That’s it. It’s official. The entire Universe has gone and lost it’s collective freaking mind.
While stumbling through my blog reads a few days ago, I encountered news about a dilemma that is apparently plaguing families of small children everywhere.
Specifically, it seems some parents are desperately trying to determine if it is “possible to have a child’s birthday party for under $200?”
(Hi Lindsay! Love your blog! Really!)
But seriously. The blogger who wrote this post was talking about a 4 year old.
I jumped to the comment section, certain I would find an ample supply of people rolling their eye balls out of their heads and breathing a sigh of relief that the idea of a Child Birthday Extravaganza was foreign to their family as well.
Um, no.
According to many of the commenters, it is quite normal to spend hundreds of dollars on a birthday party. Sometimes even thousands. Of dollars. On a child’s fucking birthday party.
“But space rental is expensive!” And no matter how hard you look, it is almost impossible to find a “child entertainer for less than $150-$200″.
Child entertainment? Space rental?
I sent a quick call out on Twitter, thinking maybe Lindsay just had a more “upscale” readership than I was used to hanging around with.
Ahem. Hell to the No. $200. $280. $400. And on up.
What the bloody hell is going on out there?
Let me tell you what a child entertainer looked like when I was growing up: your two kid brothers and a handful of cousins. If you were really lucky? Two or three of your closest classmates du jour. And it didn’t cost more than a couple of blankets tossed on your bedroom floor to get them for the entire night.
Do you not remember slumber parties and musical chairs in the church basement? Because I know your parents weren’t shelling out hundreds of dollars for you and 20 of your closest friends every year. Were they? (No, seriously - were they? Maybe my momma has some ’splainin to do.)
I remember turning off the lights and chanting “Bloody Mary… Bloody Mary.. Bloody…ACK!!” at which point someone would freak out (me) and flip on the lights just before we all collapsed in a heap of squeals on the bathroom floor.
I remember trying very hard to be “light as a feather, stiff as a board” so that my friends could levitate me with their fingertips on my temples. Sure, I had bruises and some broken furniture to explain - but how could we not try it when Shelly swore it had worked at Jenny’s house just last weekend?!?!
Total cost for these childhood memories: Zero. Nada. Zilch. (Well, OK, that coffee table might have been pricey.)
When did birthday parties stop being an excuse for cake and ice cream and staying up later than usual and start turning into a full scale Event With A Capital $$?
These are CHILDREN we’re talking about - as in non-income contributing members of the household. And, forgive me, but I rarely get dinner bought for me on my birthday - and I pay the damn mortgage on this bitch.
Am I suggesting that a child’s worth (or anyone’s, for that matter) should be measured by their ability to produce an income? Of course not. But I do think that society as a whole is losing it’s grip on reality when it comes to a child’s place in a family.
It used to be that people had babies and they were brought up into a family. Now, you’d swear to freaking Pete that entire families were molded out of thin air around the all-important offspring like some kind of living, breathing shrine to Childhood.
And at what cost?
As a nation we’re in debt up to our assholes. We certainly don’t seem to be raising a more grateful or enlightened generation. I don’t think anyone would profess to believe that spending $200+ on little Suzie’s birthday is going to better equip her to handle and/or positively impact the world when she gets out into it on her own.
So what in God’s name are we doing??
I mean, besides robbing our children of the appreciation of life’s simple pleasures.
According to many of the commenters on the original Suburban Turmoil post, the birthday party budget is growing exponentially in an attempt to Keep Up With The Joneses. Who the fuck are these Jones people and how do we knock some sense into them? It seems they are taking a lot of heat for the actions of a whole bunch of grown ups.
Surely we have evolved enough that we don’t base our financial and parenting decisions on What Everyone Else Is Doing. I mean, we all learned our lesson from that whole Mass Exodus Off The Bridge experiment. Didn’t we?
The thing is, I know some of the women who have spent hundreds of dollars on birthday parties and what not. They are not frivolous or superficial. They are not mindless sheeple - especially when it comes to their children. They are, in large part, smart women who typically ooze common sense.
So what the hell gives here?
Because this honestly and truly makes absolutely no kind of sense, common or otherwise. Not to me, and not - I would venture to guess - to your mothers or grandmothers.
What about you? How much is too much for a child Birthday Party?
Posted in Bitching Again Tagged: birthday parties, child party, links, parenting, suburban turmoil
I don’t have kids yet, but it wasn’t too far in my past that I was attending those birthday parties.
What about just having a cake and ordering pizza? Or, what about going bowling or a movie? Or, going to a friends house and playing all those silly games like you’ve mentioned.
We’re in debt way past our assholes, and it’s only getting worse. One thing leads to another… next thing 16 year olds will have BMW’s sitting in the driveway on their 16th birthday. Maybe one for their friends, too!
Not that there is anything wrong with that, but like you said… what about the simple things in life. Does every.single.thing have to revolve around spending hundreds and hundreds or could we all be just as happy with pizza and a movie?
This society, sadly… I think the “simply” is out. As they say… Out with the old, in with the new.
Krystle’s last blog post..Blog Life
oh hell yeah, this is a terrific post that every parent should be forced to read. kids are not getting more grateful, they seem to be (ready for the wide sweeping generalization) expecting more and more. we had sleepovers with spaghetti. if we were lucky enough to have more than just family over. and we LOVED it.
this sums it all up for me:
It used to be that people had babies and they were brought up into a family. Now, you’d swear to freaking Pete that entire families were molded out of thin air around the all-important offspring like some kind of living, breathing shrine to Childhood.
(p.s. what were we thinking with that bloody mary shit? i’m still freaked by my mirror at midnight in the dark!)
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Double Standard
another great post, britt.
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Double Standard
I’ve given up on birthday parties completely. Seriously. I’ve put the kabosh on the whole thing. I had big extended family events for my oldest child right up until a couple of years ago. Had them for the middle child and the youngest. The youngest got screwed, I stopped them right after his first birthday.
I can’t take the pressure. I can’t keep up with my sisterinlaw’s parties for her children–she doesn’t even spend that much (I think!) and she’s a creative genius. It makes me feel like a horribly inferior mother. So I said suck it. Birthday parties for my kids now are small intimate parties of our immediate family (me, husband and our kids) and sometimes we invite that sisterinlaw and her husband and three kids because we are all close friends.
I’m not doing anymore “friend” parties until the kids are much older and then there will definitely be limits. I refuse to raise ungrateful, entitled kids and go into debt doing it.
Sleeping mommy’s last blog post..All hail breaks loose
We spend a hundred dollars max. This includes gift, cake, food or whatever. And glow sticks. Must have glow sticks.
I made the mistake of trying to make their birthdays “Special” when they were young and with each year, they expected it to be bigger and better. I have spent several years reprogramming them. Now it is sleepovers, hide and seek in the dark and clever games found on the internet. Even for the teenagers. They usually have a great time.
We’ve come to the realization that we can’t keep up with the Joneses. We’re not willing to plunge into more debt at this point. So we’ve, at times, taken the plunge and attempted to invent ourselves as the new Joneses. Sometimes it works; other times we fall flat on our faces.
