Yesterday, I showed you some of the lessons that my week in Parkersburg taught me.
There is one more valuable lesson that I haven’t yet discussed. It’s just been… well, painful, honestly, to think about. And it really needed it’s own post.
You see, we left in a hurry. I barely had time to notify my boss that I wouldn’t be coming to work on Tuesday and I had no idea when I’d be back. We loaded up the big suitcase with clothes we thought someone could use, blankets, shampoo - whatever random crap we thought might be useful to someone.
I quickly packed a small bag for the kids and I and told Jared to make his stuff fit in there. We needed the rest of the space for supplies. We threw pillows and pop and food into the back of the SUV and made sure the kids had toothbrushes. And then we raced out of town.
What we, or rather I, did not pack was anything warmer than a tank top.
Or pants.
Or makeup. Of any kind.
Because a) what kind of a princess wears makeup in a disaster area?!?! (although, going to buy it at a Wal-Mart 3 days later is totally acceptable and not at all princessy!) and b) I was trying to conserve room in the little suitcase (and T-shirts apparently take up a ginormous amount of space in my head.) and most importantly C) WE WERE GOING TO A TORNADO SITE. TORNADOES HAPPEN WHEN IT IS HOT! Right!?!
My husband has been kind enough to inform me that tornadoes actually happen when a hot front meets a cool front and a blah blah blah blah holy. fuck. I almost died.
It was so numbingly cold the day we arrived. And rainy. And windy. And did I already say cold? Because it was cold.
Naturally, I stopped at a Wal-Mart before heading into Parkersburg and bought TWO sweatshirts for myself. Because it was cold. Did I say I bought two sweatshirts for myself? Because I totally meant OF COURSE I BOUGHT THOSE FOR JARED’S MOM AND SISTER-IN-LAW AND YES I KNOW YOU HAVE NOTHING AND I AM SO GLAD YOU NOW HAVE CLEAN, WARM SWEATSHIRTS TO WEAR! Because it is cold out there.
Because seriously? There is no good way to say “give me back my new clothes you damn grabby refugee!!” without sounding rude.
ANYway, I made it through Day 1 with some crap wonderfully warm and appreciated stuff I stole from Jared’s side of the suitcase (because “everyone knows a tornado comes from a warm front and a COLD front and blah blah blah INFORMATION I COULD HAVE USED YESTERDAY!”)
After that, I relied heavily on my grandmother’s wardrobe. Which meant I squeezed my size none of your damn business but bigger than a 4 ass into a For Real Before They Changed The Sizes Size 4 sweat suit. And possibly some of my grandpa’s sweatpants. And although I greatly appreciated my grandmother’s generosity, I also learned a powerful lesson.
Pack well. The extra half hour it takes to make sure you are prepared for the weather could CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
And also? Prevent you from looking down at yourself at about 5 o’clock one evening and suddenly realize that you have spent the entire day wandering around looking like this:
No. No they aren’t.
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Woah. You suddenly look like my friend April. (Look her up on crackbook. She used to wear glasses.) This means you look like you’re 14, so BONUS!
June 4th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Man… I would kill for that shirt.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Absolutely GREAT Picture!!! And you are right on about the packing carefully thing… The first several trips I made back down here to the coast in winter and early spring, were much colder then anyone had thought it would be. I had one hooded sweatshirt along, and that was what I wore all the time. Thanks for sharing about some of your experiences!
June 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am
I’d do you.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I bet you encourage more people to do those nasty internet searches for grandma porn.
I’m glad you help out where you can.
/snicker
June 4th, 2008 at 12:39 am
Oh Britt! You are one HOT mess!
June 4th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Well, there really wasn’t anything factually incorrect about what the shirt says. Most grandmas are just a bit older. Well, maybe not in the South, but still, most aren’t.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:54 am
God, that thing is a walking method of birth control! Kind of like my Josh Groban Fan Club shirt that I wear to bed.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Great shot.
June 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am
And yet, you still look cute. I totally think we should all get those shirts for Brittcon!
June 4th, 2008 at 1:40 am
I love T-shirts like that. Awwwww!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:50 am
Only YOU could pull that off Britt!
June 4th, 2008 at 6:27 am
LMAO! I can totally see your Grammy wearing this t-shirt!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:14 am
I think I just found my new desktop wallpaper!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:23 am
June 4th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Your face is fucking priceless. LMAO!
