As most of you know, I am currently being medicated for Depression. For those of you who don’t, you can read all about my steamy hot love affair with Depression here.
For the most part, I can tell you that the medication is working. I can tell because I no longer find myself with a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel each evening, physically willing myself not to drive into that sweet sweet median in order to make it all go away. I also shower almost every day, which is a plus. And I very rarely crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head in an attempt to escape the crushing weight that is Every Day Life.
I believe the medical professionals of the world would call that Progress.
Of course, I still have Bad Days. I think everyone, whether you’re clinically crazy or not, has bad days. In fact, I’m sure of it. If the happiest person in the whole world can have a bad week then no one is immune.
But I learned something about me and my bad days this weekend. And I’m not entirely sure it’s universal.
Saturday was a rough day. By 7:30 in the morning I found it was already difficult to breathe. As I looked at my children who were absolutely incapable of amusing themselves and my house that was absolutely refusing to clean itself and my bank account that was absolutely refusing to be fruitful and multiply, I was impossibly overwhelmed. When my husband kissed me and headed off for work again I was reminded that I was never ever ever going to get a break from the constant responsibility of this place. Everywhere I looked was another visual reminder of something that needed my attention, something that would not go away, something that was not going the way I had hoped. I needed desperately to close my eyes and shut it all out.
By the afternoon I was angry. I was furious with my in-laws for daring to leave my kids with me here in Florida. I was resentful that neither of my parents hadn’t offered to step in and take over the summer vacation plans.
Couldn’t any of them see how fucking hard this was?
What the hell was the matter with them that not one of them wanted to spend time with their grandchildren?
How dare they all abandon me and not take my children from me for an extended period of time?!?! How the fuck did they all just expect me to keep doing this day in and day out forever?!?!
Heh. Yeah. Because it is completely and totally unreasonable to expect that I would, um, raise my own children. And it is totally natural and realistic to assume that every mother is entitled to a six week vacation from motherhood.
Jesus. Even I, the great Filterless Wonder, can’t believe I’m admitting to having had these thoughts.
The thing is, I am not an inherently selfish or unreasonable person. Well. I mean. You know. I’m not that bad. But I realized this weekend that something appears to be missing in my brain (besides a filter. (or shame. (or political correctness.)))
I have no perspective.
I don’t know if this is something that is common to people with depression. Maybe it’s just a personality characteristic that has absolutely nothing to do with the chemical makeup of my brain. Perhaps it is nothing more than being a “brightly colored” person as my mother claims. I suspect it is more than that.
Whatever the reason, the fallout is becoming more and more clear.
I live in the moment. But not in the highly evolved and oft exalted way that they write about on motivational posters.
I don’t just live in the moment. I am trapped in it. And it is not only the result of a grand choice to experience and fully appreciate life. It is the product of being almost physically incapable of seeing anything beyond this moment right. here. right. now.
When I am overwhelmed by a long to do list, all I can see is a lifetime of obligation and disappointment stretching out before me. A ribbon of oppression unravels into eternity with the certain longevity of a Midwestern highway fading into a far off horizon.
This moment will not pass. This moment is everything.
On the flip side, this bizarre lack of perspective equally distorts the Good Days. I’m not just in a good mood. I’m blissfully happy and absolutely certain that I AM LIVING AND BREATHING HAPPILY EVER AFTER. The end.
Now, before the assvice starts rolling in… No. I’m not bipolar.
And yes, the medication I’m currently taking is working. For all the reasons I discussed and more. Including, but not limited to, the fact that I could wake up on Sunday and go “woah! What the fuck was that?” and then actually think like a rational human being enough to go “no… um… really, what was that?” (Which are two completely separate and different thoughts. Clearly.)
I’m still not exactly sure why I seem to struggle with perspective.
I can sit here and tell you with my mouth and my brain that everything is temporary. But when that wave of despair hits me, there is absolutely no telling my lungs that if they will just keep taking in oxygen and spitting out CO2 for just a little while longer that it will get easier.
