I don’t know if you noticed, but I have recently had my big coming out party with The Mommy Bloggers. I wore pink pajama bottoms and we served Cosmos in sippy cups. The moms can really hold their booze. It’s been fun.
ANYway, I’ve noticed that many of the “mommy bloggers” are the beneficiaries of all kinds of good swag. In fact, some of them have so much interaction with PR people that they have started offering advice on how bloggers and PR People should interact with one another.
I know. I hate them too.
But then, I got to thinking… perhaps I have yet to be overrun by PR pitches because I have not clearly identified my niche. Or rather, I have done a damn good job of identifying what companies should run screaming from me.
I’m certain the good people at Johnson & Johnson have stumbled upon my blog and (aptly) deduced that I am far too lazy to childproof my house with plastic outlet covers, even if they were sent to me free. And I’m sure that Lindsay has figured out that my foul mouth and dirty house is a media shit storm waiting to happen for Graco. (OK, and I might have inadvertently compared her to Don Johnson. Totally on accident!)
But still. Have Blog. Have readers. Must. Have. Free Shit Swag.
In an effort to assist the public relations and marketing masterminds who would so clearly benefit from a relationship with me, I think it’s only prudent to get the ball rolling and offer some suggestions of Free Shit I Would Totally Love To Get products and services that would be well received by myself and my “audience”. I’m proactive like that (read: total asset! yes! you want me!).
Ahem.
I give you, the list of products I would happily sell my soul for:
- Cute shoes. I think it’s safe to say that my readers would welcome
me getting free shoesan honest review of the latest thing in shoe fashion. I have already documented my expertise in the area. I have credibility! Really. (Seriously, Tony, baby, call me.) - Some kind of fancy foreign Au Pair service. I mean, seriously. I may not be the best blogger for a review of Family Safety Tips. But you will clearly not find a better candidate for letting someone else raise your children. So, if you’d like to send some cute little foreign girl to stay in my guest room for a couple years while she cooks and cleans and takes care of all the Not Fun parts of motherhood, I will happily provide a totally unbiased review of your service (wink, wink.) (PS - please send girl who can teach my kids French. Between living in Florida and Dora, they’re doing just fine on the Espanol.)
- Vodka. The Brittini drink is practically iconic already, I assure you. And it’s effects are well known throughout the blogosphere. But we’re still searching for an official Vodka sponsor. Just think, Vodka Company People, you could be associate with this.
- Vasectomies. My husband has already proven that he is willing to surrender his balls for the good of the blog. He’s generous like that. I have no doubt at all that he would gladly succumb to a practically not invasive at all procedure if he was asked nicely.
- Prince. I should warn you, Prince and I have already shared sweat - so it’s going to take more than a free CD (lie! lie! will totally take free Prince CD! and candid photos too!) to make it worth my while. But if you need to, say, promote his awesomeness or new music or OMG WHATEVER YOU WANT, I might be swayed to participate in some kind of exclusive backseat… er… back STAGE, I meant STAGE meet and greet. (Or seat. I would totally be willing to meet and greet him in a backseat. I mean, you know, if it’s necessary.)
I’m sure there are countless other companies that could benefit from my influence and awesomeness. But this will have to do for now. I’m terribly busy, you know.
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Why don’t you just stamp WHORE on your ass and then maybe you’ll get free condoms?
AmyD’s last blog post..Just Another Angry American
April 14th, 2008 at 12:04 am
I love how slutty you are. Pimp it, honey, pimp it!
Karl’s last blog post..The End of an Affair
April 14th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Don’t forget trips to gambling cruises and lesser known European countries. (I’d go ahead and update your passport, just in case.)(And tell them to look me up, too!)
Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..I mite catch a break one of these days
April 14th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Personally, I think you should approach the makers of “The Cone” for a plug for product deal. Then you could be sure of having a good time, with no butt sex!
April 14th, 2008 at 12:18 am
I think I should get free lap dances at strip clubs all over the country in exchange for a review. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m still working on it.
Jay’s last blog post..I Got Yer Wordzzle Right Here …
April 14th, 2008 at 12:25 am
If somebody wanted to fly me to a conference I didn’t hate or offer me an obscene amount of money to pimp something not entirely reprehensible on my blog, I probably wouldn’t refuse. That’s reality. It’s my frickin’ blog, I can do whatever I want with it.