But when it works? We get the last laugh. :)
A year ago, we were trying to figure out what to do for a fourth birthday party for our son, Avi. It was December, so we would have been limited on the one-upmanship his friends were having with parties in their backyards with moon-bounces and other pre-packaged entertainment. My wife happened to stumble upon a great opportunity: the volunteer fire department. There was a cost per-head of the kids in attendance (adults were free), and all we had to do was bring the food and party favors. They took care of everything else — including fire helmets, a fire-safety demonstration, a tour, opportunities to sit in the fire engine and turn on the flashing lights — all the things a kid could love about the place.
(And when it was all said and done, the four-year olds were pretty much content playing with the inflatable guitars we got them as party favors!)
Total cost? Less than 200 bucks for 9 kids. Which was a perfect size for a bunch of hyper four year-olds. The other parents were amazed because this was something different. Sure — it was pre-packaged, but it wasn’t the same pre-fab party that they had seen time and time again.
It felt good to be the Joneses that day. Because we didn’t need to keep up with anyone. :)
Shiny’s last blog post..Appreciation…
Holy Hell woman, I KNOW we’re related.
Growing up, our birthdays consisted of friends “from the block” and 1100 cousins arriving with their parents. Kids in the basement. Adults upstairs having cocktails.
THAT’S a party!!!
Okay, we got to come “upstairs” for presents and cake, which was filmed. Then we were right back underground.
I guess it must be a growing up Catholic in the Midwest thing.
You are brilliant.
I actually DO have someting to add to this.
And it’s about soccer. Follow me here.
My kid’s soccer team in the city league seemed to be made up of upper middle class (you know the type-drove new Caddy SUV’s and had houses worth about 500k in the hills above our neighborhood). They were in our school district, so they got grouped together. One kids dad bought them a cool pop-up cover to keep them dry. Another bought these cool connected fold-up bleachers. None of the parents spoke to me. I didn’t wear the right shoes.
Then came travelling soccer. My daughter kicks ass, lemmetellya. I got PHONE CALLS, people, telling me to make sure she was there. I drive a ‘94 voyager van with peeling paint, a door that is falling off and a sliding door that doesn’t shut all the way. The Mexican farm workers laugh at me.
How could someone like me compare to the “Joneses” that we are surrounded by? I have very creative friends who know their way around a Dollar Tree, that’s how. And forty bucks is alot for a kids party to me.
I personally think that these folks are the same ones spending 3k on Christmas every year. For the sake of baby Jesus, you know.
Yeah..sorry. Went off a bit, didn’t I? Mucho love to ya! Great post!
I’ll bet that most of these moms that throw down hundreds of dollars for birthday parties for their little snowflakes are all members of some mommy cult group too!
And they’re raising the next generation of over-privileged ass-holes who think they are entitled to everything. They’re easy to recognize cause they usually run for Congress. ;-)
Jay’s last blog post..Wednesday Poll: Back to Basics…
I didn’t come across as too bitter in that previous comment did I? Just checking. ;-)
Jay’s last blog post..Wednesday Poll: Back to Basics…
We’re of the cake and hot dogs variety around here. That would bring it in under $100, including presents.
I never once would stay in the bathroom for even one “bloody Mary” b/c I was–and AM–convinced that would work. And I know for certain that light as a feather, stiff as a board does work. I wish I could have a slumber party right now.
Ok, Where Was I?’s last blog post..I Don’t Even Like Ice Cream That Much
I responded to your twitter poll saying that we didn’t do birthdays but that I spent about $200 on my son’s Halloween party.
Part of the reason we don’t do birthday parties is because I don’t want to get caught up in the birthday party mania that I see happening everywhere. Whenever my son goes to a birthday party he comes home with a giant goodie bag (or a giant bag o’crap) that probably cost more than what my parents ever spent on an entire party for me. I don’t want to even try to keep up with the stupidly high standards.
So we do Halloween. It’s my son’s favorite holiday so it works out well for him. (Also, he is totally lacking the social skills that are nessecary for having a large birthday party.) I think $200 is pretty reasonable for decorations, food, prizes and goodie bags for a 10 kid party. I’ll do it for cheaper this year because I can re-use decorations and I know that I went totally overboard with the food last time.
I do think it’s sad that a lot of people think you can’t have a fun party for your kdis without spending an arm and a leg. And I wonder how much of it is about having a fun party and how much of it is trying to keep up with the Joneses. (And I don’t mean to put down anyone who spends a lot on a party, I guess I just don’t totally understand it.)
Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..Eat, Drink and Be Quiet
$200 on a child’s birthday party? Um, yeah, I don’t think so. That’s insane. Look, if you have that much money laying around, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be buying me birthday presents. I’m registered at Amazon, of course.
Thanks in advance.
Karl’s last blog post..I’m Not Going to Say I Got Dooced, But I Did
My child’s 4th birthday party:
Streamers: $3 (and only bc I bought 3 different colors)
Balloons: free (hubs works at a helium cylinder plant- the kits are around $30 retail).
Bucket of bubble paraphernalia on clearance at Meijer (and the ONLY present he played with at the party): $2. Yes, this is the only thing I bought him. I knew family members would be getting him stuff, and I my car payment was late. Gotta keep priorities in order here.
Cake: $1.99 for mix, same for tub of frosting. And wtfever I paid for cupcake papers.
It’s OUTRAGEOUS to spend big bucks on a child’s birthday party. Especially at age 4! I wish I had $200 lying around to blow on something like that. I’d probably go get a massage for myself after the party.
Lexi’s last blog post..Monday’s Random Shit.
I don’t have kids. And, honestly, I didn’t have birthday parties as a kid. In our family, we had birthday cake for desert after dinner and two presents to open (one from my folks and one from my siblings). End of story.
Sheila’s last blog post..Mail Call
I will never forget my 5th b’day party! My dad organised all the games…oooo we even got to go find peanuts hidden around the yard instead of lollies!! HOW FUN!!!
bek’s last blog post..This is how I feel at the moment!!
Hm. When I was a kid, on birthdays, when we woke up, the table always had pretty decorations and silly things like stickers, candy, and balloons. I can promise you, my mom didn’t spend more than $10 on it ALL. But the point was, it was special for us, that’s all. That night, we got to pick what was for dinner - made us feel special (see the theme?) but it wasn’t like it costed anything more. And we were usually allowed to invite one friend over to eat cake with us and sleep over. Other than that, there were usually a few gifts. (And you can bet your ass they weren’t expensive, but they were still things that delighted us.)
And it was enough. B/c we knew they loved us. That they were happy that day had happened. Isn’t that THE POINT?
I really feel weird when people talk about throwing parties for their kids who are really young. On our son’s first birthday, John and I got some gifts for Braden and spent the day with him, just doing things that we thought would make him really happy. I don’t get the party thing. Really.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Do you think this will mentally scar him?
You gotta remember somethin here britter…when we were young we entertained ourselves by having rock fights or wrestling or something…something poor people do!!!
haha! nowadays kids (i know i’m only 19, but come ON) need a $400 x-box or a $1000 trampoline to play on, n it’s ridiculous.
ps i love you
I don’t do big birthday parties. My kids will hate me and need years and years of expensive therapy I am sure. However, I just cannot justify it. I spend around $100 on gifts and outfits for each of my kids. That seems like a lot but the older they get, the more expensive their crap becomes. Since we’ve lived herein AZ, my kids get invited to birthday parties so often, that are so upscale (Pump it Up; those blow up slide/bouncy ball/trampoline things, etc.)I don’t know how the parents afford it. One party had three characters (it was a Disney Princess them with three princesses, a blow up bouncy thing, decoration and gift bags for the children in attendance) it cost the parents $750 for the party. That didn’t include the child’s gifts. And she was turning FOUR! FOUR FOUR FOUR.
I’m a scrooge I think.
usedtobeme’s last blog post..This is not a joke
Hmm… a little over the top I do say so. I spend a little more than others but it’s not a child entertainer.
This year, in less than 2 weeks actually I am most likely going to take daughter out with a couple of friends to a restaurant of her pickings (most likely a buffet place near by.) Hit the DVD rental store on the way home so they can relax with huge bellies and watch a movie and sleep over. The morning will be homemade waffles with fruit, cream, ice cream, etc toppings.
Nothing wow just simple time with friends. I don’t care what the Jones do, I just watch their spoiled kids take tantrums in stores and throw fits when they don’t get what they want. Then I turn to my daughter who is looking at them like they are some sort of wackos.
Zanthera’s last blog post..Ho hum
I used to be a MacDonalds party hostess, so I can tell you its easy to do it for less than $200.
To memory it was around $6 per child.
I can hear the groans now, some parents were hesitant about the parties, but the kids always had a great time, and the parents could be as involved, or uninvolved as they wanted. Some parents wouldn’t even stay in the room, and just relax and drink coffee watching from a distance.
Additionally, often parents who saw how the party went would sign their own child up for one, infact they would schedule their child’s party based on when I was rostered to work.
And even that is relatively expensive compared to what a children’s birthday party can be thrown for.
All the children really want is party food, to play games with their friends and some balloons and streamers.
I want to see someone give a break down of what the $200 is spent on for the party.
No child is worth that much…
Freelance Guru’s last blog post..8 Ways to keep it real after winning the lottery
$200? I’m with you Britt. I remember thinking $60 was a bit much for one of my kids’ parties, but I made all the decorations myself and they played games and broke the pinata (handmade there too) and that included the pizza and cake (also made) and pop and other food stuff. Wow.
I have also never hired an entertainer. I don’t understand the purpose of it. Children PLAY for a living, I’m sure they can figure out something.
Sue’s last blog post..Talk Dirty With Me
I’m going to stick my head over the parapet and admit that we spend about $200 on Amy’s last two birthday parties. Of course that’s only £3.50 in real money.
But seriously the main reason that we spend that amount is we don’t want it held in our house. We’ll gladly spend the cash not to have ten 4 year olds and their parents that we don’t really know in our house.
The play gym probably cost $120-$140 (about $10 per kid), then we probably spend $60 - $80 on presents.
There is a slight element of keeping up with the Jones’ only in that when we ask Amy what she wants to do for her birthday she generally says she wants the same things as her friends had.
Things cost more over here though, so I’m perhaps not the best example.
Dan’s last blog post..A brand new post that no one has seen before
Yes dear, but remember, you grew up in Iowa, where they still churn their own butter.
I bet only a handful of people in Iowa have ever even SEEN $200 at one time.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Was God bipolar?
As I couldn’t afford shit this year I had The Kid a great birthday party at only 60 euros (approx 80 dollars) with 9 (NINE!) of his friends. All afternoon and early evening.
It was the cheapest one I did ever and according to the boys it was the “bestestestest birthdayparty evah”
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Going Up, Going Down
I don’t have kids, but if I did, I’m thinking a cake and finger food would cost… actually, I have no idea what that would cost because I don’t tend to buy cakes and finger food, but I’m willing to bet it wouldn’t come anywhere near $200.
I never went to a single party that had a children’s entertainer when I was a kid. I don’t know how I managed it, but somehow I managed to escape any kind of mental scarring because of that.
Amber’s last blog post..When your dog gets better press than you do
Krystle: I bought my car when I was 16. I’m assuming my kids will do the same.
hello haha narf:
thanks. And yeah, that Bloody Mary crap *shiver* still can’t do it.
Sleeping mommy: oh now that is just sad. Birthdays shouldn’t be about PRESSURE. They should be about remembering the day those kids were born - which, as their mom, should be special for you too.
Tell pressure to fuck off.
Melanie: yeah, I think my kids need reprogramming. I took my son to Disney for his birthday this year (we live here, obviously) and he was.. um… less than impressed.
Shiny: oh that sounds cool. But - how the heck does your 4 year old even know nine other 4 year olds???
Wait. I guess preschool, huh?
Mary: OK, all I can think of now is that song “Jenny from the block”. LOL
TSM: ouch, that sounds like it would be rough. Although I think it’s silly someone wouldn’t speak to you just because they made more money than you.
You know, not all people with higher incomes are like that.
Jay: that’s the thing - they are REALLY not. I know some of these women and they are definitely not of the cult variety. That’s why it surprises me so much.
Ok, Where Was I?: please come over and levitate me.
Jen @problem girl: thanks for being willing to pipe up here!
What’s up with the goody bags, btw? I’ve seen a lot of people mention that. They came to a party - isn’t that enough? (I’m guessing no. :lol:)
Karl:
hey! me too!
Lexi: you know, in their defense, I know that most of these people that I know personally can afford it.
Hell, to be honest, we could probably AFFORD to do it. And I still wouldn’t. Just on principle.
Sheila: I like the sound of that.
bek: I can’t either. I should try that hide the peanuts thing.
Sarcastic Mom: I feel weird too - like damn, do I not love my kid as much as they do?? It never even occurred to me to do that stuff.
Creed: poor or not - no freaking way I’m spending that kind of cash when the kid has NO CONCEPT of money.
ps - love you too
usedtobeme: you know, my kids have never been invited to one of those parties - so maybe I’m getting off easy here.
(And WTF?!?! Why are we not getting invited to this shit!?!?)
Zanthera: OK, that sounds like fun.
Ella: my kids LOVE McDonalds!! That is totally going on the list for next year.
Freelance Guru: hehehehe - well, um, heh, I wasn’t meaning to suggest THAT…
Sue: at least, children used to PLAY for a living.
Dan: actually, that sounds pretty close to the prices I’ve heard here - and THANK YOU for sticking your head over the fence.
I have heard people say that they didn’t want their house over run with kids.
I guess, it never occurred to me that at four they would need more than the “immediate family” party yet.
Mr. Fabulous: you make an interesting point…
DutchBitch: isn’t that always how it works?
Kids!
Amber: I didn’t think it was possible to escape childhood without scarring. You’ll have to publish a book on how you managed it!
I can tell you that with mine, the parties have gotten cheaper as they get older. It’s the 12 year old that wants to do the slumber party and tell ghost stories like I did as a kid.
Also, before we moved here, we lived in a house with no parking area and no real yard to speak of so having a party was very challenging. I opted to have parties out of the house for many years - which also means no clean up. Nice. That worked for us. (er, me)
Bottom line: It’s my money and I’ll do what I fucking want with it.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Karaoke Par-Tay in New York Ci-Tay
You know sugar–this ship has sailed. It’s not a new phenomena—
I’ve watched my friends do it for years.