Maybe it’s an age thing. In the same way that you are absolutely certain that This Is The Worst/Best Thing Ever In LIFE when you are 16, maybe at 28 you can only really see How Much Longer This Shit Will Last.
I don’t know. I wonder if this is something that is unique to me. I wonder if it is some character flaw that I will never shake loose. I wonder if I will ever get beyond “oh, hey, wouldya look at that” and closer to “this is how you fix it”.
Or maybe just being able to “see it” is as close to “fixing it” as I can ever hope to get.
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Posted in Personal - Growth and Things I'm Trying To Learn Tagged: crazy, depression, narcissism, self analyzing, U2
I hate being so helpless when you’re feeling like that, because I know that it will get better, but I know you don’t want to hear that. See how it’s all about me now?
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Sure wish I had some o’ them there groove biscuits.
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I so hear you. I read this and think you plucked it from my brain. I can’t tell you that those feelings completely go away. I know I haven’t gotten there yet. I can tell you that you are on the right track to helping it get better.
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No assvice here. I have fought off and on with depression for too many years and I hope you get where you can deal with things more easily. Good luck. I mean that sincerely…that’s hard to convey in written text without a stupid smiley.
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Just wanna say thanks for writing this and know you’re not alone.
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I read your post over several times trying to decide just what it was you were trying to find in prespective. I was pretty sure it was all a coy way of asking if you too could be satisfied by a middle aged, short, fat, bald man with very little money and a small wee-wee. But then I looked closer and realized what it is you really need to hear.
Yes Britt. You too can have an AOL Journal.
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I know I’ve said this before, but I do think we’re twins. Except that I’m your Mothers age.
And I’m unmedicated.
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I’ve often felt stuck in my moments too…its like suffocating yet comforting all at the same time. Hell, maybe that’s where we are supposed to be sometimes just so we don’t get so fucking overwhelmed? I’ve been looking at a bigger picture lately and it’s scary…more happy pills may be necessary.
This was supposed to be me telling you that I love you and am here for you. Sheesh, good job, Hilly.
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Don’t most people have trouble when it comes to having perspective with their own lives? In the way it’s always easier to figure out what someone else should do instead of what I should do.
It’s easy to look at your life in microscopic detail, thinking you’re self-aware, while missing the big picture. Least it is for me when I’m depressed.
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It’s a focus thing.
You’re focusing on the small picture… the immediate moment and it’s seemingly perpetual hold over us. I used to do the same thing. Not sure if it has to do with depression though.
I don’t do it anymore. I’m now a small, medium, and big picture kind of person. It was something I needed to learn how to do. I actually went to a class for it. Those tunnel vision moments are still there though.
Usually nothing a tub of chocolate pudding can’t cure.
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Wow – You have fairly well described my wife’s sentiments. Looks around at the work that needs to be done around the house and I tell her not to worry about it. Her wellbeing comes first. And to assure you, I am not a helpless husband; I do domestic chores; and I am her unofficial nurse practioner. Get well and stay well
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Depression is awful. That wasn’t what mine was like, but I could see how that could be.
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I absolutely related to that feeling when a few bad things happen and then suddenly it’s all “Is this my life, is this all there is, nothing will ever get better” I don’t have depression (although that made me sound like a candidate huh?) so I don’t have any answers except wine, obviously, that always helps ;o)
Seriously though, you’re being open and honest and not bottling up how you feel and that HAS to be a good thing – right?
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Life is not something to be enjoyed, it’s something to be gotten on with.
That’s what well controlled clinical depression is like.
Uncontrolled clinical depression is addiction or sticking a gun in your mouth.
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avitable: I know. I can’t imagine how you talk to me when I’m like that.
Sarcastic Mom: want me to sing to you?
Mrs. Schmitty: well being on the right track is something.
Patrick D.: dealing with the depression is actually a lot, lot easier than it used to be. A lot.
A Whole Lot of Nothing: well, then – you’re welcome. And I’m glad, I guess, that other people aren’t alone either.
Y2K Survivor: you get me. You really GET me.
