We are finally at the half way mark of this incessantly long “100 Things About Miss Britt” series.
Let’s move quickly through the internal links and onto the meat and potatoes, shall we?
So far we’ve covered my family, my most memorable moments, and things that I hate.
Last week I enthralled you with 10 things that I love. The last thing that I mentioned loving was “making money“, which I know came as quite a shock for most of you. (Which reminds me, have you clicked on a Google ad today? Hmmmm?)
Because that fun fact was so terribly interesting, I thought we’d add on that today.
100 Things About Miss Britt: 10 Things I’ve Done To Make Money
- I have sold insurance. Not the respectable kind, mind you. Oh no. I sold Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance. To JCPenney customers. Over the phone. “Mrs. Smith, I understand you have life insurance, and that’s great. But what if you don’t die? What if you just lose an arm or something? Do you know what an arm could be worth to you?”
- I have sold radio advertising. The title they give you is “Account Executive”. But I assure you, there is nothing “executive” about schlepping into every mom and pop shop in town and presenting them with very pretty presentations printed out on copy paper, all in a desperate attempt to sell a $400 radio schedule. Everyone I knew thought it was pretty cool that I “worked at the station” though. “Oooh, do you get free tickets?” Yes, yes I did.
- I have sold direct mail to car dealers. You know that junk mail you get promising you a free iPod and a chance to win $10,000 just for taking a test drive? Yep, that was me. And that shit? Actually works.
- I have helped start, market and run an Internet affiliate company. Our very first product was “How to sell stuff on the Internet”. We figured if it worked - we had a good product.
- I have sold vitamins and other nutritional goodies. Although really, I was selling a dream. Yep, I made my living for about three years doing multi-level-marketing. And it was a damn good living, too.
- I have been a life coach. If you google my real name, the first slew of results that come up are for my work as a life coach. I specialized in helping people with small businesses. (Hello? Boss? Do you hear that? Maybe you should listen to my awesome ideas!!) It was the best job I ever had. “Let me tell you how to fix your life, OK?”
- I worked as a telemarketer selling caller ID. My opening line was “Hey Chuck, don’t you freaking hate telemarketers like me? How about I help make sure you never have to talk to another annoying sales person again…” That worked really well. Especially if the guy’s name happened to be Chuck.
- I day traded. The S&P 500, specifically. That actually was a lot of fun - although apparently it’s supposed to be stressful. It’s not stressful so much as really, really time consuming. You can barely get up to pee during trading hours. And, well, I have to pee a lot.
- I have danced on a table. Hey, don’t you judge me! Most girls get drunk and hop up on bars just to be hoochie mamas. At least we got gas money! (Hi Mom!)
- I also taught kids about Jesus. And the Pope. And the importance of Confession. OK, OK, you got me. I didn’t really do it for the money. Clearly, I was doing it so that the other parishioners would whisper about what a good person I was.
The end. You will kindly notice that I did not include mention of marrying for and/or having sex for money.
But swear to Betsy if the one I’m with now ever up and disappears, that’s going to be my plan B.
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This was a great list. #7 and #8 were especially funny.
Oh, and #6? I listen to your good ideas.
March 7th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
You wanna come work at our flower shop next Valentine’s? Sounds as if you can sell ANYTHING!
Number 7 cracked me up too.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..Back in the Saddle
March 8th, 2008 at 12:12 am
You danced on tables? Baby!
Karl’s last blog post..ABC as Easy as 123
March 8th, 2008 at 12:17 am
That’s my Brittini!
And, now you should do a post on how we met.
SHE FUCKING SOLD ME SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!
Amy’s last blog post..And, I Still Have All Weekend
March 8th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I sold weekend deals in Branson Missouri for a while. Cold calling people and trying to convince them to buy a weekend deal in Branson and, oh by the way, take 3 hours out of the day to listen to some dude try to sell you a timeshare.
I was always shocked when people would buy. It was an unbelievably bad deal and Branson sucks balls. I wasn’t terrible at it but I hated it with a passion.
I’ve tried to offer sex for money but nobody will ever take me up on it.
I would definitely marry for money though. I’d even do the cooking and cleaning. haha
Jay’s last blog post..The Big Four - OH!!!
March 8th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Wow. That’s alot of jobs for someone as young as you. And if a telemarketer ever used a line like that on me, I would have totally bought whatever he/she was selling.
Amy@UWM’s last blog post..They Finally Have a Name
March 8th, 2008 at 12:38 am
I am pretty sure your boss is beyond help… really…
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Acrylic nails, ass pictures and a motherheart
March 8th, 2008 at 3:37 am
I used to dance on tables. Until they told me to stop that is.
By the way your site still doesn’t work on safari on my mac. I’ve had to download firefox just for you. My computer is playing up recently though so it might just be me.
Dan’s last blog post..Goodbye to a epic level character
March 8th, 2008 at 4:09 am
It seems to be that you are a natural seller.
However #6 confirms for me the fact that the whole “coaching industry” is as loaded full of crap as Dr. Phil. Its common sense… really.
One day though… you’ll need to explain to me the importance of the confession vs. the importance of the collection. I totally failed religion in 5th grade.
NYCWD’s last blog post..Bodies ‘R Hauled Off
March 8th, 2008 at 6:05 am
avitable: yeah, OK, that’s true. I do have to give you that.
Tense Teacher: Don’t they sell themselves on Valentine’s Day?
You wanna push it the other 51 weeks of the year! ;-)
Karl: A table. One time. Once.
Wait. Maybe twice.
Amy hahahhahahahahahaha, that’s hysterical. Oh man, someone should tell that story.
Jay: if I ever married for money, I would cook, clean and keep myself pretty.
Amy@UWM: is it a lot? I’ve had a job since I was 14. I thought lots of people did that?
DutchBitch: oh no, I have to believe that’s not true.
Dan: I’m sorry.
But I appreciate you downloading Firefox!!
NYCWD: I’m not sure why THAT confirms it for you. LOL
But yeah, it’s common sense. All of the training (yes, I had training) is not about the advice you give people, it’s about listening. The point (all joking aside) is not to have the answers for everyone, it’s to help them find THEIR answers themselves.
And I do think some people are better at that than others.
March 8th, 2008 at 6:35 am
Welllll, what I obviously meant was that if anyóne can help him, it’s you, of course…
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Dutch-A-Pimpin’: Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance
March 8th, 2008 at 6:38 am
You mean I could have gotten gas money out of it? Dayum ;-)
turnbaby’s last blog post..Have A Little Faith
March 8th, 2008 at 7:28 am
You danced on a table and I on the top of a bar. It’s like we were split as zygotes and implanted in two different women.
Sigh.
ADW’s last blog post..Oh no, not Johnny Castle!
March 8th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Oh Jesus…can I hire you? I need a life coach. And while you at it, my kids could use some religious instruction as well. Maybe we can work out a contract.
Or a trade. I’m a fabulous roller skater if you need lessons ;-)
Kimberly’s last blog post..Back on the Pony
March 8th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Oh, and btw?
Hire you as a life coach?
Yeah, I don’t even go to a barber who has a bad haircut.
March 8th, 2008 at 8:02 am
i did the telemarketing routine when i really needed a job and didn’t want to be on unemployment. so long as i stayed brainwashed that we were offering a decent deal i was fine and would be a top seller, but the moment i remembered that we were assholes i would suck it up. at that point i had to walk into the office my boss called his own and plop down, begging for him to “reprogram me.” then i would go back out and sell 8 more magazine subscriptions.
and yes, people, they are subscriptions. see, i would hear, “i already get a few prescriptions.” yep, on a daily basis i would hear that. sheesh.
March 8th, 2008 at 8:07 am
whew, glad the avitable i know and love is back. his first comment was entirely too nice. i almost didn’t believe he wrote it. but that second comment remeemed our doc avi.
March 8th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Am I the only one that wants more information on #9?
Stephanie’s last blog post..An Open Apology Letter….
March 8th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Damn it why didn’t I ever think about getting gas money for dancing on the bar all those times? That would have helped.
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..“Toxic Habits Anonymous”, Anyone?
March 8th, 2008 at 10:14 am
DutchBitch:
of course!
turnbaby: see, you have to keep your eyes open for opportunities.
ADW: we should team up and start our own version of Coyote Ugly. Except we won’t use the word Ugly. My fragile ego can’t handle that.
Kimberly: I bought rollerblades last night. When can we start my training?
avitable: you haven’t been blogging long so I understand you might not be up on proper etiquette.
The place for you to respond to my comment on your baldness is on YOUR blog. Silly boy.
hellohahanarf: that’s the key to good sales - being able to delude yourself.
Stephanie: and that is one story I will never tell.
Britt’s Mom: I’m surprised mom. I would have expected more ingenuity in that area from you!!!
After all… I think we both know where I got BOTH of those skills.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Ooh. OOOOH!
March 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
This is an amazing list! It’s like a list in dichotomies.
Telemarketing to end telemarketing. Day trading to end peeing. Internet business to sell internet businesses. Life Coaching to end… ??
And of course the table dance. Nothing like eating I say! :)
This is a great way to do your 100 things!