The whole ‘goodie bag’ thing really chaps my ass–why?
Because it is symbolic of parents who can’t abide their children having to learn to deal with even one second of pain or want. So if they are at little Jimmy’s birthday party and little Jimmy is getting presents because it is HIS birthday there of course must be presents for little Timmy or he’ll feel bad.
And that sets the tone for how these folks raise spoiled brats who believe they are entitled to everything for nothing.
*rant mode off*
Sorry sugar*sweet smile*
turnbaby’s last blog post..Traffic Tourette’s
Thanks for this. Now I don’t feel so much like an old fogie. My kids had slumber parties and were quite happy, thank you very much. The only extra money I spent was for a cake mix and a few cold cuts for sandwiches. Oh, and I always made my famous caramel corn.
You said it well.
Donna W’s last blog post..This kid is cute
I’m guessing the numbers you’re hearing don’t include presents, but are just for the party itself.
If you added up everything spent on Emma’s birthday party, including groceries to make the food, the cake, ice cream, drinks consumed, and the few decorations, that would be around $50-60, easily. And that was just for six people.
If you had 10-15 kids over with a few adults, I could see spending $150 without trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Although I think every kid should get a clown or a magician or something at some point in their lives. You can do that without spoiling them.
day late and a dollar short, as per usual…
I remember inviting my friends over for my one and only birthday party when I turned 13. My mom bought 40 things of lifesavers and toothpicks and we played pass the lifesaver. Then pass the apple under the chin. We threw water balloons at each other, and I had a slip-n-slide that I borrowed from my cousin. We had a boombox and listened to the radio! *gasp* My mom MADE my birthday cake and cup cakes. Nothing fancy. I am guessing this would be a failure to kids today.
DaDuck’s last blog post..This Area Closed
I totally admit that we got sucked into the birthday party, keep up with the Jones thing last year and we did it out of guilt. Do you want to know what it cost us??? For our youngest child who invited every kid in the class to her party at The Works http://www.gearedforfun.com/ the total came to $900. Our parents had to help us pay for it. Our other child had to have her party as Laser Quest, smaller amount of children but that price tag was around $400…with the help of our parents.
I’m over that. This year they had cake, no friends, no party. NEVER. AGAIN.
Parents are completely insane. I’m ashamed we got caught up in the birthday party bullshit. I don’t want my children growing up believing that life is about the biggest, greatest party and outdoing your friend.
Lisa’s last blog post..Tired
Even a bowling party, movie theatre party or a laser tag party is under $12/kid. We invite the minimum, usually 6 or 8 kids including my two.
Entertainment? Ummm each other?
No wonder people are in debt up to their eyeballs. What the fuck indeed!
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Why Disney Can Suck It
Katie and I were talking about this a few months ago. She has some coworkers that also go overboard on party planning for their kids. Apparently, it is the thing to do and is more for the parents showing off social status to over parents than it is for the kids. A lot of it goes into gift bags for those who attend. You believe that crap?
Wanna know what I say about that? Fuck ‘em. Not the kids, but the parents. The party should be for the kids. Cheap fun is all they need. And why the hell should kids in attendance be walking home with gift bags of their own when it’s not their damn birthday?!?!
kapgar’s last blog post..There is gloom and doom while things go boom…
A party for less than $200 is very doable and can be just as fun… but I wouldn’t hold it against anyone who spent more.
NYCWD’s last blog post..School Is In
I think no more than $200 is reasonable, which includes the child’s gift!
This year SweetiePie turns 3 and I am NOT having a bunch of adults over this time. It’s going to be a KIDS party. The only adults will be the parent’s of the children and I’m only inviting 5 kids.
Well, I say this now….her birthday isn’t until September!
Jen’s last blog post..Awww, he misses me!
So. The first thing I should point out is that I do not have children.
But as I was growing up, birthdays were a HUGE deal. (To be fully honest, they still are. My parents fly across the country to Seattle every year for my sister’s birthday) I think that both of my parents came from families where birthdays were barely acknowledged and they wanted to do it differently.
So I was one of the kids with huge parties. BUT. They were CREATIVE! I remember mom and I would spend hours making decorations and coming up with a theme each year. I don’t know how much money they spent, probably not a ton because they didn’t have any. That’s why the creativity was so important.
My cake was always really elaborate but my grandmother owned a catering company so that was free too.
It wasn’t about the money, ever. It was just because they wanted us to have a really wonderful and special day because for them, it had never been a big deal. And let’s be honest… birthdays ARE a big deal when you’re a kid. Don’t you remember waking up early? Because it was a special day. It was YOUR day.
I know I’m going against the grain here and I DO think that what parents are spending these days is just asinine. (I had a friend who turned her backyard into a football field for her son’s third birthday.)
But maybe these are parents who have the right idea, it’s just that the execution is lacking because they aren’t creative people.
I fully intend to have elaborate birthday parties for my child(ren) when they are old enough to remember them. Not because I’m trying to one-up anyone but because the creative planning that went into my birthdays are some of my favorite memories. I loved going through my mom’s closet and finding the perfect dress-up clothes for my tea party when I was 5. That was FUN! Or sitting down every year to go through my grandmother’s cake books to pick out my birthday cake. And making those memories didn’t cost a penny.
So I guess that, in a way, I agree with most of you about the money spent although I’ve seen parents spend upwards of a thousand dollars, $200 seems kind of like no big deal. But I really want to think that these peoples’ intentions are good… Either that or I TOTALLY blame “My Sweet Sixteen” on MTV…
I don’t know baby. I don’t know that it’s about the money, because everything is getting more expensive. But an entertainer? Wow. I think we were all pretty freaking entertaining in ourselves!!
And there was always the whatever it was - Grape Ape - at Chuck E. Cheese - which scares the shit out of little kids!
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Did I Mention I’m Getting A Car Again?
Great post! I agree with everything you said.
Treasia’s last blog post..Observations in Life
Yeah, so…this also leads to the question, which I believe you asked before…how much is the tooth fairy these days? I remember getting a quarter for a tooth….and now its $1 or more……just like parties….when I was young….it was just like you Britt….but now…well, I do it like I had it, but other kids my kids age go to Six Flags or Jumpin Jacks or some crap like that. Come on….get a friend to dress up as a clown….you don’t need to spend $200 on a party (not you, the collective you).
Hey, my girlfriends and their kids come over. Everyone (including the adults) go apeshit in the backyard. Kids open presents. Kids who came each get a balloon to take home. Cost of the party? Six balloons, some food, and cake mix/icing. Pretty friggin’ cheap.
This expensive birthday party thing. It’s crazy and stupid and if we’re going to spend tons of dough on a birthday around here, it’s going to be for my alcohol and diving trip in four years when I turn forty! :-)
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Dialog, Part 6
I can tell you that I don’t know people who spend that kind of money. My best friend Buck has 5 kids between him and his old lady. When one of them has a party we are always there for the slumber part. He rents a big blow up water slide in the summer b-days for like $50. Then we spend the evenings playing light as a feather and watching scary movies, freezing bras and panties….Putting makeup on Buck when he passes out and squealing like girls do….