Mary: you wouldn’t like me unmedicated. LOL
Hilly: I don’t know, I think you said that pretty damn well. :heartbeat:
claire: and I am the QUEEN of microscopic detail. Obviously.
NYCWD: you took a class? Is it something I could learn more about?
Crail: thanks.
Captain Steve: I don’t know, honestly, if this is anything to do with depression or not.
Penelope: a bottle of wine HAS to be a good thing, right?
GeorgeH:
“Life is not something to be enjoyed, it’s something to be gotten on with.”
Fuck. That’s depressing as HELL!
“Uncontrolled clinical depression is addiction or sticking a gun in your mouth.”
Um. Ok. That’s worse.
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Yea…I have those moments all the time, and you know what snaps me out of it? When my husband gets caught in those moments and my need to ‘fix it’ takes over and I can see/have to see the bigger picture to keep him from going over the edge.
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I’ve never understood depression and I used to be one of those people who would be all, “can’t you just snap out of it?” Or “how about trying _not_ to be depressed” and “put the gun down, I didn’t mean it”
At this time in my life, I still don’t understand depression but I’ve learned enough to respect it as a disease.
And I think it has increased my life expectancy.
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Kisses and Hugs. Hugs and Kisses.
Punch Adam in the crotch today.
Think about it….
Ah, yes. There is that devilish glint in your eye.
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I can somewhat relate. In many (too many) situations, I can’t imagine why everyone can’t read my mind, realize what I need/want, and just do it. Why can’t they just do the “right thing” at that point, without my having to fall apart and EXPLAIN.
But, of course they can’t read my mind and it’s not necessarily the right thing (just the “right thing” for me), but STILL!
I hope things get better for you. They always do, in hindsight.
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I relate completely. You know what?
I just said one day while looking at all the things I was supposed to do and said “the hell with it, who the hell cares about the frigggin dishes:?
and I kept that mind-set. The little things are so unimportant in the GRAND scheme of things, ya know?
Your family is safe and healthy… Praise God.
You have a good job, you probably could use MORE money, but seriously who couldn’t?
I’m not minimizing your feelings so I hope you don’t get that vibe, I just relate and that’s how I get thru the day.
And I seriously live like 15 mins from where I think you live. We should totally get together! I have kids, try not to cuss and don’t smoke. But I already love all that about you!!!
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so much to say, not sure how to say it. and the damn conference is starting soon. ugggh.
britt, you are not alone. i would hope that sharing the very same thoughts with so many people would in and of itself help a tiny bit to get through those moments. as would the memory of the high ups. how could anyone move so far away, leaving the babysitting support system that offers sanity breaks, and not be incredibly impacted? just because you are a mom doesn’t mean that you stop being britt, the wonderfully energetic whirlwind of fun and laughter. you are entitled to britt time and since the move haven’t really seemed to get a lot of it. fucking mommies group not panning out didn’t help.
ok, i am rambling. when i should be paying attention at this conference i will think more about this and attempt a better, more thought out reply.
love to you, pretty lady.
:hug:
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oh, and when i return with some miracle wisdom? i will try my damnedest to not make some storm passing or tornado not taking the smile from the man with the baby analogy. TRY. but i make no promises.
i hate this for you britt. i really do.
:heartbeat:
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What if a friend of yours wrote this exact same blog? What would you say? Step out of yourself for a minute and try to read your blog as an outsider.
No sense in telling you, “this too shall pass” you know that already.
Something I like to do (with my own blogs), go back and read your blogs from a year ago, see where you were, how far you have come since then, remember the problems you were facing a year ago. I know with me, I find that it has a good way of cheering me up and snapping me out this moment and realizing that this time next year I will have come through this moment and be onto the next… Make sense?
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I always feel like I have no business chiming in when people are overwhelmed with their responsibilities that include children. Whenever my friends are overwhelmed by their children I offer to care for the kids or clean their house while they care for them (some of my friends are a bit control freaky about letting others care for their kids, which I don’t blame them for, so my substitute in that situation is the clean house offer). I’m a little far away to do that for you, but I totally would if I lived closer.
In my reality I get overwhelmed a lot, it’s part of my personality to do so, but I’ve gone through enough therapy to recognize that feeling, know it’s my choice to feel that feeling, and take a step back to recognize what exactly is making me feel overwhelmed. Sometimes just knowing what is overwhelming me allows me to stop feeling overwhelmed and make progress to delegate or choose to ignore or get shit done real fast. And sometimes I need a hug. Maybe you just need a hug. :hug:
Or a housekeeper.
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I can totally relate.
I am not on medication for depression.
I used to be but it didn’t help me enough.
I ended up getting progesterone for PMS/premenopause – but I’m 45, almost 46.
So I’m definitely not saying that’s your problem.
I now see a therapist – and one of the things we talked about in my session with her yesterday is how I get stuck like that – once one negative thought hits, I am bombarded and I do not know how to get perspective or stop the negativity.
She suggested two things – one is writing a list of gratefuls – which works at times – but not always. The other thing (which I haven’t tried yet) is to sit and meditate – one way she suggested doing this is taking an object (and she used a small stone that she has as a paperweight, as an example) and she said to describe the stone.. the color, feel, etc.. and when I’m done describing it if I still am not ok to find another object.
I laughed and said “that’s stupid. I don’t see how it will work.” She said just in the short time she sat there describing the stone to me she got peace and felt more relaxed. So, I agreed to try it – but like I said, I haven’t tried it yet.
I don’t want to try to give advice – and by the way I like your term assvice – I know what works for some doesn’t work for others.
And I also know I may be off the mark and the negativity I deal with m ight not be the same as what you are describing. But I wanted to put it out there just in case you think it might help or your might want to try it.
Once I do try the focusing on the object thing, I’ll let you know if it worked.
Her point to me was that I need to shift my focus from the overwhelming bad thoughts and focus on something else.
But I’ve gotten long winded here so I will close.
Please know that you are not alone.
And I know how awful that whole experience is.
You were able to put into words for me what I deal with, but didn’t know how to describe.
Kate
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First of all, I know MANY people who get to be without their children for a week or even a month because the grandparents take them. Maybe these people seem happier because they DO get such a great break, which every single parent should have!
But yea, I’ve felt that way somewhat. Sometimes there is a reason, (I have EXTREMELY bad PMS, sometimes I hate myself so bad and don’t want to kill anyone so I don’t even come to work) and sometimes there isn’t. Then other days I wake up and think, “Thank God! I feel good! I’m happy!”. And yes, I AM bi-polar and would probably be dead without my medication.
But at least it passes, right? And you are a great mother, a great friend (so I’ve read) a great daughter and a great wife. So you’re depressed once in a while. I’m sure you don’t enjoy it, and I’m sure your family doesn’t, but they still love you, and that’s always something to be grateful for.
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Yep. I’ve definitely had those days. Those, “I’m gonna toss myself out of this window and hope I land on something sharp” days. Not fun. I just try to remember that “this too shall pass”. The problem with depression is that that statement doesn’t make any sense.
I’m glad you’ve been feeling much better and I’m glad you know that having some off days is perfectly normal.
Hang in there!
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The voices in your head say EXACTLY the same thing as the voices inside MY head.
Anti-depressants saved my life. I try to explain to people that they don’t make the problems go away, they just help you to cope with the problems without getting overwhelmed.
You have had a lot of changes going on in the past year. Stuff that would make MOST people lose perspective.
You take one day at a time.
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Its normal to have the “tunnel vision” perspective. I deal with it. Not sure but maybe some cognitive exercises might be useful to you, as they are for me.
Plus the longer you’re on medication the easier it becomes.
I can totally relate…
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Perspective, I think, is something that you have to earn. My mother would say that you are entering into a very rough time in life, sort of like a second adolescence. You ask yourself, “Is this all there is?”. You have to find the answer yourself, but I’m fairly certain it’s no. Unless that’s what you want.
