“I remember the first time I laid with you like this…”
His voice cut through the darkness and the muffled sounds of two people kissing.
My heart swelled with such force that it instantly became difficult to catch my next breath. In the blink of an eye, the entire world fell away and there was nothing else but those words. I could feel the sound of his words already being etched into my memory.
“I remember the first time…”
The ability to speak came back to me as my eyes searched for his. “You do?”
I watched, transfixed, as the muscles in his face relaxed and a smile sparked in his gaze.
“Of course I do. I remember the first time you let me kiss you. And I remember… this. God, I wanted this so badly… I was… so nervous…” his voice trailed off into his own memories of past anxieties.
My mind began to turn back, searching for the moment he remembered. It swept past the years and the children and the monotony of married life. It flipped quickly through the pages filled with shame from an unplanned pregnancy and my regret that I would never live The Fairytale. I trudged through the awkward months when we had teetered between friends and lovers and exes. Back, still further I went, before a painful breakup and an adolescent betrayal. Back I went, 11 years into the past… and I found myself singing along to Deana Carter beside him as he drove me to school in his old car.
And I remembered. I remembered how alive I felt sitting in the car beside him whenever we went somewhere together. I remembered the nights when my cheeks practically ached from smiling, which was all I could manage to do when he looked at me like that - beaming confidence and self assurance. I could feel the familiar pounding in my chest and fluttering in my stomach as I tried to guess what he might be thinking. I wanted so badly then to know what he might be feeling when he was with me.
“I don’t know how it happened, how we ended up here…” his voice snapped me back into the present, into the dark bedroom in our home where he was still smiling at me. The smile was now colored with something unexpected, an unmistakable mix of relief and gratitude.
In a rush, I felt the memories I’d just revisited changing. They suddenly became deeper, richer, fleshed out with a glimpse into what he had been feeling and thinking all those years ago.
“I remember…” he said again, and my whole body ached with the realization that he must have carried those thoughts with him through the following 11 years.
And he had them with him still - with us, here, in this quiet dark bedroom.
Happy Valentine’s Day baby. I remember, too.
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I mean, awwwwwwww. So sweet!
February 13th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Heh. I thought you must’ve meant “Strawberry Wine.” (I loved that song then. I liked the whole album, actually)I clicked play for about a second and knew I was right. Happy Valentine’s Day Mr. and Mrs. Miss Britt!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Dang Deana Carter is hot!!
Happy Valentines Day you crazy kids!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:35 am
I so knew it ws Strawberry Wine. There is nothing like being seventeen, barefoot in the grass with your young lover….. until the bugs start biting.
Super Duper Sweet.
I am going to go take a shower and sleep now.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:36 am
What a lovely declaration of your undying love without any graphic, sexual imagery!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:12 am
This is what I call “Foreplay”
February 14th, 2008 at 1:39 am
Wait…he heard you sing? And he still married you?
Just kidding. Beautiful post, my friend.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:44 am
That is so beautiful. Happy Valentine’s!
February 14th, 2008 at 7:26 am
avitable: I’m sorry. I should have just drawn a picture with hearts and flowers.
Allyson: I loved that entire album too.
Jay: is she still? I know she was.
ADW: you are so smart!! as always!
Kyra/the108: even I have my limits. LOL
Peggy: me too.
Mr. Fab: he has bad ears.
Selma: thanks - and Happy Valentine’s to you too! (wait, is that right? do you have that there today?)
February 14th, 2008 at 7:49 am
My mind has nothing to say except: Yahhh…
February 14th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Miss Britt, that was really sweet! Happy Valentine’s (or as my little call’s it- Valentime’s) day!
February 14th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Awwwww, sweet and wonderful post, Britt. Happy Valentine’s day to you and sweet Mr. Mrs. Britt. (did I get that right?)
February 14th, 2008 at 8:18 am
And a penis. Don’t forget the penis.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:19 am
That is realy quite sweet.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:28 am
you give me hope. i tend to be a bit jaded about love. and yet this wonderful post reminded me not to be so cynical.
happy valentine’s day to you both.
February 14th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I’m gonna cry. This is so lovely. I’m so glad he remembers and that he told you.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you both.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:06 am
That is a very sweet post. Thank you for sharing it….
You two are very lucky to have each other.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Poppy: I’m trying to imagine what your mind saying “Yahhh” sounds like now.
Janelle: thank you! and you too!
CMG: you got it perfect. ;-)
avitable: and a doggy vagina.
debkitty: and neither of us are prone to ridiculously sweet - which makes it more so.
hellohahanarf: anything I can do to make the world a less cynical place.
Finn: awww, no crying!
themuttprincess: yeah, we really are pretty lucky. He more so than me of course.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I remember too.
Wasn’t it your senior year, when you came to me with this sheepish, dazed look on your face, and said, “Mom, I think I like someone?”
“Yeah?” I said. “Who now?”
“Jared.”
“Jared?!?!?! As in, that boy you went with in eighth grade, who has been like your best doofy guy friend since then?”
“Yeah.” Another sheepish grin.
And it was very cute, and very sweet, and he has grown into a wonderful man and husband and father, entirely worthy of the most beautiful woman in the world and the most amazing children in the world.
Sigh. Life sometimes is so very sweet and good, isn’t it?
Love you, darling.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Happy Valentines Day to you both!
How sweet that he remembers - sounds like you have your Mr. Incredible as well.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am
What a sweet husband you have! I don’t remember all the intimate moments, but I remember so many of those moments you recounted. I am so glad that I got to share in so much of your joy and excitement, and even the pain.
Happy Valentines Day!
February 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Dammit,Britt! Nobody makes Metalmom cry! But I will admit right here that I had a little tear. (just don’t tell!) That was so beautiful!
February 14th, 2008 at 10:26 am
How awesome that he remembers AND that he told you.
Wonderful post and yeah I knew it had to be Strawberry Wine.
Happy Valentine’s Day sugar.
February 14th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Ok, ok, I’ll say more. I heart this post. I am really happy this happened between the two of you. “Yahhhh” means I have a happy grin on my face and am happy for you both.
(I was stuck in the feeling, couldn’t articulate it.)
February 14th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Awwww, Happy Valentines Day to you and Mister Britt :). What a great post!
February 14th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Britt’s Mom: yep. Right at the beginning of wrestling season.
fantastagirl: sweet and surprising. He isn’t really known for his Super Memory.
Kristin:
I wouldn’t have survived some of those painful moments without you.
And don’t lie. You totally remember some of the intimate ones too! LOL
metalmom: I think I need to reread this. Neither one of us cried when we read it last night.
turnbaby: I am surprised you’ve heard of Strawberry Wine!!! It wasn’t in Animal House you know.
Poppy: ah, see, now I can hear it. :-)
Hilly: thanks babe.
February 14th, 2008 at 11:26 am
(As soon as I saw your comment I realized that could have been interpreted sarcastically. Sorry about that.)
February 14th, 2008 at 11:44 am
You don’t do mushy and romantic very often, but when you do - you definitely knock it out of the park.
Happy V Day!
February 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Awww, how sweet. I just realized I forgot to mention to my wife this morning that it was Valentines Day.
I wonder if the myspace comment is good enough?
February 14th, 2008 at 11:51 am
HA!! I’ve linked this post Missy!
turnbaby’s last blog post..Love, Actually
February 14th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Why are you always making me cry??? That was beautiful.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
That was very sweet… *sigh*
Anndi’s last blog post..Sweet love…
February 14th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Are you trying to make me cry? I’m a little emotional on
day (and at this time of the month).
Kimberly’s last blog post..Valentine…Oh, Valentine!
February 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Okay so I might remeber some of the intimates…….the moment FOREVER engrained in my memory is the head first spread egale dive off our beds! LMAO
Kristin’s last blog post..Happy Valentines Day
February 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
That was really beautiful. I think we led parallel lives, Britt. Your past and your present seem a lot like my life.
Shelli’s last blog post..I Love Me; You Love Me! You Do, Right?
February 14th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Oh Britt. That broke through my bitter exterior. It’s not fair - you and Dan breaking down the walls. Love is just the best…
Bec’s last blog post..Self Love Day 2!
February 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Poppy: we’re good
AmyD: thanks babe.
maninthekitchen: well, it is a public declaration of love. Basically.
turnbaby: thanks sugar.
MyWeeWorld: I’m sorry! I don’t mean to!
Anndi: this has to be a record for the word “sweet” being used to describe anything associated with me.
Kimberly: I promise, I’m not!
Kristin: and that wasn’t even Jared.
Shelli: well you’ve got a head start on our life - tell me… what’s the forecast?
Bec: yeah, well, your exterior wasn’t so bitter to begin with I think., ;-)
February 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
So far so good. Oh, we have had our problems over the years, especially so over the last year or 2, but we are still hanging in there and the love we have is worth the work.
Shelli’s last blog post..I Love Me; You Love Me! You Do, Right?
February 14th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Beautiful.
February 14th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
“Strawberry Wine” is one of my absolutely favoritest songs to sing. Now I have a beautiful love story to associate with it, thanks to Miss Britt. :)
Melissa’s last blog post..Fair Warning
February 14th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
That’s so cute! It actually makes me wish to be in a relationship…
Oh wait, it passed. I thought about all the other days in a year :)
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Bleeding from the inside out
February 15th, 2008 at 9:51 am