There is a nasty rumor going around that I don’t know how to make Guacamole.
And, OK, so my last attempt didn’t end… um… well. I’ll give you that.
But! Since then! I have been redeemed!
No, really. I totally know how to make Guacamole now.
(you, stop snickering, I will show you…)
Allow me to bestow upon you, my loyal readers, the wisdom that I have learned so that you may avoid the pitfalls of bad guacamole and leap ahead to true culinary mastery.
Here we have all the ingredients you need. Now you can play with this to some extent. Add some, remove some, blah blah yada yada blah. The only thing you have to have are the avocados.
First step - chop the avocados in half. The long way. Then you take the knife and slam it into the pit, turn it, and the pit should pull right out with the knife. It’s all very fancy and secret tip-esque. Onlookers will be impressed.
Then you use a spoon and scoop out the meat of the avocado. As long as your avocado was good and smooshy, this will be very easy. And once again look very fancy and secret tip-esque. Onlookers will move from impressed to awe.
Scoop all the meat into a bowl.
Then (and here was the part that kind of stumped me before) you use a fork and smash it up. Again, this will only work if the avocado was good and squishy to start with.
Once it’s good and smashed up and looking like goop, it’s time to add the rest of your ingredients. I chop up tomatoes.
Throw your chopped tomatoes into your bowl of goop.
Next I add some cilantro. Remember, this is the optional portion of our recipe. If you don’t like cilantro, whatever - leave it out. If you do like cilantro, squeeze it in.
Yeah, I said squeeze.
Then I add garlic. Again - optional. Unless you’re me. Then you put garlic in everything because you have an unhealthy love of all things garlic.
Now you stir and stir and stir and stir until it looks less like goop with boogers and slugs and more like Guacamole.
Then you start adding more shit to it. If you want. I do want.
I add cayenne pepper and salt and pepper. Lots and lots of salt and pepper.
Then you have to squeeze in some kind of citrus juice (as in lemon or lime, not like grapefruit or some weird shit). This doesn’t do as much for the taste as it stops it from turning brown.
How much is too much? What else does it need? That’s up to you. Just taste and add, stir, taste, add, stir, taste, add…
Keep going until you like it.
And that’s it! You’ve just made Guacamole!
I know, you’re welcome
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That was some fine tasting guac the other day. Much better than the chicken wings. . . .
February 9th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
I told you the whole squish/chop/stir and cilantro make a BIG difference. Gosh, some people’s kids.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Your little girl is a cutie - and a great helper!
February 12th, 2008 at 12:24 am
You had me up until the cilantro, I never heard of that Ill shall be asking the great search god google.
But it looks good, it made me crave fajitas (which isnt good at 5:25am ppph I’ll make em anyway’s), nothing nicer than fajitas and guacamole
February 12th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I am super impressed you finally got it
Maybe you should have had Emma helping you the first few times?
February 12th, 2008 at 12:33 am
So glad you got that sorted. And we are kindred spirits in our love of all things garlic.
PS–your daughter is a cutie.
February 12th, 2008 at 4:18 am
I don’t understand this guac obsession. You don’t need to make it, you can buy it. Or eat out. Are there no Mexican restaurants where you live?
I am THIS close to staging an intervention. If I do, can you serve guacamole at it?
February 12th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I understand you, sweets. It’s all about conquering the kitchen!
Your guacamole looks terrific. And you had an adorable helper….I’m sure that’s what made it really good.
J.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Squeezable cilantro… You lost me there.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:49 am
avitable: actually, you missed out - those chicken wings were fabulous!
usedtobeme: LOL, I’m not used to thinking “overly squishy” is a good thing.
Fantastagirl: she’s all about the help right now.
L: I’ve done it with and without to tell ya the truth.
Dee:probably. Two year old obviously is more capable here than I am. LOL
turnbaby: yeah? you should come over. I’ll cook for you. Something garlic.
Mr. Fab: I’ve never been able to find it in the store.
And I don’t know, it seemed like that was something Florida women were supposed to know. :-)
HoosierGirl: thank you!
Topncal: you gotta try it!!
