Little Known Fact: My Job Sucks Ass

by Miss Britt on January 29, 2008

Alright, Internet. It’s been said that there isn’t anything you don’t know about me. My husband was hard pressed to come up with anything you wouldn’t already know about me, and all of you glorious listeners of the radio show had no questions for me because “well, um, you’re pretty honest Britt” - and therefore, all ground has pretty much been covered.

That’s what you think!

Here’s something you don’t know:

Sometimes, I really hate my fucking job.

Yep, the one where I work for Avitable. That one.

What do I do? In a nutshell, I sell shit. Well, not shit exactly. I sell what is actually a very valuable service. I believe in what I sell, because I know that it works. And I know that in a lot of cases (most, in fact), my clients absolutely need what I’m selling.

And yet… most of the people I talk to aren’t interested in ponying up the cash.

It’s been said that I’m good at sales. And statistically, if I looked at my track record for the past 10+ years, I would have to agree with that. I’ve always been able to outsell my competitors and colleagues - whether it was insurance or vitamins or advertising, I’ve repeatedly set records at every sales job I’ve ever had.

But even the best sales people get told No.

A lot.

More often, in fact, than they get told Yes.

And that? Fucking sucks donkey ass. Seriously. I can’t even tell you some days how much I wish I had an “easier” job. Some days I wish I had gone to college and gotten some degree so I could have some cake ass job where I just did what I was told to do without the constant rejection.

No.

But sir, you need this. Seriously. You’ve just told me you need it.

No.

And worse than no? Is the fucking stupidity you have to deal with. And the attitude. Oh my God the fucking self righteous attitude because they are not a sales person and you clearly are. Like sales person is equivalent to fucking scum.

Bitch, please.

And my boss? Well, I love him, clearly. But he doesn’t have to deal with the 9 no’s for every one yes. And the assholes. And the morons. And the fact that after a while you just know who is going to be worth a shit and who is not even before you pick up the phone. And sometimes? God love him. He forgets how much it sucks. Or rather, he doesn’t forget - but that’s not really his problem. And that’s no slight against him, but it doesn’t make my life any easier either.

Sometimes I wish I sucked at sales. Because when you’re good at it, it’s like you HAVE to do it - because nothing else usually pays quite like the sales jobs. The tougher the sell, the better the pay. Which is why time and time again I find myself in sales.

And I hate how that sounds.

What do you do? Oh I could give you a big fancy title but really? I sell shit. And no matter what Boiler Room tells you (which OMG I love that movie!!!), there’s nothing glamorous about that.

So, Internet, bet you didn’t know THAT, did you?

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Posted in Miss Britt - stories, memes and random facts about me

42 Comments so far

  1. avitable January 28, 2008 8:20 pm

    We’ll reach a point someday where the idiocy will be much more tolerable. We’re slowly getting there.

    And, FYI? I hate my job sometimes too.

    [Reply]

  2. NYCWD January 29, 2008 12:15 am

    I think its a pre-requisite to hate your job at times. Job=work. Work=stress. Stress=gray hair. Gray hair=more trips to the salon for dye jobs. More trips to the salon for dye jobs=more hours at your job to pay for it.

    It’s the circle of money.

    [Reply]

  3. Nina January 29, 2008 12:58 am

    I was good at sales, too. Telemarketing? I crushed that job. Retail, too. The big unanswered question is WHAT IS AVI SELLING? HM?

    Go ahead and hate it but it has to be fun, too.

    [Reply]

  4. Anonymous January 29, 2008 1:09 am

    well… if you tried to sell me dolphin porn i’d have to say no too… :nana:

    [Reply]

  5. Dan January 29, 2008 1:13 am

    I always thought Avitable was a high class rent boy and Britt was his pimp.

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  6. Princess of the Universe January 29, 2008 1:23 am

    I have an honours degree and my job sucks ass a lot of the time too.

    [Reply]

  7. Gecko Rock January 29, 2008 5:44 am

    I just landed the greatest gig of my career. The job description is pretty much the same as my last two jobs, but the people I work with make all of the difference. That and my view of the capital building where PETA likes to hold their “bare skin, don’t wear it” protests.

    [Reply]

  8. Mr. Fabulous January 29, 2008 6:31 am

    Trust me, a lot of people with those college degrees are shift managers at Burger King.

    Sales IS tough, no doubt about it. I could NOT do it if I had to. I’m just not wired that way. But I admire the hell out of people who can.

    [Reply]

  9. RW January 29, 2008 6:55 am

    Well you could always come here and sell trimwork and windows and stairs and doors to an industry that isn’t buying that stuff because nobody’s building houses right now, own the commission for 40% of a national company’s customer base and, once the slowdown in homebuilding gives them the excuse to let you go so they can pocket the 3-5% per sale they are giving you, get cast out on your ear after nine years with two weeks pay and go to work for a former customer and making half of what you made the year before because none of the competitors are hiring anybody no matter if you have a national customer base in your pocket or not. That might be fun.

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  10. Gecko Rock January 29, 2008 7:14 am

    To echo Fab, I have friends with degrees in pure science, masters and doctorates, who are not working in their field because their field pays donkey dick. I am amazed at how little a biophysicist is paid compared to, say, a shift manager at Burger Barn.

    [Reply]

  11. Hilly January 29, 2008 8:37 am

    This is why I stick to the sales coordination piece in my job. Every job I’ve had as a sales and marketing coordinator, my boss has always said that I should move into sales because I have the exact right type of personality. What they don’t know is that I have the patience of a flea and would probably tell someone off by the end of the day.

    So I admire what you do, even if sometimes it sucks a little bit (which I am sorry that it does!).

    [Reply]

  12. Jen January 29, 2008 8:54 am

    I hate sales. I don’t have the personality to do it. I love HR, which I have realized has a sales aspect to it. That part though, I still suck at.

    [Reply]

  13. Miss Britt January 29, 2008 9:18 am

    avitable: you hate surfing porn??

    NYCWD: yeah, that’s why they have to pay you to do it.

    Nina: it is fun. And working for Avi I don’t usually hate. Except when he’s stalking me.

    Anonymous: but you NEEEEED it!

    Dan: well, basically, yeah.

    Princess of the Universe: OK, well, remind me not to go back and get THAT degree then.

    Gecko Rock: I will admit, who you work with makes a BIG difference. In fact, it’s why I left my last job to come to this one.

    Mr. Fab: oh I think you could rock the sales.

    RW: why do you always have to make me feel bad? Bastard.

    Gecko Rock: that’s why my husband is the cable guy, actually.

    Hilly: what exactly IS sales coordination?? And how do I make Avi let me do THAT instead?

    Jen: I am definitely not PC enough for HR.

    [Reply]

  14. hellohahanarf January 29, 2008 9:22 am

    i’m with hilly. as a sales and marketing coordinator i don’t have the pressure of the actual sale, yet i still get to have a lot of fun. granted i don’t make as much as the sales guys do, but i can feed me and my dogs while keeping the roof over our head.

    at least weekly someone throws out there that i should be in sales, that i have the perfect personality for sales. NO! DON’T WANNA!! CAN’T MAKE ME!

    one good thing about your job is you can punch your boss in the crotch. that has to help sometimes, right?

    [Reply]

  15. RW January 29, 2008 9:24 am

    My work here is done! :poke:

    [Reply]

  16. Mr. Fabulous January 29, 2008 9:31 am

    EVERYBODY thinks that! But I can’t, trust me.

    [Reply]

  17. y not i January 29, 2008 9:39 am

    Like they say in Clerks: “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fuckin’ customers”

    I realized I wasn’t suited for a customer-facing job when I did a market research job in college and not only got “no”’s 9 out of 10 times, but usually got reamed out just for calling at least once or twice a day (and, no, I never called during dinner hours!). It takes a very thick skin and a strong attitude to handle that type of work.

    [Reply]

  18. The Absurdist January 29, 2008 9:41 am

    9 no’s for 1 yes? That’s a pretty good average. I hate sales. I didn’t get a degree either, so don’t feel weird about that. I always wondered what you do for Avi.

    You asked what we do? Here’s what I do:

    I am a Business Performance Management and Business Intelligence consultant. I make pretty colored charts for C-level executives.

    [Reply]

  19. themuttprincess January 29, 2008 10:17 am

    Sales does suck donkey dick!!!