I don’t get spending a lot of money. It isn’t about what is spent it is about the fun right?
debkitty’s last blog post..Getting Things In Order
Kimberly:
it absolutely IS your money - and I don’t think for a minute you could ever be capable of raising spoiled, entitled kids.
I can see the idea behind “fuck that, I’m not doing it at MY house, I have the money and I’m going to use it to simplify things for ME.” To me, that’s the same as spending your money on a house cleaner or a pedicure or wtfever you want to make your life easier.
What I don’t understand is when people are panicked because they feel like they HAVE to spend tons of cash on some mega party because that is just “what people do”.
turnbaby: yeah, I don’t even get the other sibling something - which I’ve seen people do (and have had people bring stuff for the other sibling so they don’t feel “left out”.)
I think it’s good for kids to learn that sometimes it is NOT all about them.
Donna W: I never felt like an old fogie, but I have had people look at me like I was a cheap ass who clearly didn’t REALLY care about my kids.
avitable: how in the fuck does a 3 year old have 10-15 friends? Honestly.
And most kids? Are scared shitless of musicians and clowns.
DaDuck: you’re not late - this is today’s post, goofy.
You know, I don’t think most kids would feel like it’s a failure. I think we forget that we get to set our kids’ expectations.
Lisa: oh sister, let me TELL you about what we have done out of guilt for the kids since moving here.
Devin got to go to Disney for his birthday. And he was so not impressed I wanted to shake him.
Emma’s birthday presents were fucking INSANE. Every time I thought “hm, the car is full”, I immediately thought “but she has no family here because you suuuuuuuck!!!!”
It pisses me off when I think of how many parenting decisions I’ve made out of guilt, because something tells me that is just NOT in the best interest of the kids in the long run.
Karen Sugarpants: yep. While not everyone is spending money they don’t have (Kimberly is a great example of this), I know a lot of people who are in debt because they can’t tell the fucking difference between a “want” and a “need”.
kapgar: yeah, I think I’m permanently boycotting goody bags.
NYCWD: oh God no - parents have a hard enough time with their own guilt. I definitely don’t mean to pile on more by holding it “against” anyone.
But I do think it’s a good idea sometimes to stop and ask ourselves what motivates us to do that crap - and what is the POINT in the first place.
Especially if it makes ME feel less guilty.
Jen: OK, so I’m curious and I’ve asked this a few times.
How does your three year old have five friends of her own?? Are these cousins or something???
PaintingChef: birthdays are a big deal to me and our family too. Huge. It’s a day when it gets to be all about you and how much better off the world is for having you in it.
I just think there are different ways of relaying that, and that sometimes that message gets lost in the shuffle of these Big Bang Birthdays.
Britt’s Mom: you know what the big hit of Devin’s last sleep over was?
A bag of Cheetos. No. Sorry. “Cheesey Puffs”.
Treasia: really? Everything? DaYUM, I’m good.
Just Me: yeah, the tooth fairy that comes here is a cheap bitch. It’s a fucking TOOTH!
CMG: that’s refreshing to hear.
debkitty: freezing the bras and panties - I forgot about that one!!
When my 13 year old was little, I remember I had parties at the house a couple of years with cake, pizza, outside games, goodie bags. I don’t think I ever spent a huge amount on the parties. The more expensive years would have been the bowling parties where you have to pay per kid coming to the party. Someone once told me that you should invite as many kids as the birthday kid is in age. When they are little that rule makes the parties so much more manageable.
We stopped having birthday parties a few years ago. Now it is one friend and we go to the movies or bowling.
Jules’s last blog post..In my travels
Quality.
Quality.
Effing a.
QUALITY!
Money does not buy love, or show it.
Most kids are scared of magicians? And I was just using Emma as an example, not saying that a three-year old is going to have 10 friends. But a 9-10 year old?
I don’t think kids need to have lavish birthday parties that are catered and have gift bags for the people attending. That’s over the top.
But going to a bowling alley or Chuck E. Cheese or a mini-golf course and having a party there? That’s not over the top. That’s not keeping up with the Joneses. That’s a normal birthday party for a kid and his friends.
Is having a clown or a magician a little much? Sure, if you do it all of the time. But just like an adult’s birthday has milestones and sometimes you put more effort in than others, maybe a child should occasionally get that one uber-cool birthday, too.
People should spend what they can afford and what they want to spend. But if they’re doing it because they think it is a matter of “keeping up” with others has some deeper issues they probably need to address. Most kids are grateful just for something. Kids that expect big things were probably raised to expect that.
It isn’t difficult. Do what is the comfortable thing for you to do and stop looking at what other folks are doing with the idea you have to “keep up” with anything.
The kids just love the cake and the presents and don’t care about the rest anyway!
RW’s last blog post..Yoo Hoo
I think it’s really crazy when they spend an arm and leg and the kid is 1 or 2 and won’t even remember anything!
We never had fancy birthday parties. I think once I had my birthday party at McDonald’s. 99% of the time we had the parties at the house with friends/family, cake, ice cream and maybe some stupid games.
I think $200 in these times is kinda reasonable. A cake can cost $30, add to that decorations, food and maybe some games and it adds up quick. I think anything over $1,000, hell maybe even $500, is crazy.
B’s last blog post..Best Compliment You’ve Ever Received.
Rental space? Rental space? For a four-year-old? Four-year-old = family birthday party. Why? Because she’s not going to fucking remember it anyway.
We gave Lil’ M a choice for his 9th birthday: A party with his friends or a trip to Disney with a stay at the Nick Hotel.
The trip was awesome.
Finn’s last blog post..Most Excellent…
We’ve done the hotel pool party with our oldest daughter and her school friends. That was about $400 adding in the cost of the room and all the food and drinks. We’ve also gone the route of the Libby Lu makeover party with my youngest… her and 5 friends was about $300 with the cost of makeovers and then lunch and dessert in the mall food court afterwards. One of the nice things about birthday parties AWAY FROM HOME is I don’t have to clean. I can let the kids go make a mess somewhere else! LOL
I’m guilty of spending a lot of money on birthday parties! This past fall I chalked it up to living in a small rental, and not having room for slumber parties. But I suppose in a way we are trying to keep up with everyone else. We don’t want to be the “boring” parents that have a plain old sleepover at home.
Times are changing. The extravagant birthday parties compared our paltry slumber parties as children, is similar to comparing an ATARI to a PLAYSTATION 3. Things are new and improving. Costs are higher on everything. We didn’t have iPods or cell phones when I was a kid, but in todays’ world every kid seems to have one.
I’m not saying the expensive birthday parties are right or wrong, I’m just saying we’ve been there, done that. Our kids are appreciative of what we give them, and have a great time.
This Mom’s last blog post..He’s Old Enough To Drive
This last year I went (a tad) over board (He was 12, and will be able to remember it, so I can justify it, kinda). BUT before that, I spent less than a hundred on his bday–including his gift. Because, I figure it is more important to get family and friends together to celebrate and eat good food and cake/ice cream!
This year, he will get a cake and a gift, and a party at home–with friends and family.
Last year, my son was invited to his friend’s birthday party that was at a indoor skate park, it was over 15 dollars for each kid (unless they had to rent a skateboard or pads–then it was more), and there were at least 20 there. WTF?
