At dinner last night…
“Devin, what did you do at daycare today?” (Man, I am an awesome mother.)
“Went skating. Remember?”
*blank stare* (Still! Awesome mother!)
“Remember mom? We left my skates at home on accident?”
“We didn’t leave anything at home.”
“Yes we did! Remember?!”
“Um, no. Thank you. We did no such thing.”
“Mom, it’s OK. I’m half of the ‘we’.”
“Is the other half a turd in your pocket?”
“Excuse me?” (said with utter disgust)
“Do you have a turd in your pocket?” (said while giggling)
“Oh. My. Gosh.” (more with disgust and a new hint of disdain)
“What? My dad used to say that to me all the time!” (said with more giggling at the fact that I am now quoting my parents and using them as a reference)
“Yeah, well, that was your DAD!”
*blank stare of utter confusion*
“It was your DAD, not your MOM.”
“Right. I get that. What’s the difference?”
“Your dad is a boy… your mom is a girl…” (said very slowly so as not to confuse the retards)
*LIGHTBULB!*
“Are you telling me that it’s OK for a boy to say turd but not a girl?”
“uh - YEAH. (moron) That just doesn’t sound nice coming out of a girl’s mouth.”
I think my fucking 8 year old just told me I wasn’t very lady like.
——————————————————————————-
I don’t even want to think about the lecture I’d get from him if he ever happens to hear last night’s show - which you can CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD. Ahem.
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You’re the most ladylike little hellhound that I know!
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:19 pm
That is funny as hell!
July 24th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Well, der - everyone knows only boys can say turd
I suspect I’m going to be using that phrase in the future
I wonder how that will go in my next meeting at work? It’s quite accurate about some people around here…
July 24th, 2008 at 12:09 am
My kids delight in when I get cut off in traffic, because when they are in the car, my “language filter” starts going in earnest….
With Kids:
“Why you tartar sauce sucking, nose picking, son of a sea horse, fricktard! I hope lice infest you at your wedding to a 3 toed tree sloth!!!”
Without Kids:
“Why you cum guzzeling, cock sucking, son of a bastard assed bitch fuckwad! I hope you get festering herpes and die in a squallid hole!”
When the kids are in the car, I sound like someone from one of those Orbit Gum commercials!
July 24th, 2008 at 12:21 am
See, this is the reason I have to remain childfree…i have no filter. No matter who I am in front of, no matter what. One day at a Bible Study meeting, we were about to leave, and the teacher asked me something, and I said, “I don’t know what in the holy fuck she was thinking.”
Niiiiiice. Not only did I swear, but I adapted it to fit the religious theme by putting “holy” in front of it.
I am one classy broad.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Girs say “frog in your pocket” Duh
July 24th, 2008 at 12:25 am
I forgot to say, Devin is hilarious. And a proper gentleman. I think it will be hilarious when you’re 65 years old running around the house saying, “Whoo Hoo Fuck Yeah” and poor Devin is covering his kids ears. (Adam needs to draw THAT pic)
July 24th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Getting lectured on manners by an eight year old. Nice! ;-)
July 24th, 2008 at 12:40 am
I’m a regular reader, and I think your wit and honesty are bracing and delightful. But I hate the use of the word retard as a joke-I think it’s insensitive and mean. I’m only leaving this comment, because I really like you.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:57 am
OMG - THAT is hilarious. Spoken from a mother who has done the same thing with her kids. Glad to know I’m not alone.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:00 am
I have been told on several occasions that the expletives I use when in fully-fledged road rage are unacceptable. Nothing like being dressed-down by a 12-year old. I can relate.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:09 am
I get accused of being un-ladylike all the time.
By everyone.
Everyone can just kiss my ass!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 2:16 am
that is hilarious, being told you´re not lady-like, by your own kid. I am also told I´m not lady-like all the time, but would be strange to hear it from own kid.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:43 am
That pretty much made my day
July 24th, 2008 at 2:48 am
July 24th, 2008 at 4:33 am
Be glad that he’s got some semblance of manners. It may save you a lot of grief as he’ll behave when in polite company. And he does get the point that girls and boys ARE different. As much as some would erase all traces of difference, there is and has to be, a line drawn somewhere with regards to how you treat your fellow men/women, boys/girls. As for you being ladylike….well, moms earn a certain pass on that. But at least take it as a sign that he respects his Mom and hopefully will grow up to respect ALL the ladies in his life.
That being said…”turd” is one of the ALL TIME greatest words on the planet! Works so well in so many places from my Mom’s constant “Stop being such a turd to your sister!” to the epithet we used until about the age of 12 “You Turdknocker Hangout!” Not sure where we got that one, but it carried some weight in my gang.
