As most of you know by now, one of our own is facing the battle of for her life. Again.
For those of you who don’t, allow me to quickly summarize: Lisa of Clusterfook.com finds herself battling cancer for the third time. She has two daughters and a husband and a life worth fighting for.
As you might guess, there is something you can do financially to help.
But, my friends, it is not enough. Sure, you can open up your wallets and help Lisa and her family enjoy a break from their new reality. We can help ease the strain of medical bills and loss of income. We can make sure she gets wigs and food and household bills paid while she searches for new ways to keep time with her daughters.
But Lisa, the greedy little bitch, wants more.
When she first shared her diagnosis with her blog friends, she made a specific request of all of us. It was simple and clear. And held the possibility to change the world.
Gratitude.
She asked us to remember, and to share, what we were thankful for.
In the days since that first announcement, Lisa has had more to say - both publicly and privately - about what she wants of us. Of you. Of me. Of people who hear of her story. She has talked about how this thing, this cancer that keeps invading her life, could mean more.
How it could maybe not, as she said, “have been for nothing”.
Peace, Lisa says. Let us all find peace. Let us all bring peace to those around us. Let us realize that there are bigger things than anger and fear and resentment. Let us remember to take better care of one another, and of ourselves.
And let us all learn to find comfort in inappropriate humor.
No, seriously. I’m not making that last part up.
The other day Lisa claims to have experienced a blissfully “tear free” day because of “inappropriate humor”. Apparently, she’s started getting by on fart jokes and sexual innuendos or something.
I know, it sounds weird. But the fucking woman’s got cancer, you know? Who am I to argue with her tactics? Whatever works for her. (She always has been a little fucking whacky if you want to know the truth.)
I’ve been trying to do my part. I don’t bitch quite as loudly when my daughter wakes me up at five in the morning… because, well, thank God - you know?
And I’ve also been threatening to kick Lisa’s ass on an almost daily basis. I figure, it really doesn’t get more inappropriate than threatening to beat up a woman with cancer. Right? (Although, to be fair, I’m only 5′2 and Lisa is kind of tough - I think this is really my best chance to take her.)
Now, it’s your turn.
Be kind. Be grateful. Hold close to the ones you love.
And send the fart jokes to Lisa.
You can do it in her comments at Clusterfook.
You can also Rickroll the shit out of her via email at lisaclusterfook at gmail dot com.
I expect to hear about some horridly dirty jokes coming from you people. I think it’s the least you can do.
Lisa, baby, this is for you:
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all of my fart humor comes from actually ripping them and playing fart tennis with friends / family. i’ll keep my ears open for great fart jokes, though!
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Seeing Red
April 7th, 2008 at 12:31 am
dude, i had the first comment over here. wow…
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Seeing Red
April 7th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Woman,
I’d want you in my corner any day of the week.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:35 am
I agree with everything you said here,
, but I have one concern…
Isn’t RickRollin’ considered a torture device by the UN?
I’ve always aspired to be more than a petty thug… is war criminal a step up?
I hope so!
NYCWD’s last blog post..Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 64
April 7th, 2008 at 5:41 am
I
you. I’m doing the psychotic laughing/crying thing. Thank you for making me laugh.
Lisa’s last blog post..Bionic Biopsy
April 7th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Oh, this is going to require some research. Rock on.
Rich | Championable’s last blog post..Briefly: Evil shops.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Yep. It makes perfect sense to me. When my husband left me and I was financially destitute and was suffering from constant panic attacks…one of my salvations: America’s Funniest Videos.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I’m presently going through my archives of all the jokes where the prostitute says something crude to the bishop. I’m also feeling a little gassy. I’ll send them off tomorrow. Until then - bless you, Lisa. Your sense of humour is uplifting. And Britt - what would we do without you?
Selma’s last blog post..Back Where We Started
April 7th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Dirty jokes offend me. I only tell clean jokes.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Oh my gosh I should just publish my autobiography. It’s basically an encyclopedia of fart jokes and inappropriate humor.
Baby, you rock.
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..The Best Date of My Life - Ever!
April 7th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Fart jokes are the best. And I love you, blonde tornado.
ADW’s last blog post..Mea Culpa and Florida Here I Come!!!
April 7th, 2008 at 8:13 am
The only fart jokes I know is when my husband farts in my face.
He’s so gross.
Jen’s last blog post..Silent Sunday
April 7th, 2008 at 8:25 am
and today I know not one joke. I can think of bits and pieces, but I can’t seem to remember the whole damn thing!
I will head over when the coffee kicks in!
debkitty’s last blog post..HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!!!!
