At dinner last night…
“Devin, what did you do at daycare today?” (Man, I am an awesome mother.)
“Went skating. Remember?”
*blank stare* (Still! Awesome mother!)
“Remember mom? We left my skates at home on accident?”
“We didn’t leave anything at home.”
“Yes we did! Remember?!”
“Um, no. Thank you. We did no such thing.”
“Mom, it’s OK. I’m half of the ‘we’.”
“Is the other half a turd in your pocket?”
“Excuse me?” (said with utter disgust)
“Do you have a turd in your pocket?” (said while giggling)
“Oh. My. Gosh.” (more with disgust and a new hint of disdain)
“What? My dad used to say that to me all the time!” (said with more giggling at the fact that I am now quoting my parents and using them as a reference)
“Yeah, well, that was your DAD!”
*blank stare of utter confusion*
“It was your DAD, not your MOM.”
“Right. I get that. What’s the difference?”
“Your dad is a boy… your mom is a girl…” (said very slowly so as not to confuse the retards)
*LIGHTBULB!*
“Are you telling me that it’s OK for a boy to say turd but not a girl?”
“uh - YEAH. (moron) That just doesn’t sound nice coming out of a girl’s mouth.”
I think my fucking 8 year old just told me I wasn’t very lady like.
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I don’t even want to think about the lecture I’d get from him if he ever happens to hear last night’s show - which you can CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD. Ahem.
Posted in all in the family Tagged: devin, lady like, manners, parenting, polite
You’re the most ladylike little hellhound that I know!
That is funny as hell!
Well, der - everyone knows only boys can say turd
I suspect I’m going to be using that phrase in the future
I wonder how that will go in my next meeting at work? It’s quite accurate about some people around here…
My kids delight in when I get cut off in traffic, because when they are in the car, my “language filter” starts going in earnest….
With Kids:
“Why you tartar sauce sucking, nose picking, son of a sea horse, fricktard! I hope lice infest you at your wedding to a 3 toed tree sloth!!!”
Without Kids:
“Why you cum guzzeling, cock sucking, son of a bastard assed bitch fuckwad! I hope you get festering herpes and die in a squallid hole!”
When the kids are in the car, I sound like someone from one of those Orbit Gum commercials!
See, this is the reason I have to remain childfree…i have no filter. No matter who I am in front of, no matter what. One day at a Bible Study meeting, we were about to leave, and the teacher asked me something, and I said, “I don’t know what in the holy fuck she was thinking.”
Niiiiiice. Not only did I swear, but I adapted it to fit the religious theme by putting “holy” in front of it.
I am one classy broad.
Girs say “frog in your pocket” Duh
I forgot to say, Devin is hilarious. And a proper gentleman. I think it will be hilarious when you’re 65 years old running around the house saying, “Whoo Hoo Fuck Yeah” and poor Devin is covering his kids ears. (Adam needs to draw THAT pic)
Getting lectured on manners by an eight year old. Nice! ;-)
I’m a regular reader, and I think your wit and honesty are bracing and delightful. But I hate the use of the word retard as a joke-I think it’s insensitive and mean. I’m only leaving this comment, because I really like you.
OMG - THAT is hilarious. Spoken from a mother who has done the same thing with her kids. Glad to know I’m not alone.
I have been told on several occasions that the expletives I use when in fully-fledged road rage are unacceptable. Nothing like being dressed-down by a 12-year old. I can relate.
I get accused of being un-ladylike all the time.
By everyone.
Everyone can just kiss my ass!!!
that is hilarious, being told you´re not lady-like, by your own kid. I am also told I´m not lady-like all the time, but would be strange to hear it from own kid.
That pretty much made my day
Be glad that he’s got some semblance of manners. It may save you a lot of grief as he’ll behave when in polite company. And he does get the point that girls and boys ARE different. As much as some would erase all traces of difference, there is and has to be, a line drawn somewhere with regards to how you treat your fellow men/women, boys/girls. As for you being ladylike….well, moms earn a certain pass on that. But at least take it as a sign that he respects his Mom and hopefully will grow up to respect ALL the ladies in his life.
That being said…”turd” is one of the ALL TIME greatest words on the planet! Works so well in so many places from my Mom’s constant “Stop being such a turd to your sister!” to the epithet we used until about the age of 12 “You Turdknocker Hangout!” Not sure where we got that one, but it carried some weight in my gang.
Great post, Ms. B
That’s hiliarious! My 3 year old tell me that girls aren’t allowed to fart.
LMAO! I can SO totally hear this conversation! I love him, and you. But, he’s a flipping riot!
You realize I am using your blog to prepare for what comes next don’t you? (The Boy is 7.)
The poor child gets exposed to some very unladylike language too… why are swear words so much fun!
Funny!
I love the “It’s okay mom, I’m half of the we.”
Can’t argue with logic like that.
Hmm. Perhaps Jared’s “don’t be a girl” statement has already reached farther inside of him than one had hoped.
PS - Turd.
You have been schooled!!!! It only gets better!
LMAO!!
And very very SQUEEEEEE cause our new fridge is being advertised in your Blogher Ad Network ad today!
OH. MY. God. I love that! I love to hear other people’s conversations with their kids. And I may have to use that turd thing. This is just freaking funny! And I think you are a total lady!
Can you go to charm school solely for blog fodder? And I’m totally stealing the ‘turd in your pocket’ deal.
You could have said “shit.” I think “turd” is much more refined.
That little turd! ;)
Heee heee!!!
but err…. who put him ON that trail in the first place?
Here’s a joke you can run on your sone, he’ll love it. See if you can get the answer. ready…?
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
(waits)
of course that should read SON - I suck, etc.
I *knew* RW was French!!!!!!!!!!~`11~!!
I am waiting.
I’ll let it sit a while. Once again (he said)
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
That’s an old one.
The wheelchair.
Avi-”The wheelchair.”
See? He’d LOVE that one!
As we French like to say: le booooooooo.
avitable: thank you!
Er. Wait a minute…
Sybil Law: *I* thought so.
Dee: I usually get a similar reaction when I use it on adults.
blondefabulous: wow, that is some impressive nonswearing.
Stephanie: rotflmao
oh man - you’re worse than me!
othurme: really???
Jay: I know, I think that’s a new low.
Mrs. G.: actually, so do I. And I hate even more how lazy I am about using it. (Did you listen to the first episode of the show? That’s what it was about.)
Lucy: ahhhh the comradere of the moronic mamas. LOL
Selma: it is, what they call, humbling.
I don’t know why I used those commas there.
little_lj: I NEVER do. EVER! Heh.
Blue Streak: yeah, that was a new one for me.
Sarah: yeah? :-)
Wait.
Is that a repeat comment Sarah?!?!? Are you copying and pasting here!?!?
Maria: I wouldn’t know.
Fu Manchu Dad: dude, that was all very deep.
Becky: yeah, um, Emma would cure Devin of that belief in about 2 seconds flat.
Kristin: he’s getting to be, isn’t he?
Nat: oh shit. Please don’t follow MY example.
Kate:
Fantastagirl: lol, i know, like the kid is comforting me or something. Weirdo.
Poppy: you’re RIGHT! I should blame JARED!
Mindy: and pwned too, I think. Is that rightt? PWNED?
Turnbaby: i want one of those.
Robina: you might be the only person on the planet - but thank you! I’ll take it!
A Whole Lot of Nothing: woman, that is brilliant.
Someone quick - find me a charm school!
Finn: excellent point I wish I would have made.
Mrs. Schmitty: *snort*
DutchBitch: probably his father.
RW: I’ve never heard this joke.
Avitable: Oh.
My.
God.
If you have teach that joke to my son I will castrate you.
RW: so, then, I shouldn’t introduce you guys in September?
Poppy: agreed!
so, then, I shouldn’t introduce you guys in September?
A little late for intros. Um… wait a minute you were THERE!
I blame the south!
Miss B., just started reading your blog, and I would much rather be clever, cool and totally hilarious (which you def. are) than be a “lady.”
Well my husband just informed me the other day that I’ve caused him to swear more. Yes, I corrupted my 40 year old husband.
A lady doesn’t say “turd”?
That’s why I’m no lady.
I’ve also been known to fart…before dropping a few turds.
That is so cute. I love how an 8 year old can give that “duh” stuff. LOL
Am I? I guess I’m not as original as I thought. Darn.
From now on, I’m only commenting 45th.
I actually really, REALLY like that expression.
It’s not often you can elicit shock and disgust from a boy that age. Way to go, Mom! Keeps ‘em on their toes, I think.
Oh his future wife is gonna love these stories.