That being said, anybody who thinks that nothing changes after they accept the trip or take the money is fooling themselves. It changes everything, no matter how “transparent” you make it. Your every word suddenly becomes suspect, and there’s no going back.
Just don’t blame your readers if they realize the truth before you do.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I never thought of writing a post blatantly asking for stuff. Damn. I’m stupid.
Sleeping mommy’s last blog post..Sometimes, I just can’t help myself.
April 14th, 2008 at 12:31 am
BTW
AmyD’s last blog post..Just Another Angry American
April 14th, 2008 at 1:02 am
but where counts as fancy exactly, because I can definitely see myself putting on an accent and being an au pair, or just about anything to escape working in sales and debt recovery.
I couldn’t teach french, but I could always teach latin, you know, for next time the pope comes over for supper.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Hell, I’d happily advertise Homebase. Heaven knows I always need knew parts for my pole…
Freelance Guru’s last blog post..Why Do Birds Always Poop On My Car?
April 14th, 2008 at 2:56 am
Good luck. I’ve tried this method. I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Bupkiss.
You’re prettty, though. Pretty girls get everything they want
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..So what? Big Deal.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:36 am
I’m not sure if I qualify as a “Mommy Blogger” or not, but if I am, I’m obviously not doing it right. I don’t get mail swag and I don’t get invited to uber-empowering and swaggeriffic symposiums on extremely important things. And I certainly don’t get invited to cool “camps” sponsored by big conglomerates.
It’s that networking thing again. I suck at it.
Blog Antagonist’s last blog post..No Matter How Good You Are, They Are Always Better
April 14th, 2008 at 6:45 am
” I may not be the best blogger for a review of Family Safety Tips. But you will clearly not find a better candidate for letting someone else raise your children.” Oh, that’s going down in the Best-of-Britt archives.
A word of advice? If you manage to wrangle a free vasectomy… and you insist on being IN THE ROOM when it happens, please, PLEASE don’t lean on your husband so you can get a proper viewing angle… so you can verify (and intensely query) as to what the doc is doing… so you can make absolutely certain that he can never sire children again.
Then again, if you want to do exactly that, I’ll send you Maggie’s email address and she can give you all kinds of tips.
Rich | Championable’s last blog post..Speed kills.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Oh, Britt, you crack me up.
Selma’s last blog post..Don’t Give Up
April 14th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Or maybe Nintendo might want to send you a Wii. I mean, sure, they’ve been out for a while, but a fresh look and affirmation that their product is awesome might be all they need to give them the edge over the PS3.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:30 am
AmyD: I thought of that - but technically, I don’t think my ass gets enough air time to make that valuable to anyone.
Karl: Slutty? Look at my standards here! Vodka is expensive!
Deb on the Rocks: ah yes - I should email that African prince guy back, maybe THAT’s what he wanted.
TSM: what teh hell is The Cone??
Jay: have you written a proposal? I think that’s key. Strippers like a good business plan.
Dave2: whew, baby, the bitterness!
Although - I have yet to be paid shit and people “suspect” me all the time. So, I dunno. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t I guess.
Sleeping mommy: really? Hm. I’m certain this will bring the vasectomy docs running.
AmyD: lol “did that sound too harsh? maybe i should go back…”
Ella: survey says…. Fancy!
When can you start?
Freelance Guru: que es “Homebase”?
Mr. Fabulous: I can’t believe a vodka company wouldn’t be clamoring after you!
Blog Antagonist: yeah, all joking aside, I know I don’t network. And I don’t resent the ladies who do - and who have been doing it for years - good on them.
I want the stuff, but don’t take the time to build the relationships that “count”, apparently. An absurd post is as far as I get. :-)
Rich:
well, you are pretty fertile…
Selma: in a GOOD way though, right?
avitable: BRILLIANT!!!
April 14th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Your husband is brave. I’ve heard it feels like they are trying to pull your ear through your penis, or something like that. I opted to have my own factory shut down because two is enough for me, but if Josh wants to remarry or something (not saying we’re splitting, but, just in case) he’ll have his options open.
I’m not a mommy blogger… now I feel out of place. I’m a boobie blogger though. It wasn’t intentional, it just sorta happened.
