Dear Dumb Ass,
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been running my ass off for the last several weeks.
I’ve driven hundreds of fucking miles. I’ve circled the airport terminal more times than I care to count. I’ve washed sheets and remade guest beds. I’ve planned outings and excursions and meals from a pantry that hasn’t been stocked in 3 weeks. I’ve been to the beach for something like 96 hours. I’ve spent another 57 or so at one amusement park or another.
Oh. And? I’ve been working full time.
My days have consisted of getting up, going to work, rushing home to entertain, collapsing into bed, and getting up the next morning to do the whole fucking thing over again.
Except on weekends. On those special days I have gotten up, dashed off to the most recent tourist attraction, and entertained until my feet cried and I eventually fell asleep.
Oh. And? Gotten up extra early two Saturdays to keep an appointment that you made, but couldn’t be bothered to get your happy fucking ass home in time for.
As absolutely ecstatic as I am to have been able to spend this time with family and friends, here’s a news flash for you: I’m tired. Fucking exhausted. I spend the afternoons and evenings fantasizing about some much needed and too long postponed down time.
I’m hanging on by my toe nails here, and feeling guilty as hell because I don’t feel like I have enough to give.
So excuse the fuck out of me if you’re offhanded remark that I haven’t “talked to you much” lately irked me, just a tad. And I am so, so terribly sorry that your observation that I don’t seem like I “really want to” spend time with your parents pushed me over the damned edge.
Hello? Was that not me that just spent alllll weekend between tourist destinations? Was that not me that got the guest room ready one more fucking time and restocked towels on more fucking time and offered to drive to the airport one more fucking time in preparation of their arrival? Was that not me that was home and making plans for dinner long before you brought your happy oblivious ass home from work?
Don’t you fucking dare act like I haven’t been just as much (if not more, fuck you very much) involved with their visit. That was ME that encouraged them to stay for 12 days instead of 6 - remember? That was ME that assured them they were ALWAYS welcome in our home, no matter how much company we’d had before. And it was ME who gave them lists and lists and lists of things that they could do.
And now you’re going to play the “see, this is why I don’t talk about my feelings” card?
PuhLEEEEEZE.
Play that passive aggressive manipulation game on someone who hasn’t seen your ability to turn a cold shoulder to my responses. Maybe they will believe that you’re just so damned sensitive, you simply can’t stand the idea of anything you doing upsetting me.
You don’t “talk about your feelings” because you’re afraid of your big bad wife? You’re afraid you’ll have to “deal with [me] feeling inadequate”? Oh boo fucking hoo. Seriously. I have neither the time nor the energy to deal with that bullshit right now.
And do you know WHY?
Because for the next 6 days, I will be spending time with our family.
Asshole.
Signed,
Your Wife
PS: You should seriously consider investing in a day planner. And schedule the last three days of the month or so that your wife will be hormonally incapable of dealing with your shit. FYI.
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I know that I have “Britt has PMS” on my calendar every month from like the 28th until the 2nd or 3rd of the next month. It reminds me to buy salty things and snacks and toss them outside your door, then hide in my office. Thank you, Outlook!
April 1st, 2008 at 5:50 pm
So…what you’re trying to say, and rather eloquently at that, is you’re horny?
Karl’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Mom, Alyson, and Ashley
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:14 am
i am so impressed with you, putting this post up. writing it must have felt great, but i don’t know if i could have hit publish. good for you.
hope your get some rest soon. hate that you are going mad with all the extras on top of working and taking care of the kids.
can’t wait to buy you a margarita in philly!
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Jiggity Jig
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 am
I so hope your husband is doing something really, really, really nice for you right now!
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:53 am
Dude, get Britt a massage, STAT.
flutter’s last blog post..The first annual “I wanna be on flutter’s blogroll!”-apalooza
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:21 am
aaaaaaaaahahahahaha avi’s comment just made me laugh for like 2 minutes straight…in my dorm room…alone…on a tuesday night! haha!
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
I love you… that’s all…
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 am
Ooooooohhhhhh…what does Mommy always tell you?
Release Your Inner Bitch!
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..You Call This A Day Off?!?!?
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:49 am
So I’m guessing he didn’t advance to the bonus round here…
Avitable is a very smart man.
And I am now grateful for the fact that I went into sudden menopause at age 37
Lisa’s last blog post..Dear Blog Friends
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:59 am
Men are so fucking stupid ( have to make exception for avitable….dude, that’s brilliant).
Hang in there, sweetie, and drink heavily.
xo
Kimberly’s last blog post..A Perfect Post - March ‘08
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:09 am
Oh man, will you write one of these letters to my husband? And title it, “I’m not cleaning the house until you’re not a Dick anymore.”
Miss Ann Thrope, or Someone Else’s last blog post..Poll dancin’…
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 am
Wow. *I* feel guilty.
Rich | Championable’s last blog post..Office-Build-Cam - Live!
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:32 am
You are a saint despite your constant use of the “greatest adverb in history” and, yes, I was keeping track.
Go crash. Or beat on Av. Whichever will work best for you.
kapgar’s last blog post..There is no other place I’d rather be…
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:42 am
Ouch! Remind me to never make you angry when you have PMS!
debkitty’s last blog post..What would you Do???
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:37 am
Yihaaaaaaaa Bring it On Bitch!
* ouch *
DutchBitch’s last blog post..To Skid or Not To Skid
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 am
avitable: where’s my popcorn then, fucker?
Karl: yes. Yes. that’s exactly it.
hello haha narf: why is it a big deal that I hit publish? Because Jared might read it?
Believe me - he knows I was pissed.
Tracy: he did call and apologize. Profusely. And was very.. um… careful last night. LOL
flutter: I second that!
Creed: LMAO - welcome to my life. Sitting in a room, laughing out loud to myself.
tori:
thanks sweetie. I won’t bit you, I promise. LOL
Britt’s Mom: release? I don’t think she’s ever been restrained.
Lisa: well the GOOD thing is, he called and apologized.
So he lives.
Kimberly: I have discovered a new favorite red wine.
Unfortunately, the bottle is now empty. LOL
Miss Ann: I think I have that saved as a draft somewhere….
Rich: well, good. Now… rub my feet!
kapgar: yes, that’s me. Saint Britt Marie.
debkitty: consider this your official reminder!
DutchBitch: who you callin’ Bitch?
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:03 am
My usual response would be to lock myself in my room, put the covers over my head and let him spend the next 24 hours dealing with his family and children.
Thsi is what earned me my status with the in-laws as a high-maintenance bitch.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
Forget the brother I asked about in the flowers and soda post…..GET WITH IT JARED! Its the 2000’s now….stop living in the past and help a sister out! Id help you Britt, but Im a single mom of two kids and trying to get my own shit together!
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
i think when some men perceive things as going well, they think ALL is well and don’t really SEE what their wife might be doing behind the scenes to make it happen.
like my husband. i’ll literally cook for hours and hours and clean as i go, all to feed whatever group happens to be in the house, and all he knows is that “wow, everyone’s laughing, so my shit is good!” or “wow, that tastes awesome”, but at no time does he think “wow, my wife’s been working for literally nineteen hundred hours in the kitchen and i’ve been drinking beer the whole time watching March Madness.”
and so when i get kind of irritated about it, it literally SHOCKS HIM. “i thought we were having a good time? i thought you liked to cook?” because HE was having a good time. see? SEE?!
i call it purposeful obtuseness. and that’s JUST what it is.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 am
I was going to say something along the same lines and Crys but less nicely. You know, something to the effect that men seem to think we have magical fairies and animals doing the shit for us therefore we should not get tired or cranky.
Anyway, I’ve got a cocktail here with your name on it. Drink up!
Hilly’s last blog post..I’ve Got A Good Mind To Throw It All Away….
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m SORRY! I know you aren’t talking to me, but I was shaking a little nervously by the end of that….
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 am
You lasted much longer than I would have. By this point I would be in a hotel and telling everyone else to go shove it.
NEO’s last blog post..Last night was a good night
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
You are my hero.
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Allergies suck!
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
I love your Mom - Release your inner-bitch. ahahaha… I don’t have one. Deep down, I have only a shrug.
You inspire with your passions! Hey you’ll be drinking very very soon!
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
We are going to have so much to talk about at TequilaCon. I think we’re married to slightly different versions of the same person.
Finn’s last blog post..The Next Act
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Dude, if you keep holding back like that, you’re gonna stroke out. You should learn to express your feelings. You know, tell us how you really feel.
Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..Post 684: My Team Of Terrorist Goat Taking Cohorts
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:05 am
That’s a pretty elaborate way of saying you aren’t having sex while his parents are in the house. Dontcha think?
Amy’s last blog post..Only Wednesday?
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:09 am
Little Miss Sunshine State: I refused to go to Easter once in order to “make a point”.
I’m pretty sure that memory has stuck with them.
Just Me: well, to be fair, he’s 95% good husband and 5% oblivious dumb ass. Those aren’t bad odds.
Crys: my husband has MASTERED the doe eyed “wha??” look.
Hilly: shortly after we moved in together, I had a talk with him about the Laundry Fairy. And the Clean Towel Fairy. And the Hot Meal Fairy.
And the fact that those bitches still lived at his mom’s house.
Cary: you’re forgiven.
NEO: but I LIKE people. Really. I do!!
themuttprincess: it’s reciprocal, I assure you.
claudia hall christian: I don’t think I’ve ever shrugged in my life.
Ever.
Finn: I’ll take notes to prepare.
Tracy Lynn: I know, I’m so reserved.
Amy: I didn’t even mention the feeble attempts to grope me in the closet the other afternoon.
Like.. seriously dude?!? Seriously?!?!?
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am
No way in HELL I would have taken on what you have taken on this past month. You are a better woman than I. Seriously, I’m amazed that you lasted this long without blowing your stack–PMS or not.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..I love a treasure hunt
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:16 am
I had popcorn last night! Num!