I am not sure what is wrong with people…
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Happy Hump Day Ya’ll! (and random thoughts)
I haven’t thrown a kid’s party in years (Mine are now 25 and 28). But when I did the kids had something like hot dogs to eat and homemade cake.
I was lucky if they even played the games I had planned because they were just too busy running around and having fun with each other.
And Britt, I was also one of those kids who did “Light as a feather” and “I believe in Mary Worth”. We played ghost in the Graveyard at night and went on sacvenger hunts around the neighborhood.
I actually sent my daughter and her friends on a scavenger hunt for her 12th birthday. She thought I was the biggest dork and she didn’t want to do it. But you know what? They had a lot of fun!
Great post as usual.
Linda~
My wise momma calls it “entertainment inflation.”
Jennifer’s last blog post..When I Am Not Being Who I Really I Am
My bday parties were always chips (and none of that fancy flavored shit!), maybe some sandwiches, and a cake that looked like a Cabbage Patch Kid, or a frog or something. My cousins and some kids from down the street were there, which, granted, even with just cousins it probably hit over 25 people, but I’m sorry, rental space? Send the little bastards outside to play Ghosts in the Graveyard or football or some such.
Captain Steve’s last blog post..Pity Party, Table for One
I don’t believe we’ve EVER spent more than a hundred or so dollars on my children’s birthday parties. They’ve almost always been at my house (though one year, we took my son and his friends to the fire station, because that’s what he wanted to do…cha-ching…it was free).
We’ve done skating parties, slumber parties, skateboarding parties. This year, my son took two friends to eat teppan-yaki at a Japanese Steakhouse. I think that was probably one of the more expensive birthday parties.
I think it’s absolutely absurd to spend much more when kids are so capable of entertaining themselves. And, I’ll say that my daughter’s slumber parties are always well-attended, with the highlight of the evening being hide and go seek with the parents–in the dark. And she’s 14.
The only requirement I have for my kids’ parties is that the mom needs to be somewhat alcoholically lubricated.
trouble’s last blog post..It doesn’t get any better than this
How timely. My son and daugher just attended a 4th birthday party at a gymnastics center where there were 30 children in attendance and, since the center was kind enough to make sure every parent had a price list for birthday parties in case they, too, wanted to have one there, I estimated that it cost the parents clost to $500.
What the fuck? Um, what 4-year-old even needs 30 kids at his party. Like he’s going to interact with them all?
And all the gifts he got…give me a break.
For my son’s 3rd birthday, I invited 5 of his little buddies from daycare, they played in our backyard, they had pizza, cupcakes and dixie cups and went home.
I also requested no gifts on the invitation. My son did not need one more stupid toy.
It’s ridiculous and I will NEVER fall into that trap.
Sandi’s last blog post..Meme
Holy Shit! People actually do that? My kids have NEVER had “entertainment”, EVER! (Except for me of course). My idea of a b-day bash is cake, ice-cream, some friends and present, and then everyone get out of my house!
My youngest just turned five, and I actually put balloons up for her. He party lasted maybe 30 minutes.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t get it. I just don’t get why any parent would want to start their childs b-day with the child believing they should get that EVERY year (which they will). I can understand turning 13 and 16, but I still wouldn’t spend THAT much!!!!!!
Robina’s last blog post..I am NOT an Alcoholic, but I may be co-dependent
The Boy turned 7, we got one of the local museum to handle it for us. We had 15 kids for $280 Cdn (a bit less in US dollars). Included a camp counsellor, craft, simulator ride, access to a off limit area of the museum, dry ice demonstration, lunch, cake and loot bags. And they learned something.
(The party would have cost $250 but my buddy does this cool party invites. Totally worth the cost of expensive paper. So cool.)
We rented a hall last year, held it there. Still came in around $200 for 10 with balloons craft supplies, pizza, cake and pool time. (Cost for food and stuff in Canada is much higher than in the States.)
You want the ugly truth. My house is small, so even if we wanted to have half that number we couldn’t do it. (Like Dan.) I call the museum, gave them my credit card number and it was done. I just showed up. No cleaning beofre or after, no cooking, no planning. The kids loved it. And I wasn’t stressed out. Definitely worth it.
Around here $200 to $300 is pretty average for a party.
Nat’s last blog post..So who are you?
Jules: my son has been getting SCREWED on that whole “1 guest for each year” thing.
Poppy: no, that’s true.
And by the same token - spending money doesn’t equal an inability to show love in any other way.
avitable: hmmm… yeah.. OK, you might have a point there.
Maybe.
RW: I think it’s easy (no offense) for men to say “stop looking at what everyone else is doing”.
I WISH we, as women, could do that better. But for the most part, we pretty much suck at it.
B: yeah, that’s true. $200 - while still not “nothing” could be easy to spend even if you were trying to do something small at home.
I think sometimes my budget brain is stuck in the 50s. Ironic, since I was born in 1980.
Finn: we did that for Devin this year - Disney for the fam or bring a friend to Universal (because for the fam it’s free).
He chose Disney, until the day before we left and then he flipped out because I CHANGED MY MIND!! WHY CAN’T I CHANGE MY MIND!??!
This Mom: please God don’t use the word “guilty”. Seriously.
That being said - times are changing, but people say that like we have no fucking choice anymore. You know?
And damn it - I still get a fucking SAY in how I raise my kids!!
themuttprincess: 20 kids?? Holy crap.
I am thinking I was more unpopular than I realized as a kid. lol
Linda~: I can’t believe we were ever brave enough for Ghost In The Graveyard. My son would shit himself.
Jennifer: that’s a good word for it.
Captain Steve: maybe our houses are smaller now or something. Or we just didn’t notice our moms freaking out about the cleaning and stuff? I don’t know.
trouble: yep - I think that’s what it is for me. I am cheap. My general rule of thumb for spending money is “why pay more if you don’t have to?”
Sandi: No gifts on the invitations - that’s actually a pretty cool idea. I’m going to have to remember that.
Robina: yeah, part of my fear is setting the expectation bar ridiculously high.
Nat: the no stress thing is pretty tempting…
The first time I saw “My Super Sweet Sixteen” I screamed at the TV then I felt like throwing up.
My son is not a “people person”. All he ever wanted was for us to take him out somewhere for dinner, just family.
My daughter usually had 3 or 4 friends. Once we did Burger King and I made a cake that looked like a giant hamburger. For 8th grade we did Rock and Roll Bowl.
My sister had a pool, so all the summer kids had a pool party at Auntie’s house.
I don’t remember the last time we spent $200 on MY birthday or my husband’s.
Like I told you on twitter, its a convenience thing. Personally, I would rather pay 100 bucks to take a group of kids out than to clean up the mess. maybe that means I am lazy, But I am willing to BE lazy if it means I can spend the birthday watching my child giggle and smiling rather than franticly cleaning spilled juice and sweeping up cake crumbs.
I make the kids cake, we start months before their birthdays designing it. This year, the decorations for the cake alone have hit 30.00. (Turns out candy rocks are not cheap) Then there are the gifts. Although we have a strict 20.00 gift limit, the birthday boys gets a gift from each sibling as well as one from me and hubs.
Birthdays in our house are more of a celebration than Easter or Christmas.
