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I hate the zoo.
Hate, hate, hate, hate, haaaaate. The zoo.
My hatred of the zoo is so vehement that it has become one of those things that family legends and long running jokes are made of.
I blame my mother.
When I was very young, my mother and I lived in Chicago with my Nana and Poppi. And there are lots and lots of wonderful things you can do with a small child in Chicago. There are even lots of free things you can do with a small child in Chicago.
But do you know what that woman made me do the most?
Wander around the fucking zoo.
I think it was probably around the 136th time I heard “oh, look, it’s a zebra” that I decided zoos suck big monkey ass.
This has not changed simply because I now have children. Or because I have a zoo ten minutes from my house. Or because it was 80 degrees this weekend and a trip to the zoo sounded like something the kids would enjoy. I may have suggested we go, but not at all as a sign that my hatred for zoos is waning!!
There is still absolutely nothing fun about standing around and staring at animals while they eat.
“Mom, look, it licks me…”
I mean seriously. They are just freaking animals. Sitting there.
“Mama, can I touch it?”
I have never understood why that is so fascinating to people.
“Mommy, I touch a turtle too…”
Maybe it’s because I’ve never been enthralled with the idea of just watching anything. I like to be doing, rather than sitting and looking. Whether it’s nature walks or OMG THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING drives or… zoos. There are very few things in this world that are interesting enough to just fucking LOOK at.
“Do you see it Mom? Do you see it?”
Some people actually get excited about going to the zoo. I imagine these are people who do not know what they are in for. Who the hell gets excited about animals that just lay there??
Yeah. Zoos are stupid. Boring. Hot. Wandering around just… looking.
And how fun is it too just… look?
“Yes baby, I see it…”
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That last picture is a nice one.
I’ll take them to the zoo. And the Alligator Farm. And Sea World. I love those places!
February 18th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Ooh, can I go with Avi and your kids? I love going to parks with kids…they see everything with those fantastic eyes. Kind of lights a little kindling in my inner child.
Karl’s last blog post..Dammit Jim, I’m a Car, Not a Belly Dancer!
February 19th, 2008 at 12:16 am
I’m with you Britt- we have a zoo close by, my cousin (aka SUPER MOM) has like a year pass or something crazy like that. You know how many times I’ve been to the zoo- ZERO! Well, since my adult life anyway. My kids go when I “suggest” that my cousin takes mine with her kids or my mother in law is kind enough to take them…I hear stories upon their return and that’s good enough for me. Oh! last time, my mother in law made a scrapbook of their adventure to the zoo, YAY!
Janelle’s last blog post..February 18th, the day that changed everything
February 19th, 2008 at 12:17 am
But I would like to go to Sea World, that would be kinda fun…Britt you go first and then tell me if I should go
Janelle’s last blog post..February 18th, the day that changed everything
February 19th, 2008 at 12:18 am
I
that last picture! BTW, I don’t do zoos either.
Geeky Tai-Tai’s last blog post..We Had a Very SPECIAL Visitor!
February 19th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I like the giraffes the best. I want a pet giraffe. I bet it would take a dump truck to haul off all the giraffe poop each week. But it would be worth it cause telling chicks I have a pet giraffe would be a great pick up line.
Jay’s last blog post..Out of Control Nose Hair …
February 19th, 2008 at 12:40 am
your little animals are cute though…
flutter’s last blog post..In the shadow of dreams
February 19th, 2008 at 12:46 am
I agree with King Hippo. Those kinds of places are great.
Besides, I thought you go to church down here. Church is a lot like the zoo, but with more poo flinging.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Your photo’s are fabulous!!
February 19th, 2008 at 1:06 am
I hate the zoo too. Went to the Bronx Zoo this past summer. That’ll hold me for about a decade. Camels stink to high heaven!
February 19th, 2008 at 1:34 am
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Well, you got thru the day for the kids… RESPECT Hon!
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Get That Thing Away From Me!