Sorry I haven’t been around much lady. Been thinking about you lots though. Mucho love to you and your family.
xo
June 4th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Grandma’s aren’t typically that young in that part of the country either. Now, move down and to the right a few states …
June 4th, 2008 at 7:57 am
June 4th, 2008 at 7:57 am
You are SO funny… I hope the T-Shirt kept you, uh…warmer? Grandma’s are sexy! Love it!
June 4th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Let’s see, if you had Devin at 15 instead, he’d be 13, and conceivably he could have gotten someone pregnant at 13, so you could have been a sexy grandma if you had planned it better.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:30 am
“so you could have been a sexy grandma if you had planned it better.”
HEHEHEHEHEHE!!
June 4th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Awww…that’s cute.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:43 am
LMAO!!!!
Oh my—*giggling*
Well sugar I am sending you something today that should lift your spirits and wipe away the sexy grandma image
June 4th, 2008 at 8:48 am
i see where you get your wit and wisdom from — as does your mother!
June 4th, 2008 at 8:56 am
If I had seen you on the street, I would have read your shirt and thought, “she has a point, there.”
June 4th, 2008 at 9:05 am
LOL too funny. Only you could be so completely fashionable in the middle of a tornado disaster area.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Poppy: awesome! I have aged from 12 year old boy to 14 year old girl! woo hoooo!!!
People in the Sun: well, I can see if I can have it sent to you….
Coast Rat: yeah, coming from the land where no one watches the weather because “um, you live in FLORIDA - the weather is the same” - I was shocked. LOL
A Whole Lot of Nothing: I hope you’d be gentle. Osteoporosis and what not to consider now.
whall: oh great. I am sullying grandma’s good name EVERYWHERE!
Andria: but not a hot TRANNY mess, right? RIGHT?!?!
Jay: I age well, what can I say?
Little Miss Sunshine State: I never considered that! I wonder if I can have Grammy send it down to me…
Karl: what?!?! great shot?!?!?
Hilly: only if Karl agrees to wear one too.
Selma: on GRANDMAS!!!
Rachel: “pull it off” might be overstating it a bit. Heh.
Kristin: sadly, so can I.
Mr. Fabulous: fucker.
blondefabulous: yeah, and on the flip side? It was in the 80s the day we left.
Karen Sugarpants: you should have seen Jared’s face when he was taking the picture. Rotten bastard that husband of mine.
delmer: Missouri maybe?
Marissa:
Krystle: well, warmER I suppose.
avitable: damn me and my poor planning.
student teacher: not cute - SEXY!!!
Turnbaby: promises, promises.
Crys: well, wrong side of the family, and adoption and what not - but yeah, she’s a good egg too.
Jan:
Oh God. That’s hysterical to me for some reason.
Lady Jaye: I know, SO fashionable that people kept coming off trying to offer me donations and I’m like I AM NOT HOMELESS!! I JUST PACK BADLY!! JEEZ!!!!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:18 am
*snort*
The look on your face says it all. Next time, wear it with PRIDE. I tell people I’m 50 all the time just to see their reaction. Fucking with people is fun!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:44 am
“everyone knows a tornado comes from a warm front and a COLD front”
Well, duh! I know, I know, you KNEW that, it just slipped your mind in the rush to get packed.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:55 am
i think my watermelon breakfast just came out through my nose. that fucking picture is priceless my friend. price. less.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Dude, I hope I look as good as you do when I am a grandma!
June 4th, 2008 at 10:08 am
You make me laugh and today? That’s a marvelous thing.
You are a sexy woman, a sexy wife, and a sexy mother. And someday? You’ll be a sexy grandmother. Little did your fellow Iowans know, you were just predicting the future. Nostradamus ain’t got nothin’ on ya!
June 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am
You really take GILF to the next level in this photo.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I bet no one even noticed.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Holy crap. That’s funny. And so is Jan’s comment–you do make a point. I wonder if anyone assumed you had your kid at 12.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“Because seriously? There is no good way to say “give me back my new clothes you damn grabby refugee!!” without sounding rude.” Oh my God that cracked me up!!
How dare you look so cute in that shirt! It gives a whole new meaning to the words “Child Bride” though huh?
June 4th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Can I print that and frame it? Puh-leeeeze?????
June 4th, 2008 at 11:31 am
June 4th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hahahahahahahahahaha
Oh thank you so much for the laugh! I was really hoping you’d post a picture - for my own amusement, ’cause I’m selfish like that.
Still - you do look damn sexy for a grandma!
