I first heard about the BlogHer “Letter To My Body” Initiative over at Joy Unexpected. I’m following suit because I think it’s a brilliant cause, and one more women should embrace. It’s something my mother would be proud of.
Dear Body,
You have had to live with a lot of expectations. From me, from men, from other women – everyone has their own demands on you.
I should warn you, that’s probably not going to change.
My children will still expect you to push beyond your limits because they need us, even when we’re tired. Men will continue to expect you to hold on to our youth and never show any signs of wear. And other women? Well, I hate to tell you, but it seems that is just getting worse. They want you to be taller. And slender. And strong. And if you can manage it? Bullet proof skin would be a plus.
Thank God we still have Jared. He’s loved you in every shape and form. Even when I couldn’t stand to look at you anymore.
About that…
I have expected more of you than anyone. And I have ignored you and given you little appreciation for your successes.
When you were young and vibrant, your muscles taut and your skin still smooth, I berated you for your lack of lankiness. When your hips rounded long before child birth, I chastised you for ignoring the waif trend that was so prominent among teenage girls. I tried desperately to disguise you, with push up bras and jeans meant to elongate your naturally short legs. I didn’t appreciate your energy and stamina until they started to fade.
And, let’s be honest, when you were at your most vulnerable… I used you.
Worse than that, I let other people use you. I yielded you as a weapon. I let your value be judged by people who had no business doing so. For years I ignored how precious you are and sent you out as the guinea pig to see how dangerous the rest of the world could be. I tried to deny that you were intricately a part of Me, so that I didn’t have to face what I was putting you through.
And somehow, you survived. And I continued to take you for granted.
When you carried my children, reinventing yourself almost over night in order to meet their needs, I cried when you began to show signs of strain. I labeled your swelling and stretch marks as scars of weakness, ignoring the strength you exhibited by nurturing those two beautiful people inside you.
When you made soft places for those babies to lay their heads, I grew angry with you for your insistence on adapting.
And then I took control of you. I changed our diet drastically and melted 40 lbs from your frame. For the first time, I was finally pleased with you… because you were finally living up to everyone else’s standards.
Ah, that honeymoon period was sweet.
Of course, you and I know that behind closed doors, you’ve once again fallen short. We know that underneath my size six jeans, I hide your butt – that would sooner swallow a quarter than bounce one. We know that inside the Victoria Secret Secret Embrace bra, your breasts have become deflated and empty.
We know that your skin is sagging. We know that you’ve suddenly seem to become obsessed with new ways to sprout hair faster than I can remove it. We know that the excuses of pregnancy and child birth can no longer justify the potato sack you’ve attached beneath your belly button.
But I want to tell you, for once, for the first time…
That’s OK.
Really. Because those expectations that people have for you? They’re nothing more than a fantasy anyway. Other bodies don’t look like that either – not without surgery and airbrushing. Trust me. I have seen Cindy Crawford and Jennifer Love Hewitt (thank you Internet)… and you’re not doing too badly.
Are your boobs deflated? Sure they are. They’ve fed two children. But they also still spark at the touch and add to your uniquely feminine silhouette.
The extra width of your hips is what creates that beautifully melodic line when you lay on your side.
Your legs bear the signs of a woman who has learned to stand on them, on her own.
The new whispers of lines around your eyes are a reminder that you have lived more, laughed more, and cried more than a younger version of you. They remind your children that you have seen enough to offer them guidance.
Your hands have begun to look less like your daughter’s, and more like your mother’s… which is at it should be as you stop needing a caretaker and become one.
Are you aging and sagging and adding to your fat storage? Sure you are. You no longer need the defense of hard lines. Our life is now filled with people who need the comfort and warmth that your softening provides. The energy you exuded in your younger years is slowly being tempered by a calm, more quiet confidence that grows from experience.
You’re settling in, and you deserve that.
God knows, we both do.
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Posted in Personal - Growth and Things I'm Trying To Learn Tagged: aging, Blogher, body image, letter to your body, self esteem, women's issues
I can say, even without my Blog Husbandly duty, that the whole package of Miss Britt is beautiful.
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Wow. That was all kinds of awesome.
And that picture is BEAUTIFUL.
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I know I’m stealing what the person above me said, but that picture is beautiful. and so were the words.
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That picture is absolutely amazing. And this post could not be any more awesome. :heartbeat:
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That was a beautiful post and I am thinking about stealing it. However, I want to applaud your bravery because I will not be putting any naked pics of myself up on mine. But your pic IS beautiful, damn.