I also think some balance is a good thing… but you have to insist on it. Are there things the kids could be doing to lighten the housework load? Things Jared isn’t doing? And certainly there are things that aren’t that important that can wait, right? Right.
And there is nothing wrong with wanting a break from your kids. You never really had the chance to experience young adulthood with its minimal responsiblities and modest disposable income. Seems completely normal to me.
Have you ever had a real vacation without the kids?
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I have been off and on anti-depressants for almost for over 10 years. I personally couldn’t deal with the ups and downs. I started taking another one after my divorce but I just couldn’t focus on anything. I know what it’s like to just want to end it all but know that while it’s tough somewhere there is a silver lining. Just know that you aren’t alone. You’ve got family, friends and everyone in your blogosphere supporting you!
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Well, let me just add my name to the long list of people who have said they can relate. I used to get so panicked over LIFE that I would drive myself to work in the morning telling myself that the kids and I would have to go live in the projects if I didn’t go to work.
I won’t pretend to have the answer, but I will say hang in there. You’re pretty tough! :whosnext:
J.
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There’s nothing I can say or should say. How about just a :hug: You’re not alone and there’s an army of support for you right here.
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Well, I can’t tell you if it’s a character flaw or a depression “side effect”. I can tell you that, either way, you are NOT alone. I so go there at least once a week. Okay fine, I admit it, I’m not nearly as well adjusted as you are….so lately it’s been occurring a little more often than that. Only on days that end in “y” though so I’m not too worried about it. :help:
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~jtm: OMG, I totally do that too. I can “handle” me being all “the sky is falling! the sky is falling!”
But not him. Him I have to help.
whall: you know, ironically, I used to be like that too.
ADW: :lmao: :lmao:
Dawn: well, I have had a LOVELY past three days since Saturday. So that’s better.
misi: yeah, I am definitely getting better about not freaking out about the house.
Well, *better* might be a matter of opinion, depending on if you can *appreciate* a messy house.
hello haha narf: sweetheart, please don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I really am. 98% of the time I’m GREAT.
It just pisses me off how easy it is for me to all of a sudden get ambushed by the negativity and how hard it is for me to snap out of it when that happens.
Janelle: actually, I do go back and read the old depression posts. And it is such a clear reminder to me of how different my head is now.
EVEN on Bad Days.
Poppy: I think you have plenty of business chiming in. Because really, I think it’s more of an internal thing (like you said), than a result of external circumstances.
Kate: I know I said this via email, but I want to say it again here: I really appreciate this. Thank you.
Robina: yeah, thank God it does eventually pass. I just wish I had the ability when I’m IN IT to know it will pass.
Kathryn: “and I’m glad you know that having some off days is perfectly normal.”
Thank you for seeing this. Thank you.
Little Miss Sunshine State: “I try to explain to people that they don’t make the problems go away, they just help you to cope with the problems without getting overwhelmed.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain this to Adam because he FREAKS OUT when he has to watch me fall apart temporarily.
Dazd: I would love to hear more about these cognitive exercises. Really.
Finn: actually, yeah. I’ve been pretty lucky as far as vacations.
Um. Wait. The last time Jared and I went on a “real” vacation without the kids was about 6 years ago.
Hmmmmmmm…
But we’ve had mini ones. Which are really just as good, you know?
Lady Jaye: I kind of wish so many people DIDN’T know. While it’s nice to know you’re not alone, it hurts my heart to think of other people walking around in that dark fog.
HoosierGirl: I don’t know, I AM kind of a cry baby.
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Dragon: hugs are awesome. Thanks!
Sheila: I’m sorry, did you just call me well adjusted?!?!
:lmao: :lmao:
hgreatone: :lmao:
Ahem. Sorry. I mean… come here you and let me give you a HUG. :hug:
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sounds to me like compartmentalization. which is fabulous, if you can pull it off. and some people can pull it off for extended periods of time, but then find themselves one day suddenly sitting within ALL the compartments AT ONCE, and that’s scary. but then these people (who are actually excellent managers of their life, to the best of their ability) pick another compartment and go back into it, functioning once again.
i think this means you could be coping.
