I bet you thought my husband was the only man I would trot in front of the Internet for my own amusement. Didn’t you?
Well, you were wrong.
My disrespect for manhood extends far beyond the narrow confines of The Man I Have Sex With. My irreverence knows no bounds. And yours shouldn’t either.
To prove my point, today we begin with a subject who is in no way at all my husband:
My boss.
(OK, so if you know my boss you might suspect he is an easy target. Play along.)
Once he is good and tied down comfortable, it is best to get to work quickly before he comes to his senses. In other words, roll up his pants and fill up the tub – so that it would be awkward for him to try and leave.
Before she pulls his hooves feet out of the water, it is helpful to thank the nice Asian lady. A lot.
After much poking and prodding and clipping and scraping and rubbing and cutting and shaving and tweezing… it is important to stop and check on The Subject.
And then, once you’ve ensured that everything is fine…
You break out the Purple Polish.
And that, my dear readers, is how you take another bite out of manhood.
Want to see the pretty purple piggies in all their glory? Bask in their awesomeness here.
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Posted in Photo Essays Tagged: avitable, metrosexual, pedicure, photo blog, photo essay
OMFG BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I was laughing at the photos on the way down but the last one nearly made me die because I was sucking in on my cigarette and nearly choked the fuck to death. Haaaaaaaaaa!
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Your skills in Photoshop have improved dramatically.
Or you found a really good look alike for Avi.
Or…
Or…
Or he has absolutely lost his fucking mind!!! :crazy:
Did you make him drink your kool-aid?
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Oh thank god my dinner has digested!
Thanks for the laugh!!
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Did you get him to load up on hair and skin products too?
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haha. ha. Good, I think he needed that to prove that he does in fact have a vagina.
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HOOOOORRRRAAAAYYYYYYY!!!
I LOVE this boy!
And I want a pedicure SOOOOOO bad!!!
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Oh Lord, If I can face seeing it all again, I am showing this to my 15 year old son tomorrow. He had his pedicure last week. He wanted to kill me. At least I didn’t have to try and saw through dinasaur toenails!
Shit, I didn’t get them painted though! Always next time.
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Avitable’s a pretty pretty princess!
I am so jealous.
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OMG – too cute!
Britt, can you do a how to on how to add lettering to pictures like that in photoshop please. Or email me REALLY SIMPLIFIED WITH PICTURES directions?
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Wow, you must have promised him some major sexual favors to get him in that chair. Though I’ll admit I’ve had pedicures before and really dug them. Seriously, a massage chair and a nice warm foot bath? Nice.
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Is he still pissed about it? I mean… normally he comments by NOW.
And you think I’M bad about my detest of all things male… you just hide yours better.
Of course, not so much after today.
hgreatone:
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I can feel his heel scraping pain as he grabs onto the chair.
Otherwise fucking funny.
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Haha! How you two don’t have your own sitcom yet is a great mystery!
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Is there any man that cannot be metrosexualised?
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Oh geez I’m sobbing laughing here! The hand gripping the chair – priceless! I can’t type, seriously, laughing so hard!!
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that, my friends, is the photo definition of priceless. i was with you all along, thinking that it really is not a big deal to get a pedicure & that adam would enjoy it once he realized how good it feels to have your feet massaged by some crazy lady who speaks in tongues. but the purple paint?!??!! shitfuck, even I don’t use purple paint! wow. just wow!
love you two.
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p.s. why can’t i get the link to them in all of their glory? what did adam do to the link?
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BEST. POST. EVER.
I can die a happy man now.
That pedicurist lady should have received hazardous duty pay for dealing with those feet.
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Total awesomeness!
It’s about damn time someone did something about his feet!
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I meant that in the most loving way…no offense to Adam or anything…
I keep forgetting that no one can hear my “voice” when I type!
:crazy:
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By the way, my post is working now. I don’t know why it wasn’t working before.
I keep looking down and surprising myself with my own feet!
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Awww, what adorable feetsies… I’m impressed. You got game, Britt…
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Ummmmm…could you write me a note? I don’t think I feel well enough to go to school today.
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Man, that is one brave, brave, brave woman.
I wonder what I’d have to do to get my man in for a pedicure.
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That’s hawt!
Why’d you leave out the photo with the belt sander?
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HAHAHA!! You have TOTALLY given me a reason to take Misk to the salon now!! If Avitable can do it so can he!
Although, I probably run the risk of making te pedicure lady losing her lunch since Misk has GROSS NASTY SCAR TISSUE on his feet….
muahahaha!
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Well, that’s pretty awesome.
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That’s beautiful, maybe I should take Erik for a pedi…I think he’d like it a lot. He’s always painting his toenails anyway.
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Girl, you gotta make sure he wears those beautiful purple toes to TC!
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OMG DYING LAUGHING!!! You are a goddess.