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Ah sugar–so cool–and thank you for sharing your loveliness.
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It was beautiful, of course. And I’m thinking how true it is because my Honey, asleep upstairs, has just been through pregnancy and I can see exactly what you mean, and I get all emotional, and then–
I look to the right and there’s four Google ads promising us the cure for it all. No wrinkles, younger skin, age reversal… The evil robots from Adsense completely misread you.
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I saw this on BlogHer today and it inspired me…and your post pushes me further. I need to do this too!
Thanks for your bravery and honesty.
Your picture is beautiful.
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That was a cool post. And a beautiful picture!
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I am in awe. This was beautifully written.
Sheila’s last blog post..o.m.g.
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holy shit. thats a nice picture!
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You are beautiful in and out
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I enjoyed doing this project, although mine wasn’t nearly so poetic. That picture truly does add to the entry. Well done.
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This is a fantastic thing to do, and you’ve really moved me. You’ve also given me something to think about…
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avitable: awwww… thanks babe.
I’m still not showing you my boobs. :heartbeat:
Y: :blush: thanks for inspiring me to do it.
Amanda: thank you, I do like how it came out.
Amy: thanks for your help. And thank Mike too – jeez, poor guy. “Hey, honey, which naked picture of my friend do you prefer for the internet?”
Hilly: Oh I so hope you do. I thought about you when I wrote it – actually.
turnbaby: :blush:
People in the Sun: damn Google.
Be sure to tell your honey that you appreciate that.. ok?
sizzle: yes! do! would love to see it.
Jay: thanks – I’m glad to see it wasn’t too much for all the men.
Sheila: I appreciate that. And YAY you could get on!
bluepaintred: LOL
flutter: thank you, that’s very kind considering… LOL
Donna W: I got a lot out of it too – I’m glad I did it.
Dee: oh man Dee, that’s the best response I could hope for.
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Wow. This was an amazingly well written and self aware post. I enjoyed reading it knowing that you have come to grips with your body like that. I’m not sure I could write anything quite like that without cracking wise.
kapgar’s last blog post..I’m a man, I’m a man…
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What an honest and inspiring post. There is something liberating about being able to accept yourself. You look amazing.
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This post is absolutely awesome. You seem to have such a great sense of self-image and self-esteem… as corny as it sounds, I admire you for writing something like this. The words and the picture are beautiful.
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Yay you. :hug:
I don’t fit into size 6 jeans and I love my body. I even have stretch marks, but not from babies, just from that extra weight that yoyoed on me all my life. I love every “imperfection” (I don’t see them as that) and I hope you can love yours too.
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I’m about to turn 37 next month and although I’m in the best shape I’ve been in since I turned 30, I know I won’t be able to fight time forever, I hope I can gracefully do so.
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BRAVO! and Thank you!
Melanie Marie’s last blog post..ch-ch-changes
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this, my friend, was a spectacular post. what a wonderful example for us all. we really all need to remember to concentrate on the positives in life.
there are several people that i will be sending here to read your wise & thoughtful words. well done, britt.
the photo was gorgeous. almost as gorgeous as your soul.
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That post was really beautiful as are you
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Ditto, what they said.
Marissa’s last blog post..Rain
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I loved this post. I really did.
Nat’s last blog post..Dark side of the moon
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beautiful post!!
rachel’s last blog post..joy
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That you in that picture? You forgot to tell her how beautiful she is.
Lovely picture too.
This may actually inspire me out of exile…
Finn’s last blog post..Closed For Repairs
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Ah jeez. I read and re-read this post in awe and pride, not just as YOUR mom but as a woman.
I have to tell you something. Imagine my perspective reading this post as being the body that nurtured YOUR body. That watched you struggle to be taller to “four step it” in track in junior high. That still cringes at the photo of your junior year prom when your collar bones showed and you were so pleased and I was so heartbroken knowing that you lost that weight due to agony and angst. That rubbed your back and your feet when you were 19 and pregnant with Devin – and was with you during labor and delivery with both babies and still consider that the greatest privilege of my life.
I love you. I truly bow my head in humble pride and gratitude at this post.
You’ve become an amazing woman that all of us can be very proud of, sweetheart.
And – eh – by the way I put a post of your brother’s band on my blog. Go see and be proud yourself.
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Sing, Baby!
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You are so beautiful, Britt. That girl in the photo is, too. I couldn’t do this. Mine would sound so different. In fact, it is written. Sitting in my drafts where I take it out and look at it from time to time. I’ll share it with you, since we get each other, I think.