March 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I wrote radio ads. And those direct mail things for car dealers. And I’ve certainly danced on a table or two in my time.
Plus… I sold waterbeds!
The life coach thing is interesting. I could do that. I love telling people what to do.
Finn’s last blog post..Friday Freewrite Five
March 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
If you were a telemarketer calling me, I’d never hang up.
And table dancing? Does it make me a bad bloggy friend because I can totally see that?
sam’s last blog post..Refreshed, Kinda Like a New Diaper
March 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
You get paid for table dancing? Damn, we should have charged!
As for the Plan B thing, as long as they’ve got deep pockets, a
can make anyone hot.
Marissa’s last blog post..I have the willpower of a field mouse
March 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I don’t know how much an arm is worth, but I know where my cousin Penny’s leg is buried. Seriously. It was knocked off when she was hit by a car. Years later, there I am, trying to figure out where in the family plot I’m going to bury Dad’s and the uncle’s ashes. I picked a nice spot under the tree. Cousin Violet said, “NO! That’s where Penny’s leg is buried!”
Seriously. I laughed my ass off.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Open Letter 1
March 8th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Re: #10: when I went to Catholic grammar school (way back when the Mass was still in LATIN!) we were all given little cardboard “mission boxes” at the start of Lent so that our extra pennies could go toward saving pagan babies. Do they still do that? I mean, just think of the financial opportunity you’re missing on this one! They might elect you as a Vatican comptroller or something really cool.
Alternative career idea: selling designer shoes. Really, I would totally buy designer shoes from you (especially if you gave me a discount)
- - - and the perks! Free samples, buying trips, sexy feet…why haven’t you thought of this one? When I see you in September we’ll talk…
March 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
You’vbe done lots of interesting shit. I babysit my own children for free for a living. Blech.
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..I Love/Hate Weekends.
March 8th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Clearly I’m doing something wrong. I’ve only had 5 jobs for money and I’m older by a lot!
March 8th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
avitable:
claudia hall christian: life coaching to end stupidity, of course!
Finn: oh we so need to get together and swap ad creation stories. I’ll have to tell you about the radio ad I wrote featuring “rode hard and put away wet”
sam: no, it means you’ve been reading!
I should note - that wasn’t a standing job. It was a one time thing. LOL
Wait, maybe twice.
Shit - did I already use that joke?
Marissa: you can get paid for just about anything if you ask. ;-)
CMG:
you have the greatest stories!
Mrs RW: should I just put in my notice now?
Kyra Sutra: I’ve done that - and believe me, it was way more interesting than any of these jobs.
Poppy: clearly you’re doing something RIGHT. And have a better attention span than I do.
March 8th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I had no idea people sold insurance for possible dismemberment. It’s slightly macabre but also very funny. Does that make me a little bit sick? I just can’t get the image out of my head of you ringing someone asking them if they have ever considered what it would be like to lose an arm or a leg? Was there a gasp on the other end? I am very impressed by your track record - sales and marketing is hard work. Oh, and of course the table dancing - awesome!
Selma’s last blog post..Bewildered By Beauty
March 8th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I’ve also done the “teach CCD classes for free”.
For 6 years. I finally gave it up when I was teaching the Reconciliation and First Communion lessons to the Second graders and those little cherubs kept saying “OH NO, You can’t make me do that!!!” And they were dead serious!!
Little Miss Sunshine State’s last blog post..Naked Gator Man!!!!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
“Especially if the guy’s name happened to be Chuck.”
*snort*
Maggie’s last blog post..blue jeans, tattered shirt, cluttered mind… we’ll be fine.
March 9th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
LMAO! WE did get gas money! And I think we both even afforded a carton of smokes, and perhaps dinner on the way home that night!
And, while it involved a little more than dancing on tables on my end of the deal, we had a good time and made good memories, even if they were a bit embarassing on your wedding day!
March 10th, 2008 at 8:01 am
LMAO! Yse we did get gas money adn I think movey for a carton of smokes, as well as some dinner that evening! We always made the most of our Sunday’s! Oh the memories!
Those guys paid for a weeks worth of stuff for us!
March 10th, 2008 at 8:03 am
So what is an arm worth to me? Did you actually perform some sort of questionnaire to determine the actual value a la Jennifer Lopez insuring her legs or ass or whatever body part she did that to?
kapgar’s last blog post..To that same old place that you laughed about…
March 11th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Jobs I’ve Had…
I’ve had a lot of jobs in my life, even since I was little. Not that Mom didn’t buy me stuff, but I always had some hobby that needed ca$h so I often had jobs. Beside maybe shoveling show or leaves and stuff like that I’ve started pretty early. I……
March 12th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
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