Archive for December, 2007

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

My Christmas Miracle

Dear Santa,
and Baby Jesus,
and Holy Mother of God,
and Ian Leonard (what the fuck do you mean the crazy weather guy isn’t on channel 7 news anymore? why didn’t anyone tell me?!)
and Jeff Kennedy,
and Whomever Else This May Concern,
My mom says I should get my request in early. She kind of says it with [...]

51 Comments » - Posted in It's All About Me by Miss Britt

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Monday, December 10th, 2007

Friendship in yo puter

I got a… a… um… an award? No, that’s not right.
I got a nice little friendship badge. It’s kind of like those badges you used to get in girl scout’s, except no one has to bleed trying to sew it to a sash. Thank God.
Anyway, Selma says I have been a great [...]

24 Comments » - Posted in Blogging Junk, It's All About Me by Miss Britt

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Saturday, December 8th, 2007

The Next Day

Where to begin…
First, I’m OK. I mean, I’ve obviously got some “issues” going on that need to be addressed - and they will be. But today is better than yesterday.
Secondly, thank you. The emails I got from some of you were so overwhelming - in a good way. I responded mainly [...]

34 Comments » - Posted in Blogging Junk, It's All About Me, On A Serious Note, my husband wishes I was a private person by Miss Britt

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Friday, December 7th, 2007

Stop Looking At Me Schwan

For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be seen.
Me.  The girl who was born with an insatiable need to be heard wishes desperately that she could just disappear.
I long for sleep.  I want to crawl into a room and close the door and shut the blinds and finally lose myself to [...]

No Comments » - Posted in It's All About Me, On A Serious Note, just rambling by Miss Britt

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Friday, December 7th, 2007

I might as well tell you before she does

The Scene:
Yesterday.
Morning Sometime.
My elaborate and very important office in Avitable’s house.
Boss Avitable: Are you completely opposed to Cracker Barrel?
Me: Adam, I am concentrating on my very important work. You know I hate it when you distract me from my very important work.
Boss: I know, and I do appreciate your dedication. But again, [...]

38 Comments » - Posted in Blogging Junk, It's All About Me, Photoshop is not an addiction by Miss Britt

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Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Highway of Hell

Dear Retard,
I’m sorry. You’re right. That was mean.
Dear Moron Men Of Central Florida Who Have Determined That 1-4 Is The Hot New Place To Pick Up Women,
Thanks for fucking up my salutation.
And also? Seriously?
What. The fuck?
What is in the reclaimed water you are sipping that has mutated your pin sized brain in [...]

36 Comments » - Posted in Bitching Again, It's All About Me, the transplant by Miss Britt

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Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

Take it.

Guys, listen.
I can’t today.
I just don’t have it in me.
Someone else… do it.
Someone else…. say something.  Anything.  Please.
Unless it’s advice.  Dear God help us all if anyone tries to give me advice.
The floor is yours.

49 Comments » - Posted in Bitching Again, Blogging Junk, It's All About Me, just rambling by Miss Britt

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Tuesday, December 4th, 2007

Saturated

I remember when a night out with the girls meant push up bras and plunging v-necks.
We would begin fluffing and primping at 4 o’clock in the afternoon and plotted which jeans would make our butts look best as we wiggled and squirmed our way across the dance floors later. Although realistically we should have [...]

33 Comments » - Posted in It's All About Me, Photoshop is not an addiction by Miss Britt

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Monday, December 3rd, 2007

It’s Ok if I bitch about them first

*I hate bullet posts.
*But it’s late Sunday night and I’m tired.
*God forbid I ever live by that “if you don’t have anything worthwhile to say, shut up” philosophy.
*I’m looking at you, cranky pants.
*I’m tired because I finally got around to painting my daughter’s room. Well - starting. So help him God my husband [...]

27 Comments » - Posted in It's All About Me, just rambling by Miss Britt

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