Great post, Ms. B
July 24th, 2008 at 5:02 am
That’s hiliarious! My 3 year old tell me that girls aren’t allowed to fart.
July 24th, 2008 at 5:15 am
LMAO! I can SO totally hear this conversation! I love him, and you. But, he’s a flipping riot!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:07 am
You realize I am using your blog to prepare for what comes next don’t you? (The Boy is 7.)
The poor child gets exposed to some very unladylike language too… why are swear words so much fun!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Funny!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I love the “It’s okay mom, I’m half of the we.”
Can’t argue with logic like that.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Hmm. Perhaps Jared’s “don’t be a girl” statement has already reached farther inside of him than one had hoped.
PS - Turd.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:52 am
You have been schooled!!!! It only gets better!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:55 am
LMAO!!
And very very SQUEEEEEE cause our new fridge is being advertised in your Blogher Ad Network ad today!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:36 am
OH. MY. God. I love that! I love to hear other people’s conversations with their kids. And I may have to use that turd thing. This is just freaking funny! And I think you are a total lady!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Can you go to charm school solely for blog fodder? And I’m totally stealing the ‘turd in your pocket’ deal.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:54 am
You could have said “shit.” I think “turd” is much more refined.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
That little turd! ;)
July 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Heee heee!!!
but err…. who put him ON that trail in the first place?
July 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Here’s a joke you can run on your sone, he’ll love it. See if you can get the answer. ready…?
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
(waits)
July 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
of course that should read SON - I suck, etc.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I *knew* RW was French!!!!!!!!!!~`11~!!
I am waiting.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I’ll let it sit a while. Once again (he said)
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
July 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
That’s an old one.
The wheelchair.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Avi-”The wheelchair.”
See? He’d LOVE that one!
July 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
As we French like to say: le booooooooo.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
avitable: thank you!
Er. Wait a minute…
Sybil Law: *I* thought so.
Dee: I usually get a similar reaction when I use it on adults.
blondefabulous: wow, that is some impressive nonswearing.
Stephanie: rotflmao
oh man - you’re worse than me!
othurme: really???
Jay: I know, I think that’s a new low.
Mrs. G.: actually, so do I. And I hate even more how lazy I am about using it. (Did you listen to the first episode of the show? That’s what it was about.)
Lucy: ahhhh the comradere of the moronic mamas. LOL
Selma: it is, what they call, humbling.
I don’t know why I used those commas there.
little_lj: I NEVER do. EVER! Heh.
Blue Streak: yeah, that was a new one for me.
Sarah: yeah? :-)
Wait.
Is that a repeat comment Sarah?!?!? Are you copying and pasting here!?!?
Maria: I wouldn’t know.
Fu Manchu Dad: dude, that was all very deep.
Becky: yeah, um, Emma would cure Devin of that belief in about 2 seconds flat.
Kristin: he’s getting to be, isn’t he?
Nat: oh shit. Please don’t follow MY example.
Kate:
Fantastagirl: lol, i know, like the kid is comforting me or something. Weirdo.
Poppy: you’re RIGHT! I should blame JARED!
Mindy: and pwned too, I think. Is that rightt? PWNED?
Turnbaby: i want one of those.
Robina: you might be the only person on the planet - but thank you! I’ll take it!
A Whole Lot of Nothing: woman, that is brilliant.
Someone quick - find me a charm school!
Finn: excellent point I wish I would have made.
Mrs. Schmitty: *snort*
DutchBitch: probably his father.
RW: I’ve never heard this joke.
Avitable: Oh.
My.
God.
If you have teach that joke to my son I will castrate you.
RW: so, then, I shouldn’t introduce you guys in September?
Poppy: agreed!
July 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
so, then, I shouldn’t introduce you guys in September?
A little late for intros. Um… wait a minute you were THERE!
July 24th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I blame the south!
July 24th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Miss B., just started reading your blog, and I would much rather be clever, cool and totally hilarious (which you def. are) than be a “lady.”
July 24th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Well my husband just informed me the other day that I’ve caused him to swear more. Yes, I corrupted my 40 year old husband.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
A lady doesn’t say “turd”?
That’s why I’m no lady.
I’ve also been known to fart…before dropping a few turds.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
That is so cute. I love how an 8 year old can give that “duh” stuff. LOL
July 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Am I? I guess I’m not as original as I thought. Darn.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
From now on, I’m only commenting 45th.
I actually really, REALLY like that expression.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
It’s not often you can elicit shock and disgust from a boy that age. Way to go, Mom! Keeps ‘em on their toes, I think.
July 25th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Oh his future wife is gonna love these stories.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:15 pm