If you’ve come here for lighthearted humor, you will be seriously disappointed today.
If you’ve come here expecting logic and reason and something moderately well written… ahem. Well. Today is not your day. I’m sorry.
Because today? Today we are having a big ginormous overpriced pity party. Guest of Honor: Yours Truly.
We’re going with a theme party this year. We’re calling it, “I Suck At Life”.
If you insist on sticking around, I guess there will be fucking goody bags.
“Oh Britt, but you are awesome! Don’t say you suck! What kind of talk is that?”
Seriously, shut up. Let’s recap, just for shits and giggles, all the ways I am falling flat on my fat ass right now.
I suck at motherhood. Badly.
I never see my fucking kids and when I do I’m tired and cranky. Emma cried yesterday when I dropped her off at daycare. “I just want to stay home with YOU mommy!!!” My son failed his hearing screening like three months ago and I still haven’t been able to get him in to the doctor for a cleaning and a recheck. And he needs to go to the Dentist to get his teeth actually cleaned - but, well, I just haven’t gotten it fucking done. It’s been so damned long since either of them has had a haircut that the two of them are starting to look like werewolves. That’s not as cute as it sounds, I assure you.
Someone told me recently that “it would be good for Devin to get in some extra curricular activities.” No fucking shit. Now, if you can just please figure out how to get him to and from said activities while I am at work an hour away, that would be swell.
I swear to God I’m starting to think I am the only mother in the world who works outside of the home full time. And if I’m not? How in the HELL is everyone else managing it so well??
I know, I know. Mother of the fucking Year. I’m clearing off a space on my counter for the trophy. It should fit nicely right next to the big heaping stack of Shit That Must Be Taken Care Of.
Like.. oh… bills. Which will be fun to pay since I spent an extra… oh… $1,000+ or so in the last week completely unexpectedly (thank you very fucking much sitter quitting and car accident). Oh, and lookie there. What’s that? A reminder that I still haven’t done my taxes? Yes. I fucking KNOW, OK? Back. Off. Me. And there’s the life insurance that still needs to be switched over. And the tags that are three months expired. And on and on and…
What’s this? Oh. Yes. The birth announcement for my friend’s daughter. The friend I haven’t even spoken to since her daughter was born. Because? I am a shitty fucking friend.
While a few of my friends are going through Big Huge Mountains Of Shit of their own (shit that makes my problems PALE in comparison), I am too busy being tired and whiny to be supportive. Or keep in touch. Or offer any kind of help at all aside from the occasional “gosh, that sucks” via IM.
I can’t fucking deal right now. I just… can’t. I do NOT have PMS. I am medicated just fucking fine, thank you very much.
I just… suck.
First person who says otherwise gets punched in the face. Seriously.
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You’re cute and tiny. A punch in the face will be like a warm summer breeze, so I’ll fucking say otherwise.
You. Do. Not. Suck. You are doing very well, and I’m so sorry if our conversation the other night resonated with you and made you think I seriously think you’re a bad mother. You’re not.
I think you’re pretty awesome, and I think most people suck. I mean, yeah, you’re a shitty friend, but that’s one of your charms, remember?
April 10th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
let me grab another bottle of wine and join you. you know why. hang in there, you don’t suck.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Where Oh Where Did Sarcastica Go?
April 11th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Welcome to my world LOL
I suck at life too. big time. we can suck together.
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..Come on over and see me some time.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Ahahaha, Karen’s getting punched in the face! I like Karen, but I’m still going to laugh, because, guess what?
I SUCK, TOO!
I let my kid run around naked in the back yard today and almost get in a fire ant mound.
Britt, you suck, I suck, we all suck!
Now pass the fucken nachos. (What? I like to eat while I suck.)
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Why I hold off on killing him.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Hey. Where’s my fucking goody bag?
Becky’s last blog post..Why ‘American Idol Gives Back’ is creepy
April 11th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Oh, shit, wait. Avitable was the first one. So he gets punched in the face.
Karen was lucky. Lucky, I tell you!
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Why I hold off on killing him.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Ya know, it’s really a shame that you live a little outta my range because I’d totally watch your kids and take care of this shit that a working mother couldn’t possibly have time for. You do not suck. You just need some help!!
April 11th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Britt, You may suck, and I’m only saying that cuz I don’t want to get punched, but I suck worse. WAY worse. I just yelled at my son that I can’t buy him everything he wants AND feed him too. I did not yell softly.
I would like that T shirt please. I don’t have any clean clothes to wear to work tomorrow.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Ohhh I hate days like that. Hate it. One minute you’re relaxed, all is perrrrfectly fine. The next? Everything is rolling in, people are jumping at your throat, heaping mountains of to-dos and you have no fucking way of knowing how you’re going to get it all done.
Hang in there… This too shall pass…promises!
Krystle’s last blog post..It’s 11:11… Make a wish? or no?
April 11th, 2008 at 12:28 am
If in your mind you suck… then yeah, you’ll suck… and if your gonna suck… then you should do it well.