April 7th, 2008 at 8:52 am
hello haha narf: OMG, maybe not fart - but I would bet money you could rattle off some dirty jokes at the drop of a HAT woman!
Mary: tee hee - I am fierce!
NYCWD: it absolutely is. You even get your name on a list.
Lisa: and they were doin’ it naked. YAH!
Rich: hehehe - the mind boggles at what you could come up with.
Musing: you should have seen my mother and I when my Nana died. We have no boundaries, I’m tellin’ ya.
Selma: I shudder to think. :)
avitable: I know, you’re so delicate.
Britt’s Mom: you really SHOULD publish an autobiography you know.
ADW: I love you too hot stuff. Too bad I don’t have video of you from Saturday. You’re like a walking fart joke.
Jen: heh, now, if you could please… bottle that…
debkitty: just show your boobs then. I bet she’d like that.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Again with the rickroll! Some day I’m going to bother to educate myself on why the entire world is using that word.
I feel like Fab today… old and clueless.
(HEHEHEHEHE)
April 7th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I will have to do some fart joke research, the only one I know is from way back in primary school.
Additionally you get bonus points for being the blogger that name me finally decide I should get back to writing.
Thanks
April 7th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I will see what dirty, funny, nasty jokes I can come up with.
Anything to help!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Only one word…. (stolen from Patti!!)
April 7th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Great piece. I just found Lisa the other day and I was really moved and saddened by what is going on with her.
And I’m all about helping anyone with anything for any reason with inappropriate humor.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I guess what I’m saying is, can’t we all just get along, bitches?
April 7th, 2008 at 10:58 am
My entire family has this naughty habit of coming up with inappropriate things at the most inappropriate time.
Comedy tops all. Right Britt?
Amy’s last blog post..Ritualistic = Sexy
April 7th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Oh…so dirty jokes do count…YES!!! I should be ashamed that I know so many but ….nah!
Jer’s last blog post..Bayou Bash 2008
April 7th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Jokes are not my forte, but may I suggest the following: http://www.deviantgoods.com/products/chemo-flattop.html
Finn’s last blog post..Planet Of The Apes
April 7th, 2008 at 11:31 am
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,”Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.” After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7.”
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and say, “Touchdown, tie score.” Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says,”Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14.”
Now the pressure’s on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains really hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he soils the bed.
The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”
The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides”.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Keeping Up With The Boys
April 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
An old man and woman go to bed, but the old man keeps blowing massive farts that lift the bedcovers. The old woman says “Keep doing that and you’ll shit yer guts out!” But the old man continues to do it.
To teach him a lesson, before he wakes up, the old woman puts some chicken guts next to the man’s arse.
Ten minutes later when the man wakes up he runs downstairs and shouts “You were right! I shat my guts out! But it’s alright now, I put them back in.”
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Keeping Up With The Boys
April 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Bwahahahaha! Karen cracks my shit up. I think humor, especially inappropriate humor, is a great healer. I’ll have to think of some jokes. I’m so old now that jokes just dribble right out my ears.
Karl’s last blog post..The Column That Will Not Appear in Today’s Paper
April 7th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Dangit! I had a great fart video and now I can’t find it! But I did send her something funny.
Robina’s last blog post..You just never know
April 7th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Poppy: if it makes you feel any better, it’s a very, very old jerk that is just getting new life again recently.
Ella: cool - although, was it like a “fuck if SHE can do this, anyone can!” inspiration?
themuttprincess: I bet you have 10 on the tip of your tongue.
Sarcastic Mom: me too. Nothing is as uplifting as laughter at a funeral. Right?
Amy: absolutely.
Jer: of course they count! The dirtier the better.
Finn: a little bird told me that something similar to that may be on it’s way to her right. now.
Karen Sugarpants:
Oh God. That is awesome.
Why do far jokes always happen to “old” people?
April 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Karl: yeah, she’s a riot.
Robina: a VIDEO? Oh man. This must be found!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
haha, no actually it was a
“if she can be a good mother, work, have time to have fun and blog, what is my excuse again”
April 7th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
I’m terrible with jokes, but I can try to maintain please and I sure can find things to be grateful for.
And, Britt? You RAWK.
Shelli’s last blog post..My Baby Girl
April 7th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Yer a good girl, Britt. A good good friend.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Because I can’t afford to lose readers EVERY day….
April 7th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
I like this idea a lot. Now I’m on the hunt for the perfect fart joke to send to Lisa. What a noble quest!
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..There’s A Reason We Have Instincts
April 7th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
[...] for this post is, you can read about it here and you can help here and find out other ways to help here. I’m not good with jokes, but I can surely say what I am grateful [...]
April 8th, 2008 at 1:05 am