    [Reply]

  20. Allyson January 29, 2008 10:31 am

    After watching my friend go through some really grueling school years to become a geneticist, and a damn good one, only to lose his job because the FDA decided it was ‘unamerican’ to clone sheep, and then go to work at a factyory where he injures himself at least weekly… i dropped out of college and became a secretary. Not that I was gonna be a geneticist… I would have been your shrink. But I still just decided after everything, a degree wasn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Of course now when I realize that the piece of paper means even as a secretary I could be earning twice what I did at my last job, I kind of wish I’d stuck with it. But now I’m a stay at home mom, and, really, who wants a real job when you get to stay at home and watch your kids grow up, guilt free? Um. Well, please don’t read my blog entry where I tell the world I want a job, and we can pretend I’m blissfully happy all the time.

    I wasn’t much help, was I?

    [Reply]

  21. Lisa January 29, 2008 10:33 am

    Britt, I’m like you…I totally rock in sales. I should really go back into it. Hmmm, there’s an idea. I used to love sales.

    Boiler Room is an excellent movie and one of my favorites. We watched it in one of my business classes.

    I always thought my college degree would help me get a better job and I’m finding that it’s not helping me at all. In fact I think it’s working against me. Perhaps it’s the area where I live. Everyone thinks I’m overqualified.

    Imagine being overqualified for a job. WTF?

    Someone, hire me, please.

    [Reply]

  22. Jay January 29, 2008 10:35 am

    I worked in sales for a while. I sold vacations to Branson, Missouri. People would have to do the tour of timeshares and go through the sales presentation there.

    It sucked so bad. Oh God it sucked! I wasn’t great at it, but I wasn’t last place either. Kind of middle of the road. Even middle of the road I made more in 20 hours at that job than I did in 40 hours at my “regular” job.

    But, I finally gave up on it cause I just hated it so fucking bad. I hated it so bad that I refuse to even look at any other sales job even though I know they aren’t all as bad as trying to sell vacations in fucking Branson. LOL

    [Reply]

  23. Karen January 29, 2008 11:07 am

    Being a lawyer, I am selling crap all the time. I have to sell myself and my services to clients. Then I have to sell my client’s position to my adversary or the court. And the whole time, my client is crictizing me and threatening me when I don’t get him 100% of what he wants. And we all know 100% is impossible.

    So don’t think that the fancy degrees save you from the Nos and the Rejection. Trust me I feel for you.

    [Reply]

  24. Coal Miner's Granddaughter January 29, 2008 11:38 am

    I have a lot of respect for sales people because I don’t think I could sell space heaters to Eskimos, I’m that bad.

    All jobs suck at one point or another. I think the only people who truly love their jobs are those marine biologists/animal trainers at Sea World. And then they probably hate it once they get digested fish guts spewed down their fronts.

    [Reply]

  25. hellohahanarf January 29, 2008 11:40 am

    cmgd has a good point…if my job was absolutely wonderful then i would have to pay them to come here every day…

    [Reply]

  26. AmyD January 29, 2008 11:57 am

    Yes, yes I did know that. :nana:

    [Reply]

  27. On a Limb with Claudia January 29, 2008 12:10 pm

    I am so sorry. Nothing’s worse than feeling like you have to work at a sucky job. Especially when your boss is a big… shall we say… Big Footish hairy??

    Are you selling special rugs weaved from his hair?

    What’s your escape plan?

    [Reply]

  28. metalmom January 29, 2008 12:48 pm

    It could be worse…

    You could be selling sucks. :yuck:

    [Reply]

  29. greg t January 29, 2008 1:19 pm

    Well you could put a web cam in your house. I know people would pay you to watch you find your way through life.. :D :thumbsup:

    [Reply]

  30. Bec January 29, 2008 4:03 pm

    I liked sales when I was in it and I sold home and travel insurance! I was regularly the top seller - unfortunately we weren’t on commission or I would have stayed there forever.

    I was so fucking bored at work today! I would have killed for one or two annoying members of the public!

    [Reply]

  31. jflins January 29, 2008 7:19 pm

    The mba mktg class said because sales folk have to live 40/wk on the inferior side of relationships, they’re supposed to be getting those boosts like sales conf’s in Vegas, etc., to keep them happy and recharged.

    [Reply]

  32. Janelle January 29, 2008 9:30 pm

    Britt, when the converstation isn’t going your way, do that thing where you say stuff super fast like “fuck you” and when they say “What did you say?!?!” You just say, “Oh! a co- worker just sneezed and I said bless you.” You know something like that and I’m sending you an email that I hope helps :-)

    [Reply]

  33. Tense Teacher January 29, 2008 10:10 pm

    Give yourself more credit… Sales is a hard job. I tried it, and I sucked. Big huevos.

    [Reply]

  34. Rich | Championable January 29, 2008 10:39 pm

    Dude. I designed, built and sold companies based on the fact that I hate doing sales. Direct response I LOVE, but direct sales, no.

    Now, I have a salesperson. She rocks. But man, do people say no to her a LOT.

    You have my respect, sister.

    [Reply]

  35. Laurie January 30, 2008 12:45 am

    :evil: Sales is a tough, tough gig. You are a tough chick…..let it out. Vent. (and by the way, how the hell have I forgotten to add you to my blogroll?!?!?!?)
    It’s been corrected!

    [Reply]

  36. Topncal January 30, 2008 4:20 am

    That is totally funny I am sick of my computer gig. I was thinking about going back into sales. It is hard work but seems more fun than what I do now. And we know the pay is better.

    [Reply]

  37. Miss Britt January 30, 2008 7:14 am

    hellohahanarf: I really have to find out how to get one of THOSE sweet ass gigs. :D

    RW: :nana:

    Mr. Fab: if you say so…. (she says, very condescending and patronizing like)

    y not i: thick skin, and a strong sense of superiority I think.

    The Absurdist: but right now, you’re a HOBO!! And you make it look so FUN!

    themuttprincess: you said it sistah!

    Allyson: well, I’m glad I’m no a geneticist. :D

    Lisa: I do so love Boiler Room. I suppose that’s why I’m in sales. And, um, yeah - if you’re looking for a job FAST, I bet there are sales jobs in your area.

    Jay: Branson? Seriously? That’s in MISSOURI!!!

    Karen: I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter: exactly - all jobs suck sometimes. I don’t HATE my job. At all. I just hate that part of it.

    hellohahanarf: yep, that’s what my mom always says.

    AmyD: no, no, you didn’t. We have NEVER discussed this. EVER!! shhhhhhh…..

    On a Limb with Claudia: to be fair, it’s not a sucky job. It’s really a great job. It just has sucky moments - like any job.

    metalmom: that’s true. LOL

    greg t: I don’t think that would be near as profitable as it sounds. LOL

    Bec: bored at work? Did you not have the Internet??

    jflins: that makes sense.

    Janelle: hahahaha - I should try that!

    Tense Teacher: no, I know. I’m lucky that I CAN do it.

    Rich: thank you. :-)

    Laurie: It takes me like 3 months of reading someone to remember to add them. :-)

    And yeah, exactly, it’s just a vent!

    Topncal: I couldn’t do computers. Clearly. LOL

    [Reply]

  38. The Absurdist January 30, 2008 7:34 am

    huh… she said hobo….

    Every time I say or hear the word now, I think of the character in the Incredibles who said “and I will fix the hobo suit”….

    [Reply]

  39. Stephanie January 30, 2008 12:39 pm

    Listen, Britt, those naysayers who poo-poo your job have no fucking idea how hard it is to sell. I tried it at 3 different jobs, and I blow. CANNOT.SELL.SHIT.

    I admire the fact that you can. Although, knowing that you sell for Avitable…makes me worry about WHAT you sell. Avi did tell me he used to work for “Poontang Associates, LLC”. :secret:

    [Reply]

  40. Sarcastica January 30, 2008 2:32 pm

    I’d love a crappy job right about now…
    Then I could pay my phone bill. And my visa bill. And save money for college to get a better job. And have some extra money for entertainment purposes.

    All jobs suck, even the best ones. But we put up with it for the money.

    Just get sloshed and try to make sales, that’d be wicked fun for you…and who knows, maybe it would sell more! I did see that video from Avitable’s Halloween…. :lmao:

    [Reply]

  41. Bec January 30, 2008 5:11 pm

    Bored. Oh yes, today I wrote most of my post out. That’s why there are whole sentences in it today. May do the same tomorrow and in fact everyday until they give us something to do!

    [Reply]

  42. themaninthekitchen January 31, 2008 6:47 pm

    I hate my job, one day I will have a job that I jump out of bed to go too. What that will be who knows, nudie photographer:what:, in a heavy metal band :rock: ?

    [Reply]

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