However before you definitively determine that you suck… I have a homework assignment for you. Read three newspapers for one week straight and look for the articles about abused children, abandoned children, and children who are no longer here. In these same three newspapers look for articles about children who look like werewolves. Take the sum of the first three articles, divide by 3, and compare to the number of articles about children looking like werewolves. Obviously, if the average of the first three outnumber the sum of the fourth… then your not as sucky as you think.
I think after you realize that your children are just fine in comparison… you’ll realize just how sucky you are at sucking… and then that’ll be one more thing to add to the pile.
So yeah… alot of help I’ve been.
But at least I bought a shirt!
NYCWD’s last blog post..Oh Oklahoma!
April 11th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Hey, we all suck at times. Some of us more than others. But really, everything I’ve seen of you thus far makes me genuinely like you. Course, so far you haven’t punched me in the face.
Karl’s last blog post..100 Things About Karl, Part Three
April 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Britt, we’ve all been in that sinking boat and felt as if we were bailing with a thimble. Hell 3 months ago I was living in a hotel spending close to $100/night if you count food, and the ex had DFS coming to check on me and the kids so he could take them away. I had been arrested, I still have expired tags, and B’s family had thrown me out on the street. So while it feels like it right now, you do not have the corner on the suckage market. Who cares if the kids need a haircut..teach them how to style hair and you’ve killed two birds.. hair cuts and Devon’s extracurricular activity.
So since you’ve already punched Adam in the face b/c he was first, I can say you don’t suck. You’re human and I hate to spoil the illusion, you’re not Wonder Woman. Give yourself a break.
MsBatman’s last blog post..Music is what feelings sound like
April 11th, 2008 at 12:50 am
My kids didn’t go to swim lessons last year because I couldn’t leave work early to take them.
My son isn’t in soccer, little league, or any other team sport, because my work doesn’t allow me to take time off like that.
So give yourself a break - your family just went through some major changes with the move… just breathe.
April 11th, 2008 at 1:05 am
I know how you feel. When we moved to AZ, I traded my 15 minute one way commute for a commute that takes an hour on a good day, 1 1/2 to 2 on a rainy day or if there is an accident.
I forget to pay my utilities until I get a shut off notice. I forget to send lunch checks with my kids until they tell me “tomorrow I have to eat a cheese sandwich if you don’t give me money.”
I see my kids two and a half hours a day on the weekdays. I get home at 7 and they go to bed at 9:30. I don’t have time for doctor appts, hair cuts, or any extra activity. I spend the weekends cleaning and doing laundry and grocery shopping.
I feel guilty every single fucking day that we live here. I don’t consider my life as manageable. I consider it what-the-fuck-did-I-do-able.
I got no real advice for ya. Our kids are happy and healthy and they haven’t killed us in our sleep yet, our husbands stick around, so in my mind, we must be doing something right. Right?
usedtobeme’s last blog post..This is not a joke
April 11th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Oh yea, my tags expired last month too.
usedtobeme’s last blog post..This is not a joke
April 11th, 2008 at 1:14 am
AND I broke three fucking nails today and one is throbbing right now.
usedtobeme’s last blog post..This is not a joke
April 11th, 2008 at 1:15 am
I’ve gone through a whole series of pity party posts lately. The I’m a lagger, I’m a dork, I’m crazy… and I suck too posts. Four whiny ass posts. I think you’re doing okay. At least, you don’t have 4 posts about sucking. (And besides, men like women who suck.)
Life sucks sometimes. And sometimes we parallel that. It happens.
Winter’s last blog post..Loves Fab’s Fisting and Matt’s Meat
April 11th, 2008 at 1:44 am
Well at least I’m in good company. Full time night shift job, full time student. The two year old hasn’t had a bath in a week and I think my husband is considering hiring a hooker (and at this point as long as he leaves me alone, whatever).
What you need to remember is that YOU CARE what kind of a job you’re doing with kids and life in general. It’s when stuff like this doesn’t matter, and she doesn’t care, that’s when a mother truly sucks.
Honeybell’s last blog post..Stop Being Porno!
April 11th, 2008 at 1:52 am
I suck too… that is all…
April 11th, 2008 at 2:01 am
You suck, I suck, we all suck.
When they come out with the manual for life that isn’t hundreds or thousands of years old and by a real person (maybe), I’ll give you a call and you me if you find it first m’kay?
Zanthera’s last blog post..Down Street
April 11th, 2008 at 5:49 am
You reminded me of a poem I wrote some years back; I posted it on my blog today, head on over and read it. And I am still praying for women like you, with so many irons in the fire.
Donna W’s last blog post..A poem from five years ago for working parents
April 11th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Trishk’s last blog post..Email from a Friend
April 11th, 2008 at 6:52 am
You’re absolutely right. Looks like you have a lot of punching to do here! Wait - lemme get my popcorn…
April 11th, 2008 at 6:56 am
avitable:
thanks.