Sue’s last blog post..Message In a Bottle
April 14th, 2008 at 8:32 am
We should start a ’shoe blogger’ thing–seriously. We might get Tony’s interest that way and WOW him LOL
I can’t believe you don’t know what The Cone is so here you go
http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Products-Cone-Personal-Massager/dp/B000NBPZZQ
Turnbaby’s last blog post..Six Words
April 14th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I knew you would be selling your soul to the devil soon…..
So cute shoes, vodka, and Prince….Those are all things that are SOOOOOO worth it!
April 14th, 2008 at 8:53 am
I’ve been trying to get a deal with Lucid but every time they call back I can’t find the phone…
April 14th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Let me know how the whole Prince thing works out, m’k?
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..The Voice of An Angel Warrior
April 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am
This is actually a really interesting post… because I actually spoke with a PR Director and asked him why there aren’t more schwag stuff for regular bloggers.
His answer astounded me… but that’s for my own post.
His answer about mommy bloggers astounded me more… that there is no “true mommy authority” so they are forced to literally offer to thousands and see where their best results are and narrow it down from there. You need to actually become an authority on the subject you want schwag for.
So… if you ever want to do a “Vodka Friday” blog… I’d totally set you up with the podcastability. Really.
Better hurry… before one of your lurkers steal my free alcohol idea.
NYCWD’s last blog post..Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 65
April 14th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I want a free lifetime supply of antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications. Surely I could speak from years and years of experience.
Shelli’s last blog post..100 Things, In Parts
April 14th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Um.
Hi!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:12 am
I’m pissed that I didn’t think of this first…
Finn’s last blog post..Is Only Lonely?
April 14th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I just read the Queen’s piece from your link. There is so much I do not know about blogging. SO MUCH.
Anyway, if anyone can do this it’s you. Don’t fret.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..spring fever, dammit!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Oh Lord. A little tweet and I’m going down with the best of them! The fact is, I wasn’t cooler than Don Johnson - so uncool that I wasn’t even allowed to watch his show! Either way- I’m just hear reading like anyone else. Don’t think of me as another PR person (even though I am)- more than that I am a mom of 2 with a sometimes foul mouth so I can relate to a lot of what you say. Thanks for leaving the door open though- duly noted.
Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)’s last blog post..Guest Celebrity Blogger - New Mom and Actress, Jodie Sweetin
April 14th, 2008 at 10:41 am
That would be here, not hear. :)
Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)’s last blog post..Guest Celebrity Blogger - New Mom and Actress, Jodie Sweetin
April 14th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Watch, now that you’ve said what you love, you’ll get Bulldog hollow wall anchors and a lifetime supply of anal lube.
Marissa’s last blog post..Continuing saga of the coat rack and my froufrou dog
April 14th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I wish I could help you with that. GOOD LUCK!!!!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Finally FRIDAY!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Dude, I think your standards are too high. I’d totally crawl in the backseat with just about ANYONE for a new BOOK even…..
Miss Anne Derstood’s last blog post..It’s bloody fucking monday again, ain’t it?
April 14th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Sue: if my husband and I ever split up, I plan to make sure I get 100% of the child support. No sharing mulah with some second family baby!!
Oh, and by “brave”, I assume you mean he’s on to my plan. Which I assure you, he’s not. Yet.
Turnbaby: I am confused.
Which, um, orifice is that supposed to be for??
debkitty: the devil??? The devil does not make cute shoes.
I mean - does he? Because I hadn’t considered that…
RW: what’s that called - occupational hazard?
Britt’s Mom: I might remember to mention it to you.
NYCWD: yeahhhh, I don’t have the attention span to become an expert on anything.
I’m OK with that.
Shelli: oh DAMN! I was going to include that, I forgot.
Poppy: hi?
Finn:? I know, me too.
maggie, dammit:
me too!
I iz not fretting. I iz JOKING!
Lindsay: if you guys ever come out with an umbrella stroller that holds a 100 and I am So Not Telling lb. woman… please let me know.
Marissa: you can get a good price for anal lube on the black market.
themuttprincess: I thought you were going to lead me to Teh Prince?!?!
WTF?!?!
Miss Anne: and people think I’m a whore! Sheesh woman!
April 14th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Seriously. It’s just like high school. If you’re not “in,” you’re not in. The cheerleaders are the ones getting all the swag and us emo? punk rockers? are getting NOTTA.
Corporate America likes “safe.”
April 14th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Contact Tito’s vodka. They are better than Grey Goose.
The Absurdist’s last blog post..Apparently, an inch does make a difference
April 14th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
What? You don’t get free shit for blogging? I get all sorts of offers for shit, not free, but discounted. Viagra, pecker enlargement pills, all sorts of shit…
I had to turn in my nuts shortly after I started blogging, but my insurance paid for it. Thankfully, the doctor wouldn’t let my wife in the room. Let Jared know that it doesn’t hurt any more than putting your testicles in a bench vise. And only for a day or so. It’s all in my archives somewhere..
Nobody™’s last blog post..I’m back
April 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
fuck, I forgot to subscribe to replies.
Nobody™’s last blog post..I’m back
April 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
OK, seriously? I could so do with Rodale’s Scuba Diving magazine finding my blog and sending me on an all-expenses paid trip to Fiji or Tahiti to dive the shit out of one of those places and write an article for them.
Hell, I might never come back!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..One Tired Ghost Hunter
April 14th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Love the way you think. The only stuff I have gotten free so far through blogging was some crappy moisturizer and some water. Who reviews water? What is there to say? It is so wet. Ooooooh.
Oh yeah, and a very nice lady sent me a copy of her book and I promised to read it but I cant get through the first chapter. How can I write a bored review about someone who sent her nice book just because I have twins?
Michele’s last blog post..My Life in the Ladies Room
April 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
stay the f away from prince, bitch. he’s MINE. MINE, I SAY! MINE!
April 14th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Undomestic Diva: heyyyyyy! I was a cheerleader!
The Absurdist: duly noted.
Nobody™: I wonder why I don’t get pecker enlargement pills. Odd.
CMG: no! I cannot endorse you endorsing anything that would take you away from me.
Michele: well, you mean, except for the fact that blogging has exposed you to ME.
And really, what more is there to life after that?
Mitzi Green: sorry. To late. We’ve already danced and swapped sweat.
April 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
TOOOOOO late.
Or, um, “too”.
April 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Don’t feel bad you aren’t the only blog not getting swag. I’d KILL for some free stuff- somebody anybody, need a grain review?
I know a lot more about that then I do parenting products.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
i am eagerly anticipating the shoe photo or video posts. those folks had better get to shipping you some shoes. quick!
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Oh My Fuck! Talk About Synchronicity
April 14th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Miss Britt-
There have been many, many posts of yours that I have agreed with whole-heartedly.
This one is eerie.
If you have a free minute (and I know you have precious few of them - so if you don’t make it over I won’t cry) read my whiney post from this afternoon.
True, I was bitching about the ads I’d like to put on my blog to make money (to buy some of my listed coveted products) but have thus far been stymied by the complex monster that is AdSense. (Don’t laugh - I am a blog newbie and somewhat pigheaded about getting help.)
I have not waded through all the hints and tips to make money from one’s blog.
YOUR post is much more direct and simple - to get those coveted products sent straight to your mailbox.
Once again, I am bowing and scraping.
Damn, you’re smart.
Lori’s last blog post..Me Me Me Me Me
April 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I’d sell out for shoes, purses, wine, tequila, Prince, David Beckham, the chance to rub my body against Dane Cook, or some jewelry. All anyone’s ever offered and sent me was a goddamn bottle of febreeze, and by the time I got it, I thought it was just my husband suggesting I that I should clean the house.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)’s last blog post..My Child Will Taunt You in the Bathroom
April 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Mackenzie’s Momma: I don’t REALLY feel bad. I’m just gonna get out there and get me some good shit!
hello haha narf: see?!?! Audience loves it!!! (thanks
)
Lori: lol, oh Lord, in reality, I have no CLUE how to make money on my blog. And that’s OK.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy): LOL - I got some free lotion from Wal-Mart that I requested!
April 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am
LOL! Great post.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I was talking about this with Neil at Citizen of the Month, and we want more free shit! I think I’d likely sell out for much less than you, though. Free iTunes gift cards. Some Home Depot shit. Legos. Y’know?
kapgar’s last blog post..On the Dark Side, woah, yeah…
April 15th, 2008 at 11:07 am
SWAG rules! Vasectomies are no sweat, been there done that, easy as pie. Schedule the deed on a good sports weekend, grab a case of beer and it’s a perfect weekend. Except for the swollen sore bean bags, it’s definitely easier than birthing a baby.
Hockeyman’s last blog post..Have you ever…
April 15th, 2008 at 11:21 pm