting up her face. “Mommy! Mommy! I’m a big sister!” she sang.
“No, baby, you’re a little sister.”
“Noooo,” she laughed at my ignorance, “I’m a big sister.”
“Noooo. You’re a little sister. Devin’s your big brother and you’re the little sister. You’re a big girl now though, aren’t you?!”
She was obviously annoyed. At first. But her annoyance quickly gave way to something that I tried to pretend wasn’t sadness.
“I wanna be the big sister.”
“Well, you’re a very big girl,” I repeated, “but we don’t have any more babies here. Just you and Devin!” And YAY! Hey! Isn’t that great!
“Can I have a baby sister, Mommy? Pleeease?”
“Oh Boo, we can’t-”
“I would luff her Mommy. I would luff my sister!”
My God, the child’s voice was like honey. It dripped with innocence and longing. My uterus and my heart lurched in perfect unison and I came damn close to dropping to my knees right there on the kitchen tile and promising her that Of course you can have a baby sister, honey. Of course! And how about a pony? Wouldn’t you like a pony, too?
Britt, we do not have babies to appease our children!
My voice of reason can be such a whore.
I know! Jeeez! But wouldn’t she be just the sweetest big sister you’ve ever -
Britt! We do not have babies to appease our children! We do not have babies to appease our children! We do not. have. babies!
OK FINE! I get it! Sheesh.
And I do. I get it. I’m done. I’m totally and absolutely and 100% done having babies. I have no interest in starting over. I am done with the diaper phase. That chapter is closed. Finished. Done.
I’m done.
But… um… would someone mind holding on to my uterus for a few weeks? I mean, you know, just in case? I’m not so sure I can be trusted with it right now.
——————————————————————————————-
While I am busy not making babies tonight, I’ll also be co-hosting the second edition of “Clearly, You’re Retarded” with Avitable on TalkShoe. We’ll be discussing being Open vs. being Guarded - and not just in blogging. You can listen live, chat, and even join in here!
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So should I just dive into your vagina headfirst and grab a hold of it?
July 15th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Well I guess Adam was the first to get to it, he can watch it. Hopefully he is better at uterus sitting than babysitting.
We have these discussions too. Unfortunately, I am not as clear about being done, and my uterus is not quite as young as yours.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Oh, and I know how that feels… I’m really pulling for you. You know your great.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:20 am
What’s bizarre… Maggie said the EXACT same thing to me a few days ago.
We were looking at her baby pictures and she said, “Is that my baby sister?” OMG. I freaked out!
July 16th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I don’t have any kids and I’m done too.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:29 am
We are (obviously) done here as well. Why mess with what works, your kids are old enough to wipe their own butts - who wants diapers?
or 2:00 AM feedings?
or sleepless nights?
or more stretch marks?
See you are done!
July 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Ahhhh!!! But wait……Grand Babies! All the fun…then send ‘em on home….the world IS fair
July 16th, 2008 at 1:12 am
I used to have a UterineSitting service but we got shut down by the feds.
Every afternoon, our doors would fallopian and the little buggers would come gushing out. We lovingly called that time ‘last period’
Our motto was ‘Stop By Our Pad, anytime, Always.”
The guy who ran everything was a total douchebag tho. He was a clean freak.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:25 am
dude. just get her a little puppy. one that looks cute in bows and dresses
July 16th, 2008 at 1:31 am
My daughter stood a chance at being a big sister but I miscarried at 5 months and needless to say after that I was done. Tubes are tied. That however does not stop my daughter from asking why she can’t have a little brother or sister. When I told her that it would be impossible for mama to have anymore children she looked at her daddy and asked if he could carry the babies. She was 4 at the time.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:44 am
What’s with you and the gina’ lately? :)
July 16th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Oh I know how you feel! I couldn’t be trusted with mine, either. But because of endometriosis, I had to have surgery that made me sterile so now it’s not an option any longer. And that actually broke my heart more than I could ever express.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:09 am
I’ll babysit your uterus. I’m not a very good babysitter, but I’ll try my best.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:16 am
Oh shit. So then once people have hassled you to death to have kids then they pester you about if your done or not???? Oh, man. Sorry, I´m just a little sick of all the questions from family about when I´m going to produce a child and can´t believe that even once I´ve done so they are going to continue to ask openly about my continued reproduction.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:40 am
My three year old daughter is literally beside herself at the prospect of becoming a big sister (October 1). She has plans, ideas, and rules all laid out (not just for herself, but for everyone).
