Yesterday, I showed you some of the lessons that my week in Parkersburg taught me.
There is one more valuable lesson that I haven’t yet discussed. It’s just been… well, painful, honestly, to think about. And it really needed it’s own post.
You see, we left in a hurry. I barely had time to notify my boss that I wouldn’t be coming to work on Tuesday and I had no idea when I’d be back. We loaded up the big suitcase with clothes we thought someone could use, blankets, shampoo - whatever random crap we thought might be useful to someone.
I quickly packed a small bag for the kids and I and told Jared to make his stuff fit in there. We needed the rest of the space for supplies. We threw pillows and pop and food into the back of the SUV and made sure the kids had toothbrushes. And then we raced out of town.
What we, or rather I, did not pack was anything warmer than a tank top.
Or pants.
Or makeup. Of any kind.
Because a) what kind of a princess wears makeup in a disaster area?!?! (although, going to buy it at a Wal-Mart 3 days later is totally acceptable and not at all princessy!) and b) I was trying to conserve room in the little suitcase (and T-shirts apparently take up a ginormous amount of space in my head.) and most importantly C) WE WERE GOING TO A TORNADO SITE. TORNADOES HAPPEN WHEN IT IS HOT! Right!?!
My husband has been kind enough to inform me that tornadoes actually happen when a hot front meets a cool front and a blah blah blah blah holy. fuck. I almost died.
It was so numbingly cold the day we arrived. And rainy. And windy. And did I already say cold? Because it was cold.
Naturally, I stopped at a Wal-Mart before heading into Parkersburg and bought TWO sweatshirts for myself. Because it was cold. Did I say I bought two sweatshirts for myself? Because I totally meant OF COURSE I BOUGHT THOSE FOR JARED’S MOM AND SISTER-IN-LAW AND YES I KNOW YOU HAVE NOTHING AND I AM SO GLAD YOU NOW HAVE CLEAN, WARM SWEATSHIRTS TO WEAR! Because it is cold out there.
Because seriously? There is no good way to say “give me back my new clothes you damn grabby refugee!!” without sounding rude.
ANYway, I made it through Day 1 with some crap wonderfully warm and appreciated stuff I stole from Jared’s side of the suitcase (because “everyone knows a tornado comes from a warm front and a COLD front and blah blah blah INFORMATION I COULD HAVE USED YESTERDAY!”)
After that, I relied heavily on my grandmother’s wardrobe. Which meant I squeezed my size none of your damn business but bigger than a 4 ass into a For Real Before They Changed The Sizes Size 4 sweat suit. And possibly some of my grandpa’s sweatpants. And although I greatly appreciated my grandmother’s generosity, I also learned a powerful lesson.
Pack well. The extra half hour it takes to make sure you are prepared for the weather could CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
And also? Prevent you from looking down at yourself at about 5 o’clock one evening and suddenly realize that you have spent the entire day wandering around looking like this:
No. No they aren’t.
Posted in What Would Miss Britt Do Tagged: grandmas, humor, packing, tornadoes, wardrobe
Woah. You suddenly look like my friend April. (Look her up on crackbook. She used to wear glasses.) This means you look like you’re 14, so BONUS!
Man… I would kill for that shirt.
Absolutely GREAT Picture!!! And you are right on about the packing carefully thing… The first several trips I made back down here to the coast in winter and early spring, were much colder then anyone had thought it would be. I had one hooded sweatshirt along, and that was what I wore all the time. Thanks for sharing about some of your experiences!
I’d do you.
I bet you encourage more people to do those nasty internet searches for grandma porn.
I’m glad you help out where you can.
/snicker
Oh Britt! You are one HOT mess!
Well, there really wasn’t anything factually incorrect about what the shirt says. Most grandmas are just a bit older. Well, maybe not in the South, but still, most aren’t.
God, that thing is a walking method of birth control! Kind of like my Josh Groban Fan Club shirt that I wear to bed.
Great shot.
And yet, you still look cute. I totally think we should all get those shirts for Brittcon!
I love T-shirts like that. Awwwww!
Only YOU could pull that off Britt!
LMAO! I can totally see your Grammy wearing this t-shirt!