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Now that’s a REAL friend!!
I almost died at the pic of Avi gripping the chair!!
Now, can you get my hubs to get a pedi too? Just show him yer tatas, I’ll let you.
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Wait. Did you show him your boobs or not?
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That rocks!!!
hgreatone:
Showing it to The Chief. Let’s see if he will dare to defy me after that. I’ll tell him I’ll have Miss Britt on his case if he doesn’t…
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Britt, that is awesome.
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YOU.FUCKING.RAWK!
OMG awesome!!! That lady will be talking about his feet for months–omg I hope he tipped her accordingly.
I know who is going next *giggling*
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Dear God! You must have some spectacular dirt on him for Avi to do this!! :lmao:
You DO have dirt on him right?
It was a dare??? PLEASE SAY IT WAS A DARE AND NOT HIS CHOICE!!!
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Now that takes guts! Anyone who would touch those feet deserves a metal.
But they do look a little bit better. He needs to go every other week for a bit longer (like maybe a year)
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The both of you are fucking awesome. Do you talk about how to shock your following first before doing these kinds of things? I would seriously like to know what the Asian lady was thinking that whole time. Thanks for the laugh… I SO needed it :lmao:
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And ya know, it’s amazing how good they look!! So what’d you black mail that man with??? HMMMM????
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Way too sexy! :cheese:
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beautiful!
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Kentucky Girl: Oh God – I’m glad you didn’t choke. I’d hate to have your death on my hands!
NYCWD: We serve no Kool-Aid here. Only Crystal Light.
Jen: any time!
Jay: the man already has more hair and skin products than I do.
Amanda: next step – tampons.
Britt’s Mom: make Creed go with you.
Mary: it’s not a pedicure without polish.
Dave2: you want me to make you an appointment in Philly? I’ll hold your hand.
bluepaintred: I emailed you – I’m not sure if that’s what you were looking for though. Let me know if you were wondering about something else.
Karl: nope, no sexual favors. You seriously underestimate the power of my awesomeness.
AmyD: what do you mean? Here you can see I am clearly CELEBRATING manhood. :angel:
kim: the scraping doesn’t hurt though! He’s just a pussy.
Creed: you bring up an excellent point. Who here knows a Hollywood producer?
Ella: I don’t think so.
Penelope:
yay! I love laughing so hard you cry!
hello haha narf: yeah, he screwed up his link. It’s working now.
Mr. Fabulous: oh believe me, she did.
Lisa: I know – they were skeeving me out. I’ve been trying to get him to have this done for MONTHS.
avitable: ohhh Adam, there are so many jokes I could make right now.
But, well, it just doesn’t seem fair now. Considering.
Miss Anne Derstood: thank you *bows* thank you *bows* *blows kisses to the crowd* *waves like a winner* thank you
Kimberly: Dear Kimberly’s school -
She has been traumatized by man feet. She will need to stay home today.
Signed,
Miss Britt
(how was that?)
Nat: I recommend bribery and much stomping of feet.
kapgar: actually, much to my surprise, they don’t use belt sanders here. They did in Iowa – must be some kind of code or something.
Cissa Fireheart: yes! yes! carry our message onward!
Rich: see what you’re missing?
Robin: oh you absolutely should! They feel AWESOME – and men get treated like VIPs in the salon too.
The Absurdist: well, I don’t think he’ll be able to get it off himself – and I’m refusing to help…
Karen Sugarpants: I’m just a humble servant, doing the Lord’s work. :angel:
sam: I assure you – my tatas do not inspire. I recommend berating instead.
Nobody™: MY boobs? Oh God no. No one wants to see that. Believe me.
DutchBitch: damn straight, keep that man in line!
Mike: well thank you.
Turnbaby: well *I* tipped her – and she wanted her own pictures. lol
metalmom: well, I do have dirt – but that was unnecessary.
I simply bargained with the possibility of my company at lunch.
Funny thing? I am totally not kidding. That was our deal.
Trishk: yep, that’s what the manicurist said, “You bring him back here every two weeks. Two weeks! It not hurt so bad you do TWO WEEKS!”
Mindy: lol, no, we don’t talk about how to “shock our following”. LOL It more goes like “OMG, I wonder if I could make him do THIS… hey… adam?”
Robina: having lunch by himself.
debkitty: lol, oh yeah, absolutely.
Jules: awww, he’ll appreciate that.
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I hope you tipped her at least 50%. AT LEAST. That’s fucking amazing, and she’s a very brave woman…lol.
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Where the fuck AM I ans who ARE you people!?
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And what have you done to my ability to spell???
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It wasn’t the scraping that hurt. It was the tickling. I almost kicked her in the face once, so I had to hold on tight to avoid that from happening.
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OMG this so rocks! What cute little cupcake toes he has now!
I laughed at him gripping on to the chair because I do that too but only because I hate getting a pedicure. Don’t kick me out of the girly club though…I DO it cause beauty is pain but I hate it!
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Aw, damn! Avitable torture! FUN!
Thanks for the laughs, hon!
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I hope you tipped that poor woman well; I still have nightmares about how his feet looked.
Think he’ll keep the polish on until TequilaCon? Maybe we can all go get pedis together!
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OH. MAH. GAH.
I am
I am thoroughly revol — no,
no
SPEECHLESS.
I am speechless.
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I think I just threw up a little. No offense to your boss. Who looks like a very nice man.
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I think you deserve a raise.
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oh man, it was a pedi day? fab!
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Your photo essays are the best. Purple! Unbelievable.
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What about the HAIR Britt?? THE HAIR!! sheez. Who cares about his toe nails! Could we discuss his lack of body hair grooming???
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Yeah, I agree with Claudia – we need to get him manscaped. I mean, he’s gotten a pedi, so what’s the problem? He can handle it. We’re relying on you Miss Britt!
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And his feet are so white! He has “golfer’s feet” meaning his tan line stops at his ankles. Just like my husband does (um, minus the purple nail polish – there ain’t enough tequila on the planet to get him to do THAT!)
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One question…how many pair of nail clippers did she destroy in the process?
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You are my hero. HERO!!!!
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Squeaky Wheel: I think it worked out to about 80% tip, actually.
RW: aw, man, I’m hurt.
avitable: I forgot about that. That was funny.
Or at least, it could have been.
Hilly: I think getting a manicure hurts like a sonofabitch.
CMG: it is fun, Condi was right!
Finn: I’ll do my best to keep them purple.
maggie:
now I know you’re lying.
All Adither: you don’t love man feet? Doesn’t everyone love man feet?
OK, I think I just threw up a little too.
themuttprincess: me too.
Crys: you should come with us next time.
Black Belt Mama: why thank you.
claudia hall christian: he takes care of that himself once a week.
MyWeeWorld: he gets waxed and shaved once a week!
Bonnie B.: I know, it looks fake it’s so bad.
Trukindog: I only counted two.
Sybil Law:
I get that a lot.
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I had a pedicure once. But I also got sex afterwards, too.
So where was the picture of the boobs? Did it not make the post? Get deleted?
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:heartbeat: Wow! I only got my husband (then fiance) to get a manicure once for his raggedy cuticles and chewed nails and only for the wedding. Now, he would laugh at me and he’s one of the most metrosexual, cosco drinking, frittata cooking men who does laundry and dishes that I know. He even drives a Mini Cooper which I believe is a chick car.
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Good Lord, I love you. :clap:
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I also let him know that I thought so as well. Because, I knew you thought so. How could you not?
You got your BOSS to get a PEDI with colored POLISH!!!!!!!!!!
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You are terrible. I love you.
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Wonder what Hermione will say about those?? The person I mean not the ‘tiddler’!
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You are my freakin’ hero. I didn’t really see him as a ‘purple’ nail polish person but damn it suits him!
A goddess are you!
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You are teh magnifico. Inspired and inspiring!!!!!
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Well, at least you selected a manly shade of purple.
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I’m so speechless… I wonder even if I could convince Mr. Incredible to do it, if this small town could handle a guy wanting one….
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this has completely made my day.
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I am truly amazed. You have a gift. Please promise me you will use your powers for good and not for evil.
J.
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martymankins: oh there were no boobs. There are never boobs when I promise them.
Scout’s Honor: getting laughed at is OK, when it’s for a good cause.
Maria: he he he, the things that inspire love just amuse the hell out of me.
themuttprincess: this is true. I need to add that to my resume.
Suebob: terribly AWESOME!
gail: ummm… ??
Bec: remember that whole “hero” bit, I might ask you to repeat that. Soon.
Tracy Lynn: we all have to do our part to make the world a better place. :angel:
Deb on the Rocks: sweet. I’ve been going for “inspiring” forEVER!
Emily: I think that’s what it was called. A “manly shade of purple”.
Mrs. Nobody: oh honey, I know where you live. Don’t. He’ll be hung.
ali: glad to help.
HoosierGirl: I can promise MOSTLY good.
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Those are huge feet. And just the thought of clipping someone else’s toenails makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
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I don’t think I could do pedicures. I tickle myself when I touch my feet.
You have very pretty toes.
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That is totally hot. Especially the purple polish.
Drool. :clap:
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Okay, the nail polish was a bit over the top! But then again, what with all of the grooming, primping, & preening that even regular guys are expected do these days, it’s enough to make you wonder… Are we all becoming metrosexual?
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So I’m browsing my Google Reader recommendations because I’m sick and don’t feel like working…up comes your blog. This post convinced me to hit the subscribe button and stick around. Girl, you made my Sunday!
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One word: awesome.
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