Comments on: Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be rapists

By: avitable

avitable — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:01:26 +0000

Wafelenbak, men are visually oriented. Women aren’t. (Generally speaking). A man masturbating to porn is using the images to create a fantasy, much like a woman might use erotic literature.

If I’m somehow objectifying women every time I masturbate, simply because I’m fantasizing, whether I’m using the Sears catalog, porn, a drawing, or nothing at all, then I guess here’s one “good” guy who’s objectifying women and must be a horrible person.

By: wafelenbak

wafelenbak — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:43:17 +0000

(“Good” was perhaps poor wording, but I mean the ones that claim they support women’s rights and don’t think women should be objectified like they are by their sleazy counterparts who openly objectify women)

By: wafelenbak

wafelenbak — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:39:14 +0000

I really would like to see more of a forum on why looking at porn isn’t objectifying women. Because “good” men argue that all the time that they don’t do that, but how can you look at a glossy anonymous naked woman and say it’s anything else?
Not trying to start trouble, just wishing we as a society would address that very question instead of burying our heads in the sand so we can have our guilty little pleasure.

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:57:30 +0000

AMEN, BRITT. Amen.

Gloria Steinem says it’s like going to the head of the river to stop people from falling in, rather than standing on the shores pulling them out.

Amen.

By: Bec

Bec — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 00:01:56 +0000

This is another article for the wall at work. Oh, Britt, I feel like I should be standing in a hall shouting Hallelujah with Jazz hands!

By: laughingattheslut

laughingattheslut — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 22:42:45 +0000

Good post.

But I had also heard that the stats were higher. Twenty years ago it was like 1 in 5 women had reported a rape or attempted rape, with the actual number being guessed at closer to 1 in 3. And I think I had heard that 10 percent of sexual assault victims were male, though most of them were attacked as minors by other males.

More recently, I had heard of a study of male college freshman. When asked how many had raped a girl, 1 in 20 said yes, which matched up pretty close with the numbers that they had from arrest records and students known to be in therapy and such. But there was more to the questionnaire, and the number of male college freshman who admitted that they had had sex with someone who had said no or had sex with someone who was drugged or otherwise had forced a sex act on someone was 1 in 9. Like half of them didn’t even get it that they’d raped someone.

Scary.

By: Stacey

Stacey — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:35:20 +0000

I have twins daughters, who at the age of 4 were sexaully molested (they are now 6)…by their uncle, who is 15. Every day for 3 months….we had him arrested and he confessed to everything. He only got one nite in juvenile detention, and 6 mths probation. The “system” said they have great counseling for him…that was it! They also told us there were SO MANY files sitting stacked on the floor all the time with these type of cases….that defeated me completely. If we have GREAT counseling for “these” people, then why are there SO many doing it…and keep doing it?? There has never been any kind of remorse from him, and this is something that we as parents will have to live with forever as well as our girls. Nothing we ever be the same, we will always second guess everyone and thing. I have 3 nephews (my side of the family) from 5-10 yrs old…and my sister has never even talked to them ab what happened and says she won’t. Not even talk to them ab treating women or girls. Her 1st response was to what happened to HER nieces, “if that happened to us…we would leave town!” Wow! it is the parents who need to educate the kids….and protect them.

By: Jay

Jay — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:15:52 +0000

It would help parents out a lot if there weren’t so many school administrators who take the “boys will be boys” attitude when it comes to harassment on school campuses.

Not to mention the number of elected officials (both male and female) who honestly believe that women who are sexually assaulted “probably provoked it” and shit like that.

By: Miss Britt

Miss Britt — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:20:40 +0000

avitable: OK Princess of the Universe: really? Well cool. I'm glad I could give you a reason to look at it from a different perspective. Undomestic Diva: yeah, I think as moms we look at our sons as a unique challenge. CMG: knowing you, they will all three be amazing. Y2K Survivor: well, I think that whole porn thing could be an interesting discussion as well... On a Limb with Claudia: I absolutely agree that it's about power. But I also think that the need (or right) to exert your power over someone else is part of the whole "respect" thing. But you are 100% right that there are MULTIPLE solutions. The ones I mentioned here are just a start. AmyD: of course. That's the scariest thing about parenting. You can do your best and something can still go terribly wrong. But we do it anyway. themuttprincess: I TOTALLY agree that it is OK, even a GOOD thing, for kids to see adults argue. It gives them examples of what to do with their anger and frustrations. It teaches them how to deal with arguments when they encounter them - because they will. And I'm really, really glad for you AND your son that you have your boyfriend you have now.

By: themuttprincess

themuttprincess — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:14:19 +0000

I think that children need to see first hand adults interacting (even arguing) to see that REAL adults handle such situations with words not fists, force.

I have to admit that I have tried my best to show my son to treat women with respect and to be thoughtful and mindful. The thing is it only went so far, now, I have a boyfriend that SHOWS him how to respect and treat women–even when that same woman pisses him of to such an extreme.

Leading through example. Hopefully this simple yet loving and logic filled teaching will show him that it is ok to be himself, but also to respect everyone.