Someone please explain to me the mystery that is a two year old.**
(**this is a rhetorical statement)
Last Friday we went to Disney World for my son’s 8th birthday. Of course, we all went - including the two year old. Emma was the most excited about the upcoming run in with “Mittee Mouse”. Every morning she would wake up “I go see Mittee Mouse!”
I have to admit, I was just as excited about the prospect of her finally getting to experience The Happiest Place On Earth as she was.
Until we got there. She saw Mickey Mouse. And freaked the fuck OUT.
In fact, every time ANY character would walk anywhere NEAR her - she became hysterical. And not Me Seeing Prince And He Sweated On Me Oh My GAWD! hysterical. Oh no. More like Shit! Shit! Holy Hell Save Me Mickey Is Going To EAT ME!!! hysterical.
Snow white? ACK! Evil! NOOOOOO!
Mickey Mouse? Help! Help! Hide me!!
Santa Claus in the Christmas Parade? WHYYYYYY do you HATE MEEEEEE?????????
Yeah. So. Not what any of us were hoping for.
Which, OK. She’s two. It’s fairly common for a two year old to be freaked by larger than life not at all cartoony characters. I get that.
What I do not understand is what has occurred every single day since then.
First thing in the morning: “I go see Mittee Mouse again today!”
First thing out of her mouth when I pick her up at night: “We go see Mittee Mouse at his castle now!!”
What the fuck? Unfortunately, Emma does not listen to reason. I have tried providing her with logical answers such as:
- No.
- Because I said so.
- You CRIED last time Emma, remember?
- Not today. No.
But all of those perfectly logical answers have been met with an unwaivering “We go see Mittee Mouse again today!!!”
This has forced me to resort to a parenting tactic that was never required with my oldest child: flat out lying. If I’m to be believed, that poor Mickey Mouse bastard works a full time job and goes to bed at 6 o’clock every night because he is very, very tired from his long day at work.
I think he’s going out of town to visit family this weekend.
————————————————————-
In other news, two bloggers linked to me today, in completely different ways. I’m a little overwhelmed by both.
*I have finally achieved a lifelong dream of mine and tapped into the Gay Male Market. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
*And, Shelli, bless her little heart - just oozed all kinds of sweet sticky goodness all over me. Wait, that didn’t come out right.
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Maybe you could just buy an Emma-sized Mickey doll, and she can have one that she can beat up when she’s scared of him.
Like this one.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I thought Adam’s house was the Happiest Place on Earth.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:26 am
I’m with Adam. Get the Mickey Mouse doll. That ought to do it.
We aren’t even going to see Santa this year. They freaked out last year, at age 15 months. I would hate to see the carnage twin 2-year-olds can wreak upon the lap of an old guy. I don’t want to put poor Santa through that kind of stress.
Friggin’ kids…
December 20th, 2007 at 10:00 am
i love how the minds of little ones work.
love it from afar.
which is why i don’t have kids and enjoy the hell outta stories like this!
congrats on the link love…yay, you!
December 20th, 2007 at 10:27 am
p.s. i am all about the lying to kids about mickey working or visiting family. your mom did it, my mom did it. call it tradition and move on!
December 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am
It’s the size. On the television screen they are a “safe” size. In person they look like Godzilla.
Though perhaps not so surprisingly… most of them under the costume are all Minnies.
December 20th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Isn’t it strange how Disney has that effect on kids?
December 20th, 2007 at 11:29 am
Very cute story. Little kids are amazing. On a side note, I would beome hysterical if someone forced me to go to Mickey Mouse’s house too.
December 20th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Tell her you are going “tomorrow”. Cuz you know “tomorrow” never comes!
December 20th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
my nephews did the same thing the first time they went to Disneyland, much to the dismay of my in-laws (their grandparents) who thought seeing huge Piglets, Eeyores and Tiggers would be huge treat and fun family adventure. My nephews thought otherwise. Kind of funny, when I think about it now :-)
December 20th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I fully admit that some of the characters ARE scary to me. The genie from Aladdin looks great in the cartoon, but it positively frightening as a character meet-n-greet.
December 20th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
She probably just recognized Pure Evil. Kids are good at that. Disney it evil, and the characters are even more so.
(Lying to our kids is what keeps us good parents. We keep our sanity and they think that there is hope someday of doing or seeing whatever they are asking for!!!)
December 20th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Disney characters still freak me out. Actually, anyone wearing a giant fuzzy head raises my hackles. I’ll never be a good “furry.”
The guy who dresses as Spiderman at Universal Studios Hollywood, however… I still entertain fantasies about that.
You should feel special to break into the gay male market. You’ve said in the past you wanted to… we were all discussing our favorite people who play over on my blog and yours was one of the first names listed! Naturally the curly wig had to come out. You would have done the same.
December 20th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
avitable: how did you avoid the filter??
Mr. Fab: only if you’re a 12 year old homosexual boy.
CMG: yep, no santa for us this year either. Or even MENTION of him coming to her house - OMG, the NERVE!
hellohahanarf: yay us!
NYCWD: but she’s SEEN them, she was SCARED - and now she’s insisting on going back. What’s up with that?
AmyD: I swear it felt like mine were the only one crying.
Karen: forced? They begged!! LOL
metalmom: I’ll have to try that.
Gudrun: oh man if it had happened with my in-laws I would have been mortified.
Dave2: I don’t remember seeing the genie.
themuttprincess: your optimism is so refreshing!! LOL
December 20th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
My two year old freaks out at the site of his grandpa. My father in law causes full on horror movie style screaming and wailing every time he tries to kiss the kid. (I secretly find this fucking hysterical, but shhhh . . . .)
December 20th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Honeybell - Maybe your FIL should stop trying to slip your kid the tongue!
December 20th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
:sex014: LMAO — I think it has more to do with his horrible breath!!
December 20th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Gah! Somebody close a Bold tag! But anyway maybe she’s the type who just likes being wigged out of her mind. Future horror flick fan?
December 20th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I have to be honest.
Mickey Mouse scares me too.
I don’t trust gloved hands.
December 20th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Kids! They get more and more confusing as they get older.
December 20th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
‘Anonymous’ is me.. I gots so excited I forgot to fill out all that info up there.
December 20th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
We went through this with my niece. She will naturally grow out of it. I think it’s how BIG the people are. They are so much bigger than what’s on the tele. You will fall over. She’ll be like this for another year or so, then run right up to them.
December 20th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Got any friends w/character suits? Even a bunny or whatever, maybe you can acclimate her and also gauge her response without losing a lot of $ and time.
My 2-yr is my life-coach… joy, play, love - he experiences life without the baggage I’ve acquired and in doing so, shows me what to strive for.
December 20th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I have a child who reacts like that to characters. Even when she knows the people who are dressed as the character. Oh yeah, she’s 15 years old now. I am NOT kidding.
You deserve all the sweet sticky goodness that I can send your way.
December 20th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Britt, you have a cool stapler, guess what?? SO DO I!!! My doesn’t have all the sparkles and what not, but mine has just as much meaning and just as funny (to me)…take a look
http://junkfood4thesoul.blogspot.com/2007/12/its-fra-gee-lay-photo-essay.html
December 20th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I really enjoyed that post! And yet again I’m reminded what a great choice I made when I decided never to have kids!
December 20th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Honeybell: he he he, I’m with you on the hysterical.
jester: :lmfao:
RW: you know, I’ve wondered that. I don’t know where in the heck she’d get that from - but it wouldn’t surprise me from her.
RaeJane: the doctor must be fun for you!
Peggy: that’s true - my 8 year old (I can say that officially now) is way more confusing than his little sister.
On a limb with Claudia: yeah, I know it’s the bigness that freaks her. What I can’t figure out is how easily she forgets! LOL
jflins: that seems like a lot of effort.
Shelli: LOL, that’ll probably be my son.
sourpuss: tomato tomahto I guess.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:48 am
All I can think about is the Robin WIlliams stand up act where he describes the same exact problem with his kid. Willaims take on it was when you get to Disney World Mickey Mouse goes from being the world’s most beloved movie icon to “a six foot fucking rat!”
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:04 am