I received a present on Tuesday that made it difficult not to break down into tears on the spot. I’m pretty sure presents aren’t supposed to make you cry. Even if you do have PMS.
We have a professional writer on staff at work. And while she gets paid for technical writing, she is also in the process of finishing up her own fiction novel. I consider her a real writer. She’s not only trained in the craft, she practices it.
On Tuesday morning she handed me a paperback book, the pages of which are littered with highlighted pages and black ink underlining. “I’m not using this anymore, I thought that you might have a use for it.”
The Truth of the Matter: Art and Craft in Creative Nonfiction.
The title jumped off the cover and punched me in the gut. It reminded me of another title that I’ve been haunted by in recent weeks – the title of my own book. Of course, this book, The Truth of the Matter, is sitting in my hands, completed and edited and published. Real.
It is a sickening contrast to my own. To be fair, I shouldn’t even call it “my book”. I should more accurately describe It as “the series of essays and thoughts and paragraphs and sentences that have been plaguing me since the light bulb came on and the title fell out of my mouth.” Because that’s what it is – that’s all that it is.
I’ve wanted to write my entire life. Of course, I’ve also wanted to be an actress and a fashion designer and a trophy wife. Writing has long been a fantasy with about as much teeth as the possibility of passing Bill Gates in an airport and instantly mesmerizing him with the power of my terribly small bosom. But a girl can dream, right?
Except I’m no longer content with the dream.
For the first time, the words are there. The story is there. The perspective and the voice and the purpose and the theme… all of it. Is there. Well, if “there” means “in my head”.
I haven’t written a word of it. And it’s killing me.
For once it’s not the fear or the uncertainty that is preventing me from putting all of It on paper. But the time. Or rather, the fact that there doesn’t seem to be any.
I know. I know. We never have enough time. We never get it all done. The story of a working mother with more responsibilities than hours is not new and it’s been years since I’ve tossed around the phrase “in my free time” without a dramatic eye roll to indicate THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
But this is different.
I find myself getting extremely resentful of my work. Not the work – but the time. To be honest, I can get my work job done (and done well) in about 5 hours a day. Six if there are excessive emails and returned calls. But between the day care run, the commute, and the Required To Be At Your Desk Hours, I’m away from my house for almost 11 hours a day. Five days a week.
And all I can think as I’m driving back and forth and waiting for the phone to ring is “this is time I could be spending writing it down.”
Of course, once I get home there is more time – and even more things to do. There is dinner to be made and children to be played with. I can’t in good conscience sacrifice either of these things because the little bastards have to eat… and they won’t be little bastards for long.
After baths and bed time there are emails to be answered and posts to write. If I’m lucky I’ll read a few blogs here and there. And all the while I’m thinking “I need two hours. Just two hours to sit down and get some of this out of my head.” But I don’t give up the blog because it is the very thing that led me to this place. If I’m not writing The Story – at the very least I’m writing something. And it’s something I happen to believe a great deal in.
And then there is The Truth of the Matter: Art and Craft in Creative Nonfiction.
The timing of this gift was uncanny. The title itself answered a lot of questions I’d been having in my own head in a single flash. I hadn’t finished the first paragraph before I realized that a lot of the Floating Gunk was starting to take shape.
And still… there is the question of time.
EDITED TO ADD: Apparently when it absolutely, positively has to be written – you find the time. I’m at 4600 words between my lunch break, an afternoon slow down, and the kids watching cartoons for 30 minutes.
Holy shit. I have 4600 words.
In other words… this whole post is shit.
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Posted in Personal - Growth and Things I'm Trying To Learn Tagged: non fiction, writing
4600 words – not bad! Only 100,000 left to go!
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:clap:
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That’s a great start
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Yeah, I’ve got three unfinished manuscripts and I have TONS of time. Kick me in the head, will you?
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Oh, geez, how well I know. I have about 50 pages of a novel written. I know how it begins, how it ends, and everything in between. It just doesn’t write itself, yannow?
In Stephen King’s book “On Writing” he recommends that anyone who aspires to be a published author writes for 6 hours a day.
Six. Hours.
I’m like…”Dude, you had a WIFE.”
It’s a great book by the way. He keeps it very real. But that part? Not so much. I guess he doesn’t realize that there are women writers out there trying to hold down jobs, raise families, and have sex with their husbands once in a while.
I’m sure your book will be a bestseller.
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We all get free signed copies of this book when it’s published right?
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4600 words in that time – wow – I used to struggle with 1500 word essays and I had weeks to write them ! :dunce:
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HOORAY!!!!!!!!
Hooray hooray hoorayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Baby, don’t listen to aything or anybody about “it takes this” or “you must do that”. Write because you MUST write. Just write. When you can.
I AM SO EXCITED!!!!
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I’m of the belief that time can always be found to write when the words are there. It’s when the words aren’t that there’s a problem…
I have two pieces of advice and then I will leave this be so that I don’t write a post in your comments.
Carry around a notepad with a pen. Whether it be a cheap $.99 one or a moleskin… whether it be a Bic Ballpoint or a Waterman Fountan… just carry it with you. Write down notes to remember and build from.
I also suggest the purchase/rental/thievery of a micro-cassette recorder/MP3 recorder with a mic (or get a cheap cell phone headset) for when driving. I get the best ideas while I’m driving… but I can never seem to write it down because… well… too busy driving.
Oh, and for the record, you only need 95,400 more words if you indeed want a 100,000 word book… which you may not want. 75,000 words for a nonfiction book is plenty.
@Avi :nana:
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Oh, and that Stephen King book I saw someone mention… with the exception about his point regarding revisions… yeah… crap.
Writer’s Digest magazine published by F+W Publications… great resource with both a book club and online courses you can take to help you along.
Ok… I will seriously shut up now.
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Hey Britter,
I just want you to know something. All my life you’ve been the one person that was just old enough to know EVERYTHING (it seemed like
) and young enough to still be cool at the same time. Basically, I just want you to know that I’m very proud of the wife, mother, and person you’ve become, and I love and miss you verrrrry much!
I love you
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I know all too well what you are saying. I never had the time. It took me getting fired and taking 6 months off to get the bulk of my manuscript done.
Oh, and PMS is a myth. :nana:
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Congrats on getting further than 99.9% of people who want to write a book. Seriously.
Many in my family (father, brother, cousins) earn their entire living by writing – in some cases to the tune of HyperSuccess.
I find that both intimidating and inspiring, when it comes to ME doing it. Although 40% of my job is direct response. I’m have a little writing project of my own these days (outside of work), and your post/addendum makes me feel, once again, like we’re cousins.
Hey! Shouldn’t that mean that we can visit next time I’m in Florida, because we’re blog family?
I don’t think that’ll fly, alas.
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Hurray for you, Brit! I’m so very proud of you! And you WILL find the time, just like you did here. You just have to get to the point where you say, “FUCK. I WANT this.” Then you get it.
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That’s why I backed away from the blog a bit. Think about all the “words” you’ve done online. What’s hard is breaking from the instant gratification of the blog to the open-ended question of whether or not the book is even going to work and no return vibe from it as you’re working on it. Very tough. I found the time by being online less. That wasn’t easy – but what do you want? – is what I asked myself.
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Did Fab just say that PMS is a myth? Boy… y’know you could write a book about Fab dying from a 1000 PMS’d women…haha… In all seriousness the best writers did what you are doing to start off. Unless your Dean Koontz whose wife supported him for 5 years! I’ll shut up now.
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Cool beans sugar–I’ve got 8356 sitting in cold storage on the PC waiting for me to fire it back up. Keep going!
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I am in that hurried state myself so forgive me if I am being redundant to someone else’s suggestion, but carry a recorder with you in the car and in your purse and just record anything you want to write about later. So many time I think, “Oh, what a great idea” or memory or whatnot, but I forget when I finally get the kids to bed and am sitting in front of my laptop. I actually bought a mic for my palm tx and I use it to record lectures in class, meetings at work, and my own random musings. Well spent $17 on eBay, fo sho!
PS Greeting from Hernando County!
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avitable: actually, I probably only need about 40,000 more. Fucker.
AmyD: thank you.
Amanda: start being the operative word here. LOL
Karl: Boot to the head!!!
Blog Antagonist: I am actually about half way through that book right now – it’s part of what got me going. There is one sentence in particular that stood out for me, about the moment when you read something and go “I can do better than this.”
But yeah, it’s also what had me freaking out going SIX HOURS?!?!? What the FUCK?!?!?! Or rather… HOW THE HELL!?!?
Jay: Um, I was kind of hoping the 50 or so of you who read this would be the ones who buy it. No, eh?
CharlieDaniels: yeah, I think an assigned essay is different than an idea in your own brain.
Britt’s Mom: :heartbeat:
NYCWD: really? I’m actually enjoying On Writing. It doesn’t all apply to me, but there are some great tid bits and reminders in there.
Creed: oh sweetie. :heartbeat: I love you. Are you OK?
Mr. Fabulous: it might be a Myth, but it’s a completely acceptable legal defense in some states.
So watch your ass.
Rich: but… but… cousins have coffee!! Damn.
Miss Anne Derstood: it seems to go that way, doesn’t it?
RW: I know, and I thought about you and considered that. But I know me. I need that accountability of HAVING to write something every day. It keeps the wheels going.
Besides, this blog is a big reason I’ve gotten to this point. I feel like I’d be taking advantage or something to dump it now.
Yes, I know. That sounds weird.
Mindy: yeah, I floated the idea of “I’ll just stay home and write” by my husband. Fucker has no faith.
Turnbaby: hey! Fire that baby back up!
Angel: HI!
I had one of those. I still do somewhere actually. I never remembered to use the damn thing. LOL
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I am proud of you for finding the time!
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I wish I was one of the people with the glowing ideas for you but the fact is that I am just like you in this regard. I’m not into writing a book but there are other similar type projects that I just don’t have the time for or when I do, the creativity will not flow.
I am glad that after writing your post, you got some words to come out and make you happy!
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How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
Work on your passion whenever you can find a few minutes. And sometimes, you might need to schedule some time for doing what you really need to do – hard as that is, I know!
Good luck! :clap:
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Oh I can so relate… this is my major problem too.
My mother gave me a tip from John Grisham — commit yourself to write a page a day, every day. At the end of the year you’ll have a book.
Sounds so simple when HE says it; he has a wife.
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You can do it. You’ll be surprised how much you’ll get done if you grab spare moments here and there. Good on you!
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I have no words of wisdom…just want to say I would soooooooooooo buy your book for myself and all my girlfriends! Get at it sister!
P.S. Yeaaaahhh….that comment about no PMS? :poke: Soooo not true, otherwise why would I have burst into tears at Creed’s comment?
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Oh, well, NOW you tell me! I just wasted, like, 3 MINUTES reading this post, and you finish it by telling me that it was shit?!?! I could’ve playing with a yo-yo!! Or myself!!!!
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Just sitting down to start, I hear, is the hardest part. Good for you! and good luck with it!
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Getting going is the hardest part. But once you get the ball rolling, it will be hard to stop.
Kudos to you for doing what so many of us still procrastinate trying.
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Way to go, Britt!!! I hope you make it farther on your book than I have on all of the ones I have started!!!
Good Luck and just keep on truckin!
J…
(new reader to your blogs but I have read most of your past posts)
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YAY! I am so proud of you!
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The post can’t be shit – it got you thinking, and then it got you writing: 4,600 words. That’s nothing to sneeze at, y’know.
You’re already gotten through the hardest part: starting. Now rock out with your cock out!
:whosnext:
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Wow! 4600 words already! I bet it feels good to get it all out, too, huh?
Ya know, you just don’t look old enough to have kids, and yes, that’s a GOOD thing!
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debkitty: aw, thanks sweetie.
Hilly: yeah, that’s the trick – getting the creative spark and the time at the same time. For some reason, I’m just not brilliant at 9:30 at night.
Melissa: one bit at a time, indeed. With a few smoke breaks in between when you get full.
Finn: I need a wife. And the patience to wait a year.
Selma: I’ll be taking your word on that.
Stephanie: you think so? What if it’s all about sucking at motherhood? That’s not exactly a party gift. LOL
You can call me, ‘Sir’: heh, sorry about that.
Iron Fist: well, now that I’ve got the start – let’s see how I do with the keep going part.
Undomestic Diva: I’ve never been good at “trying”.
J…: you mean they don’t all get FINISHED??
Shit.
Kristin: :heartbeat: thanks babe.
Emily: it’s funny what gets us thinking, isn’t it?