I think I just found my new desktop wallpaper!
Your face is fucking priceless. LMAO!
Sorry I haven’t been around much lady. Been thinking about you lots though. Mucho love to you and your family.
xo
Grandma’s aren’t typically that young in that part of the country either. Now, move down and to the right a few states …
You are SO funny… I hope the T-Shirt kept you, uh…warmer? Grandma’s are sexy! Love it!
Let’s see, if you had Devin at 15 instead, he’d be 13, and conceivably he could have gotten someone pregnant at 13, so you could have been a sexy grandma if you had planned it better.
“so you could have been a sexy grandma if you had planned it better.”
HEHEHEHEHEHE!!
Awww…that’s cute.
LMAO!!!!
Oh my—*giggling*
Well sugar I am sending you something today that should lift your spirits and wipe away the sexy grandma image
i see where you get your wit and wisdom from — as does your mother!
If I had seen you on the street, I would have read your shirt and thought, “she has a point, there.”
LOL too funny. Only you could be so completely fashionable in the middle of a tornado disaster area.
Poppy: awesome! I have aged from 12 year old boy to 14 year old girl! woo hoooo!!!
People in the Sun: well, I can see if I can have it sent to you….
Coast Rat: yeah, coming from the land where no one watches the weather because “um, you live in FLORIDA - the weather is the same” - I was shocked. LOL
A Whole Lot of Nothing: I hope you’d be gentle. Osteoporosis and what not to consider now.
whall: oh great. I am sullying grandma’s good name EVERYWHERE!
Andria: but not a hot TRANNY mess, right? RIGHT?!?!
Jay: I age well, what can I say?
Little Miss Sunshine State: I never considered that! I wonder if I can have Grammy send it down to me…
Karl: what?!?! great shot?!?!?
Hilly: only if Karl agrees to wear one too.
Selma: on GRANDMAS!!!
Rachel: “pull it off” might be overstating it a bit. Heh.
Kristin: sadly, so can I.
Mr. Fabulous: fucker.
blondefabulous: yeah, and on the flip side? It was in the 80s the day we left.
Karen Sugarpants: you should have seen Jared’s face when he was taking the picture. Rotten bastard that husband of mine.
delmer: Missouri maybe?
Marissa:
Krystle: well, warmER I suppose.
avitable: damn me and my poor planning.
student teacher: not cute - SEXY!!!
Turnbaby: promises, promises.
Crys: well, wrong side of the family, and adoption and what not - but yeah, she’s a good egg too.
Jan:
Oh God. That’s hysterical to me for some reason.
Lady Jaye: I know, SO fashionable that people kept coming off trying to offer me donations and I’m like I AM NOT HOMELESS!! I JUST PACK BADLY!! JEEZ!!!!
*snort*
The look on your face says it all. Next time, wear it with PRIDE. I tell people I’m 50 all the time just to see their reaction. Fucking with people is fun!
“everyone knows a tornado comes from a warm front and a COLD front”
Well, duh! I know, I know, you KNEW that, it just slipped your mind in the rush to get packed.
i think my watermelon breakfast just came out through my nose. that fucking picture is priceless my friend. price. less.
Dude, I hope I look as good as you do when I am a grandma!
You make me laugh and today? That’s a marvelous thing.
You are a sexy woman, a sexy wife, and a sexy mother. And someday? You’ll be a sexy grandmother. Little did your fellow Iowans know, you were just predicting the future. Nostradamus ain’t got nothin’ on ya!
You really take GILF to the next level in this photo.
I bet no one even noticed.
Holy crap. That’s funny. And so is Jan’s comment–you do make a point. I wonder if anyone assumed you had your kid at 12.
“Because seriously? There is no good way to say “give me back my new clothes you damn grabby refugee!!” without sounding rude.” Oh my God that cracked me up!!
How dare you look so cute in that shirt! It gives a whole new meaning to the words “Child Bride” though huh?
Can I print that and frame it? Puh-leeeeze?????
Hahahahahahahahahaha
Oh thank you so much for the laugh! I was really hoping you’d post a picture - for my own amusement, ’cause I’m selfish like that.
Still - you do look damn sexy for a grandma!