February 19th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Oh yeah, you gotta take them to the Alligator Farm in St. Augustine. WAY cool!
I like the zoo, but I would like it even more if I could see some of that monkey ass sucking you speak of.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Crazy 8’s! God what a dumb name…
February 19th, 2008 at 5:40 am
avitable: you can come to the alligator farm with us - we want to take Creed apparently.
Karl: yeah… that was actually supposed to be the point of this post. Which obviously FLOPPED horribly. LOL
It was really amazing to see it with them.
Janelle: you should take them. I would never go to a zoo on my own - hate, hate, hate. But after taking the kids - I bought an annual family pass.
Geeky Tai-Tai: me too.
Jay: that would totally get chics!
flutter: yeah, and as loud as those damn monkeys. ;-)
Clown: you and King Hippo should take my kids to Sea World! (the only thing I hate more than the zoo is Sea World)
Mary: thank you!
DeppFan: and all this time I thought I was the only one.
DutchBitch: I’m glad I did too - it was a lot of fun with them.
Mr. Fab: it’s way the fuck over in St. Augustine?!?! Damn. I thought it was closer than that.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Awesome photos, Britt!
Do you know we don’t have a zoo here? Not one. The closest zoo is a 5 hour drive south. I guess zebras and desert tortoise don’t appreciate our sub-zero wind chills. Polar bears? Oh, yeah. They’d love us.
And I would love to go to the zoo.
Aunt Robin’s last blog post..The More Things Change…
February 19th, 2008 at 7:25 am
I love just looking at things–like the pics of your babies. I love the one with the two of them ‘just looking’ And the last one—AWESOME!!
turnbaby’s last blog post..TurnbabyTalks Trivia Throwdown
February 19th, 2008 at 7:38 am
I love the zoo. How can you not like the big gorillas? Oh yeah, I forgot you work with Avitable…
Nobody™’s last blog post..A day of Nothing
February 19th, 2008 at 9:01 am
YAY!!!! Genetics rule!!
Like most cool things, it appears “love of zoos” is one of those things that skips a generation.
I LOVE zoos!!
Good for you, little one!
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Peeling Back the Layers
February 19th, 2008 at 9:16 am
The payoff is when the animals start to fuck. That’s what makes the zoo worthwhile!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Dialog, Part 4
February 19th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I could care less about zoos. We have a really fabulous zoo up here along with a Rainforest, so that is kind of neat. I actually like taking the kids to the science center way more than the zoo. There are all kinds of hands on activities for them to do and they learn at the same time.
ADW’s last blog post..Holy Shit!!
February 19th, 2008 at 9:31 am
God, I hope the kids washed their hands after petting the turtle! The last thing you need is salmonella poisoning all over the house!
The Absurdist’s last blog post..Who is the REAL Absurdist around here?
February 19th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I love the zoo….and your son has been to the zoo with me a ton of times! I do vividly remember you telling him on a trip to the zoo in Omaha, where were the husbands I have no idea, but you told him that the big fat sun bear looked like his “uncle Burt” LMAO. That was hilarious, and for the record it was funny when I was married to him and it’s more funny now that I am not!
Kristin’s last blog post..I Never Thought
February 19th, 2008 at 9:43 am
My kids love the zoo - and to see the excitement in my daughter’s eyes is worth it. I loved the aquarium at the Omaha Zoo - could have spent hours in there.
Fantastagirl’s last blog post..Today this is me
February 19th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Aunt Robin: the closest one from where we lived before was 2 hours away. The closest GOOD zoo was 4 hours.
turnbaby: I could sit and just look at them for hours and hours… but I’m their Mommy.
Nobody™: gorillas aren’t bad I suppose.
Britt’s Mom: or it’s a child thing. Did I like the zoo when I was little?
I don’t remember liking them like my kids did, but maybe my memory is clouded by my hatred.
CMG:
ADW: oooh - I forgot about the Science Center! My son LOVED that back there! I wonder if we have one of those around here…
The Absurdist: there was lots of hand washing that day. LOL
Kristin: I know! But now I don’t have anyone to pawn them off on! (thank goodness… or I would have missed this…)
Fantastagirl: yeah, that’s kind of what I was trying to get at here.. that seeing how they reacted made it unexpectedly awesome.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Love the zoo. When we lived in Oklahoma, we went like a million times. (not too much to do there) It’s a great place for kids to run and play and explore and then nap all the way home. Ahhhh.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Think Pink
February 19th, 2008 at 10:29 am
It’s a tad bit depressing to see them like that. The food is too expensive and there is always some peacock or something out trolling around ready to peck at my ass when I walk by. I seem to get chased by the damned things they allow to roam freely.
Kyra/the108’s last blog post..How to save the world
February 19th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I love that last picture of Emma!
I am not a huge zoo person either, but I still take my son and he is 12. He loves it. Oh the sacrifices we make as mothers!!!!!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..QOTD…. It IS Tuesday after all!
February 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Emma’s a dollbaby, and all, but I thought the picture of Devin getting excited over the African Bullfrog was the best. Looks like you had a good time. I can’t wait to take my kids to the circus. It’s down the road, and will probably happen this weekend… before it’s too late!
February 19th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Don’t let the children know you hate it. They seem to love it. That is exactly why I don’t tell my children that I hate liver. Who knows, they might love it. When they are ever going to get a chance to try it is beyond me because it will be over my dead body that anyone cooks it in my kitchen.
Shelli’s last blog post..Holy Crap! or Who The Hell Was That Girl?
February 19th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Animal Kingdom, Disney World is the best ever. You gotta take them there and go on the safari ride. It is so awesome. Sea World is awesome, too. I could live at Sea World.
Shelli’s last blog post..Holy Crap! or Who The Hell Was That Girl?
February 19th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
The Philadelphia Zoo is about an hour from me and I always want to go….however the last time I was there was about 22 years ago. Damn, that makes me feel old. I had to think about the math ;)
Regardless of how you felt about your trip to the zoo…the photos of your children enjoying it are priceless. It’s awesome that you capture so many great memories on film like that!
Rachel’s last blog post..All over the place…
February 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
on one hand i absolutely love the zoo. we are talking LOVE. pictures in books only so so much, but to see a lion up close is phenomenal. to see an octopus thisclose from me. the gentle elephants, so inquisitive. sigh. i love being so close to the animals, even if there is no way to properly convey why.
and for the record, zoos are also incredibly educational…just in a different way than the science center is. there are plenty of informational items posted near the animal that is being viewed.
however, on the other hand, i hate that zoos confine such magnificent creatures in small spaces. even if they don’t have bars anymore, even if they have these open spaces created to be like their natural habitat, they are still confined. still in animal prison. and that makes me sad.
so yeah. i go to zoos as often as i can and i love it, yet feel guilty while i am there.
February 19th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Ok, so when my sister was 4 and I was 7 my parents took her to the zoo. I elected to stay home with my Nana because Nana was way cooler than looking at a bunch of miserable animals in cages when they should probably be out in the wild.
Not that all zoos are bad. Some are quite nice for the animals but I think those are referred to as animal sanctuaries not zoos.
ANYYYYway, when my parents and sister returned home I got to hear that the monkeys through shit at people - LITERALLY. And, that the lion took a giant piss and it actually hit someone not unlike a freaking fire hose.
I never wanted to go to a zoo after that.
I did take my kids to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo in Colorado and I did really like that place. The animals looked happy and there were windows and what not so I was going to get pelted with shit or something.
Amy’s last blog post..You Can’t Make This Up!
February 19th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I wouldn’t belong to any zoo that would have me as a member (hic)…
RW’s last blog post..:-/
February 19th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I feel that way about the circus. Love the last picture of your baby. Very artsy fartsy.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Kimberly: three. hour. nap. How freaking awesome is that?