February 12th, 2008 at 7:16 am
We just saw some squeeze tubes of herbs and spices in the store the other day and I was thinking, “what whack job would actually buy herbs in a tube!?” I should have known my best friend in the whole world WOULD! LOL
Love you!
February 12th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Kristin: you are so right. If you used fresh herbs then you guac would have went from pretty good to OMFG Awesome. Fresh herb will do that everytime
February 12th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Honestly, that looks really f-ing good. I want some.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:05 am
I say Fuck it all and just go to Chili’s. They have good Guac!
February 12th, 2008 at 8:11 am
It looks delicious! You should try adding a little cumin to it, it gives it that yummy tex mex taste!
February 12th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Ooooh minced garlic! I’ve never tried that in my guac…I am so on it, thanks for the idea :).
February 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Now I want some tortilla chips. Do you know how to make those, too?
February 12th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I told ya it wasn’t that difficult!!
February 12th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Kristin: :-P pththtptpthtphth
Topncal: I couldn’t find fresh cilantro. This was a good enough short cut. WHY DO YOU JUDGE ME?!!
Em: YAY!! You should make it and tell me how it turns out!
Peggy: the best Guac you can get in a restaurant is at Tijuana Flats, I swear.
debkitty: I’ll have to add that to my Shit To Try Later list!
Hilly: garlic makes everything better.
Shelli: if by “make” you mean “buy”… then, yes.
themuttprincess: I know, I know. I iz moron.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I think it’s California women who are supposed to know how to make Guacamole (it’s the promximity to Mexico, don’t you know…).
We Florida women should know how to make Key Lime Pie, Conch Fritters and Black Beans and Rice.
And no, no I don’t know how to make any of that.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Congrats on finally being victorious with the guac! If I’m ever in FL again may I please have some, please?
February 12th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Totally delurking to say w00t! It actually sounds a lot like the tableside guac at Amigo’s, which is the first time I was ever convinced to try guacamole. I think they add jalapeno too if you want but everything else is pretty much how they do it!
Yummm!
February 12th, 2008 at 10:04 am
yum! now i am craving guac. like i wasn’t hungry enough.
p.s. garlic makes everything better. i put a little chopped raw garlic (that i buy in a glass jar) in with both dogs’ food every day. no fleas!
February 12th, 2008 at 10:37 am
mmmmmm garlic. have you discovered the jars of whole peeled garlic cloves? absolutely my favorite (kitchen) time saver.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Finally!! Woo hoo!!!!
February 12th, 2008 at 11:33 am
My Target store sells that squeezeble cilantro. And garlic, yum! Roasted garlic, really yum….
February 12th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Yummm Garlic. I’ve never added it to my guac, surprising really since my husband is sure I add it to everything, I do add onion to my guac. And jalepeno. No seeds if I don’t want it spicy.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Cilantro in a squeeze tube, the horror. Of course I like the pre-minced garlic, so I can’t complain too much. Looks good, I’ll bring the chips.
The last time I tried to remove a pit from an avocado the stupid thing split in half, I had to dig the rest of it out. And the avocado was for garnish, so I had to be real careful to not tear the stupid thing up.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Honestly, the tube cilantro is making me gag. Maybe we can find another use for it. Possibly it gets rid of crows feet or warts?
February 12th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Nice looking Guac. I use fresh Cilantro. I grown it in my back yard. And yes, the minced garlic in a jar can be found at Publix also.
Now off to find chips.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Finn: I should probably learn Key Lime pie. That makes sense.
Poppy: Absolutely! I’d send you some if it wouldn’t turn black on the trip.
steen: yay me! I don’t know why, but I’m more of a T-Flats girl than Amigos.
hellohahanarf: maybe that’s why I don’t have fleas.
Allyson: ummm… no… that sounds useful though. Will have to hunt down.
AmyD:
Lynda: I bet Target would too. I don’t usually grocery shop there. Wal-Mart (I hate to say it) is cheaper.
Fogspinner: my mouth burns at the MENTION of jalapeños.
maninthekitchen: well, you’re probably more passionate about your food than I am. ;-)
Kimberly: my son has a wart…. I’ll let you know how that works.
Trishk: I really want to do an herb garden on my window sill. You know - some day.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I’m a terrible Floridian because I have no idea how to make any of that stuff…
I think T-Flats has better food all around but the only reason I go to Amigo’s is for the guac.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
New things can be scary. I am glad you tried, tried and tried again until you got it juuuuust right!
February 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
As far as guac goes, the simpler the better. Oh and I was there for the last attempt - no blender this time?
February 12th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I love guacamole especially stuffed into tiny little tomatoes. Makes a lovely appetizer at parties!
I’m also a fan of cilantro. I put the shit on everything and the more the better!
Your guac looks worthy of me eating it. Mmmmm.
(and by “Guac”, I mean “vagina”. I have to say this or people will worry about this comment’s authenticity.)
February 12th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Dude…you are still doing this? I already taught you! Tomato is yuckah in guac though…just sayin.
February 12th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
WHat the hell is this?!! Dave told me this was a blog about I-Phones! Sheeesh you never even mentioned you used your I-Phone to call Adam on his I-phone to say the Guac was ready, then you took pics of it on both I-phones and sent them Dave’s I phone so you could all share the Guac experience. But Noooooooooooo!!!
February 12th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
“Now you stir and stir and stir and stir until it looks less like goop with boogers and slugs and more like Guacamole” It doesn’t matter what it lookes like - it will still TASTE like boogers and slugs. (Not a guac fan, can you tell?)
February 12th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
And isn’t that funny because I just noticed one of those in Winter Haven. I’ll have to try it! I’ve never even heard of a Tijuana Flats until I seen it there.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Oh all that, the only thing I can comment on is, “yes…it does look like a boob”.
a green guac-y boob. or an infected boob.
your choice.
February 12th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
i bet a real live lemon or lime would make it even more heavenly good. if you like, you could also try adding a small bit of fresh chepped onion. or not. coz this looked all about tasty.
oh, i was told today that avocados are good for your ovaries and are shaped like em, too. wtf??!? (but i know my cousin wouldn’t lie.)
finally, in mexico i looked for a mortar and pestle thingy. fucken tourist traps didn’t have any. if you wanted a carved monkey or a blanket or silver bracelets or a purse made outta candy wrappers or a shot glass i could have hooked you up, but damned if i could find your authentic guac making vessel. i failed and i am so sorry. perhaps i will buy you many margaritas sometime soon and all will be forgiven?
February 12th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Sounds delish. But you left out my favorite ingredient: a double shot of Don Julio.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
steen: and aren’t you like a LIFER too??
themuttprincess:if only I could apply that to things that matter… LOL
Nina: nope! I am blender reformed!
Kyra/the108:
I need to try that appetizer thing!
DeannaBanana: you did teach me! That’s how I got it!
Y2K Survivor: um, well.. uh… to be honest, my iPhone made the guac.
Crazy Lady: I never was before either. LOL
Peggy: you will love them! Awesome!
Stephanie: um, ewwww.
hellohahanarf: i’ve used a real lime, it does add a little to it.
Al Warren: that’s a new one.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Now that looks good. I’m going to try it on the weekend. Your daughter is adorable!
February 14th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Guac LOOK so good… but how did it taste???
(BTW… I would have totally put a disclaimer stating that “No children were poisoned in the making of this photo essay”… it just opens you up to repercussions later on in life… “But mom, I got an ‘F’ in religion because of that guac you made me eat when I was little! It killed my brain!”)
NYCWD’s last blog post..Seven
February 16th, 2008 at 2:10 am
Selma: oh be sure and let me know how it goes for you!
NYCWD: it was good - even the kids ate it!
That disclaimer is posted on my fridge. “Not responsible for future failures. At all. Ever.”
February 16th, 2008 at 8:03 am
[...] there can cannot only be one. Miss Britt, your guacamole has finally reigned supreme, and won you an award. (How mad is Avi right now that your guacamole won over his fried foods, his [...]
February 18th, 2008 at 12:01 am
[...] not as good as Britt’s… but hey, I didn’t leave the house, [...]
February 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm