Imagine, if you will, that you’re reading an eloquent introductory sentence.
You are then pulled into the next paragraph, where you encounter wit and humor and creativity like you have never known. You find yourself sitting at your computer, completely unaware that you are smiling to yourself. You laugh under your breath as you dive deeper into the post.
You can already tell, this post is going to be good. And you can’t wait for what comes next.
What did you read? Was it a funny anecdote? A smartly written one liner? Perhaps it was the retelling of an embarrassing experience that had you groping for the comment link…
Whatever it was, imagine that it’s here. Right here. At the beginning of this post… instead of the mindless drivel I’ve been reduced to writing in an effort to come up with unique ways to introduce yet another installment of 100 Things About Miss Britt.
Oh yes, it’s that time again. You’ve endured the bits about my family and minor life “moments”. You’ve languished through things that I love and things that I hate. You’ve waded through the dark and twisty tale that is my history with money. And last week, you clung to your hankies as I snotted on your shoulder and told you about all the reasons I cry.
Raise your hand if you see where this is going…
Surprise!
100 Things About Miss Britt: 10 Things That Make Me Laugh
- Farts. I know, I know. I’m 12. But when you grow up with two boys and my mother, you’re bound to come across more than your fair share of fart jokes. At dinner. In public. And much to my own disappointment, somewhere along the way, I have developed that sick, sick, sickiness that makes me instantly collapse into giggles at the mere mention of the word. Fart.
- Speaking of f-words, the word Fuck cracks me up too. I know. I know. Twelve. And trashy. I know. But adding the word “fuck” or “fucking” to pretty much any sentence instantly makes it funny to me. Bonus points for creative use of the F word. Such as “fuckity fuck fuck”, “fiddle dee fuck” and “frick frack fuck”. I know. Twelve.
- And while we’re talking inappropriate, let’s talk about how Booze makes me laugh. After one margarita, I will find most things mildly amusing. After two margaritas, there is nothing on Earth as funny as me. Just ask me. I. am. the Funny Judge.* (*must be said in a Master of The Universe He-Man-esque voice. Thank you.)
- Watching my friends and husband have pain inflicted on them makes me laugh too. Oh stop looking at me like that! I don’t want serious injury. Nothing that’s going to require a trip to an ER or a hefty medical bill. Sheesh. But a little flinching now and then is good for the soul. You know, now that I think about it, maybe it’s not the pain that makes me laugh. Maybe it’s the fear. Mwahahahahah… yep. That’s what it is.
- Subtle genius on TV, movies, etc. There’s no doubt that I’m easily amused. I laugh along with the laugh tracks and can usually appreciate the obvious jokes. But the subtle, quick, understated humor will make me laugh for years afterwards. My favorite scene ever from The Office is a 2 second snip of Kelly shaking her head to the camera after she’s announced she’s pregnant. Most people didn’t even notice it or were too busy laughing at something the notoriously funny Steve Carell was saying. But that one quick shake of her head said volumes and cracks me up to this day.
- But do you know what’s funnier than comedy on TV? Watching my husband watch comedy on TV. As I write this, he is sitting on the couch watching Tommy Boy. Alone. And he is howling with laughter. Oh. Wait. He’s not on the couch anymore. He is rolling around on the floor. Seriously people. On the fucking floor.
- I know I make fun of my husband a lot, but what makes me laugh even more is making fun of myself. I make fun of the fact that I’m short. And chubby in the ass and belly region. And loud. And rude. And most recently? Crazy. For some reason I find it very amusing to announce to a room full of people that “oh, I’m handling the move quite well now that I’m properly medicated”. Or to reference the time “when Mommy was losing her fucking mind. Remember baby?” What can I say? I’m an easy target.
- Penises. I’m sorry boys. I know they are your manhood and member and all that. But seriously. Have you ever looked at a penis? Ha! Hoo! HiLARious! And the flopping! Heeee Ha!
- Baby talk cracks me up too. Well, toddler talk I suppose more than baby talk. Once you get past the point where you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying and you quit pulling your hair because I don’t know! I don’t know! Just tell me what you want! Is it juuuice? Booob? Mickey Mouse and the original Fleetwood Mac? Whatever you want if you will just speak clearly for the love of God I will get it for you! After that stage, the little lisp and the tiny voice using grown up phrases is just… well… adorable. And giggle inducing. Yes, yes, I giggle.
- And do you know what makes me laugh the most? Me. I am one funny bitch. The shit that falls out of my mouth is pure genius sometimes. Seriously. I’m the funniest person I know.
Does that make me a bad person?
Whew. I’m done. Now I can high tail it on out of here to the next thing on the list of 101 Ways To Entertain People In Florida.
102 on that list is slit your own damned wrists in lieu of guests.
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
Posted in Miss Britt - stories, memes and random facts about me Tagged: 100 things, about, funny, lists, Miss Britt
You told me you were laughing with my penis!
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My penis is fucking hilarious. Hell, it just wrote that fucking sentence. ;-)
Jay’s last blog post..A Little Drive …
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You ARE one funny bitch AND penises are hilarious!
Hilly’s last blog post..Friday Frivolity!
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I once laughed a guy’s penis, right in front of him, I lost it, just cracked up laughing and couldn’t stop! There was nothing wrong with it, it was just a penis! He wasn’t very impressed
I think you’re fucking hilarious too
Penelope’s last blog post..Sha La La La La La La La La La La De Dah
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Toddle babble makes me laugh. I love my friends son, he’s two, and one of the cutest kids in the world. (Not that I’m biased.)
He loves the word ‘belly’. And bubble. And blue, and ball.
Aunt Rissa taught him ‘blue ball’ and he says it everywhere.
I’m thrilled to know I’m not the only one who laughs at that.
Marissa’s last blog post..Research
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FUCK.
Toddle should be “toddler”.
Vodka does not make for easy typing.
Marissa’s last blog post..Research
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Penis are hilarious. Especialy when they do a double act!
Freelanceguru’s last blog post..Love, Anger and Communism
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You ARE hilarious. So are farts and people falling over in public. My son got in trouble for swearing at school so we are all now trying not to say ‘the F-Word.’ Cocksucker works just as well.
Selma’s last blog post..HAPPY EASTER
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Fuckity fuck fuck. That’s a great one. Personally? “Fuck a duck” makes me howl!
Well, and this blog and you punching Avitable in the nuts. Those things are pretty funny, too!
Thanks for sharing, hon!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Open Letter 2
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Oh Lord.
Farts ARE hilarious.
Here are some other f word classics…
“Well, fuck me running backwards!” Which is kind of like, “Wow. Really?” Only funnier.
And one of my favorite Britt-isms “Um, I don’t know - go fuck yourself?” (Said in response to “Well what should I do?”)
And there’s always “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Sort of like “Of for Pete’s sake” but used when you are REALLY exaspersated or have heard something REALLY REALLY dumb.
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..The First Robin of the Year and, of Course, My Thoughts on Her
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My husband has perfected the “sneeze fart.” What you do is act like you are about to sneeze: Ahhhhh…..ahhhhh…..and let it rip instead of the sneeze! You’re impressed aren’t you!!
Oh yes, he WILL do this in public (in any store, in the parking lot, walking down the strip in Vegas) in fact, Vegas is where he came up with it….on our HONEYMOON!! Nothing says romance more than a gassy newlywed
Oh, he also can’t tell a story without saying ‘fuck’ or ‘fuckin’ at least 50 times. He blames it on being in the military. I blame MY potty mouth on him
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I can relate 100 percent with farts inducing giggles. I guess it’s a good thing that I teach… I can tell people that it’s spending so much time with kids that makes me act like such a juvenile.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..They Say It’s Your Birthday! Meme
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Okay, I am totally in sync here…i agree with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM (except insert my hubs in the place of Jared…seriously the man will laugh at ANYTHING on the boob tube), and I most agree with #10….you crack me up! Especially on Avi’s latest vlog…you shaking your ass to Soulja Boy…priceless.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
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You only think penises are hilarious because you’ve never seen the awe inspiring penis that Nobody™ carries.
It’s all business. 
Nobody™’s last blog post..Nothing difficult, or is it?
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I like the word fucktard. It makes me smirk.