On a slightly different topic, I was discussing this with my wife and wonder if you (and other commenters) could weigh in: if a family has two kids, and both are of one gender, are they more likely to have a third than the family like yours (and soon mine) with one of each gender? (In other words, if your little girl had been a little boy, would you still be done?)
July 16th, 2008 at 7:37 am
I’m done. Totally done. HHH and I discussed having another child, but my last two have been struck with hereditary, diabetes type 1 and there is just NO WAY I am willing to shoot those odds one more time. I have crapped out in the baby department and I just can’t bring another life into the world and have to poke it with needles for the rest of it’s little life!
My BIL and SIL keep having ‘em, so I’ll just go hold theirs and give it back when it starts to smell!
July 16th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Your daughter sounds TOO cute!!
July 16th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Britt, I have not done my research, but I am pretty sure you are under 35. Right? My sister in law has one child, who started talking on the early side, and uh, one of the first things he requested is more children. Not just, hey, how about another baby - but “I would like additional children in our family, please.” He said this just about as soon as he could gather up the vocabulary, and it had basically the same affect on my sister in law as Emma’s request is having on you. The one kid she has is a darling and excellent creature and she wishes to give him everything he wishes for. Still, she refused to have more children, seeing as she was DONE, in much the same way that you are DONE.
Then she turned 35.
(Pausing for emphasis).
When a woman turns about 35, sometimes, (but not always) her body will simply demand to get some more use out of its reproductive gear. Not suggest or imply a desire - but DEMAND to be filled up with babies- even if the woman believes she is done. And then every rational objection said woman has to having another baby is steamrolled and suddenly, well. Filled up with babies.
This is a really long way of saying you can say no now, but you can say yes later if you find yourself under the influence of the above described circumstances.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:31 am
You’re going to give birth to a pony?
Wait. I need to stop skimming…
July 16th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Can you imagine making all of your major life decisions just because Emma is great at making you feel “bad” about making a different decision than she wants you to make? Wow. That’s exactly how you fall into the bad parent trap. :)
I’m glad you know, but it’d be really funny if you just randomly once said, “done?! I’m just getting STARTED!” And to my dad, please.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Umm… reminding you of all those little trips over the 6 weeks of this summer you DIDN’T get to take. Also, that I have 4 daughters… trust me at some point they will thank you for not putting them through your pregnancy…AGAIN. Besides… Melissa will probably announce another one in what.. a month or 2 right????
July 16th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Yea here’s my scenario: divorced 27 yr old and w 1 biological boy child and 1 adopted girl at 4 days old. Long story on adoption…
Anyways- I.DO.NOT.WANT.NOR.DESIRE. anymore children, PERIOD……
People look at me like I’m crazy. I have even had people say “but don’t you want a daughter of your own”?? UMMMM?! WTF???? She is mine!I f-ing raised you idiot. Big breath.
So, yea I get it. Sometimes I want more but it’s simply not feasible. However I am on depo and that allows no room for an oops.
If the situation arises. Ahem.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Y’know, that’s the exact reason I keep saying I can’t wait to be a grandma. All the snorgles and smells of a new baby without the sleepless nights and crappy diapers. You can give them back! That’s the best part of being a grandparent.
Of course, I’m only 39 and my oldest is 11, so I’ve got a ways to wait (I’d BETTER have a ways to wait!) - but I know I’ll be an awesome gram. So awesome, in fact, they won’t mind bringing me my vodka screwdrivers and boxes of chocolate when they come to visit.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Oh, and for the record, there should be an “on/off” switch to the uterus.