Shelli’s last blog post..The Gym-nasties, Part 1
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kapgar: I’m sure you could. Although, I don’t know if men have the same kind of relationship with their bodies that women do.
And.. I didn’t make it all the way through. Did you catch the bit about swallowing a quarter with my ass?
Selma: it was very, very liberating. There are obviously a ton of other pictures that didn’t make the cut – but it was so freeing to do, I wish I had some place to put them all!
This Mom: I really don’t have any better self esteem than most people I don’t think. I just have moments of acceptance maybe.
Poppy: I’m workin’ on it.
furiousball: the expression “fight time” makes me tired just to hear. That sounds like a lot of work.
Melanie Marie: ummm.. you’re welcome? :dunno:
hellohahanarf: you leave the best comments ever, you know that?
L: thanks – I’m not bad from the back. LOL
Marissa: ditto what I told them.
Nat: yay! I’m so glad!
rachel: thank you.
rachel’s last blog post..joy
Finn:
“Lovely picture too.”
you know this means an EXTRA lot coming from you
I READ MY MANUAL LAST NIGHT!!!!
Britt’s Mom: :blush: :heartbeat:
Shelli: I would very much like to kick your inner voice’s ass.
We need to find you a new one.
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ummm, no. your mudder leaves the best comments. i just love that woman. (she might wanna get a restraining order, though, coz if i ever meet her i think i would squeeze the life right outta her.)
there certainly is no doubt that you two are related…you both have such fantastic outlooks, such thoughtful insight to share.
:heartbeat:
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You gave me goosebumps. I could relate to more of that than you can imagine (except for the size 6–that is long gone!!)
That picture is beautiful.
You are a wonderfully, strong and brave woman.
Love ya!!!
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Since I am in the mood to steal things, might as well keep it harmless:
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We can kick her ass together.
Shelli’s last blog post..The Gym-nasties, Part 1
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What an amazing photo. Frame it and hang it around your neck, Flavor Flav style.
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Gorgeous post and amazing picture!
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..Buy Me Someone Pretty
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That was such an inspirational letter and every woman should read it and write her own….and a beautiful picture as well! Delurking btw as per the orders of the DutchBitch who says I need to start commenting more so I can make friends. HaHa :crazy:
That Bitchy Chick’s last blog post..Little Details
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Beautiful. My favorite part was towards the end when you talked about your hip line as “beautifully melodic” and your hands looking more like your mothers than your daughters.
Wonderful letter.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Dear Body*,
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hellohahanarf: you know the funny part? I can’t even tell you how many times someone has said “it’s hard to believe you came from her womb.” LOL
themuttprincess: I hope you could relate to the nice parts too.
Shelli: yeah!
BOSSY: with some bling! bling!
I gotta get me a grill.
Kyra Sutra: thanks babe.
That Bitchy Chick: I definitely agree that more women should do this.
Sleeping Mommy: that’s my favorite part too.
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I gotta get me a grill.
Have you seen Kendra from The Girls Next Door wearing her grill? She looks ridiculous.
But, you do what you wanna.
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I haave been trying to comment on this all day, but when I read it, it took my breath away, and I was near tears. And then, my day got busy. And then I forgot. And then there was ‘drama.’ But now, I am here! and commenting! I thought this was lovely. I never thought of my new ’softness’ as being a comfort to my kids, nor of the lines in my face as able to show my kids that I’ve had a full life, and that they could come to me with questions. I mostly just look at old pictures and sigh that I’ll never get that back. You made me feel special, and I thank you.
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Jesus, Britt. That was exceptional writing, and it touched my profoundly.
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Beautiful and 27 kinds of Brave. I wouldn’t have had the guts to do this at age 25 when I thought I was hot for about 15 minutes.
As I get older, I look more and more like my grandmother and I thought she was beautiful when she was in her 80’s. But neither of us would be considered that by society in general.
Too chubby and wrinkly and not usually smiling.
And your Mom ROCKS!!
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Girl, that picture is just beautiful.
Beth’s last blog post..George Bush Eats Kittens
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This is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. I don’t even know you and I teared up.
I would give anything to be able to see such positive things about myself. Don’t think it’ll ever happen, though.
Your mom’s comment made me tear up, too.
SJ’s last blog post..Meme: Six Quirky Things
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This is a fabulous, introspective post. I’ve really enjoyed reading all the responses to the “Letter to My Body” initiative. I hope this will end up being part of a healing process for a lot of people.
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BRAVO!!
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I love this post, Britt. That picture of you is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I’ve posted before about why I love my body, of course this was on a good day. Most days, I hate it. But I’m re-learning to appreciate it, post Baby No. 2. This is definitely a project to undertake.