And penises are funny to me, but my kid has never thought so. At 3 in pre-school, where the bathroom had no doors and only half a wall, a little boy needed to go and wouldn’t. I was standing there putting on Annicka’s coat. The boy told his mom he wouldn’t go because SHE was there, meaning Annicka. My kid looks at the boy and says, deadpan, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a penis.” Crushed that boy but good. She still has the same attitude at 18. “Don’t think that cause you have a penis, you’re special” she tells the boys. LMAO
Winter’s last blog post..Winter’s Big Pimp’N Friday
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I don’t know if my penis is funny or not. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it.
But you…YOU are a national treaure!
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..It’s almost Easter…
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avitable: I was! I swear I saw it chuckle.
Jay:
Well if it’s half as funny as the rest of you…
Hilly: I wonder how many people we can get to try to prove us wrong at TequilaCon?
Penelope: I’ve done that. I don’t know why they don’t join in the laughter. Boys are so SENSITIVE.
Marissa: well, toddle is pretty cute too.
Freelanceguru: I have to see this double act to judge fairly.
Selma: oh no. That’s going to be someday. I’m just waiting for the call.
CMG: fuck a duck, I forgot that one. That is great!
Britt’s Mom: everyone says “for Fuck’s sake” - right? That’s not just me? Or us?
Michel: wow, that’s a well timed fart.
Tense Teacher: damn, that IS a good excuse. I need one of those.
Stephanie: yeah, my dance skills are notoriously funny. I think I should be ashamed of that.
Nobody™: mmmmmhhhh. Let’s ask Mrs. Nobody about that. ;-)
Winter: at three???
Oh that is good!
Mr. Fab: ask Mrs. Fab. I bet she tells you it’s funny.
And if she doesn’t, it’s because she’s being nice.
TRUST me on this.
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I do remember that scene in The Office and it was well done. Admittedly I had forgotten about it, so thanks for reminding me!
kapgar’s last blog post..Show me the way…
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Does anyone else think that the plural of penis should be peni?
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I’m sorry. Did you say something before or after you said penis?? Got a bit distracted there….
One of the things I love about your Britt is that you love to laugh. You are such a gem.
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oh my fuck and for fuck’s sake are some of my favorite phrases. i put the word fuck in the middle of other words often (philafuckingdephia). love the f-bomb! but it doesn’t really make me laugh.
do you mind if i steal fiddle dee fuck from you? i’m loving that one.
there is really only one thing funnier than farts. people falling down. there is a reason america’s funniest videos is still on the tv. speaking of farts, my aunt and i play fart tennis. one of us hollers “service” right before ripping a loud fart. the other has to volly back with a fart. when one of us can’t return a fart, the other gets a point. (i don’t think i have ever really lost a match) wanna play fart tennis at tequilacon?
hello haha narf’s last blog post..In the Mood
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If the phrase fuckity fuck fuck DOESN’T make someone laugh, there’s clearly something wrong with them.
Stacey’s last blog post..Baaaaa, Humbug
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I love fuckity fuck fuck and fucktard and fuckpie which is exactly what it sounds like and is excellent during bouts of road rage.
And yeah, penises are hilarious. I wouldn’t know what to do if I had a body part with a mind of it’s own. Really, what do they do with that?
MyWeeWorld’s last blog post..If I have to look at the bright side …
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You’re only laughing at penises because you haven’t dealt with MINE.
Karl’s last blog post..Installing a Husband
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kapgar: it’s been so long since anything good has been on TV, we have to cling to the memories now. *sigh*
morning gruel: probably.
On a Limb with Claudia: I do love to laugh, at pretty much everything. And thank you - gosh, that was very sweet.
hello haha narf: the day AFTER Tequila Con I could probably win.
Stacey: I agree!
MyWeeWorld: fuckpie!! I’ve never heard that one! That will be GREAT in traffic!
Karl: I’m sure that’s it.
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HEY.
Not nice.
Fucking Penis’s last blog post..A virtual easter basket for you, bunnies.
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We don’t mind the f-word, we just can’t use it on the corporate blog. (and of course, we hope no one uses it in relation to our products) Unless of course it is to say “I love this f*ing stroller!”
Excited to start reading… :)
Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)’s last blog post..Spring has sprung!
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Ha! I make myself laugh the most too. We rock :)
Kimberly’s last blog post..Two Years Ago, I Stumbled Upon You
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