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You still regret not buying the plane tickets, huh?
I’m sorry, Britt. I can’t be your brothel whore. But, I will make you a margarita! :martini:
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Miss Britt, FINALLY! Someone who uses “ironically” correctly!!!!
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Wow. I totally “get” everything you said! I am, currently for the first time, antidepressant free and coping pretty well these days for the most part, I have those days still but it is getting better. I was told I would never be off anti-depressants. I just learned to live with the fact that I am a depressed person and also a pessimist and there ain’t no pills for the latter unfortunately.
I love your honesty Britt, it is really refreshing! Keep on sister! :rock:
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i don’t have any advice, just wanted to tell you that this was brilliantly articulated, britt…really appreciated this post, and identified with it completely…
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Of course you have perspective. What was that whole tornado photo essay about? People without perspective can’t see things like that.
Whenever I’m depressed, I really start resenting that others aren’t reaching out to me more. I think, “where are all my so-called friends? Supposedly so liked, and yet there’s not a single person I could call.”
Which is true. When I feel like that, it’s nobody’s deal but my own.
So I’m saying I feel that, feel you. It’s a disease that medicine can soothe, but not cure. Ease up on yourself, girl. You are loved.
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I guess that whole “well adjusted” thing is all in the eye of the beholder…..you’ve admitted that you have no filter so you don’t hide things from anyone, especially the Lords of the Internet, so to me, you are SO much in a better place than I am 95%.
Geesh. I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling right now without it sounding all “but my life sucks worse than yours” :slaphead:
So I’ll just give you a round of applause for being so damned awesome. :clap:
hgreatone: :heartbeat: :love:
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As everyone else has said, you aren’t alone. I think we all get those days and I think that perspective in the midst of those days is something that eventually you learn without realizing that you’ve learned it.
Someday you will have that perspective and say “wow, I remember when this could cripple me.”
Since I’m not a mother to anything human I don’t know how to offer advice or wisdom to helping you deal with it while you try to keep everyone else’s lives running smoothly (why is that usually the Mom’s job anyway?!?) except to say that if we are ever in the same place when you feel like that, I will gladly let you come over and eat all of the chocolate in my house while I take your kids to the zoo…or something.
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Hey Britt. Do you ever read PostSecret.com? Is that postcard wth the pics of two girls you? Just wondering.
PS Been doing the depression thing for 13 years. It does get better. But it sometimes gets worse too. You can’t enjoy the good unless you know what the bad is.
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I don’t call it a fault, really. This is what I call it. PASSION. We are passionate people. We feel ev er y thing to the nth degree. When we are happy, we are extremely happy and the transverse is usually true, too. Our love is overflowing and if we hate something it is white hot in it’s energy. I wish I had a crystal ball. I don’t like the not knowing. However, my mantra has always been (from the time that I was a single mom at 18 until today when I am awaiting the verdict on my health), “it will all be alright.” It will. Have faith.
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Send me the kids. Since mine are big (30 and 28) I haven’t had any fun. No one to torture. No one to lay guilt trips on. No ice cream for dinner. No one to watch Mary Poppins with. No one to giggle with at cartoons (how can I explain why I’m watching Sesame Street when there’s no kids around?).
You and my younger daughter are twin souls. It’s not a snowflake – it’s an avalanche waiting to happen. It’s not enough to cry over a lost love, no, you have to sob, SOB, I say, endlessly until I promise you everything if you’ll stop.
She actually has happy moments. I think she’s had 3 this last 2 years. Just ask RW. His answer is to roll his eyes. Only mothers feel the pain and can’t make it better. Oy.
So send the kids. I’ll just load them up with sugar, let them stay up late and send them out to play in traffic. They’ll have a great time. They will be begging to go home but I won’t let them.
You can have them back when they’re 13 and not a minute before.
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It’s not just you. :slaphead:
Hang in there.
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I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, (I’m one of those “lurkers” you spoke about not to long ago
but this really strikes a cord as someone who has fought the battle off and on. The funny thing is most people who know me, would never even suspect. I come off as happy go lucky and always in a good mood, and only when I get home, do I let the mask crumble and want to go hide in a deep hole and die for awhile before I can get up and start thinking about how I need to make dinner. I have done my share of meds, but for me, I still had to make a concentrated effort to snap out of it before it would work. I’m sorry you have to deal with it, but it’s also nice to know there’s more of us crazies around :cheese:
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“When I am overwhelmed by a long to do list, all I can see is a lifetime of obligation and disappointment stretching out before me. A ribbon of oppression unravels into eternity with the certain longevity of a Midwestern highway fading into a far off horizon.”
First off, that sentence? GAD! I wish I could write like that.
Secondly, I can only tell you that you’re not alone. I’m with NYCWD on this. You and I are people who look at the entire fucking beach. All that sand! OH GOD! It’s every-fucking-where!!!!
Instead of just looking at each grain and just dealing with each grain as it passes and not the whole of the eastern seaboard.
We’ll get there, hon. We’ll wake up one morning and realize they’re gone and living their own lives and we have all this time to ourselves. And then? I wonder if we’ll be as creative? :kiss:
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I’m also on medication adn I still have thoughts like yours on a regular basis. It always helps me to realize that I’m not alone in thinking this crap, I hope you can take some peace in knowing that as well. This day shall pass, tomorrow will be better, and the day after that will really suck:)
:hug:
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Re: Singing to me
I’m sure that would be lovely, though I could just click back to your lovely karaoke video post…
What I want is some o’ them groove biscuits… Aka Happy Pills.
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If you find the secret solution, you must share. There are definitely good days and funky days, but overall without the fine folks at Pfizer where would we be? I guess depressed in a corner flicking our hard-ons. At least with Zoloft, we’re happier to flick said erection.
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I think any mom who works full time gets this feeling from time to time. Heck, I know I rebel against how regimented my life has become. It feels like too much.
All to say, I hear you chicka. Hang in there, it’ll sort itself out in the end.
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I’m glad you have a friend that can deal with the swings of moods…sometimes you need someone who is not a spouse that you can be open and honest with and tell them the really, really dark bad stuff. :hug: to you, and :hug: to Adam for being that friend. I have a best friend that routinely hears me tell her i want to pull a “thelma & louise”, or get up on the roof of the building with a gun and start shooting…she listens, lets me bitch, and knows that all I really need is someone to listen…REALLY LISTEN…for when the bad smelly dark evil stuff needs to come out. Spit it out Britt, or it will choke you and bury you. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing…now if only i can remember all of this to tell myself later. Okay I’ll shut the hell up now. (dammit woman, your posts make me think….it hurts my head!) :banghead:
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Maybe seeing it IS a step toward fixing it.
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Oh, I forgot to tell you mom said she would do a week or two….send em up!
For real, she told me that last week!
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Crys: I am HEALTHY? Or.. uh… doing something HEALTHY?
WOO HOOO! :clap:
AmyD: all I’m sayin’ is DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!!! Ahem.
whall: is that not a common thing? :wtf:
Kay: I am constantly amazed that people refer to “honesty” as “refreshing”. Like it’s unusual or something.
Rayne: thank you very much.
maggie, dammit: I am definitely loved. That I know.
Sheila: lol, well, thank you then. :heartbeat:
Erin: how far away are you from Central Florida?
And what are the odds I could get that chocolate in the low carb variety?
Heidi: I read post secret all the time – but no, I’ve never sent in a card.
Although now I am very curious which one you THINK was mine…
Shelli: I’ve always liked to call it Passion too. But damn, sometimes it doesn’t feel quite as glamorous as “passion”. Does it?
Mrs RW: Deal! I can be there by Sunday!
:hug:
Mad William: yeah, apparently the Internet is FULL of bat crazies like me!
JT: it is nice to know. It reminds you you are not just inherently flawed. And that there is always a way out.
