To begin, you must first find a willing subject.
Now that you’re properly protected, it’s time to make The Stuff. Ignore the directions, as directions are clearly for pussies. And obviously you “know what the fuck I’m doing! JEEZ! Do you know how many times I’ve done this?”
Basically, throw everything but the conditioner and/or shampoo sample into the tub. Mix. Mix. Mix. When it looks like bad mayo, stop mixing.
Turn your attention back to your husband the subject the slightly effeminate man.
Once you’ve managed to convince your husband to put on a bonnet and let you take pictures properly secure the cap, it’s time to get to work.
Next, you’ll slather on The Stuff onto all the little hairs poking through the bonnet the cap..
You’ll also remember to take a picture of this crucial step so as not to ruin the entire fucking point, thereby invalidating all of your explanations that “baby, this is blogging GOLD!”
Check your watch and make note of the current time. Or the pretty close time. Timeish, if you will. Within like 5 or 10 minutes or so of the actual time should be good. It’s just boy hair.
Sit around and wait.
After 20 30 45ish minutes, remember to tell the subject that you need to wash that shit out, your hair is starting to fall out it’s probably been long enough.
Rinse.
Don’t say I never taught you nuthin’.
*Alternate title: The Things We Do For Love
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Jeez - with all of the foreshadowing, I expected his hair to come out white or something.
But, definitely blogging gold.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
January 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am
I’ve been begging to let my husband do his hair!!
But tell yours it could be worse, I once blogged about manscaping Mr. Honeybell with hot wax. Thankfully however, no pictures.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Will you highlight my hair too? My hair looks exactly like your husbands, but I’m a brunette with my hair reaching the middle of my back.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:10 am
Métrosexual? That’s when you are attracted to French underground transportation systems right?
I always thought you had a touch of the Porte des Lilas
Gambetta about you. Now I know what attracted him to you.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I admire your blog’s name. It’s fetching, as is the gentleman featured on this post.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:52 am
This is why I pay for my hair to be done. Otherwise I’d end up on the Internet hawking Blue Bonnet butter.
I prefer Land of Lakes with Cannola oil.
BTW… Rogain works wonders… really…
January 10th, 2008 at 4:52 am
Next time I’m in town, you so totally have to highlight my hair too! Though I’m surprised you went with Loreal… since it’s just boy hair, you should have gone with “Tub-O-Highlights” brand!
January 10th, 2008 at 5:39 am
Does he READ your blog? Wow, you must have some crazy good voodoo, woman. My husband would not have let me get near him with a camera with a 10 foot pole!
January 10th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Well, considering that the first time I met him he was wearing a dress…I guess metrosexual is an improvement…
January 10th, 2008 at 6:26 am
avitable: his hair was too short, I couldn’t get enough through the cap. It’s hard to highlight a buzz cut.
Dee: YAY! He’ll be thrilled to hear it.
Honeybell: LOL *jotting down notes on Ideas For Future Posts… consider pictures….*
Sheila: sure! It’s easier to do long hair anyway - damn, I just threw away all the extra!!
Dan: is that French? Like Voila?
LBB: ummm…. k… thanks?
NYCWD: Rogaine eh? I’ll be sure to let him know you suggested it, thanks!
Dave2: I will absolutely!!!!!
And the L’Oreal was the cheapest in the aisle at the time. They were out of Tub O’ Highlights.
Kimberly: he reads it very sporadicly. I think at this point he’s just decided resistance is futile.
Mr. Fabulous: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - good point.
January 10th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Wow… my man won’t let me near (what’s left of) his hair. (I can’t believe it’s called La Petite Frost.) Too funny.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Now, wait. Left-over peroxide? You do want the collar and cuffs to match, right? Please tell me you re-used that cap and gave him matching pubes. :sex014:
January 10th, 2008 at 8:07 am
you had me at the bonnet.
love.
i need to try this on the husband.
January 10th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Brilliant!!
My husband would shoot me dead before letting me take photos and post them on the internet! LOL
January 10th, 2008 at 8:19 am
That were funny, but I can’t tell the difference. I promise not to tell…
January 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am
POOR Jared! I can’t believe he let you do this….ok, YES I can but still a whole blog!?
January 10th, 2008 at 10:04 am
yay, photo blogging! love you & photoshop!!
this was awesome. kiss hubby for us because not many men would have not only permitted photos, but actually snapped (a blurry, i mean artsy) one.
this was fun!
:thumbsup:
(why am i on a smiles kick today??)
January 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am
My slightly effeminate metrosexual husband has me to “manscaping” on his eyebrow hairs so yeah….
This was a great photo essay; I especially loved the whole “cheap” stuff cause it’s a boy and his smoking in that masculine way!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:45 am
About 9 years ago, Son1 allowed a girlfriend to highlight his hair. They used the bonnet too. Except the little chunks of hair they pulled were actually big chunks and then they played video games and forgot about the dye. When they remembered, his hair came out looking like a cheetah. HOWEVER! It was kinda cool-looking and avant garde so he wore it like that until he shaved it for the army!
Next time, I’ll send him to you!
January 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am
He is so purty!!
We need to work on his smoking technique though!