(I am going to punch you to test this warm summer breeze theory.)
Karen Sugarpants: hehehe - I do. I’m using a mug instead of a “wine glass”, is that OK?
Dawn: you know, it is actually pretty comforting not to suck alone. lol
Sarcastic Mom:
I’m too scared of Karen. OMG - I DID step in a fire ant mound the other day. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Becky: it’s.. uh… in the mail.
Peggy: yeah, you’re right. You should move.
Mary: awwwww, I want to hug you.
Krystle: you mean it’s not just me??
NYCWD: OMG, you really bought a freaking shirt!
Karl:
thanks Karl.
MsBatman: but… but… I have a cape!!!
Fantastagirl: really?!?!?!?!
Oh my God. You have NO idea how much better this comment makes me feel. I’m not the only one!!!!
usedtobeme: it’s actually really freaking helpful to know that other people are going through this - and forgetting shit. And their kids seem OK too.
Thanks.
Winter: no - but go back a few months and it’s like a freaking SERIES!! lol
Honeybell: yeah, I’m considering OFFERING my husband a hooker out of guilt.
Tori: company! YAY!
Zanthera: deal!
Donna: that? was awesome. Thanks for thinking of “us”.
Trish:
RW: actually, just Adam. Rules said “first person”.
April 11th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Find me a mother that can do the job perfectly and I told…I told you I’d call her a liar. Either that or she’s perfectly medicated. Every mother makes some sort of huge sacrifice. Us working mothers sacrifice time spent with our kids because we have bills to pay leaving us to juggle the balance of work/home life. It’s fucking impossible. I have a work-at-home-dad for a husband and if I didn’t I’d implode.
My children often look like poor, unkept, orphans if you were to judge them by the length of their bangs…AND I’m a former hairstylist so what’s my excuse???
So, where’s my fucking party bag??? I want my party bag!!!
Lisa’s last blog post..SURVIVER
April 11th, 2008 at 7:12 am
I can’t. I’m too much of a pussy to move that far from my family ;)
April 11th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Someone told me the coolest phrase the other day
“I will punch you in your tears”
I know, not so funny right now. So here’s the deal. I am down there right now with a big bottle of whatever (everyone knows we will drink almost anything) and I an joining your pity party.
Miss ya, you roiling tornado of hair and insults.
ADW’s last blog post..Mea Culpa and Florida Here I Come!!!
April 11th, 2008 at 7:32 am
I work full time too, and I only have The One. Still I find Monday to Friday insane, exhausted and just plainly too much. (And I don’t have an hour commute.)
My solution: pour yourself a hot bath, a stiff drink and wait for the IRS to beat down your door. They have room service in jail no?
Nat’s last blog post..So who are you?
April 11th, 2008 at 7:59 am
How can you say you suck as a mom when you took a day to be with your little girl and comfort her and make a good memory with her? She’ll never remember having shaggy hair. she’ll remember how you held her.
You. Don’t. Suck.
Turnbaby’s last blog post..Whiskey, Women and Song
April 11th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I’m not saying that you don’t suck, because I am totally not the one to make that call. . .however, I will say that your kids haven’t gone postal or brought shit to school to kill a teacher like those 3rd graders did, so I’ll call you good.
Captain Steve’s last blog post..Pity Party, Table for One
April 11th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Do NOT let Peggy watch your kids. Be glad she lives pretty far away.
Children have a habit of disappearing around her.
I can’t tell you why, but it rhymes with Dwight Avery.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..I know you are out there somewhere
April 11th, 2008 at 8:12 am
I am not the first one to tell you that you don’t suck and I am not worried about getting punched in the face since we live so damn far apart, but let me tell you. With the mountain of shit that I am going through you still listened. That’s what I needed. And seriously…..I am so totally wanting warmth and beaches and all kinds of other lovely, perhaps I shall come be your nanny!
Love ya!
April 11th, 2008 at 8:20 am
and i the only one here who is rad?
j/k
April 11th, 2008 at 8:50 am
am…AM … not and
April 11th, 2008 at 8:50 am
People who seem to “have it together” probably don’t.
Gimme my goody bag.
Busy Mom’s last blog post..Land’s End Free Shipping Code
April 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am
You suck just like the rest of us. How’s that?
Raising children and having a life (both personal and professional) outside the home at the very same time is just plain hard.
My mom raised me like how I hear you say you are raising your children. She did it alone. She didn’t get everything perfect, and I was left to my own devices a lot, but today my mom is my favoritest relative, only equally matched to my brother, and I wouldn’t give back one day of that crazy childhood.
And one more thing:
April 11th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I am single and childless and I can barely take care of MYSELF. Honestly, I have no idea how working parents do it. I have the same pile of undone/unpaid/forgotten stuff right here.
Suebob’s last blog post..Post-Bossy let down
April 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Can I just tell you that my 9 year old has been growing his hair out and yesterday at baseball practice the coach pulled me aside and said “don’t you think you should make your son get a haircut”
Yeah, needless to say….they won’t be telling me that anymore.
My thing is…..as long as he isn’t out having sex and getting millions of piercings and tattoos and causing havoc….why can’t he look like a werewolf, his choice or not??????
I am a single working mom….I don’t have time to force my kid to do something so trivial as that, while he is trying to make a statement.
Can’t go to jail for long hair!
April 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Yeah, you suck!
*in high pitched voice that can only be heard by dogs and non-Britt bloggers* - but you don’t really…
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Inconclusive
April 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
…As by everyone else, definitely you’re not alone! I’m going through a bit of that myself, only it’s with bills and not children. Suddenly EVERYTHING is due and I don’t have the fucking money to pay it all… budget? What’s that?
STRESSFUL!!! BUT, it will pass and that’s what I have to look forward to. Some way, some how… they’ll all get paid (or, well… I’ll get locked up or some shit and my credit score will go to hell…)
And some way, some how… your kiddies will get all they wanted, and everything will get completed. Just another curve in the road, such as the way life goes. Eventually it will all straighten out! :)
/rant. Hope you’re day is better! AND, it’s Friday!
Krystle’s last blog post..It’s 11:11… Make a wish? or no?
April 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Holy shit. TAXES.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:43 am
OK… you suck at trying to do everything all by yourself. Who doesn’t?
You’re overwhelmed and you need help. That’s why God invented husbands. He needs to pitch in on some of these things. Certainly taking the wee ones for a haircut isn’t out of bounds.
If you can, take a day off — schedule dentist appointments and the like for the kids for that day and take the rest of the time to get caught up on any other stuff.
TurboTax Online is virtually stupid-proof. Hubby could fill in the blanks and you could check it before it gets filed.
It’s OK to ask for help. I know… it’s hard and their is the distinct possiblity that they’ll just fuck it up, but what is your alternative?
Let me know if there’s anything I can help with.
Finn’s last blog post..Is Only Lonely?
April 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
That would be “there.” Ugh.
Finn’s last blog post..Is Only Lonely?
April 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am
We all go through times like this…have your pity party for the day and get on with it.
And look on the bright side: at least you aren’t me. I turned 39 today. So I’m stressed AND old
Mindi’s last blog post..A date which shall live in infamy
April 11th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I am pretty sure all working moms think they suck. We have battles every morning about leaving for preschool. 3 months ago, my son’s preschool suggested he get an eye exam - still not done. Annual Physical several months overdue. My son has to beg for haircuts. He still does not know how to swim, because I never know when swim class registration starts and then they all fill up. I forget snack day all the time (where in the hell did I put that damn list). I still owe thank you notes from his baby shower… he is 5. I have no idea how most working mom’s deal… me I just suck too.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:00 am
And here, my darling, you have the Secret of the Universe - we all suck!
Isn’t that comforting?
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Goofy New Kitchen Idea?
April 11th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Britt,
Look here it is. All of us have moments of suckage,that is nothing new.I know I will get a huge laugh out of this but what about your husband? Assign his ass to take the kids to the dentist and for haircuts..sounds like a good Saturday project to me and then you can be alone to do your taxes,call your friend and pull up your BIG GIRL PANTIES. Delegate girl and dont take no for an answer from anyone.
oh and btw you dont suck and this blog. You are talented and quite lovely. I’ll be in FL in May lets have a drink or three. xoxoxo Jenn
April 11th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I know what you mean, I know where you are at, Can I have a t-shirt like that too.
blondefabulous’s last blog post..Just Not Feeling It Today.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:26 am
You have a roof over their heads, you feed, clothe, and bathe them (pretty regularly I suspect), you love them, and I would be willing to bet that each of them have more than they need…
How does that make you suck?
No one has enough time to do EVERYTHING.
Cut yourself some slack.
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Finally FRIDAY!
April 11th, 2008 at 10:28 am
We all have moments when we suck. Don’t be too hard on yourself, just remember this will pass and you will be fantabulous again!
debkitty’s last blog post..Today I Am Not A Rock Star!
April 11th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Sometimes I really can’t stand my kids. I mean, enough that I seriously doubt my decision to become a mother at all. Does that make you feel any better?
Blog Antagonist’s last blog post..Blogs Are Stupid
April 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Um….you suck.
But so do I, so I can’t say much. I suppose we could long for simpler times, but then what would be do without our multiple cars, over sized houses and lattes? Life is all about compromises, you can’t do everything. I need to sleep for a week or get really wasted, probably sleep.
NEO’s last blog post..Inspiration for the uninspired
April 11th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Holy crap! Sounds like you need to get on the stick!