I asked The Husband if he’d take a nekkid pic of me to post on the Internet and *damn* no dice.
Sheila’s last blog post..A Smorgasbord of Information
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To clarify my “thank you” (or possibly, to confuse you even more)
I was thanking you for such a beautiful post. I realize this was a letter from you to your body and had NOTHING to do with me, but you were able to say somethings that I have felt but have been unable to express. You also gave me a great example of something I want to work towards and I think that women would be much better off if we all could learn to love our bodies. They really are amazing and we should recognize that before its too late.
ok, now Im rambling… damn, should have had my :mug: before trying to make sense.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is
hgreatone:
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Oh, Britt. This was an awesome post! Thanks for making me look at my body a little bit differently. I’ve been very unhappy with my “mother of 3″ self each time I look in the mirror and now? I’m going to give my body a break from my critical eyes. I need to remember what the mirror Heather has been through, and how wonderful that is.
Thanks for this better point-of-view. You. Rock.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Reunited, and it feels so good!
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My entire letter could be summed up in a word – ’sorry’. But damn girl, that photo is… wow.
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wow – you are really lovely! What a great photo!
On a Limb with Claudia’s last blog post..Monday Meme
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Wow. Not only well written, but so very brave. I am proud of you!
debkitty’s last blog post..Killer Flu
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ACK! I didn’t realize I was so behind on responding here. Sorry!
Poppy: oh we both know I could NEVER pull off the grill look. LOL
Allyson: awww, I’m glad you feel special. You should.
Crys: :blush: thank you.
Little Miss Sunshine State: I didn’t really see it as brave – but thank you.
Beth: black and white does wonders.
SJ: wow, thank you.
You know, seeing those things just takes practice. Really. They are there.
Zandria: yeah, it’s been interesting reading everyone’s various perspectives on it.
rearvumirr:
thank you.
Sheila: take it. Edit it. Show him it’s harmless. And THEN ask him.
Melanie Marie: I wouldn’t say it has nothing to do with you. We all have those things in us – it might manifest in different ways, but it’s there.
CMG: oh my God doll – you are gorgeous! Yes, please, a break indeed!
Bec: sorry is a start…
On a Limb with Claudia: if only there were a way for me to walk around in black and white.
Backwards.
LOL
debkitty: aw, thanks babe. Although I don’t think it’s brave if you don’t get WHY people think it’s brave. LOL
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That was amazing! The letter, the picture, the everything. You rock.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Muffintop In Da House!
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Dear Miss Britt, after reading your “letter to my body” I have to say with all due respect: that sound like a bunch of crap! Why? You’re only 27-28 years of age and already you’re sounding like an old geek.
Come on my friend, be for real! You haven’t even scratched the surface in terms of aging. I do realize however, that many caucasion women age faster than other ethnic groups.
Latino women, Asian women, and especially African-American women hold their age better than most caucasions. Stop complaining and start appreciating! If you need attention, then perhaps start appealing more to the people who really gives a dam!
Ethnic Girl
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Karen: thanks. As do you.
Ethnic Girl: I’m trying to get past the “sounding like an old geek” and see how that is said with “all due respect”.
And I’m 28. Not 27-28. How does one float between two ages, anyway?
“Stop complaining and start appreciating! If you need attention, then perhaps start appealing more to the people who really gives a dam!”
Did you READ this post?
And please, do tell, I would simply LOVE to hear your diatribe on who the “people who really gives a damn” would be.
Ethnic girl, with all due respect:
Fuck off.
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Yep, that Ethnic Girl is one brave soul… you GO girl speak out and tell us how you really feel. And, oh, btw, don’t leave a URL or any contact info.
That doesn’t make you look less like an ass or anything.
Amy’s last blog post..Wanna Smell My Belly?
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Wow, awesome letter and you look wonderful!
Sassy’s last blog post..Jimmy Kimmel is f*cking Ben Affleck.
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Miss Britt, let me say once again: being 27 or 28 (who gives a dam) you’re not old! Stop playing the “I’m an old maid” role; it is not working. If you were in your late, late 30’s or in your 40’s and beyond, I’d have some sympathy and even some empathy.
You’re just a little girl who needs some attention. And by the way, if you continue to approach life with the “Im old” and “poor me” crap, you will age sooner than you think!
So, grow your ass up! Love yourself, love your children, love your husband, and by all means get a life! I’m much older than you and your body is nowhere near the shape of mine’s. And yet, I have no complaints. Again, go get a life and please grow your dumb ass up!
Ethnic Girl
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Ethnic Girl, you’re a fucking idiot. Did you even read the post? And who needs a life – the blogger or the troll? Stupid cunt.
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Who comes over to someone’s house, sits down on their couch, eats their homecooked meal, and then insults them like that? Who?
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You look fantastic!
I think I’d like to do this post soon, too.
Also, Ethnic Girl is a dumb biotch.
Sybil Law’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Mie!!!
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It’s SO sad when people desperately need attention that they take to posting nasty things on a post that is almost a week old.
And for the LOVE OF GOD – you stupid twat – it’s DAMN… DAMN DAMN – as in DAMN IT ALL TO HELL.
The DAM you are using is something they used to hold back water.
For the love of God, someone save us from the idiots.
Amy’s last blog post..Wanna Smell My Belly?
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You are gorgeous!
Sarcastica’s last blog post..One Last Time
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Adam, I think I just fell in love with you.
I’m curious as to why Ethnic Girl is focusing on the “old” part of this…..if you read the archives you will know that even though Britt is a “oh so young 27 or 28″ she has had some rough patches in her life so while she may not be old in calendar years, her body has been through more than its fair share of trials and tribulations.
Also, correct me if I’m wrong but I could’ve swore this was Britt’s letter to Britt’s body and how she feels about it. Not Ethnic Girls letter to Britt on how Britt SHOULD Feel about Britt’s Body.
PS: Why do people feel the need to comment negative things on other people’s blogs? Seriously, just get over yourself and leave space for those of us who love the Divine Miss B and don’t want to tear her down. :nana:
Sheila’s last blog post..Stupid Say What?!
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To Avitable, you are one big Lard Ass! Go and lose some damn weight! Here is an example of the exercise you should be doing:
hgreatone:
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Amy: yeah, I never get the anonymous thing. What’s the point?
Sassy: thank you!
Ethnic Girl:
Clearly, you’re retarded.
I am obviously Asian.
Me luh you long time. You likey like this? :spank:
avitable: :lmao:
Poppy: I don’t know – but I bet they don’t get invited to a lot of parties.
Sybil Law: let me know if you do!
Amy: I find myself singing old Vacation Bible School Songs about Noah. Is that weird?
Sarcastica: in the right light.
Sheila: yeah, that never made sense to me. Someone needs to put more stuff in their TiVo, or something.
Ethnic Girl: oh no! The fat jokes!
Everyone quick! Take cover!!!!!!!!
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This is the most retardedest comment war ever on such an awesome post.
Someone clearly is very bored with her life and needs some attention herself.
And is probably a 12-year-old boy with acne and bottle glasses who just likes to start shit. But I digress.
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Dear Miss Britt, after sleeping over my post on last night, I decided to write you to apologize for my insensitive remarks. The simple truth is, my initial intent was to compliment you by telling you not to sweat the small stuff.
However, in my attempt to do that, I obviously didn’t make the point in the appropriate way. Therefore, I sincerely ask your forgiveness for my remarks which were clearly out of line! Again, I ask your forgiveness.
All I am trying to say Britt, is that you are beautiful at 28, and there is no need to fret over things that you can’t control. However, I do realize that it is not my place to tell you how you feel about yourself. I hope that you will find the peace of mind concerning your physical appearance. Take care and may you continue to make others smile.
Very Sincerely Yours,
Ethnic Girl
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Amazing post. Thought I’d let you know that I mentioned it over at my place.
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nice. really, just excellent.
katydidnot’s last blog post..look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left
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i just showed your post to a friend.
best part about this photo?
the #1 mom frame that is visable in the background.
coz you rock on so many levels!
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I’ve seen this done but I’ve never been this impressed. It’s easy to detect when a woman’s “acceptance” of her body is forced because she’s supposed to accept it. That’s the right thing to write, right? But your critique of your body followed by your gentle settling into acceptance follows a wonderful, feminine, course. Like the curve from a waist to a rounded hip. Nice work.
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Comin over from avitable.com.
This was just so beautiful. I’m permalinking and pimping in my own blog.
*cue tear sliding slowly down one cheek…
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Got into here a bit too late, but I wanted to say, thank you. Perfect entry.
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Glad I know you.
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That was an amazing post. Thanks to Avitable for posting the link. So beautiful and thoughtful and I feel like I could’ve written it myself (or like it was written for me). You just got yourself a follower. Big time.
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this was a beautiful post.
i wish i could, with conviction, write a post like this and believe the words.
do you? believe those words still?
xo
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