June 4th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I am sure many got a giggle out of it and that’s the most important thing. You made people laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for just about anything. I think you should be proud to have worn that!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
The only way that shirt could’ve been more funny is if it had a picture of a kitten on it. A kitten in a basket is so hardcore grandma.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Finn: why stop at 50? I think I’ll hang out outside of one of the many plastic surgery clinics around here and tell everyone “I look GREAT for 65!!”
Nobody™: EXACTLY!
hello haha narf: meaning - you couldn’t PAY most people to walk around like that.
themuttprincess: well, I recommend a strict skin care regiment.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter:
You are a sexy woman, a sexy wife, and a sexy mother. And someday? You’ll be a sexy grandmother.
(and you are also awesome, btw)
Lynda: oh. No. Once *I* noticed, everyone informed me *they* noticed at 8 am that morning.
Bastards. Just goes to show - you can’t trust a refugee.
Ok, Where Was I?: probably. I think a lot of people back home remember me as “a little slutty”.
Penelope: BRIDE??!?! I aint marrying no old man at 12! I am liberated!
metalmom: well at least you asked first.
Dragon: that look that says “I hate you and am never having sex with you again, you evil, evil man”? That one?
Sybil Law: the Red Hats are asking me to be their spokesperson.
Mindy: I’m like freaking penicillin then!
Shamelessly Sassy: oh my God. That is brilliant. I have to get that idea on CafePress.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
You look just thrilled.
Hey, I bought that same t-shirt for my grandma YEARS ago!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Naturally. That is top priority!!!!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I need that shirt and yeah Britt you are bringing sexy back!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
That shirt is awesome.
I used to love running to Wal-Mart when I needed crap. So cheap, so easy to get to… in Waterloo anyone. Not out here in the Chicago suburbs!
June 4th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Yeah, that look.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
OMG, let’s talk about rockin’ the shirt!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Tense Teacher: and I have no doubt your grandma is terribly sexy.
themuttprincess: I like you.
Kay: back from OLDEN DAYS
kilax: yes, but now you have a Walgreens on every corner!
Dragon: I thought so.
Lisa: Oh yeah. I’m rockin’ it. Like Steven Tyler 10 years from now after a bad bender.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
You’d never pass for a grannie in that shirt, you look about 16 years old.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Oh, thank you for the laugh today. Love that picture!
I just found your blog today and wanted to say how sorry I am for the devastation in your hometown.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Holy crap. That had to do wonders for your stress level! You are a trooper.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
LOL. Oh God Britt. That is so funny. I needed that laugh. Thank you.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Oh, lord. I mean, I’ve always thought of you as a friend. But now. NOW…
…H-H-H-HOT!
June 4th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I love how you always offer yourself up on the altar of your blog to give the rest of us a chuckle or a belly laugh.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:02 am
You need to blow this picture up into an 11 X 14. Frame it. Wrap it. Send it to yourself in 40 years.
You’ll feel better about it then.
Promise.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:30 am
OMG. You watch Project Runway.
We are frickin’ frackin’ soul mates.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Summer: um, thanks? Heh.
LifeAsIKnowIt: you should know, I am not always this hawt.
Deb on the Rocks: I do think it made me laugh at some point.
Black Belt Mama: anytime babe. You so DO need a laugh.
Rich:
Winter: that makes me like a blog martyr or something I think.
NYCWD: I thought you were going to suggest I send it to YOU. LOL
Andria: doesn’t everyone??
June 5th, 2008 at 7:12 am
That’s one smokin’ shirt Grandma! Why do you 12 though?
June 5th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I meant to say why do you LOOK 12? That’s what I get for being up at 4:30 this morning.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:30 am
HAWWWWTTTT. All you’re missing is a large cardigan with embroidered flowers, or a sweatshirt with rhinestone appliques.
Glad to have you back home again. Even if it is a gazillion degrees outside.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:17 am
What are you talking about? I would ROCK that shirt! Also: at least it doesn’t have the built in collar.
June 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
catnip: I think because I have blonde eyelashes.
And a round face.
And freckles.
And no cheekbones.
anne: and OMG is it EVER hot here?!?!?
Captain Steve: the built in collar. I knew it was missing something.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I kind of love that shirt…
June 5th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
That’s so hawt! It’s good you could pause in the midst of chaos and misfortune to have a laugh at yourself, and better still that you shared it with us.
June 6th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
June 8th, 2008 at 5:27 pm