(how was that?) ;)
April 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Oh man, I have been there many times.
craze’s last blog post..Mind Blowing
April 11th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Ok, you probably don’t want to hear this, but I’m gonna arm wrestle you for that mother of the year award, although I want mine in rapper-style huge gold medallion so I can wear it proudly where ever I go. I only work part time… 20 hours a week tops and I still can’t get shit done. Motherhood doesn’t come with an instruction manual, it’s all trial and error and somedays we do better than others. They are loved… at the end of the day it will all work out. At least your kids don’t rat you out to their therapist like my lovely daughter does
The last one was ‘mom won’t buy me a bike’…she never asked for a fucken’ bike… and I think she used it once since we bought it.
~jtm’s last blog post..Intern..
April 11th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Lisa: yours is on the way, geeeez. Grabby bitch.
Peggy:
ADW: punching in your tears is ALWAYS funny. xoxox Come back!!!
Nat: and also in the nuthouse. I have been begging my husband to commit me for YEARS. Selfish bastard says no way.
Turnbaby: you know, when she was screaming at me this morning to “goooo wayyyyyyyyyy”, I kind of wonder if that day was any good.
Captain Steve: well, that’s true. They are entirely too lazy for something like that.
Mr. Fabulous: ha! Good luck! If she can make that work, I want the recipe!
Kristin: I did listen? Oh good. I felt like I wasn’t listening very well.
Crys: ohhhh the irony.
Busy Mom: well, at least I’m not fooling anyone. lol
Poppy: that’s actually very nice, thank you.
Suebob: really?? I always fantasize that life as a single, childless woman is PERFECT!
(No. Really. I totally do.)
Just Me:
not yet anyway.
DutchBitch: I heard that!
Krystle: it IS Friday. Yee haw for THAT.
Melanie Marie: shhhhhhhhhhh!
Finn: you are so smart.
And pretty.
And nice.
And I’m stealing you at TequilaCon.
Mindi: um, Happy Birthday?
kim: this made me laugh and sigh and feel much better all at once.
Britt’s Mom: actually, yes. Very much so.
Jennifer: are you going to scold me like that over drinks?
Because that was kind of awesomeness.
blondefabulous: sure! Just click on the link!
themuttprincess: you’re so fucking ZEN.
debkitty: heh, or at least better at faking it!
Blog Antagonist: “enough that I seriously doubt my decision to become a mother at all.”
Me too. And yes, it absolutely does. Make me feel better, I mean.
NEO: I
sleep. It’s cheaper than booze.
Nan Patience: lol, well done!
craze: yeah, me too. Obviously.
jtm: no freaking WAY my kids are going to a therapist until they move out. NO. Way. I can’t even bear the thought of what would come out of their mouths.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Britt if you think the scolding was awesomeness just wait till you hear my drunken rendition of My Sharona. It’s that awesome
April 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am
You know, I’m beginning to think we were twins separated at birth.
Only you’re much less of a loser. I’m thinking drinks after work? Or…maybe you’re *cough* not feeling well *cough*.
OH, right…that damned “too many miles away” thing. *sigh* Well, have a drink anyway. You’ll feel bettah.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Yeah, it sounds like you just described the average family’s life. Everyone else who tries to blow sunshine and roses up your ass is just trying to cover up the fact that they are up to their ears even more than the rest of us.
My 3 year-old wanted to sleep in our guest bed last night. So I shoved three weeks worth of unfolded laundry to the side so that she had about 18 inches of space to snuggle. I felt like a total fuck-up of a parent, but she thought was cool as hell. I wish I could see the world through her eyes more often.
Not Afraid To Use It’s last blog post..Honey, I Shot the Dog
April 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I too suck at delegating. This is not so much because I feel like I need to get it done myself but because I would just rather do it myself than deal with the whiny bitchiness that comes out of others when I ask them to help me out.
Of course having your house filled with other people for a month probably did not help with the “got to get shit done”ness of every day life. :)
If it makes you feel better, I’ve been having a couple of weeks of “I suck at life” too.
Erin’s last blog post..No Doubt
April 11th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
otherwise
bluepaintred’s last blog post..I Forgot to Title This
April 11th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
You wouldn’t really punch a big ol’ pregnant lady would you.
Because I don’t think you suck. Life sucks sometimes, I agree with that. But you my friend do not suck.
And forget the mug for your wine, what you need a a HUGE plastic cup, like a gallon or something.
sam’s last blog post..I’m the One With Tissue Under My Arms Trying to Conceal My Nervous Sweating
April 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
You know what? Just forget the glass all together and drink straight from the bottle. That’s what I do.
*hugs*
sam’s last blog post..I’m the One With Tissue Under My Arms Trying to Conceal My Nervous Sweating
April 11th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
You suck? Stay away from Adam’s dick!! That road can lead to no good!!!
You’re a good mom. You need to schedule everything for one day and you AND the hubs can take the day off and drag them all over creation. (At least that’s what worked for me) You need a nappy hun.Come over, I’ll play with the kids and you can have some whine and cheese!
metalmom’s last blog post..That’s A Wrap
April 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Sharing our mutual suckiness makes us feel better.
I can’t remember the last time my kids saw the dentist.
My son needs his hearing checked too but we don’t have the insurance or the money.
I cut my son’s hair cause I always forget to take him to freakin’ Supercuts before they close. (Oh, and he always asks for one at 8pm.)
My mom cuts my daughter’s hair cause she won’t let me near her with scissors.
I forgot a school picture day, a choir picture day, (two weeks apart) and always pay the utilities the day before (or the day of) shut-off.
And did I mention that my daughter asked me last week why Dad and I have money to buy cigs but we don’t have money to buy new clothes for her and her brother?
I could go on but there are knives really close to me right now.
Yeah, I suck too.
Lori’s last blog post..Sweet Pea
April 11th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
You don’t suck. And I say that knowing that if you want to punch me in the face, you will have to come to Seattle, and you really could use the vacation, so GUESS WHAT? YOU DON’T SUCK.
Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..Post 687: Sizzle, Me And The Smelly Store
April 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Jennifer: you’ll be here when? I am now holding my breath.
TSM: you know, I’ve found drinking does not help nearrrr as much as it used to. Clearly, I need new drinking buddies.
Not Afraid To Use It: OK now that is just adorable.
Erin: me not asking for help is STEEPED in issues that I am too afraid to dig into. lol
bluepaintred: I looked at this comment for a full 90 seconds before I got it.
Watch yo back!!!!!
sam: I think it’s called taking a “pull” when it’s straight out of the bottle.
metalmom: please dear God don’t ever mention Adam’s… ahem… here again. My God. I am scarred for life.
Lori: “And did I mention that my daughter asked me last week why Dad and I have money to buy cigs but we don’t have money to buy new clothes for her and her brother?”
OK. Ouch. You win the painful award of the day.
Tracy Lynn: you bring up a very good point. Now.. how to explain to the husband that I HAVE to leave because… hmmmm….
April 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I think every mother, including myself, have felt that way at one time or another. I have been keeping a day planner for years to make time for the things that I simply could not remember to do… like.. make Dr’s appt, dentist etc… Try it. It may work for you. Oh.. you.do.not.suck!!! If you would like to slug me you need to find me:)
April 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Fuck it.
/amy
AmyD’s last blog post..Just Another Angry American
April 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Britt
I’m trying to contact you via your contact.. um.. thingie!! but the motherfucking thingie will not let me. I would like to send you dates I will be there. I’m visiting my parents they just moved to Lady Lake (God’s Waiting Room Subdivision.) Anyway I dont know if you can get my email from my reply but please email me if you can.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
We’ve all got the corner on the shitty mom market.
My son just signed up for tee ball. My brother will be the one taking him 90% of the time. His father will NEVER see him play a single game.
I don’t help my kid with his homework, cook his dinner and I am rarely the one to give him a bath. He cries at least once a week because he wants me to be one of the moms who helps out in his class.
My four month old wakes up to my mom and since she’s so used to her during the day, she’s almost always put to bed by my mom. I rarely have time to give her a bath (thank God for diaper wipes and lotion!) and I always forget to buy more formula.
I’m barely clinging to my sanity as is. I am one of the lucky ones though. My mom helps me with my kids more than any grandmother should have to. She watches them while we work and feeds them their dinner, takes them to the doctor when I can’t take off of work and makes sure she gets lots of pictures of pre-school graduations and firsts.
Do you know how much of an idiot I feel like when I say “Oh look what Little Miss is doing!” and my mom says “She’s been doing that for a few weeks now?”
To continue the mantra : I Suck. You Suck. We All Suck. (Now, if only our husbands benefited from this….)
Sheila (Charm School Reject)’s last blog post..Why Would Someone Do This?
April 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Let me bring you into the shitty mom club. It’s like playgroup, with out the kids,but you can’t get kicked out for having your own opinions. Us moms get to sit around and drink. Come on over, I’ll be in back by the pool. The front door is unlocked, and I’ll have your wine waiting for you.
Crazy Lady in Vegas’s last blog post..Pfft
April 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
yeah, whatever. you suck. i suck, too. because i work full-time and goddammit, i’m GLAD i do because if i had to deal with my crazy ass psycho child all day long, one of us wouldn’t survive the day. for reals. and according to the Rest of the World, home is where i damn well SHOULD BE and not at work while the Rest of the World and their Precious Children are being subjected to my crazy ass psycho child. plus i just totally fucked my fetus by having a CANDY BAR–while i’m a gestational diabetic! my blood sugar shot up to 178 and I DON’T FUCKING CARE TODAY! and don’t even get me started on what a fantastic wife i am…
April 11th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
When I read this, I sang “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” in its entirety, very badly, for you.
lizriz’s last blog post..So, the question is, what do I shoot next? And other filmmaking stuff.
April 11th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Didn’t you know? Sucking is the new black. So you and I, we’re both in style. For once.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Hi, guess you don’t know me yet, but I have been a reader for about 2 weeks or so. Love your blog. Here’s a thought. Even if you “suck”, at least you are there. Your kids never have to wonder where you are or when you’ll be home. They are always warm, healthy, and fed. And they know that you love them. Not all kids have that kind of security. I suck too, but in all kinds of special ways, including having to leave them for months at a time with little notice, or moving them across the country (or the globe) repeatedly. I’m not trying to one up you, I’m just saying that we all have issues, and we deal the best we can. I hope you feel better soon.
Military Mom’s last blog post..Springtime on Minot
April 11th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
arrgghhhh. i’m coming to the party.
cuz…
i suck as much or more than you.
daughter and dentist? yep.
bills? yep.
taxes? uh. call no. 4 from my tax guy asking where my stuff is came today.
13-year-old who i make WAIT IN THE DARK because i can’t get to her early enough to pick her up at a reasonable time from rehearsal? check.
fuck it. let’s have wine.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the ooh-she’s-a-smart(mouthed)-kid edition
April 11th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Those who say they don’t suck at life from time to time are lying through their teeth.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. But it’s your party, so pity away, I say.
Hope you feel better this weekend.
karen meg’s last blog post..Fashion Friday: 42 going on 13
April 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Oh shit. The taxes. Nope, haven’t done them either. Honestly? I don’t know how parents do it because I? tend to look like a werewolf and I? keep forgetting to pay my bills and I? Only have myself to worry about. So I’ll just go ahead and climb into the pity bucket with you.
ginamonster’s last blog post..Another Derby HNT
April 11th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Wow.. Seriously? Get over yourself.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Mindy: I used to keep a day planner and it actually helped a LOT! I need to do that again.
AmyD: yeah! Hard.
Sheila: OK, this is going to sound lame - but I had NO IDEA so many people were having such a hard time with this working mom shit. Wow.
Crazy Lady in Vegas: sweeet! Thanks for inviting me!
Mitzi Green: I DO like working too.
lizriz: awww, thanks. I’m imagining it sounds AWESOME!
Undomestic Diva: awesome. Is it slimming too?
Military Mom: OK. Fuck. Now I feel bad. That is wayy harder than anything I have to deal with.
the planet of janet: we’re going to need a lot of wine.
karen meg: honestly? I felt much better by this morning already.
ginamonster: we’re going to need a bigger bucket…
Lin: but… but… I’m important!! The world revolves around ME! If I get over myself, what in the hell will I blog about?!?!
April 11th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Seriously? If you suck? Then I’m like the black hole of motherhood, spending more time on the computer here at my house, never leaving said house, EVER (using my daughter’s car sickness as an excuse to even go to the fucking grocery store), and holing up like it’s a fucking nuclear holocaust outside. Seriously. You don’t suck.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Tammy Faye Baker is Alive and Well!
April 11th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Let’s start a club.
Squeaky Wheel’s last blog post..Today, it’s all about perspective…
April 11th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Oh! And I forgot to mention that I am one of two working moms in my entire freakin’ family and I just started a second freakin’ job so that I can stay at home part time by next year so that they will all STFU about what a shitty mom I am for working and
having my husband help with laundry and, even worse, HE is the one who has to unload the dishwasher 
Your reply to whoever said you need to get over yourself? Priceless. [And, um, hello, did they not realize that this was your blog?]
Sheila (Charm School Reject)’s last blog post..Why Would Someone Do This?
April 11th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
84 comments, Britt! Does that speak suckage to you? I have NEVER had 84 comments. EVER.
As far as the mother thing, I didn’t read all the comments, but I am sure by now you know that you aren’t the only one who is going through or has gone through this shit. We all do. We all fight the mommy/career war inside us. Even if you are an at home mommy, you fight the war. I am going to email you a post that I did when I first started blogging. And I was a stay at home mom then.
You just do the best you can at the time with what you have. That’s all you can do. And when we get to Philly, you cry on my shoulder while I tell you that it’s all going to be okay and I rub your back. I promise. It’s going to be okay.
Shelli’s last blog post..My Totally Awesome Day
April 12th, 2008 at 4:16 am
CMG: I had no idea you didn’t leave the house much. And… you’re so CUTE! The world needs to see more of you!
Squeaky Wheel: We already have shirts even!!
Sheila: uh, your husband eats - right? WTF?? My SON unloads the dishwasher. My husband does more laundry than I do. But THAT I can honestly say I do NOT feel guilty about.
So tell your family to fuck off. From me. :-)
Shelli: you have got to be one of the sweetest women in the world. Like, ever.
But Shelli? Number of comments isn’t a measure of anything - except how many people might read this site. So, don’t put too much stock into that.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:48 am
what standards you trying to live up to?
i do the same thing to myself…sometimes i can be heard saying i am doing a wretched job at this, who decided i should be allowed to take these children home? and some days i can be heard saying, i am the best freaking mother i know….don’t you wish you were me.
nobody does it perfect. it’s sloppy business!
April 12th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Well. At least you’re a good writer? That was one fantastic rant!
penelope’s last blog post..Meeting Minutes
April 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am
You can’t suck any more than me. It’s not possible. Anyway, the most interesting people I know suck at something or other. The perfect ones are boring and usually have something to hide like a penchant for cross-dressing or wearing rubber underwear. The fact that you can acknowledge it shows that you don’t suck as much as you think you do. It’s just life. It makes us feel inadequate. Even if you do suck - which I don’t believe for a moment - I still love you.
Selma’s last blog post..Don’t Give Up
April 12th, 2008 at 9:53 am
This is all Oprah’s fault. I’m not even kidding. But I can’t expound, I’m saving it for an essay to be published. The essay that will bring down Oprah and her Evil Empire. Next stop? Walmart.
Right, about you: I don’t dare tell you you don’t suck because I don’t doubt for a second you can cut a bitch. SO. Since you leave me with my hands tied, all I can do is tell you how much *I* suck.
My 3-year-old is likely either scalding or drowning in the bathtub as I type this, since I found it more important to check your blog quick instead of monitor her bath time. My 8-year-old is telling me something important over my shoulder but I’m not hearing it because I’m shhhing her trying to write this. She just read this, called me a meanie, and stomped off. My house has never been messier, I still haven’t sent a sympathy card to my friend who lost his mother three months ago, I haven’t turned in this gigantic story that was due three weeks ago, I haven’t had sex with my husband in three weeks and this afternoon, because he’ll be gone and I’m single-parenting the girls, I’ve invited my BF over to drink with me. That’s best friend, not boyfriend, though at the rate I’m going I wouldn’t put it past me. Because I suck.
OK?
Deep breaths, girl. You don’t suck.
[*eeeek! ducks and runs away*]
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..The conversation I had with my three-year-old before I even opened my eyes this morning
April 12th, 2008 at 10:04 am
You. totally. suck.
But so do I and I am a stay at home mom and have no excuse. Honestly, it’s impossible to keep up with all the business of modern life. I guess you do the best you can.
I let my son walk with a limp after he dropped a weight on his foot. It turns out he broke it and it was too late to cast.
I fed my kids carrot cake as a vegetable recently.
We all make mistakes. We all yell at our kids. Just try to apologize afterward.
My parents never admitted mistakes, but I rectify that with my children. Yes, I make mistakes. I am human. I am big enough to own up to them and let them know, although children, they are worth an apology.
I hope this teaches them compassion–and keeps me from being put into a old folks’ home as punishment when they grow up. :)
Scout’s Honor’s last blog post..Feeling Guilty As Usual
April 12th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I would like to jump on the suck wagon, if I could.
My kids have a permanent kool aid mustache. Why? Because kool aid is the only thing we have in the house to drink right now. And, by right now, I totally mean FOR THE LAST 3 Days. Yes. Thanks. They passed the werewolf stage about a week ago. My house is a mess. My own hair hasn’t been cut since October. My kids missed soccer sign ups when I was in the hospital, but those mean fuckers that run the soccer league don’t care. My oldest son is wearing a pair of pants that are about an inch away from being Capris. I owe $ on my state taxes. I have a stack of bills that NEED to be paid. I have a balance in my checking account that conflicts with the amount of those bills. My car is 3 months out of inspection, needs new tires AND new brakes, but unless those things are FREE, we are going to take our chances. I have thought about prostitution as a means to an end. However, I doubt there is a market for middle age women who are not in the best shape. I just learned that although the cost of living is going up like a mother fucker, I will probably get a whopping 3% raise in June. Hey! Thanks. Oh. My car needs an oil change, too. My thoughts on that are that if I wreck because the brakes don’t work, no one is going to notice that I was well on the way to blowing the engine, right?
SO…I say thanks, Britt…allowing me to join the suck wagon has made me feel better…just getting the huge amount of suckiness off my chest.
April 12th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
If it’s any consolation to you, I suck just as bad as you do. Probably worse.
Nina’s last blog post..Weekend workout
April 12th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Just catching up because I was gone all weekend.
Yeah, okay you suck! But don’t tell anyone, ’cause so do I, and my kids are grown and out of the house. Today’s the 14th and the taxes aren’t done yet. I need to go grocery shopping, the house is a wreck and I seriously need to do some laundry.
And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, last week my granddaughter was wearing her brother’s underwear because my daughter was behind on her laundry.
You know what? So the-fuck-what. You do your best and that’s all anyone can ask.
Linda~
April 14th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
you so don’t suck. do i need to come down there and force you to look in the mirror at all the good you bring to the world? coz i so will.
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Oh My Fuck! Talk About Synchronicity
April 14th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
While I am sure that you do not suck, I want to say thank you for being REAL and sharing how you feel (negative emotions happen, people) and sharing how you are not perfect (doesn’t seem like so many bloggers come off as if they’re perfect? I am definitely not perfect!).
Gina’s last blog post..Spring is here.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I could totally give you a run for your money on Shitty Mom of the Year. So don’t fuck with me, yo.
April 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am