Robina: well, technically, I’m probably NOT old enough. Not in this day and age anyway.
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Wow this is so cool! Will you still talk to us “little people” when you’re rich and famous?
hgreatone:
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How about a digital voice recorder for your commutes? I have one, it’s so nifty. You plug it directly into your USB port and voila, you’ve got little wav files of your voice. You’d have to type them out later but hey, at least it’s something.
I can’t wait to read your book, dude. Serrrriously.
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My problem is having a sci-fi/fantasy fiction idea and getting it on paper so it doesn’t sound cheesy.
You go, girl! Proud of you and keep it up!
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You’re writing a book? :wtf:
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I know it’s already been said, but since I haven’t said it yet, it’s as if nobody’s said it yet.
It isn’t shit; it’s incentive. And I’m proud of how you were able to get out almost 5000 words from the emotional catharsis of “I should have more to show for this!”
Maybe I should write a similar blog post. I often find me kicking myself mentally for getting several chapters deep into my book and then not prioritizing it enough to gain back the momentum. For me, the topic was dealing with my mom’s death and exploring the mourning customs of Judaism and other cultures from a relatively light-hearted perspective. (Well – as light-hearted as one can get with the subject matter.) But as each day goes by, it feels as if the subject matter of the book grows more and more distant.
Nope. That does it. I’m going to do some more writing of it tonight. I don’t know if it will be 4600 words, but I’ll get something done.
Thanks for helping me push back into my momentum…
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I have a good friend who is a published fiction author. Her 3rd novel comes out in a few weeks. She has always told me:
A)Treat writing like a job – set aside time for it, sit at your desk, and write. Even if you have nothing to say, and a thousand other things to do, sit at that desk for your writing time. No exceptions.
B)It takes an average of 10 years to get published for the 1st time.
C)Always keep a note book and a mini recorder with you. That idea you have at 4 in the morning, you may not remember later.
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WAY TO GO!
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Hi. I’ve been lurking around here for a few weeks, but feel like I have to comment on this post. This is just so fabulous! Good for you for doing what you’ve always wanted to do. I seem to be reading about this a lot in the blogosphere lately and even wrote about it myself a month ago.
Anyway, best of luck. I’m sure your writing will go well – from what I’ve read of your blog you are very talented.
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Wow, that’s the story of my life. Except I haven’t gotten started, so screw you for that. Blogging is my first attempt to get my mind back in shape for that kind of thing. (TV News tends to turn your brain to mush)
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It’s amazing how you find the time to do something when you truly want to do it, isn’t it?
People have been telling me for years to write a book however every time I’ve thought about it life drastically changes and adds one hell of a chapter…one that’s absolutely unbelievable.
I’ve recently come to a place where you are though…because I get through each chapter the same way.
Can’t wait to see you this weekend!
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I stay at home with my kids and work at home (two jobs). People think I have tons of time. My dream is to write a book as well, but I start and then I stop because I am exhausted and I just want to curl up and watch HGTV until I fall asleep. Yeah for you making the time and getting 4600 words. Here’s to many many more.
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Britt, don’t all mom’s suck a little sometimes? That’s what would make it a bestseller, the familiarity in your writing. Just my humble opinion, but I think it would be a hit. You have a gift, girl. Use it! You rock in my book! :rock:
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Penelope: oh no. I’ll be much too terribly cool and important for that. :nana:
maggie, dammit: yeah, after the ideas I got driving home last night, I think I need to dig mine out and get batteries.
CMG: you? cheesy?? No way. I bet it’s hysterical though. I don’t think you could help yourself there.
metalmom: well, I’m trying anyway.
Shiny:
I hope your second wind was productive.
Crazy Lady in Vegas: yeah, I’ve heard that before.
RE: the getting published. I’m not worried about that. I just need to get it out. Whatever happens to it after that, happens.
themuttprincess: thank you.
andi: thank you very much. It does seem pretty common for bloggers to have some kind of writing project of their own on the side.
K8spade: me too. Blogging is where I started. Baby steps.
Lisa: I can’t wait to see you either!!!!
Wait, is that “too”?
Black Belt Mama: having kids at home is exhausting. They suck the will out of you to do anything else, I swear.
Stephanie: thanks sweetie.
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