Miss Britt » 2008

Archive for April, 2008

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

Why I hate my children

My neck is officially wider than my head.
And lumpy. My neck is lumpy. Because there are two golf balls sticking out of the side of it just behind each ear.
My throat is swelling shut. It’s starting to get difficult to breathe.
My ears itch. The insides of my fucking ears itch.
And do [...]

45 Comments » - Posted in Bitching Again by Miss Britt

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

100 Things: The Final Chapter

Raise your hand if you’re relieved this Ode to Miss Britt series is finally coming to an end?
OK, that’s rude. Put your hands down.
I’ve spent 9 of the last 10 weeks rebuilding my “100 Things” list. I think 85 of the 90 items I’ve shared have amounted to me making fun of myself [...]

25 Comments » - Posted in 100 things by Miss Britt

Friday, April 18th, 2008

Why I Cling To Hope.

I know no one wants to hear anymore about politics. I know.
Let me, instead, tell you about my broken heart.
I am 28 years old, born in 1980.
I have heard stories about the 70’s. I’ve read about the 60’s. I’ve seen Martin Luther King, JR. and John F. Kennedy speak via old newsreels [...]

47 Comments » - Posted in On A Serious Note by Miss Britt

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Pissed.

If you missed the Democratic debate last night, let me bring you up to speed.
First half hour: total bullshit
Second half hour: total bullshit
Oh, wait… was that an issue in there?
Nope. Sorry. That was a commercial break.
George Stephanopoulos should be ashamed of himself. ABC should be ashamed of themselves.
First, ABC turned a political [...]

61 Comments » - Posted in It's All About Me by Miss Britt

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

Everything I needed to know about sex I learned at the bowling alley.

This conversation may or may not have recently been overheard in a bowling alley somewhere in Central Florida…
Husband (channeling Beavis): Heh. Look at your score. Heh.

Wife: Yes, I know. You’re beating me. Again.
Husband: Heh. Heh. No. Look.
Wife: (rolling my her eyes right out my her head) Oh Jesus. What are you, [...]

60 Comments » - Posted in my husband wishes I was a private person by Miss Britt

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

In Which I Become The Envy Of The Blogosphere

You all doubted me, didn’t you?
There’s no sense in denying it, I know it’s true. You read my very well thought out proposal to the marketing gurus and you scoffed. You laughed! You called me a whore!
Well, well, well. Whose the whore now my pretties?
I am. HA! That’s right. I [...]

52 Comments » - Posted in Blogging Junk, It's All About Me by Miss Britt

Monday, April 14th, 2008

In Which I Call Forth A Mountain Of Swag

I don’t know if you noticed, but I have recently had my big coming out party with The Mommy Bloggers. I wore pink pajama bottoms and we served Cosmos in sippy cups. The moms can really hold their booze. It’s been fun.
ANYway, I’ve noticed that many of the “mommy bloggers” are the [...]

49 Comments » - Posted in Blogging Junk, It's All About Me by Miss Britt

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

The Review That Gets Me On The PR Blacklist

One of the “perks” of pretending to be a moderately popular blogger is that you can convince authors and publicists to send you free stuff.
Well, free books anyway. I’m still waiting for someone to send me free shoes.
But books? Books are easy to come by. They’re desperate for any type of “publicity” [...]

54 Comments » - Posted in contests by Miss Britt

Saturday, April 12th, 2008

Shhhhh….

I decided about two months ago that I would do a series.
100 things about me. 10 things a week for 10 weeks.
Today is supposed to be the final installment of that series.
But I’m just not feelin’ it. I can’t think of “10 things” we haven’t discussed that anyone really gives a shit about. [...]

25 Comments » - Posted in just rambling by Miss Britt

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Sucking. At Life.

If you’ve come here for lighthearted humor, you will be seriously disappointed today.
If you’ve come here expecting logic and reason and something moderately well written… ahem. Well. Today is not your day. I’m sorry.
Because today? Today we are having a big ginormous overpriced pity party. Guest of Honor: Yours Truly.
We’re [...]