Kyra/the108: you’re reminding me of something I’ve tried to suppress I think…
themuttprincess: ain’t that the truth!
Allyson: yeah, I like that one too!
Shelli: no, I didn’t - I let them enjoy it.
Rachel: I’m just glad I had a few that turned out OK! It always look so much better in person than it turns out in the picture.
hellohahanarf: are you Jewish or Cathoic?
Amy: I laughed my ass off at this.
RW: those kind are hard to find anyway. ;-)
Summer: artsy fartsy.. he he he he
February 19th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I have a fascination with the zoo. And the Camden Aquarium. Is it the animals? The smell? Or maybe it is the fact that I have seen huge land turtles and sharks fucking…..that was cool!!! (and according to the scientists at the aquarium, the shark thing is rare to see!)
metalmom’s last blog post..How Did I Miss It?
February 19th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I LOVE zoos. Every time I go to Brookfield Zoo I feel like a kid again (sort of how I feel about Disney). I think even if watching the animals can be boring, I also think it’s important for the next generation to see up close all the wonderful animals that are in the bigger world. How else for them to have opinions as adults that it’s important to not denude the rain forests or clear-cut the environment of an animal that cannot be replaced?
Which, of course, is why you purchased the annual membership, right? (of course, it was probably cheaper in the long run; but that’s okay).
February 19th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Because Pirate Seal are fun, I have an annual for Sea World!
Awww, look at Emma #2 looking through the glass.
February 19th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Was that the Central Florida Zoo? I heard they have a new baby 1 week old monkey. We haven’t been there yet.
Sea World ROCKS! I went 7 times last year. I also went to Disney Animal Kingdom twice.
There’s one of those gator places in Orlando too.
Little Miss Sunshine State’s last blog post..I Changed the Name of the Post
February 19th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Ok so this was the real reason your ass was in such a hurry. Boooooooo to the zoo haters of the world.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
It’s the opposite here. The kids won’t let me take them to the zoo.
February 19th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
metalmom: sharks??
Mrs RW: no, it wasn’t cheaper - but I think we’ll be back. A lot.
Clown:
Little Miss Sunshine State: no, another dinky one. I’ll have to find the gator place in Orlando!!
Traci: hahaha NO!!!! Well, it might have been why I only planned for 2 hours. But I loved it in the end! promise!!
Peggy: oh now that is just sad.
February 20th, 2008 at 6:10 am
First time reader and I’m kind of shocked - from the back (and the side, too), your daughter and mine look so much alike that I would mistake them easily! This is a first for me! So freaky!!
Randi’s last blog post..Approval
February 20th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I got married in central park zoo.
I quite like them myself.
Dan’s last blog post..The sad thing is he scored higher than me
February 20th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
i’ve always wanted to check out central park zoo. just haven’t had the chance.
one zoo that i FINALLY got to see was the san diego zoo. all those years of joan embry on johnny carson had me longing to check that place out. i got to see panda bears!! watching them gave me a such a feeling of wanting to save bamboo forrests, wanting to protect such an amazing animal. so yeah, i love zoos.
and i think it is awesome that you are an annual member.
February 20th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
We have a great zoo in Sydney called Taronga Zoo. I enjoy visiting it but sometimes I feel sad for all the animals stuck in there unable to wander free. I just hope they’re all treated well. The tigers are my favourites - such majestic animals!
Selma’s last blog post..I See A Full Moon Rising
February 21st, 2008 at 6:48 am
I like the zoo. I think it will be better when I can bring my nephew to the zoo though.
Lynda’s last blog post..Lucky Star
February 21st, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Randi: first time THAT has been what shocks someone. Whew.
Dan: OK that is just ridiculously romantic.
hellohahanarf: you’re in general more lovey that me anyway.
Selma: tigers are fun. We have kangaroos in the zoo here!
Lynda: I think I am in the minority, definitely.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:26 pm