Did I tell you about the shirt I’m wearing to TequilaCon? It’s gonna be sweet!
(Sorry. :) )
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
I am just going to stay out of your way.
But I do want to thank you, I know what to say when my husband is being a passive aggressive tard.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:23 am
As do I, but in short doses and far between. No really I like being around good, decent people, who don’t stab you in the back when you turn around. In the real world it seems like that is what is always around me.
NEO’s last blog post..Last night was a good night
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:41 am
Boys are dumb. (I had a whole long comment thought out but those three words do a pretty good job of summing it up) :)
Erin’s last blog post..More on….The Beatles! Sort of. Well. Not Really.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
I can so relate to this post. Hang in there girl!
craze’s last blog post..Viva Las Vegas
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Sometimes men just suck. No, that isn’t an eloquent retort, nor a helpful comment…but all I was thinking when I read your post was…”Jared sucks.” Then I thought about how my husband is around his parents, and I thought, “Men suck.”
So that’s my contribution. Sorry.
Stephanie’s last blog post..It’s a Mother Fuckin’ Shoe Post, Y’All….
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Miss Britt YOU. ARE. MY. HERO!!!!
This is how I feel about my husband about 75% of the time lately. except different.
Maybe I will write a post. he doesn’t read my blo ganyway, so there’s no worry he’ll give a fuck anyway.
But yeah, I felt like telling my husband to go fuck himself yesterday too. Big Props to you for actually venting it.
Cissa Fireheart’s last blog post..No knows what it’s like to be me….
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
My husband goes golfing for that whole week.
And does this
every when he gets orders to deploy because that means he’s got at least a year of not having to deal with me and my PMS.
Most men can’t help but
at something until said something stabs them.
Marissa’s last blog post..End in sight?
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Are you KIDDING me? In the closet? REALLY?!?!?!
Sometimes, I wonder about that
boyman.Hide the TAMPONS! But let’s have a quickie in the closet!
Amy’s last blog post..Only Wednesday?
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Maybe you should be a little more direct and tell him how you really feel…. ouch
Willie G’s last blog post..strength of the one
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Every day you just prove yourself to be more and more the perfect woman - you really are raising the bar high for the rest of us!
Bec’s last blog post..Let’s Talk About Sex
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Go girl! Good for you making your point. I hope you are getting some TLC now. Hang in there!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Hey, how did you get that letter? I could swear I burned it after I wrote it to MY HUSBAND.
Yeah they’re all the same, aren’t they. Asswipes.
Candy’s last blog post..!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I’d put up shoes and chocolate but you don’t have those
turnbaby’s last blog post..Urban Haiku
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:07 pm
You know, our husbands are so good so much of the time… But why is it that when we need their help the most, they drop the fucking ball, and break it, and leave the pieces for us to pick up?
Dumbasses. Keep giving him hell, honey.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..Losing It, Or Lost It Already?
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Step away from the computer, darling. Suit up and dive into a stiff drink. Put your feet up and let the world whiz by you. We’ll still be here when you’re ready to come back.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Ghost.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Wow, no pressure for a mother’s day thank you now! Good luck to Mr. Miss Britt on that one, and kudos to you for being such a great host. Hopefully it doesn’t go fully un-noticed. Sometimes us husbands say and do really dumb things.
Hockeyman’s last blog post..Friends and Cultures
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Sleeping Mommy: welllll…. I may have blown up one other time.
Poppy:
:lmao: You are soooo bad!
Jen, South Florida: I’m all better not. Threat averted!
NEO: ouch.
Erin: yep, they can be. That about sums it up.
craze: I’m doing muuuch better today. YAY for no more PMS!
Stephanie: sometimes simple is the way to go!
Cissa Fireheart: ouch - I don’t know what I’d do if I felt like this 75% of the time. But it’d be more dangerous than venting I’m sure.
Marissa: maybe I should encourage golfing.
Amy:
I know!
Willie G: I should try that.
Bec: oh god, and probably the rate of single women everywhere.
Rosie@parentingissues: I am - MUCH better now.
Candy: I think it’s made the rounds.
turnbaby: that’s a good point! I need new smileys!
Tense Teacher: I know - bad timing.
At least we have the “so much of the time”.
maggie, dammit:
Hockeyman: nope, not unnoticed at all. And a good apology, etc. followed - so all is well.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:55 am
Oh my God! Do I have permission to use parts of this letter to give to my OWN husband? Especially the “you talk to me anymore” “I’m just trying to talk about my feelings” part? I could not have said it any better myself!
Hey, I don’t want any copy right infringements charged against me! LOL
Robina’s last blog post..If I only had a brain….
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 am
Oh. My. God.
I am sending a link to this post to my husband.
Dear Hubby,
Remember December?
Read this.
We are going out of town for the holidays next year.
Any questions?
Kat’s last blog post..Homeless…high tech
April 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm