Today, in case you missed it, is Easter.
Christians all over the world are at Church. Catholics have been in Church almost none stop since Friday. Families will be gathering together over ham and potatoes and some uniquely traditional-to-them-and-theirs staple like pecan pie or egg casserole.
And me?
I’m spending the day at Universal Studios.
(Again.)
And it bothers the hell out of me.
I know there are those who say that nothing good can come from organized religion. I understand the sentiment that participation in “church” is not nearly as important as a personal relationship with God. I get that for a lot of people, not going to Church is no big deal.
But for me…
it is everything.
It is a mountain of guilt that I am too tired to come face to face with right now.
It is a longing and an emptiness that I am too overwhelmed to fill at the moment.
I’m not where I’m supposed to be today. And it is my fault and mine alone. The emptiness, the hypocrisy, the sense that I am avoiding myself - it is heavier today than it has been for the past three months, since the last time I was in Church. And for all my sadness and whining, the solution is simple. The path is clear.
I’m just too tired to walk it today.
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I’ll light a candle for you when I’m at Mass this morning.
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Oh, and Happy Easter!
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I am not religious, but I imagine if you are missing out on the connection, it’s got to be hard. Happy easter.
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Perfect for the Start of Spring
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:11 am
I should be going to Church today too, but I’m guessing by the fact that I’m still awake that it’s not going to happen. Yeah, the guilt is kicking my ass too, and Church of England Christians don’t tend to do guilt.
Bec’s last blog post..Afternoon Nap
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:17 am
It is a mountain of guilt that I am too tired to come face to face with right now.
It is a longing and an emptiness that I am too overwhelmed to fill at the moment.
Thank You for putting my feelings into words.
Please have a happy Easter.
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 am
All I can say is “ditto”.
I will be here at home wallowing in my own guilt thankyouverymuch.
Happy Easter Britt.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:54 am
happy easter my dear britt. try not to be too hard on yourself. remember, god knows every hair on your head and he also knows that your heart is with him today.
hello haha narf’s last blog post..Spring
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:02 am
My dear funny departed Mama used to say that the church of the heart was the only place you should never abandon or blaspheme the Lord. So going by Mama’s words, as long as your heart feels the presence of God in a meaningful way today, it’s okay that your body is not in church. Happy Easter.
Winter’s last blog post..Winter’s Big Pimp’N Friday
March 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 am
Hey Britt, remember how God is everywhere and all encompassing and all that? Well, I think that means you can say your prayers wherever you are and they still count. No need to carry any more guilt around with you than you really need too!
Besides, how do you know God isn’t a movie buff and would get a kick out of you saying an Easter prayer at Universal Studios?
CharlieDaniels (TBU)’s last blog post..My Friend Rabbit
March 23rd, 2008 at 5:01 am
Happy Easter! Yeah, I really should hit church today, too. Haven’t been to Mass in a while.
Karl’s last blog post..Installing a Husband
March 23rd, 2008 at 7:15 am
avitable:
Aimee: yeah, it is. I know that sounds funny to someone who doesn’t need that - but thanks for trying to understand.
Happy Easter to you too!
Bec: nope, you guys are Catholic Light! LOL
Mary: ugh - I hate the idea of someone else feeling that.
You have a Happy Easter too, OK? We’ll make a pact!
Stephanie: guilt was made for wallowing.
hello haha narf:
thanks love.
Winter: yeah, I know. Although, only at Mass can I receive the Eucharist - which is a big deal to me.
Thank you.
CharlieDaniels: LOL, yeah, I’m sure God is a movie buff - and probably likes roller coasters too.
Karl: me neither. We should stage a mass return to the Church.
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:01 am
Happy Easter :).
I’d love to be able to find a church where I could enjoy some fellowship and really explore my religious side rather than just my spiritual one.
I am going to church this morning though, so I will say an Easter prayer for you :).
Hilly’s last blog post..Super Snoopy Snackie Sunday: Snackiversary….
March 23rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
I will pray for you, just as I do every day.
Wait. Is praying the same as masturbating?
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..It’s Krazy Kooky Karl, or as I like to say, KK…wait a minute…
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 am
I’ll say a prayer for you this morning when I attend church. One that prays your family leaves if this is your wish. haha
Treasia’s last blog post..Happy Easter
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
RW is going to meeting today so I’m sure he’ll pray for you - he prays for everyone, even me. I hope the Easter Bunny was good to the kids; here, the Easter Bunny’s Visa Card has skid marks….