I’m just sayin’…
July 16th, 2008 at 9:45 am
i just turned 37 and, while i love kids, my uterus has never begged for a baby. gimme yours so that mine can kick its ass for thinking baby thoughts. i’ll give it back empty. although it will totally have adoption thoughts. :)
July 16th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I don’t know how many times I’ve explained to Lil’ M that there will be NO MORE children. And how many times I’ve cursed the early death of my ovaries even though I decided long ago I was done. Because I’m not good at the gestating thing.
Send your uterus to my SIL’s. Her baby has his days and nights mixed up — for the entire four months of his life. That ought to shut it up for a while if only from sheer exhaustion.
July 16th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I agree with Emma….she needs to be a big sister!
Perhaps three warrants a cheap nanny (wink wink)
July 16th, 2008 at 9:48 am
i used to think i wanted three children, period. i saw all the goodness and rightness in my mind’s eye and barreled onward — until i had my first. and then i was like, OH HEY ALL NAW. one’s good, thnx. ones MORE than good.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Now that we’ve been married over a year (1 yr 5 months today! :D), Sean and I are allllllllways getting the “when are you having children?” bit. It’s nice, but I haven’t had so many people interested in the state of my uterus since right after we got married (after 3 months of living together and 0 months of just ‘dating’) and everyone just knew it was because there was a small child taking residence inside my body. It wasn’t, and it didn’t bother us because we knew a lot of people would think that, but at the same time it’s odd to have so many outside people concerned with your body.
However, this is so interesting to me. I wonder how many parents have ended up having another child because their small children planted the idea in their brains? I know my mother-in-law will always talk about how Sean used to ask for a baby sister, and then they ended up having his sister. It wasn’t all necessarily because Sean asked, but it is interesting that they were trying at the same time he was asking, and then it happened.
Ayiyi. This whole baby-making process is crazy. It’s so bizarre to me personally because it’s like…all the sudden one day I woke up, a few weeks ago, and all I can see are babies, babies, babies EVERYWHERE and my ovaries literally want to leap out of my body and just hug and cuddle each of them (there’s a visual for you!). We’re not trying, but sometimes we’re not NOT trying.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am
When my son was little he started in on the wanting a brother. We went to visit a friend who had a younger child than my son, who bugged the everlovin’ snot out of my son. That cured the request for a sibling.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:17 am
My mum said she was done after me.
I’m the oldest of four.
:o)
July 16th, 2008 at 10:23 am
My kids are 13 and 17 and up until a couple weeks ago they were STILL asking me for another one.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:27 am
My husband and I are too young to say we’re done (we’re 22 and 23, respectively) but we’re also pretty sure we don’t want to go through this again. I’ve got “my” son who is six and then we’ve got our daughter who just turned eight months.
But I can’t imagine NOT having another either. My husband and I are each one of seven. I’ve always wanted lots of kids and he figured he’d do fine with one or two.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I used to love when people would snottily ask me when I first got married when I was gonna have a baby. I would reply that I wasn’t able to get pregnant and that look would wipe off their face. HAHA We adopted my son and he’s now at the stage where HE wants a baby brother or sister. He’ll say Momma I want a baby and I’ll say me too but thats not gonna happen buddy. He’ll then ask if we can go buy one. LOL Sorry dude but they are kinda expensive. Go play with the dog I bought you. LOL
July 16th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I feel retroactively very bad for pestering my mom about having a baby brother or sister when I was little. I had NO idea how much hell my mom went through just getting pregnant with me (including losing a little boy before I came along). But hey, I was a kid. They don’t know about things like miscarriages and morning sickness and juggling finances, bless their tiny hearts!
July 16th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Fucking voice of reason. A real kill-joy, isn’t it. I just love the smell of a new born baby’s skin. Nothing better.
July 16th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Never say never. The womb was closed. My 11 and 12 year old kids had resigned themselves to the idea that they were it. We had too. But our third baby due in September had other ideas. Go figure.
So, unless the machinery has in some way been compromised, you never know. :)
July 16th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Just last week my 5 yr old asked me if there were going to be anymore babies in my tummy. “Um, no.” I told him. But he kept saying, “But why? That’s what you were *made* to do.”
OK… enough Holy Christian Loves Jesus Praise the Lord Preschool for that kid!!
July 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am
avitable: if it means I’ll never get pregnant again? Absolutely.
kim: oy, so you have that whole “deadline fast approaching” thing going on then?
AmyD: I think at this point, Ethan and Katie would probably kill you all.
Jay: really?? For sure???
Fantastagirl: YES! Exactly! Thanks for the reminders.
JDG: I better be waiting for a long. damn. time. for that.
whall: fuckin’ Feds.
bluepaintred: except they NEVER outgrow the pissing on the floor phase!
Mindy: I would rethink this whole “done” thing if Jared could handle gestation.
Robin: LMAO - I don’t know!
BlondeBlogger: I think having that choice taken from you is totally different. And painful.
Shamelessly Sassy: hmmm… I’m not sure if I can trust you with THAT glowing recommendation…
Blue Streak: it never ends. Never.
SciFi Dad: I think that does make a difference. Although, if I had two boys I think I would be convinced that they would ALLLLL be boys - which would be an entirely different decision all together.
blondefabulous: I can’t say as I blame you.
Oddly enough, when Devin was born healthy I was terrified to have another BECAUSE he was healthy. I figured I had beaten the odds once and everything had been perfect - I was too scared for a long, long time to try to play the odds again.
Kate: she has her moments.
Nina: I am under 35, yes.
BUT - I also had my first child at 19. Dude - I can NOT start over again 16 years after having the first. OMG. Just can’t.
Soapy Nethers: bastard. :-P
Poppy: did you just call me a bad parent?
YOU DID! YOU TOTALLY JUST CALLED ME A BAD PARENT!!!
Dear Internet,
Poppy and I have broken up.
Thx,
Britt
TheEvilStepMother: YAY!! You commented!! YAY!!
And.. um.. some people’s uteruses need a babysitter more than others. Clearly.
misi: oh and if you are divorced then you have the whole “but what if you get remarried and he wants his own kids?” Blech.
Chicka Nuts (Kris): I will be an awesome “Nana”, like mine was.
And I am all for the on/off switch idea.
hello haha narf: you would be the best adopted mom ever. EVER.
Finn: do you hear that Uterus?? Remember those days?? Hmmmmm?
Thanks babe. I think that did the trick!
Kristin: fuck you.
That is all.
Crys: well you did get one helluva ONE.
Stephanie: yeah, it’s always been funny to me that people are OK to ask that. We can’t discuss religion or politics or actual SEX - but it’s completely acceptable to say “are you making any attempts at procreating?!?!”
Jules: Emma LOVES little kids. Loves.
Maybe I need to find a bratty one.
little_lj: bite. your. tongue.
J.O.: really? When I was 12 I was threatening death to my mother if she had another one.
Sheila (Charm School Reject): I know a lot of people who have lots of babies. And a lot of people who just aren’t sure - who I am guessing will have lots of babies. I’ve just never been in that boat.
And if you come from a family of seven (HOLY SHIT!), I think it would be natural to want a huge family of your own.
Tiffany: wow - you have the right answer for EVERYTHING!
wafelenbak: and thank God they don’t.
Dragon: she really is. Debby Downer, that one.
Steve: Congratulations!
(Dear Husband - do you see this?? HUH? DO YOU?? CALL THE DAMN DOCTOR!!!!)
Undomestic Diva: I would have schedule a tubal ligation that day.
But I’m ornery like that.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I refuse your breakup.
And I think you’re pulling my leg, since all I said was it’d be really funny if it were the Twilight Zone movie and that kid was in charge of all the grownups.
meh, no more Internet for Poppy for 3 days. It wasn’t going that great anyway.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Weak in the ovaries?… bwaahaahaa!
July 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Normally I would say I’d take care of it for you because I have no mommy urges but in the way you describe a newborn…my heart fluttered a little. Damn you!
July 16th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
daaaaaaaaaaaw, thanks britt.
how about when i was younger i prayed to meet a divorced or widowed man with young children so that i could have kids in my life without having to actually give birth! when i found out about adoption i remember being really, really excited.
p.s.
i have a genetic mutation that makes my blood wanna clot so docs say no getting pregnant for me. think my uterus knows that my blood ain’t right so it decided it wouldn’t kick me every time i smell that newborn smell which seems to make women go batshit baby crazy?
and another p.s.
yes, i am a mutant. now you know.
July 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
HAHAHAHA! I knew that was the response I would get! I assure you she would be the BEST big sister! I promise!
July 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I can’t believe I am saying this but….
Step away from the penis….step away from the penis NOW!
I do have a vacancy so I could baby sit your uterus for a while
And I pimped the show and plan on being there tonight!
July 16th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I SO hear you on this. My daughter wants a sister some days,(NOT a brother), but she does NOT want to share her stuff and is fine without one other days. Either way, she’s not gettin’ anything. Maybe a dog - when she’s 8. And maybe an actual horse - because she’d have to share it with me.
Can’t wait for the show!
July 16th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I remember when I was about 4 and asking my Mom for a little brother or sister so I could be a big sister (I’m an only child). She told me that I’d have to share my room and that conversation ended after I looked at all of MY toys that I’d have to SHARE.
I’m still a bratty kid who doesn’t like to share, unless you amuse me that is.
But at least you know you are done. My Mom has friends in their 40s who are thinking of having more…can you imagine starting a family at that age? I was in high school when my mom was in her 40s and I couldn’t imagine a baby at home then.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Oh and I’m looking forward to the show (I had to download the last one, stupid job)!
July 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I had a rant about this last week. The kids are one thing, it’s the relatives that kill me.
Must be something to do with girls. The Boy for the longest time would make sure we weren’t having any other children. He wants to make sure it’s just him. We explained that Daddy had an operation so we wouldn’t have more children. This both reassured and confused him.
No more kids for me, no more diapers, no more sleepless nights, no more spit up… Babies not my thing.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Oh and I’d like to exchange my uterus for one that doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall out.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Da, Da Britt!!!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
What a fabulous post! My brain and heart argue all the time about having another baby. My only baby is 15 years old - she’s from my 1st marriage - and my 2nd husband and I chose not to have any more. I guess everyone (including myself) thought we would have a baby. But, there’s something about parenting a teen that keep my IUD firmly in place!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Holy HELL woman!
What are you thinking? Just put those thoughts out of your head with a lot of booze and if that doesn’t work borrow a baby for 24 hours. THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK–by themselves. Then add the 2 you have.
Ah-hem. Yeah. I am done.
Sorry. I just helped a friend with her one month old. Dayum they are a lot of work.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Time to buy a puppy.
July 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Tactical error alert, Miss Britt! You offer up the pony INSTEAD of having the baby!!!
July 16th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I hear it more from people I work with than my own kids. My kids occasionally ask. My in-laws freak out when the kids ask me.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I have 2 kids, spaced 10 years apart. Trust me, you don’t want to start all over again. That being said, I work with a couple of women who are pregnant and I’m kinda jealous…
July 16th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Oh my gosh how cute :) it is so hard my daughter tells me once a week she wants a baby sister. Not a baby brother she already has one of those she wants a sister and only a sister. Of course she knows I am so done with having babies can’t have them anymore 10 years now but still she asks and asks. I think maybe she thinks I will change my mind. My heart still flutters whenever I hold a newborn and get to snuggle with one and every once in awhile I think maybe but then I come back to reality.
Di
July 16th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
okay, so I need to now go apologize to my mother for yet another thing I did as a kid. Because, I too, begged for a baby sister…
July 17th, 2008 at 7:32 am
OK, go get yourself a huge jug of Johnson & Johnson baby lotion. You know, the pink stuff. Then, get a tube of Desitin. Lather yourself in the lotion and your butt in the Desitin. Soak that smell up for a night. Then, come up here and listen to J-man’s whining/crying and change one of his nasty diapers. You’ll be cured. I promise! :)
How about you send me your uterus and I’ll send you mine. With both under each other’s care, I think we’ll be set!
July 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am
The cure for that condition is to go somewhere in earshot of a bouncy castle. You will inevitably here the contraceptive wails of evil, ungrateful, unreasonable toddlers.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I almost forgot… if you are monogamous, getting your man’s vas deferens snipped and tied and cauterized also helps.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:47 pm