I am sure many got a giggle out of it and that’s the most important thing. You made people laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for just about anything. I think you should be proud to have worn that!
The only way that shirt could’ve been more funny is if it had a picture of a kitten on it. A kitten in a basket is so hardcore grandma.
Finn: why stop at 50? I think I’ll hang out outside of one of the many plastic surgery clinics around here and tell everyone “I look GREAT for 65!!”
Nobody™: EXACTLY!
hello haha narf: meaning - you couldn’t PAY most people to walk around like that.
themuttprincess: well, I recommend a strict skin care regiment.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter:
You are a sexy woman, a sexy wife, and a sexy mother. And someday? You’ll be a sexy grandmother.
(and you are also awesome, btw)
Lynda: oh. No. Once *I* noticed, everyone informed me *they* noticed at 8 am that morning.
Bastards. Just goes to show - you can’t trust a refugee.
Ok, Where Was I?: probably. I think a lot of people back home remember me as “a little slutty”.
Penelope: BRIDE??!?! I aint marrying no old man at 12! I am liberated!
metalmom: well at least you asked first.
Dragon: that look that says “I hate you and am never having sex with you again, you evil, evil man”? That one?
Sybil Law: the Red Hats are asking me to be their spokesperson.
Mindy: I’m like freaking penicillin then!
Shamelessly Sassy: oh my God. That is brilliant. I have to get that idea on CafePress.
You look just thrilled.
Hey, I bought that same t-shirt for my grandma YEARS ago!
Naturally. That is top priority!!!!
I need that shirt and yeah Britt you are bringing sexy back!
That shirt is awesome.
I used to love running to Wal-Mart when I needed crap. So cheap, so easy to get to… in Waterloo anyone. Not out here in the Chicago suburbs!
Yeah, that look.
OMG, let’s talk about rockin’ the shirt!
Tense Teacher: and I have no doubt your grandma is terribly sexy.
themuttprincess: I like you.
Kay: back from OLDEN DAYS
kilax: yes, but now you have a Walgreens on every corner!
Dragon: I thought so.
Lisa: Oh yeah. I’m rockin’ it. Like Steven Tyler 10 years from now after a bad bender.
You’d never pass for a grannie in that shirt, you look about 16 years old.
Oh, thank you for the laugh today. Love that picture!
I just found your blog today and wanted to say how sorry I am for the devastation in your hometown.
Holy crap. That had to do wonders for your stress level! You are a trooper.
LOL. Oh God Britt. That is so funny. I needed that laugh. Thank you.
Oh, lord. I mean, I’ve always thought of you as a friend. But now. NOW…
…H-H-H-HOT!
I love how you always offer yourself up on the altar of your blog to give the rest of us a chuckle or a belly laugh.
You need to blow this picture up into an 11 X 14. Frame it. Wrap it. Send it to yourself in 40 years.
You’ll feel better about it then.
Promise.
OMG. You watch Project Runway.
We are frickin’ frackin’ soul mates.
Summer: um, thanks? Heh.
LifeAsIKnowIt: you should know, I am not always this hawt.
Deb on the Rocks: I do think it made me laugh at some point.
Black Belt Mama: anytime babe. You so DO need a laugh.
Rich:
Winter: that makes me like a blog martyr or something I think.
NYCWD: I thought you were going to suggest I send it to YOU. LOL
Andria: doesn’t everyone??
That’s one smokin’ shirt Grandma! Why do you 12 though?
I meant to say why do you LOOK 12? That’s what I get for being up at 4:30 this morning.
HAWWWWTTTT. All you’re missing is a large cardigan with embroidered flowers, or a sweatshirt with rhinestone appliques.
Glad to have you back home again. Even if it is a gazillion degrees outside.
What are you talking about? I would ROCK that shirt! Also: at least it doesn’t have the built in collar.
catnip: I think because I have blonde eyelashes.
And a round face.
And freckles.
And no cheekbones.
anne: and OMG is it EVER hot here?!?!?
Captain Steve: the built in collar. I knew it was missing something.
I kind of love that shirt…
That’s so hawt! It’s good you could pause in the midst of chaos and misfortune to have a laugh at yourself, and better still that you shared it with us.
BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!