As the beautiful Suburban Kamikaze reminds us, plastic bins are the key to a well organized life.
I have bins for shoes. Bins for pictures. Bins for receipts.
Bins for clothes that each child has outgrown long before I’d hoped they would. Bins for clothes that have not been outgrown but have been painfully outworn and must be hidden away to prevent further parental embarrassment.
There are bins for out of fashion decorations. Bins for winter clothes. Bins for old school memories and camping gear and painting supplies.
And on each plastic lid is a strip of masking tape carefully labeled with black Sharpie, clearly designating the contents. “Shoes”. “Camping Stuff”. “Girls 18-24 months”.
I was reminded of these bins as I read a recent post at Shelli’s Sentiments.
She talked about not fitting anywhere. About not really being perfectly a part of this group or that, but always sort of floating half way between belonging. As she said, “it’s just painful sometimes when you don’t feel like you fit anywhere.”
I know this pain. This floating. This feeling like you don’t exactly Go in a bin properly - like an outgrown garment that you’re not ready to give away but no longer want to hang in your closet.
I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I belong in the blue plastic Rubbermaid labeled “misc. shit”.
In high school I was a cheerleader, as you’ve seen. But I was never The Cheerleader. Or the Homecoming Queen. Maye because I was also the drama geek and the speech nerd and one of the smart kids.
I had boyfriends here and there, and a small handful of girlfriends. But I was never wildly popular or firmly cemented within any particular “clique”.
I became a young mother. But I refused to fall into “that” bin, instead working hard to build a career and a respectable presence within the community. Of course, I still liked to laugh and smoke and drink too much on occasion. All of that led to me never really being at home with the other CCD teachers or PTA parents, no matter how many committees I served on. And the committees themselves I suppose prevented me feeling like I was ever really “like” the people I would drink and sing too loudly with on the weekends.
I’ve always been ridiculously younger than the other parents among my son’s classrooms. And now I find that while I am closer in age to the parents of my daughter’s set, I am one of very few with more than one child.
I wholeheartedly enjoy my play dates with Mom Groups. But I also find myself a little bored with conversations about potty training and scrapbooking and hoping in vain that someone will start bitching about the stress of working full time.
Shelli mentioned that, even in blogging, she hasn’t quite found her niche. And again, I read her words while nodding emphatically along side her. Every time I have to fill out one of those damned “what kind of blogger are you?” forms, I furiously wish I could check “mommy blogger” in good conscience.
I’m not a humor blog - I think the detailed saga of my depression discounts me for that. The fact that I’m being blocked by more and more IT departments I’m certain automatically discounts me from any sort of “parenting” genre. And I’ve yet to find the drop down menu that includes the category “I randomly blog about all kinds of shit.”
Misc. Shit.
That’s me.
And sometimes - admittedly more often than I used to be - I am at peace with that “uniqueness”. Most days I don’t give a second thought to my own masking tape label and I have no desire to be stuck into a box.
But sometimes, on some days, I long for the comfort that comes from conformity. Anthropologists and Sociologists will tell you it is human nature to seek out your group, your herd, so to speak. And there are days when I’m drifting when I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that I can’t fulfill this basic human need.
Why am I so different?
Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Or at least a large chunk of someone elses.
Truth be told, I suppose (like Shelli) I do have my own herd. It’s small, like one of those cloth baskets meant to hold little more than a set of fabric napkins - but it’s mine just the same.
It’s my husband and my children - in many ways anyway.
And it is my mother and my father and my aunt and my cousins and my grandparents - who share my traditions and inside jokes that span decades.
And it is, most definitely, my baby brother. Who is cut so exactly from the same cloth as me that it is almost frightening while at the same time, comforting on a cellular level.
This is why I have opened up my home to guests for the next solid month. Because while it will be expensive and stressful and I’m sure at times intrusive to be sharing my house for well over 30 days with various people… they are my bins. They are my herd. They are the familiarity that allows me to breathe with the ease that can only come from knowing…
This Is Where You Belong.
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
Posted in Personal - Growth and Things I'm Trying To Learn Tagged: blogging, brother, family, groups, guests, shelli, suburban kamikaze
I loved this post. And I know exactly how you feel.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..It’s NEVER Enough, and Then You DIE
[Reply]
This makes perfect sense. As you can imagine, I’ve felt the same way a time or two… hundred.
Amy’s last blog post..But, Ma, He Bought Me A Trailer!
[Reply]
To be totally unserious here… Welcome to Florida in March. Where your herd will come to escape the last dredges of winter. They will come and oooh and ahhh at the warm, blue skies and when they go home it will be Spring.
My herd arrives March 16th. I can’t wait for 3 generations of women in my house.
Little Miss Sunshine State’s last blog post..The “B” list
[Reply]
Wow, what a great way to think of it…I often feel like MISC. SHIT too. Then again, I’ve always liked my kitchen junk drawer the best because I never know what I’m going to find.
Great post!
Hilly’s last blog post..Sometimes Some Fiction Makes Reality Go Down, In The Most Delightful Way
[Reply]
what a great post - you hit it perfectly.
Fantastagirl’s last blog post..Question of the Day
[Reply]
Funny, I generally fall into that little box i my storage unit labelled, “CRAP”. I’m not sure what is in there, and I can’t be bothered with slicing open the tape to find out, but I know that among the boxes of yarn, craft supplies, books, and China, I really belong in the “Crap” box.
ginamonster’s last blog post..In which the cure is far worse than the injury
[Reply]
I have spent most of my life ticking the boxes no one else ticks. When I was younger it bothered me a lot but now I am comfortable with being an individual with a strong sense of self. I know what you mean, it is much, much harder to run against the pack than to run with it. Yet I hope it’s much more rewarding in the long run. I think that feeling like you are not fitting in means you are being true to yourself, that you don’t feel pressured to conform to every little thing. You are strong and unique. And that’s something to be proud of!
Selma’s last blog post..Must Be Funny In A Rich Man’s World
[Reply]
This post makes me smile.
I best cliqued with other geeks, but never stayed in a particular category. I was in chorus, on yearbook staff, in NHS, and did that AP French thing. I also hung out with older people outside of high school and younger people inside of high school and made friends with the teachers and principal (for more than just breaking into the student lounge for sodas).
I love all the people, I guess…
Enjoy the time with your herd. :)
[Reply]
*teacher’s lounge.
ahem.
bedtime!
[Reply]
Wow I read your words and felt your isolation then my mind started screaming, “I am not going over to paint her fucking house!!” Nice try… but we’re onto you Britt Sawyer! And I aint falling for it like a certain other blogger/painter-slave who was later found drunk and abandoned in an ally with only vague recollections of how paint splatters covered her face, hair and clothing.
[Reply]
I’m misc. shit, too. Maybe all of us Misc. Shit’s will one day be a category that dominates all others. Only then shall we truly conform in our miscellaneous shittiness.
This post was far better than the weird ass…yet sincere!… comment I left.
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..Yikes
[Reply]
Good for you. Even I, my infinite wisdom, do not subscribe to any one group. THis has nothing to do with the fact that I was ridiculed at the last guru-meet….
Freelanceguru’s last blog post..McFeng-shui
[Reply]
I don’t know about you but my Misc. bins, boxes, files on the computer, are always the most full! I think Kyra also said it but I agree that Misc. will take over the world. You DO fit!
Penelope’s last blog post..That picture.
[Reply]
Wow, amazing how many Misc. Shit people are here reading your blog. Maybe that’s actually more the norm than those who fit into the neat boxes? I too am a misc. shit who feels so downright welcome in this place
Dee’s last blog post..Like a Tiger *grrrrrrr*
[Reply]
When I was your age I was overly concerned with why I didn’t ‘fit’. I never have –it took a while to grow into dealing with how I looked and ho folks reacted to that coupled with what I knew/thought/learned.
Now I celebrate being different. It’s not a bad thing and I’m so glad I don’t fit into a category that will allow someone to label me.
By being outside of that ‘bin’ you make people have to think about who you really are–they pay attention because they can’t label you.
It’s a good thing sugar.
turnbaby’s last blog post..So Into You Haiku Redux
[Reply]
I totally understand. TOTALLY. I wonder how many of us spend years searching for our bin. I have made my own herd in this part of Florida (the redneck riviera), but it’s taken years, because I don’t see myself necessarily as one of the PTA moms. I’m a little too rough around the edges, a little too career-focused, a little too imperfect to really make it happen.
Here from Ask, btw.
trouble’s last blog post..song for today
[Reply]
Karen: yeah, you’re miscellaneous shit too - aren’t you? LOL You just play a mommy blogger on the ‘net!
Amy: I can imagine that.
Little Miss Sunshine State: it will be like this every year??
Hilly:
OMG I need to take a picture of my junk drawer for you.
Do you know what I did? I put little teeny plastic bins in it to help organize it! LOL
Fantastagirl: thanks love.
ginamonster: you have a box marked China? That’s pretty freaking cool.
Selma: I don’t think it’s not feeling pressure - it’s not having any clue how even if I wanted to.
My son and I were talking about this about a month ago. He was explaining to me how you “blend in” with other kids. God I could have cried.
Poppy: you do love ALL the people. I can see that about you.
Y2K Survivor: damn it! And I wold have gotten away with it too…
Kyra Sutra: I think we should lobby for a Misc. Shit box. I’d happily be in a box with you.
Freelanceguru: they let you into that? I can’t ever remember the secret code for those meetings.
Penelope: there do seem to be an awful lots of us out here, doesn’t there?
Dee: awwwww - I’m glad! Come sit in my shit box!
Wait. Uh…
turnbaby: “you make people have to think about who you really are–they pay attention because they can’t label you.”
That sounds awesome.
trouble: hey, I live in the Redneck Riviera!!
What, pray tell, were you asking that landed you here?!?!
[Reply]
This is why I like you. I feel like those words could have come from my own head. I don’t fit either…in life or online. Sometimes I revel in it while others, it drains me.
I’ve never been a Mommy Blogger even though I’ve been mistakenly clumped there from time to time. I think I’m best labeled as a “Selfish Blogger”.
Yeah, I’m sticking with that.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Because I Asked You, That’s Why
[Reply]
I think in two weeks you’ll be thinning that herd and making hamburgers…
RW’s last blog post..Coming At You From The Door To Your Right…
[Reply]
This is what I’ve been blogging about all week.
Lisa’s last blog post..Undefined
[Reply]
I found my clique a long time ago. It is the “Bitches who will one day rule the world” clique and it has a member of one right now. I am looking for a Seargent at Arms though. Or a Shady-in-Waiting or a Vizeer (sic?).
Please join my group. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
ADW’s last blog post..Oh no, not Johnny Castle!
[Reply]
Last night when we were talking, I thought you were going to write about how you burned your ass with your own cigarette.
I liked this post better.
[Reply]
I’ve been calling it “fringe people” because there’s no real label that fits, or at least that sticks for any length of time.
You don’t fit the mainstream, gods forbid someone call you “normal”, but what a lot of people don’t realize is that people like us aren’t looking for other people “like us”, we’re just looking for other Fringe People to hang out with. You know, the rest of them who pretend to fit in, but really just hang out at the fringes and work really hard to blend in long enough to keep their job (or something).
So you fake it when you have to. So what? Life is infinitely more fun on the fringes… there’s a lot less judgment here };^>
FyreGoddess’s last blog post..Fuck empathy
[Reply]
I think you hit this one dead on. I think you should get this published and handed out to kids in high school who are so desperately trying to “fit in” and struggling and hurting when they find that they just don’t fit in to one place.
debkitty’s last blog post..SIL from Hell!
[Reply]
VERY deep. I love the analogy. My bin is “work 80 hours a week, climb the ladder as fast as possible, be a corporate executive”. I am tired of that. I am ready to become a mom and stay at home. I’m 35. Doubt that will happen.
The Absurdist’s last blog post..Your Turn to Shine
[Reply]
You fit right here….in this bin over here…. the one labeled..ONE OF US!
metalmom’s last blog post..Lost:One Afternoon
[Reply]
Wow, I really liked your post. I agreed with all of it. In high school, I floated among the different groups, the popular, not so popular. I mingled with all of them.
As an adult geek (scifi, fantasy, scifi conventions, etc) I have found my herd, if you will. But I definitely know how you feel about not feeling like you fit in with the other adults that you have to interact with as a parent. They know I am a little strange.
Jules’s last blog post..R.I.P. EGG
[Reply]
Amen to this one! Give Creedy a BIG hug from me!
Get used to the company sister, I am heading your way! LOL
Kristin’s last blog post..I Have A Date…
[Reply]
Gosh, this post - and the responses - made me feel So good! See, baby? There are a LOT of people out here who are too multi-fasceted to fit into a bin!
Hooray!
We fit in the multi-fasceted bin!
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Looking for Your Subset?
[Reply]
Kimberly: Selfish Blogger, that’s great.
I’m also considering a petition for BlogHer to add the following categories:
*Bitchy Blogger
*TMI Blogger
*Irrelevant Blogger
*Using the Internet To Escape Reality Blogger
RW: my in-laws get here in 3 weeks.
I’m undecided if we’re from the same herd or not.
Lisa: I think “undefined” says it pretty well. That sounds much cooler than “misc. shit”. LOL
ADW: My Bitch Who Rules the World Group would like to have a meeting with your Bitches Who Will One Day Rule The World.
We may have some common objectives…
avitable: I told YOU to write about me burning my butt. I’m sure it was funnier from your angle.
FyreGoddess: you think there is less judgment there? Really?
I think I’ve been hanging on the wrong fringe!
debkitty: and what should I tell those kids? I suppose maybe just “there are other people here too” would be nice to know.
The Absurdist: you wouldn’t be the first person to switch tracks at 35.
metalmom: awwwwwwww
Jules: sometimes I really wish I was into the “geek” thing - that would be so easy.
But then I’d have to read comics and sci fi.. and I just… can’t.
Kristin: you are?!?!
WHEN?!?!?!?!?! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom: Plus YOU get to hang out in the hippy bin.
Those fuckers keep kicking me out whenever I challenge their lack of game rules.
[Reply]
Ever notice that the stuff in bins tends sit in the back of the closet until, in a frenzy of spring cleaning, you throw them in the trash or give them away?
In my experience the people who fit in those bins belong there–squashed in, lids on with no light or air.
Let’s hear it for the binless…
Finn’s last blog post..Thursday Photo: I Am… Fit
[Reply]
It’s a curse sometimes. I was going to elaborate on how but it makes me sound like an asshole.
[Reply]
i’ve never felt like this because i look at it is as though i fit in with everyone. suer, not full time, but i never wanted to fit in full time with one crowd. never wanted to sit in one box forever.
also, i guess i always felt that if i had enough in common with a group that we could hang out for as long as it was comfortable, then i would move on to another group that i also loved & hang out with them for a while.
my problem is i just love people. doesn’t matter what their marital status is, what color they are, if they have kids or pets, what kind of job they have, etc. i just really enjoy people. love friends. so i ignore the boxes.
maybe that puts me in the “fucked up or broken” box. i don’t care.
[Reply]
Ahhhhh. Misc. Shit.
I am SO FAMILIAR with that. It is my home. I do not fit neatly and nicely into any bin.
When I read that at Shelli’s yesterday it hit home. Then what you wrote hit home again.
Thanks for being who you are, no matter what!!!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..My Non-Resolutions, more like guidelines for this year update…
[Reply]
for the record, you are NOT irrelevant.
knock that kind of talk off.
because you? you rock.
[Reply]
Well, ok… Judgment.
We ALL judge. It’s human to do so. I guess the real question is what criteria is used for judging others.
Maybe there is more tolerance, or a looser definition of “normal” (in the sense of what is acceptable and what isn’t). It’s like my post, “A threat to normalcy”. It’s not that you’re not judged, it’s that you’re judged on your actions, rather than how well you fit into categories.
Maybe that’s a little closer to what I meant.
FyreGoddess’s last blog post..A week of Wednesdays
[Reply]
That’s a beautiful post. Yeah. I admire your courage… and generosity.
[Reply]
I love this “no fitting in a bin” post as it is so true ! I too wish sometimes I could fit in a box, but being unique is kind of great too. And I hate those “What kind of blogger/customer/person are you ?” questions…
[Reply]
This is a brilliant post, dear.
“I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I belong in the blue plastic Rubbermaid labeled “misc. shit”. ”
Fucking brilliant.
You’re right where you belong.
Maggie’s last blog post..From Eva’s mouth to my blog
[Reply]
I’m definitely “Misc. Shit” too. Back in high school I was friends with some jocks, some of the popular kids and a lot of the geeks. But, I didn’t really belong to any of those groups. I was just kind of in the middle of everything.
Except the punks. They hate me and always threatened to kick my ass. I hated them.
Labels suck.
Jay’s last blog post..Ruining My Awesome Fashions …
[Reply]
I’m most comfortable with the misc. shit group. And how did I miss your video. That’s award worthy. I think my favorite part is how out of breath you are. LOL. How did we do stuff like that when we were younger?
I hate those blog categories. It’s always parenting or humor. I hate checking humor b/c who likes to say they’re funny? But it’s not kid centered either–there’s too much drinking and sleeping around for that.
[Reply]
OMG, if they could add a blogging category of “Bitchy”, then I could finally fit in somewhere. If there were ever a post out there in the blogosphere that I could completely sympathize with, tis most definitely THIS post. I find myself sometimes looking at myself as “37, an ex-wife, but not a wife. An aunt, but not a mother. A best friend, but not a girl friend”. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to the emotions and then I can and read a post such as this and it brings me to the realization that I’m not in a bin all by myself so that gives me the warm fuzzies!
That Bitchy Chick’s last blog post..I wanna Wii too!
[Reply]
Way to take my shallow, insincere suburban housewife humor and make something sincere and thought-provoking out of it…
Which, by the way, is my new bin: Shallow, insincere, suburban housewife humor.
SK
Suburban Kamikaze’s last blog post..Bin there, done that
[Reply]
Wow. You took it and elaborated on it so much better than I could have ever said it. It’s like you were inside my heart. (Is it warm in there? ;) )
Let’s call ourselves “Misc. Sparkly Shiny Special Stuff”.
Shelli’s last blog post..A Dutchbitch in Dutchyland
[Reply]
Finn: ah Finn, you’re beautiful, you know?
Poppy: having heard your elaboration I can safely say - you still do not sound like an asshole.
hellohahanarf: there is nothing fucked up or broken about you.
themuttprincess: I am proud to share a bin with you my dear.
hellohahanarf: did I say “irrelevant”? I meant “irreverent”.
FyreGoddess: I think I like that idea of Judgment better.
claudia hall christian: generosity? Really?
OK I have to reread this thing now… LOL
Thomas B.: being unique is definitely great more often than not.
Unless you’re like Unibomber unique. That’s less great.
Maggie: coming from someone who writes the way you do, that means a lot. Thank you.
Jay: are we talking like “fans of The Clash” punks?
Sarah is Ok: yeah, someone told me once to submit to a humor site… but I just can’t. I’d feel like a fraud.