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
I’m not sure God and I are still on speaking terms anymore. I’m still mad at him for letting Jonathan die in 2004 (what do you know, it was right after Easter)
And another friend of mine was killed in Iraq on Saturday.
Me and Easter aren’t on speaking terms either.
Marissa’s last blog post..I’m so sick of this
March 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I hope you have a good day sugar.
turnbaby’s last blog post..TurnbabyTalks Live Trivia Round 4
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I understand the disconnected feeling. I can’t sit on the pews long enough to make it through a mass. I too miss Communion.I have been told- by a priest-the same thing that Winter expressed.Communion is simply an outward expression of faith.If you feel it in your heart, and can even imagine it in your heart, you are golden!
Have a great Easter,Britt!
metalmom’s last blog post..Happy Easter!
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I stopped going to church regularly a few years ago because I didn’t feel welcome at that church anymore. It’s the church I attended when I was kid.
I’m not all that religious, but I do understand the role the church can play in one’s life and the structure that it can bring. I do kind of miss that too.
Jay’s last blog post..Wordzzle
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
You’re a wonderful, strong person and everyone knows how faithful, generous, kind, and loving you are. You are an Angel that blessed my life and I’m thankful to have known you every day.
Aaron’s last blog post..Media Occurs CafePress Store Is Up
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Today is Easter?
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..babblin’s
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
There’s grace sufficient for this too.
Not Fainthearted’s last blog post..Easter Sunday 2008
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Hon, you don’t have to apologize for your need to be in church today. Don’t. You. Dare. I may be a Deist, but I’m not going to stop anyone from attending the place of worship of their choice on the day of their choice.
Maybe go to Mass tonight? After Universal?
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Happy Spring Renewal/Fertility Day!
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I know this won’t make you feel better. But one thing that always gets me through. And the thing I tell people who wonder why I don’t go to church is this; God will be there with open arms WHEN you are ready. Or have time. OR whatever.
So, no worries. Do what you gotta do, and then find your way back!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Friday.
March 23rd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
You put the way I’ve been feeling lately into words more eloquent than I ever could have done. I need to go to church; I need to take my daughter to church; but something is stopping me, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
And while everyone is trying to help by saying that God is in your heart (which IS absolutely true), I know exactly how you’re feeling. There is a special closeness we feel when we are surrounded by like-minded souls that you just can’t get anywhere other than in church.
We’ll both get there, sooner than later, I’m sure.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..My Favorite Holiday
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Hilly: yeah, I think I was so used to the automatic fellowship back home - I miss that here, and I’m too impatient to try to build it from scratch.
Mr. Fab: a lot of people would say yes.
Treasia: LOL, thanks!
Mrs RW: you don’t go to meeting? I thought you both did that.
Marissa: oh man, I’m sorry. I know the kind of pain that can tear you from God and I hate that anyone ever has to experience that.
turnbaby: and you too!!
metalmom: yeah, I do know that. But something about being in the presence… for me, there’s nothing else like it.
Jay: yeah, structure is good for someone like me.
Aaron: oh honey, thank you. That was very sweet.
Kyra Sutra: that’s what they told me!
CMG: thanks babe. It’s not just the company keeping me away today though.
themuttprincess you’re right about that, I believe.
Tense Teacher: I’m kind of glad to know someone knows what I mean.
For me, I think it’s that first feeling of walking in and KNOWING you haven’t been there forever. Like you’ll feel like a fraud or something.
Kind of.
I don’t know. That first step is the hardest.
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
It’s not just the Catholics who are celebrating apparently. The entire crew of Chipotle had the day off. Bastards. Must’ve been at least one pagan in the crew, you’d think.
kapgar’s last blog post..Show me the way…
March 23rd, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Sorry you’re feeling bad.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..we interrupt our regular programming to bring you this message
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I was you about 2.5 years ago.
When you are ready, you will take those steps and then you will wonder what it was that made you feel like it was so hard. God loves you whether you attend church or not. He knows what is in your heart. You do not need to feel guilty.
HUGS
Jen’s last blog post..Silent Sunday - Happy Easter!
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
As much as you want to see Him, He wants to see you more…anytime you speak, He listens; make a request & He responds.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:11 am
I know exactly how you are feeling. Sending a heartfelt prayer your way.
Happy Easter.
Selma’s last blog post..Nice Day To….Start Again.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:10 am