Dear Santa,
and Baby Jesus,
and Holy Mother of God,
and Ian Leonard (what the fuck do you mean the crazy weather guy isn’t on channel 7 news anymore? why didn’t anyone tell me?!)
and Jeff Kennedy,
and Whomever Else This May Concern,
My mom says I should get my request in early. She kind of says it with what sounds like sarcasm in her voice, but it’s probably a good idea nonetheless.
So, I’m giving you two weeks. Well, a little less than two weeks. But you’re Santa! (or Jesus! (Or Mary! (Or Jeff Kennedy! (Or Whomever with POWERS!!)))) I’m sure I can count on you.
You see, as you may have heard, I moved to Florida recently. I know. It’s a big deal. Because no one else in the whole fucking world has ever moved across the country and OMG she is so fucking special and will she not ever stop talking about this? (No.)
ANYway, Santa (Jesus (Mary (Jeff (Whomever)))) - the weather is nice here. Palm trees and beaches and capri’s and flip flops and convertibles. All of the things I hoped for when I moved. (Except for a pool, but that’s neither here nor there today.)
Except…
well…
It’s Christmas!!
And Christmas doesn’t really feel like Christmas without… snow.
Now, calm down Santa (Jesus (Mary (Jeff (can I just call you W.E.?)))). I know this is what I wanted. I know. Stop looking at me like that. I love the fact that I am not driving to work in snow. Or scraping my windows. Or getting up early to start the car. Or bitching about the fact that my husband isn’t shoveling. I do. Much love for the shorts and t-shirt weather and the lack of freezing rain.
Except…
well…
It’s Christmas!!!! *stomp*
Settle, settle. I’m not asking you to change the earth’s rotation or ultimate position of the sun. I’m not asking for a freak snowfall in the tropics. I would not expect you to alter the global weather patterns just for me. Don’t be ridiculous.
But dear, sweet Santa (Jesus (Mary (Jeff (W.E.)))), I would like just a teensy weansie tiny itsie bitsie bit of your help.
I’m going home for Christmas. Christmas Eve, to be exact. And if it’s not too much trouble…
I’d like it to have snowed about 6 inches or more about a week before we arrive. And then have stopped, and warmed up. Plenty of snow to cover everything in white, but enough time allotted for complete and total clearing of all roads and sidewalks. No snow or freezing rain or dangerously cold enough to fuck with the airplane weather when we fly in. Just a nice backdrop of Winter Wonderland.
And then, I’m thinking like Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, a nice gentle snow fall. Just.. pretty. Light, airy flakes that sashay to the ground from big puffy clouds. Enough that we can look out the windows and ooh and ahh, before grabbing our mittens and scarves and running out to catch the cold puffs of happiness on our tongues.
Of course, we’re going to be driving quite a bit come that next Saturday morning. So make sure you put a kibosh on the snow by like Thursday afternoon at the latest. Don’t want to be dealing with snowplows and freshly sanded roadways.
Also, I would like cold like “oooh, glad we moved to Florida, but isn’t it nice to get a little taste of winter”. As opposed to “holy fucking A please God get me back on that plane and NO I will not play outside with you have you beeeen out there?!” That would be bad.
Anyway, I think that’s everything.
Thank you! And Merry Christmas (Happy Birthday!)!
Love,
Miss Britt
P.S. Also, if you have time… a couple other things.
Posted in It's All About Me
I’m hoping for “holy fucking A please God get me back on that plane and NO I will not play outside with you have you beeeen out there?!”
I feel the same way, Britt. I am a transplant as well (originally from the snow belt, in Ohio- GOOO BUCKS!!). I now live a little less than eight hours from you, and it was 83 here today. WTF? 83 in the winter?!!?!?! Actually it will be in the 80’s for the next week, and I feel like crying….It’s Christmas, therefore it should be cold. I need snow. Cannot.Live.Without.Snow.
I told my husband this morning: “I don’t care if it’s 90 fucking degrees, you will put on a fluffy robe, I will put on mine, and we will sip cocoa next to the fire that you just built. It’s Christmas, and it will be cold…if I have to make it that way!”
He responded by asking me if I was through with my breakdown. :lmfao:
Dear Sweet Little Baby Jesus in the manger,
After you bring snow to Britt, can you at least b ring rain to me here in Southern California? I would be much obliged and would eat lots of sugar cookies in your omnipotent honor.
We need weather. Amen.
You can have my ice storm, if you want it…
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare?
Who are you trying to kid?
Praying for snow for you. There is nothing like the feeling when you put your boots on and you step out onto that virginal snow and it goes CRUNCH like biting into an apple. Aaah, memories…..
I feel ya. We moved away from our east coast family to to San Francisco when the girls were younger. Holidays were the hard part - the rest was delicious. I still miss it… esp. on days where my car slides down the icy hill and I cant get my hands or toes warm to save my life. Besides my obvious circulation issues, what I am trying to say is try to focus on the positive. It may be hard to believe but when you move away from there - you’ll miss it like crazy…at least parts of it. Hope your baby Jesus wishes come true.
If I ever moved away from snow to sunshine, I would not miss it. Lemme pack up all our snow and sent it to ya.
Yeah, Fab, I saw that, too. She’s like, all “I’ll show the Internetz I’m all intellectual and shit”.
I think it’s romantic and cool. I loved Shakespeare in school - maybe Britt did too?
Well, Britt does find Shakespeare to be romantic, that’s true.
You do realize that if any of this happens… well the truth about the flopped hurricane season will be known…
Oh… and I am all about the five candle wall set… that’s hot.
Oooooo, Steel Magnolias. Great flick. Always, always, always cry during that movie.
OK, I’m with you on the snow thing, hon. Lived in Georgia for 13 years, now, and still can’t get used to the 76 degree December days. I would love, love, lurv snow for Christmas. Actually, this year, I wouldn’t mind 40 degrees with rain. Lots and lots of rain. That would make me pleased as punch!
Oh, and? I don’t think it’s Santa, baby Jesus, Mary, or that weather guy. I think you need to be asking Al Roker. God help us all….
avitable: why?! why do you hate me?!
Angel: yeah, I just want it for that one week though. LOL
Hilly: ha ha ha ha - I think eating cookies is even better than lighting a candle!
Sheila: nooo. No, no. No ice storm. Just pretty, pretty snow.
Mr. Fab: I love Shakespeare, asshole.
Selma: boots? Oh shit, that’s right, I don’t have boots.
Um… dear Jesus….
Kimberly: oh there are lots and lots of things I love about here that I would miss if we left (I can’t even believe I’m saying that, LOL). I just want one week of Christmas weather. But that’s all. LOL
Karen: everyone said I would miss the snow and I told them they were crazy. And if it snowed HERE I would be pissed!
avitable & Fab:
actually - I used to have the complete works. It was one of the few things I got from my Poppi when he died - he loved Shakespeare. I don’t know if it was between the moves as a kid or what, but somehow they got lost.
Obviously this wouldn’t be the same as having my Poppi’s - but it would be pretty close.
Fuckers.
Karen: thank you! and yes, I did!
NYCWD: I. Have. the POWER!!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter: Beaches and Steel Magnolias are my mom and I’s go to cry fest movies.
We watched Steel Magnolias together the night before I left.
Oh fuck now I’m crying.
You dear are a complete nut!
Oh and Merry Christmas!
Oooh! Oooh! I just got my wish! Al Roker be praised! Saturday’s forecast for Atlanta is high of 47 with 50% chance of rain. Woo hoo!
Tell those guys you don’t have to be intellectual to like Shakespeare, just cool.
if we shadows have offended think but this and all is mended. that ye have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. (or something close to that…go puck! i love my boyfriend willie. you have to call him william.
)
so, back to the task at hand…dear sweet baby jesus, please help britt have a picture perfect time when she heads back up north to celebrate your birthday. please keep her and her family safe, too!
You guys are dull - Shakespeare is very cool in our house - uh - family, and yes Miss Britt did love love love him in junior high and high school.
You have to read him out loud to get how funny and witty he is.
Uh - honey - I just got up to icy snow and about fell on my butt out with the dogs.
Only ‘one’ page on the wish list????
Are you okay sugar?? :what:
If it is half as cold as it is here (just the state north of your “home”), you will be back on that plane in about 1.5 hours. Just long enough to see the actual snow, but not long enough to freeze your balls off.
Y’know, Fab wants me to move to Florida, but snow is the reason I want to stay here. I love snow. I’m weird, I know.
Um, can you ask Santa, et al if I could grow five inches taller? And about 10 years younger? Thanks.
We had MINUS 11 yesterday with ice. Now it’s snowing, & has been since last night.
Fuck winter.
This is my third christmas here. I still haven’t adjusted to the lack of seasons and especially the feeling of the holidays approaching because the weather gets cold and wet and there is snow on the ground. I still miss it. I’m not sure I will ever get over that part.
I sure as hell don’t miss driving in snow. Shoveling walks or cleaning off my car. Or walking with wet feet and freezing all day. Or the gross roads when the snow melts and it’s all black and ugly. I don’t miss any of those things.
Girl: what are you smokin’? Can I send you our freezing rain/fog/whatever instead? Loved the list: nothing says Christmas like weepy movies… (I swear, there are NO movies that make me cry more than these!)
Debkitty: crazy has it’s advantages!
CMG: what’s with you Georgians and all this “praising” over weather?
RW: damn straight!
Wait. Did you just call me stupid?
hellohahanarf: *swwwwooooon*
Mom: thank you - Mama got mah back!
Turnbaby: I hate wish lists - I just suck at them! I only know how to buy for myself on impulse.
themuttprincess: I hope those few degrees of more northedness gives me some relief.
Shelli: weird, yes - alone in that thought - apparently not.
AmyD: I know! Like that’s a big DEAL or something!!
Finn: well, ok - but I don’t know how they are with unreasonable requests…..
greg t: no, no - I was very clear - THAT is what I do NOT miss. LOL
Tug: heh, yes, um, no - that would not be a part of my Christmas Miracle, thank you
usedtobeme: see - I
you - YOU get it!
Mrs RW: you may absolutely NOT send me that shit.
I am only accepting fluffy, dancing snow flakes that do not cause accidents or frost bite.
Praising - praying… same difference. Me and Gov. Sonny Perdue, on the capitol steps, havin’ a prayer meetin’!
I would send you some, but the rain melted it away.
Wow are you in luck.
I happen to have so much freakin’ snow on my street that front-end loaders have to scoop it up into a dump truck who takes it away to an undisclosed location. I can probably contact the village and get them to bring you a truckload or two. Just respond to this comment with your addy and I’ll get the wheels rolling…
CMG: he he he, crazy Georgians!
Lynda: that’s OK, there’s plenty back in Iowa - which is the ONLY place I want to see it!
RW:
The Kept Woman: oh no, that’s alright. Like I said - I just want to see it in IOWA when I’m home for Christmas. And they’ve got LOADS of it there! LOL
When does our flight leave? I need to be ready. I won’t be a bother - I’ll just be outside making snow angels all week.
Don’t come back bragging about your snow. I want to only hear misery
We’ve had plenty of snow, thanks…. And Ferret Face Ian is gone. Thank God for small favors. That guy was a dork.
Haha! I just caught this… Ian Leonard, the weather guy… is now MY weather guy on channel 9! See? See? See??? http://community.myfoxtwincities.com/blogs/IanLeonard
Funny!
Jesus is fairly certain to have never seen snow. But we see Christmas through our traditions (linked w/special memories, etc).
When you see people get hit with snow who’ve never learned to deal with it, it’s not pretty. Roads will lock down, everything stops. So unless you’ve been praying for patience, be careful ;)
Jack, are you a bit retarded?
Jack: I’m FROM Iowa. I’ve seen snow. Lots and lots and lots of it. And I’ve seen people who drive like idiots in snow.
Krystle: Batten down the hatches for THE BLAMMO ZONE!
HAHAHHAHA
avitable: thx for the flame. Your charm really shines throughout this post.
A lack of charm is much better than a self-righteous hypocrite with a stick up his ass.
Or having both a lack of charm and judging others as being self-righteous, a hypocrite, and the stick (what planet are you on: you don’t know me). Have some more ice-cream with Hitler while you rail your obsenities throughout these blogs.
At least learn to spell if you’re going to be self-righteous. At least, that way, your ignorance isn’t too glaringly obvious.
Goddamn monkeyfucker.
O Holy Night, the blog is brightly shining….lalalala.
And yes, *I* am mildly retarded ;).
Holy cache cleaning…that was me who was bringing the very retarded peace to the blog…and yet, now you see why I call myself names :whistle:
Yet we all still love you, Hilly.
My Kenya work was among the most meaningful in my life so glad you liked it, too.
The title of this post is
“MY CHRISTMAS MIRACLE”
Fighting is not allowed among the miracles.
Jeeez.