My girls watch, My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. Those parents pay a fortune for parties for their venal obnoxious children…
Maman’s last blog post..my evening
It seems to me that it’s about proving your status and, unfortunately, feeding entitlement. There’s this idea that some parents have to impress the parents that they know by doing “better” for their kids.
For me, I just don’t get it. The things that most people remember with fondness have little to do with spending a lot of money. My mom would always make us “whatever kind of cake” we wanted. My brother’s themed parties started with the cake. “I want Castle Greyskull” “I want a rocket ship”, but instead of hiring someone to come and pretend to be He-Man, the kids would pretend to be the characters, or play with the toys or just run around without any semblance of order.
My niece had a half-birthday party last June (poor thing, her birthday is Christmas Day) and my mom had a parachute to throw the kids in the air. She organized races and things like pin the [blank] on the [related blank]. The kids had a BLAST and talked about how much fun they had.
Frankly, the more money you spend, the less effort you have to put in, and I honestly believe that the less effort you put in, the less fun the kids have. Consider the number of kids who, regardless of the expensive toys in the house, have a cardboard box that they play with or in ALL THE TIME. You don’t have to spend money to entertain children and the earlier you start spending more than you can afford, the greater the chances that as they get older they’re going to expect things that require taking out a loan.
I can only imagine the Sweet 16s. “Well Madison’s parents are sending us all on a cruise.” “Lori’s parents hired [big name pop star] to play at HER party.” What do you do then? Take out a second, third, fourth mortgage to pay for the entitlement that you started fostering TWELVE years ago?
Shoot, my rule when Spawn was little was that the number of years he was turning was the number of guests invited. Now that he’s a teenager it’s either a party or “your three closest friends to [concert, laser tag, paintball kind of event].
I wonder how many parents spending that kind of money have considered what they’re setting themselves up for in the future. High expectations and entitlement, IMO, aren’t the kind of “values” people should be teaching their children.
FyreGoddess’s last blog post..“It’s all hi-tech now…”
Britt, that is exactly what I did. I told pressure to fuck off. The kids get to pick where we eat out for dinner on their birthday. We have cake and ice cream with their cousins and aunt and uncle. We also go visit their grandparents sometime around their birthday and they usually have cupcakes or a cake there too…so their birthdays get strung out over the course of a week.
I’ve decided to wait until they are in 4th or 5th grade (maybe when they turn 10?) for anymore friend parties and then we can do something fun like a sleep over. Oh and I LOVED Ghost in the Graveyard. I can’t wait to teach the kids how to play it.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Yeah Toast!
My son’s birthday is two weeks before Christmas so I always do his “kid” party at the end of January to give time for the holidays to be over. Obviously, cake and ice cream is done for my immediate family on his birthday.
The last two years my friend and I have split the cost of going to a place called JumpFunZone (which is basically a place made of dino jumps and slides). The first year it was about $180 for 12 kids. Last year it was $400 because we had 22 kids, plus we got the food and ice cream from there (which wound up being a huge mistake bc of the price) BUT the reason I do his more elaborate is because :
1) I don’t have a house for his friends and cousins to come to to have a sleep over.
2) His birthday is in the middle of the winter. Can’t exactly throw them in the backyard for very long.
3) He gets gipped because of Christmas.
4) I have as much fun there as the kids.
BUT after this whole $200 in food thing, it won’t be happening anymore. I think I am going to start doing a “half-birthday” party in June so we CAN do a cheapie BBQ and swimming at my moms. In the winter, when you don’t have a house of your own, it really limits your options. Bowling really isn’t a very cheap option unless your kid only has 1 friend and no cousins.
When we were little we had skating parties and a sleepover (skating used to be really cheap). 20 kids piled all over the house was always a really fun time.
I sure as heck am not going to stress over “rental space” if I own a home and I would never rent “entertainment”. But I am willing to splurge to give my son an awesome birthday party when I have so many other factors that prevent an awesome party on the cheap.
Sheila (Charm School Reject)’s last blog post..Seriously, STOP Being A Repeat Offender
I’ll tell you that the only thing my nieces and nephews care about is money and the stuff they get. They don’t care if we come to visit them. They are ambivalent to backstage visits to the zoo, great adventures in amazing place, they want the stuff. RIGHT NOW. And they just their relatives based on who gives them what gifts. That’s just a fact of my life.
I live in “Keep Up With the Jonesville”, albeit in one of the older more normal neighborhoods. It can be obscene what the parents spend on their kids parties. I did a few of the Chuckie Cheese parties when my kids were little, but as they got older, we laid down the law and now the birthdays are a couple of friends over for pizza and cake. Last year, I took my daughter and two friends to the local hibachi place (okay that was a little expensive, but it was what she wanted for her birthday in place of a present). They are getting to the age where they are old enough to get jobs. When I was a teenager, I had to hand my mom $20 bucks out of my pay each week - when you made 50, that was a hit, but it was to cover gas for the land yacht she used to drive me to work, and to cover sundries that I hit her up for regularly. My kids will do the same.
I don’t think it’s a man/woman thing by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve known plenty of women what “the girls’ seem to think and plenty of guys who can’t stand not having a new car when the neighbors get on a new car roll.
Gender has nothing to do with it. It may be focused on different things (clothes your kids wear / the new powertool in the neighbor’s garage / everybody has an iPod (wah) / etc.) but it’s the same sickness right through.
I admire folks who are “where it’s at” even when no one else is watching.
RW’s last blog post..Yoo Hoo
a-fucking-men, sister. a-fucking-men.
“I’ve known plenty of women what “the girls’ seem to think”
of course, should read
“I’ve known plenty of women who didn’t care what the girls seem to think.”
Because I don’t want you to think I’m an idiot…
RW’s last blog post..Yoo Hoo
I agree with the car buying… that’s what kills me now days. My parents gave me my car, but it was their old car, and they were getting a new one. I had a job at 14 yrs old because parents said so. I had a job all through high school. I bought my own car in high school. A nice car! Then I graduated and continued working part-time thru college, and then I bought an even newer car! I wasn’t one that was constantly begging Mom and Dad for gas money either. It’s a fact of life, you have to work. It just kills me to watch my fiance’s family. My fiance’s parents don’t let their kids work until their done with college. What? AND they buy them vehicles in high school. THAT is what makes me curse under my breath. It’s called learning responsibility. I thank my parents over and over that they made me get a job and didn’t baby me like that.
Krystle’s last blog post..Blog Life
Little Miss Sunshine: why didn’t I think of a POOL PARTY?? Duh.
bluepaintred: that is not lazy, shut up. Don’t say that. It’s just different priorities and stuff.
I am more cheap than I am lazy.
Maman:yeahhhhhh - that’s insane. I don’t know anyone like THAT.
FyreGoddess: yeah, it’s the entitlement thing that I worry about. NOT the “fuck this, I am not dealing with this shit in my house” - because that I get.
But the idea that kids just automatically are entitled to the damn moon these days - THAT is what makes me worry about the next generation.
Sleeping Mommy: I have to say, it is a LOT easier to tell pressure to fuck off when you don’t live by anyone you know.
Sheila: and as long as you’re comfortable with it, that’s cool.
claudia hall christian: now THAT is a big wad of stinking crap.
MsMVNJ: wow, you kind of paid rent!
RW: I guess when you put it that way - that’s true.
Maybe it’s just the parenting field that it seems like moms seems to be more easily plagued with guilt.
Mitzi Green: I need a pulpit.
Krystle: my mom never told me to get a job. I wanted $80 jeans and there was no way in hell she was going to shell out the cash for that - so I worked.
I was too embarrassed the $300 Guacamole Machine they gave me - so I worked.
There was never a discussion about it. It’s just How It Was.
A couple a times birthdays involved taking the kids Little League team to Chuck E. Cheese, but it still wasn’t expensive.
Well, except for the amount of beer and booze we adults drank trying to stay sane there.
Yeah, one of my sister in laws is into the ginormo kid party. When I was a kid, my mom made cakes in different shapes, and I got at least one book for every holiday, even Arbor Day.
I didn’t get a clown until much later in life, and then I dumped him.
Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..Post 687: Sizzle, Me And The Smelly Store
Well, if you do go the McDonalds option, I have to admit I would suggest checking the place out first. The truth is some of the party hosts are fantastic, and some simply are not, so when you book it I would suggest asking if you can pop in sometime to see how their parties are run, or alternatively suggesting that the children can be hard to handle so that they give you a more experience party host.
At least here the method of finding the quality party hostesses was trial by fire, as in you show up for work one day, and are told “by the way, you will be taking care of a party of 20 9 year old boys”.
Just thinking about the question about the hiring entertainers, the thing I found children enjoyed most at parties was rather inexpensive.
I took a bucket of straws, spread them everywhere in the playland, and when I said go whoever managed to collect the most won a prize, just something little and plastic and probably thrown in the trash that very night while the winner is asleep.
When people get entertainers, do they really make the kids sit still and pay attention, just when I was a party hostess the goal always was to wear the kids out by the end of the party. Just as my own little gift to the parents.
Well, I had the same thoughts you did. With a one-year-old who is into everything, I did not have the wherewithal this year to do something super creative, nor did I want to clean my baby-destroyed home to host it, so about two weeks before the big event, I started looking around for a place to have the party. EVERYTHING was $200. Everything. And I did not want to have it at McDonalds. I fucking hate McDonalds. And I already did Chuck E. Cheese last year, when Bruiser was two weeks old. My options were limited. That was my point. Why was it so expensive? I wanted to spend about $70. Impossible.
Unfortunately, a lot of people chose to jump on me about my extravagance, which wasn’t my point.
I MUST weigh in on this one!
I typically budget $200 for birthday parties for the kids. I think the cost is so high because everything is more expensive now.
I buy a cake because if I made one my kids would probably just look at me with their “What. the. FUCK” face. Trey’s cake this year was $50 from Publix. Once I buy all the food and decorations, I’m tapped out.
2 things I personally wouldn’t do is buy any type of entertainment or do goodie bags.
The gifts are another story entirely!
The timing of this discussion is spot-on for me.
My daughter turns 12 tomorrow and she chose to do what she always has. Friday night will be the “Family (grandparents, parents,little brother and an aunt that happens to be visiting this week) Birthday Dinner” at a restaurant of her choice - and everyone goes dutch. Most of the time one of the grandparents will grab the tab on the sly and us “poor parents” won’t have to pay. I protest, but not too much.
Saturday will be her traditional slumber party with 4 of her closest friends - most have attended every year. (I did make her cut back the list from NINE girls. That’s insanity) We’ll order pizza, buy generic sodas, Hot Cheetos, Double Stuff Oreos, cake and and ice cream. The list is always the same and we shop at Costco. I’m guessing we’ll spend somewhere around $100 bucks.
Our son turns 8 in July and he’ll want the same sort of food as Sis. He may have a pool party at one of the grandparents’ house, or we may do an dinosaur / archeologist party which essentially involves burying things (that I’ll buy at the Dollar Store) in the backyard, making a couple of maps and turning he and 3 of his friends loose. We parents and grandparents will sit on the back patio and eat, drink beer or soda and enjoy ourselves, watching them.
Screw the Jones’.
My kids’ birthdays are for the whole family. And since I’m the one with the stretch marks and lumpy ass, I’m going to have fun on those days too!
P.S. My daughter rolls her eyes at “My Super Sweet Sixteen.”
Thank God.
Lori’s last blog post..I Did It
A child entertainer for a kid’s birthday party…to me, that’s like hiring someone to teach them how to ride a bike, or hiring a potty-trainer!!
In past years, we’ve only had extended family, and two close friends and their two kids over at our house; I make the food, I clean up - and no friends from pre-school, etc. The thought of even MORE kids in the house scares me to death.
My oldest will be 6 in August though, and she’s asked for a party at CEC (she’s never been there). We *might* compromise and have a few kids to the jumpity-jump type place at the flea market (cheap!), then bring them back to the house for cake and ice cream. Maybe.
The birthday thing is ridiculous. If you want to have anything outside of your house it is at least $200. I have 2 boys and every year we’ve had a party and the bill just seems to keep getting bigger.
I’ve decided I had had it with the parties and the expense. So this year, I bribed(yes, I did say bribe) my 8 yr. old with cash. $100 or a party. I had priced out other things and found the $100 to be to my advantage. He likes cash and his savings account, so he told me in no uncertain terms that I had a deal. Yay! No party to plan and he was happy.
BTW…I’m a first time commenter here. Love your site.
Doesn’t look like my .02 are even needed here.
Look, I believe in going maybe a little overboard when it comes to milestone birthdays. Like… ummm, 13, 16, 18, 21. Those are big deals and should be celebrated.
Ethan had friends over when he was younger and they went on Treasure Hunts at night with flashlights very BOY.
Kate is turning 13 this Monday. Her birthday party is a slumber party with 5 girls, it’s 80’s themed which means they’ll watch Brat Pack movies and Dirty Dancing. I’m ordering pizzas, I’ll make a cake, and I’ll buy a ton of sodas and junk food munchies. Then I will leave them to have the entire downstairs to themselves.
And, it won’t cost more than $100.00
But, I can promise it will be memorable, what with digital cameras and things.
But, I can see where expense would come in because a lot of people (not me) seem to have assloads of friends with assloads of children and the party turns into more of a giant 3 hour daycare free for all with 20+ people. I guess that gets expensive what with “bouncy house” rentals and things.
Not my thing. But, if someone else wants to foot that bill - good for them. It’s not my problem.
Amy’s last blog post..Not That I Condone This!
My sister had twins with a July 5th birthday.
The deal she had with kids invited to the pool parties is that at least one parent had to be present because she didn’t want to spend the day with her eyes glued on the pool for possible drownings.
They threw hot dogs on the grill, had cake and ice cream and a big watermelon.
Oh yeah, squirt guns and water balloons. The kids had a blast.
And that is how things like “My Super Sweet 16″ gets started. (I was bored and it was the only thing on at 4 a.m.)
Seriously, we make the birthday cakes for the kids in my family, there are balloons, cutesy napkins, and when I got older, a cook out added in.
And it was a blast without my mother having to take out a loan to keep me ‘happy’.
Marissa’s last blog post..Never shall we die