January 10th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Nat: if my husband had his way, I’d wash & style his hair for him every day, I’m sure.
CMG: oh God no - I think that stuff can BURN!!
ali: LOL
sam: we don’t have guns in the house, thank goodness.
Finn: I can’t either - except for one big blonde spot in the front.
Kristin: well, “let” is a term I’d use loosely.
hellohahanarf: yeah, he is pretty cooperative for the most part. And thanks for noticing that!
Hilly: he won’t let me touch his brows, unfortunately.
metalmom: I can do red too!
NotaGranny: is he not doing it right? LOL
January 10th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Very cute.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
:lmfao:
fabulous photo essay; thanks for the laughs
January 10th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
That is pure blogging gold! GOLD, baby.
My husband has long hair and I comb it, but that’s as far as it goes. Sometimes instead of braiding it, I do that twisted coil thing, he gets SO pissed!
January 10th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I was expecting disaster but it looks really great actually.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I cannot believe Jared let you do this. I just… can’t. I can’t. Take pictures OR highlight his hair.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
:lmfao: Awwwww, he’s so cute!
January 10th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Oh, my God, hilar. I am so finding a way to bleach my husbands bald coconut.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
January 10th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Now that’s a good sport.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
:lmfao:
I used to do my baby brother’s hair. And I made fun of him the ENTIRE time. Now, thanks to you, I need to remember to take pictures!!
:thumbsup:
January 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Great post! I really enjoyed your commentary. And I think a lot more men are into this than we think or are willing to admit. I had two ex’s who wanted me to highlight their hair on a regular basis. I don’t know why they wouldn’t admit it… I mean, did their friends think it was natural? Unfortunately, I didn’t think to document the process with photographic evidence (and possibly use it against them later).
January 10th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
i see absolutely no change, but i thank you sincerely for the hars
January 10th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
BOSSY: oh no - “cute” is the only four letter word in our house.
pgoodness: any time! thanks for stopping by.
annie: Jared used to have longer hair and he loved to have it played with.
Peggy: yeah, I think it didn’t show up well - but better too little than too much.
Poppy: he is “good sport” personified.
AmyD: he he he, don’t show Mike - he’ll never believe Jared’s a beer guy again!
DeannaBanana: eyebrows! he has eyebrows you could do!
RW: oh like Mrs.RW has never helped you color your hair.
Kelly: yes indeed - a very resigned good sport.
themuttprincess: glad I could help!
sourpuss: yeah guys have that “look good but i don’t look like i tried” act DOWN.
Crys: which makes it worth it anyway.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
so, how are you with red? coz i am about tired of all this gray and all…i’m in need of a good color job!
January 10th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I’ve colored my own long, thick ass hair for years. I’ve done red on NUMEROUS occassions - for myself and friends.
I’m like Claire Motherfucking Ahl here bitches.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I refer to those things as my “prayer cap”.
Also, I have added “willing to allow me to make him man-pretty as blog fodder” to the list of qualities I want my future husband to possess. :lmfao:
January 10th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I expected it to be so much worse. I came home to my husband one time - when he and tried to do his own. Apparently brown/nearly black hair turns pumpkins ass orange when stupid men try to bleach all by themsleves. Of course, it has given me nearly 10 years of crap to heap on him, for trying to do it himself, so its not all that bad.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I’m dying mine at the weekend - slap it on, cling film and prayer is the technique I use. And, yes, this is pure blogging gold!
January 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Remember that time I said I was sorta wanting to do your husband? Yeah, uhm.. not so much. LOL
Though the highlights are GREAT. Good job.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
that’s gay
January 10th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I would never be allowed to do that to my hubby but I want to sooo bad. I haven’t laughed so much in ages. Tell your husband it was well worth the effort - very fetching!
January 10th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
A.B.: it’s definitely a good one. Especially if they can’t have “makes enough money for you to be Orange County Housewife”.
Crazy Lady in Vegas: worse? I’m a pro!
Bec: that’s pretty much how I do my own too.
Lin: whew! That’s a relief.
Nobody™: no, that’s metro.
Selma: I told him it was a hit. He rolled his eyes at me.
I’m used to that.
January 11th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Awesome. Just awesome.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Mentioned this to you in email, but he looks all cute and shit.
True story: my ex-uncle back in the 70’s used to get his hair permed. Highlights I can deal with. But the thought of a guy in those curlers and solution just, well I just can’t deal with it.
January 12th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Rich:
Absurdist: I used to perm my dad’s hair. My big, touch, construction working mafia looking dad - in rollers. Tee hee hee.
Of course there’s no way I would have ever gotten pictures of that.
January 12th, 2008 at 8:41 am
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February 1st, 2008 at 6:01 am
I can see why you’re in the “Perfect Post” running with this entry. I love it! Dang it, just what I needed: another time-consuming blog to add to my bloglines.
February 1st, 2008 at 7:46 am
One: I. Could. Die.
Two: I peed my pants a little.
Three: My very first thought was, “Oh, gawd, there’s going to be SO MUCH left over dye. That’s a shame.”
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 am
Now that’s effeminate.
Believe me I’d know. ;)
March 31st, 2008 at 5:33 pm