That Bitchy Chick: no, you’re definitely not all by yourself.
Suburban Kamikaze: I think that bin is going to be wildly popular now that you’re there.
Shelli: ah sweetie, it is very, very warm in there.
[Reply]
Damn. I was so hoping for a prize for asshole of the month. It’s still early.
[Reply]
Rock on! Now we don’t have to feel all lonely and shit!
WOO!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..My Non-Resolutions, more like guidelines for this year update…
[Reply]
Little miss sunshine state and miss britt;
Just ask DeannaBanana about spring guests from the north!!
Poppa and I, though, get our OWN place in sunny Florida (for two months this time around) and DeannaBanana and family come to visit us.
Kinda cool for them, they get to go to Anna Maria Island and stuff to visit their family.
[Reply]
This post was amazing, and I feel ya. Technically I’m a “teen” blogger…but I really don’t feel like a teen blogger. I mean I’m a teen…but…I dunno. It’s weird.
Lovely post though!
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Just Thoughts
[Reply]
you are funnier than you realize. if i lived up near boston i would refer to you as wicked funny. but since i don’t, i’ll just say you are funny as fuck. or funny as hell. and mean it in a way that says you are really funny. coz i guess hell isn’t exactly funny.
me and this comment?
[Reply]
Once again I come along and read a post from you that pretty much reflects how I feel. You’ve got a definite talent for putting your thoughts into words. Maybe your bin should be “writer”.
I was friends with almost everyone - and I have never fit into any one group. Great grades, smoked a lot of pot, hung out with nerds (in my geek classes, artists, jocks, cheerleaders (I was one, too! ‘Til I got kicked off for not having “team spirit” haha), hippes, older kids, younger ones; you name it. However, I’ve always liked not being categorized. Maybe some part of me (and you, too) wanted to be that way!
Anyway, you rock.
Sybil Law’s last blog post..Shower Me with Praise and Semen, Avitable!
[Reply]
Oddly, my family is where I most feel like I don’t “fit.” I have nothing in common with them, and don’t even like some of them very much. I’m not talking about my husband and daughter; I’m referring to my siblings and their kids.
I feel most comfortable among my blogfriends. That’s where I feel like I belong.
P.S. You were in my dream last night.
SJ’s last blog post..Band of bloggers
[Reply]
This is by far my favourite post of the week.
I’m Misc. Shit too. I think I always will be, and that just might be okay.
sam’s last blog post..At Least the Computer Hard Drive is Still In Tact. For Now.
[Reply]
I think we all can relate to this on some level or another. I am a single mother and have been since I was 18. My son could be the poster child for ADHD, I am guardian of my schizophrenic mother, I work full time and go to school part time. I have never been the scrapbooking kind of mom either and have always found myself more interested in talking with the professors than with the other students in my classes. I love to cook and go camping, hunt for sharks teeth and in my free time I like to go to the bathroom - where is that group. I would much rather talk about archaeology or psychology than about cute little buttons on the corners of pictures.
[Reply]
My big fear is fitting into a box. I have always wanted to be Unique. I think maybe I’m not, though. I think maybe I’m just another mom in the suburbs. To me, that would be a nightmare.
barbra’s last blog post..“mama, the airplanes are kissing!”
[Reply]
Hello from another who belongs in the ‘Misc. Shit’ bin. I feel like I should be almost proud that I don’t fit with any one set clique or group (even amongst bloggers), but it does get to me sometimes.
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..I demand a recount!
[Reply]
That’s it. I meant to do it last time I was here, but this time I am DEFINITELY adding you to my bloglines subscription feed.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..A blessing of simple pleasures
[Reply]
I loved this post! I’ve been feeling a lot like that lately about my blog, too. Mommy blogger/ parent blogger / geek blogger or crap blogger more like!
So glad I popped in here today! You’re a great writer. And organized, look at all those bins LOL!
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Fashion Friday: Junior Miss Edition
[Reply]