I mean, ANOTHER way out.
CMG: of all the things I want to say to you, this is the biggest:
I love you.
I really do. And you know, you’re not that far away. We need to get together more often. What’s in between you and me? Anything cool and kid friendly?
Becky: I am on Day 4 now of awesome. So there’s that.
Sarcastic Mom: :slaphead: ohhhhhhhh
Now that makes a lot of sense.
Hockeyman: I need to get me one of those erection thingies. You guys make it sound so fun.
Nat: it is definitely a “time to time” thing now. Thank God.
I wonder if other people “snap out of it”, or if everyone has to just “wait it out” like I do.
Stephanie: I love Adam. I really do.
But the person who can listen when I’m like that the best actually is AmyD.
Adam hurts because he needs to fix it.
Amy plots my escape and future brothel business with me.
Turnbaby: that’s kind of what I’m hoping.
Kristin: how the FUCK do you forget to tell me something like that?!?!?!?!?
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I haven’t read all the comments, what mom has time for that??!! So if this has been said, my apologies. I think it takes a great mom to admit that she needs to get away from her kids. I see all the supermoms that drag their kids everywhere and seem to love every moment of life. My theory is that someday they will snap and eat their children. It is not natural. I LOVE my kids – and I LOVE to be away, FAR AWAY from my kids. And I am a phenomenal mommy. It’s natural, don’t sweat it.
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Sadly I’m about as far away as you can get–I live outside of Portland, Oregon. But if I ever make the trip there or you guys make the trip up here, I will have plenty of low carb chocolate on hand just for you!
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No assvice. Just good luck and a hug.
: )
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Since i relate so much to your post, I wonder if I should be medicated, too?! But then, I guess I just feel like, this is life, right? No one ever said it would be easy!
Now I’m all confused!
But I am not confused about you. You are normal (at least to crazy assed me! Haha), and things do seem overwhelming sometimes, and breaks from your children are necessary!
I am so furtunate to have my parents who actually get pissed if they don’t see my kid for days on end (at least in the summer), and i would seriously, gladly, come down there and take your kids off your hands for a while. Hell – I am dogsitting this week for friends, and I’ve cleaned the holy SHIT out of their house, too (ask Adam – I told him about it)!
So, fly me down, and I’ll help you out.
Definite hugs for you! :hug:
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I can totally relate in a lot of ways. I struggle with depression, (or have), and the days that I have it really bad, like you, would cover my head with the blankets and say “goodnight” with the sunrise. I also have a lot of anxiety attacks, which physically and mentally drain me leaving me in a gutter full of depression. This lasts approximately 2 days. I’ve been to numerous doctors who tell me I have “generalized anxiety disorder.”
Who doesn’t have that?
They insist that it’s no bi-polar…they insist that there is nothing wrong with me.
??
So, the days that are good, I cherish. The days that are bad are just devastating. They’ve given me ativan to take care of the anxiety and I’ve prescribed myself a nice strong dry martini with olives.
Sometimes doctors don’t know what’s best. I’m glad that the medication is working for you though.
The best way I get rid of my depression is prayer and exercise. It always makes me feel better.
Best of luck to you!
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Sometimes I get stuck so far in the future, I think, “Oh, what’s the point, it’s all going to get messed up again anyway.”
I get to dance with the dark beast every so often and, yeah… it sucks. It also sucks to be allergic to almost every anti-depressant on the market.
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Wow… you described my feelings today exactly. You’re not the only one who at times, lacks perspective- whether it be good for us or bad.
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Medication is great. Oh, but there is an upside of depression
http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com/2008/05/upside-of-depression.html
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I am bipolar and I have a hard time with perspective too. Sometimes it launches me into action, that I don’t always think through completely. Sometimes it paralyzes me into no action. I find that I’m always asking How would Normal react to this? My problem is.. I can’t live in the moment. I see this moment and it builds on that moment. Or I’m looking at that moment and see all the steps I have to take to get there…. and I can never.. Just Be.
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