I seldom miss an opportunity to pass on sexism and bigotry to my children. How else are they supposed to learn how to quickly stereotype people if they are not taught at an early age?
Take for example, the other day.
The kids and I were driving back home from grocery shopping and had just pulled into our side of the subdivision. As we turned the corner and began driving down the street, a Firebird (or some kind of fast, red supercar) backed out of a driveway in front of us. The driver quickly turned to face us and roared the engine as he sped off.
To the stop sign. That was approximately .25 blocks away.
“Ooh, impressive, you can get to stop sign in less than 2 seconds, stud,” I commented to myself.
“Why did that person do that mom?” my son asked, reminding me once again that I am never alone.
“I don’t know babe. Because he thinks he’s cool I guess.”
“Do you know that person?”
“No, of course not,” I replied. Surely the kid has noticed we don’t really know anyone in this neighborhood.
“Oh. Why did you say He? How do you know it’s a man?”
(Seriously? who pays attention to pronouns in benign conversations with oneself? Sheesh.)
“Oh baby, that was a man. Women don’t drive like that,” I matter of factly explained as we pulled into the garage.
“Oh. Really? Why?”
“I don’t know babe. It’s just something boys do. Only men drive like that.”
BAM!
I had pulled into the center of the garage to give myself room to unload groceries, which meant I was not lined up with my Idiot Ball On A String. So, naturally, I slammed the front of my car into the front of the garage.
*sigh*
“And that, sweetheart, is how women drive.”
At least I’m an equal opportunity sexist.
Posted in all in the family, just rambling
At least now he’ll think that both sexes are equally retarded.
That’s better than the time he asked for fried chicken for dinner.
wow. didn’t see that ending coming. what a variety of life lessons.
You’re a good mommy. Teach the hate subtlely and they never see it coming. Isn’t it wonderful that we get to mold these innocent little minds? How fun…and so much to play around with!
I suppose this means I have to insult baptists and muslims next.
Wow, you are a good Mummy. My language would be a lot more, um, colourful than that.
What is said in the car, stays in the car.
The first of the wonderful life lessons I taught my children.
I have a ball on a string in the garage too. I told my son it was a science experiment to test the field of gravity between the roof of the garage and the hood of the car and he just looked at me and said: “Mum, everyone knows women are crap at parking!”
This made me LOL, mainly because my husband was the dorfwad who hit the garage (just trying to get INTO it), and my sons’ favorite quote from me is, “Hold on boys! We’re spinnin’ out!” Good times
How is the car? And where are the follow-up pictures of the hair?
Ugh. I’d rather drive with a woman that’s blindfolded than a man who’s looking to squeal is his wheels. Why do they think this attracts women?
avitable: I know. Then I had to explain that “African American” is a term for sissies. So awkward.
t: my kid will be well rounded in his bigotry!
CP: it’s better than Play-dough!
Gecko Rock: we really prefer to cut down the colored people around here.
Kelley: I am never prepared for how, um, “observant” my oldest is.
Selma:
my son always wants to know why I have one and his daddy “doesn’t need one”.
Geeky Tai-Tai: obviously you wear the penis in that relationship.
DeannaBanana: the car is fine. :-) And follow up pictures are coming. At some point.
Kimberly: some women are attracted to that?? :doh:
That is so fabulously true about the differences of how men and women drive!
Aw, that’s not sexist! It’s all about the phallus. It would make no sense if we used our cars to represent our OVARIES now would it? Unless that’s what a minivan is . . .
You sound so lonely. Sorry about the car and the jerk pulling out in front of you.
Here in Colorado, since no one is from here, everyone sucks as a driver. Oh plus there’s more SUVs on the road than anywhere else in the country. So you have sucky drivers in SUVs - not great.
Ooo. Ouch. :doh:
This post had me cracking up.
Don’t feel too bad. Although I had no children with me to pass on the Lessons Of Sexism to, I was backout out of my parking spot at the Mexican restaurant my mom and I went out to eat at the other day, and FULL ON slammed into the pole holding up their sign. I had it in reverse and since I’m so damn short, my scrub pants had slipped under my shoes, which are slippery. And then my foot slipped off the clutch. So I smacked the pole AND killed my car.
After hurriedly jumping out, pulling the piece of metal out of my bumper, and speeding off… I realized that my smoke had totally flipped out of my hand and I had to stop and frantically look for it.
I guess it flew out the window because I never did find it. How’s that for luck?
Yeah… that totally sucked. But at least there’s just a few scratches and a little tiny crack where I pulled the metal out.
No blackmailing me with this, either. It was totally illegal but hey… at least there weren’t kids with me! :) :P
Not the… the… the NEW car??
Notice how I ask if everyone’s OK first… heh.
I love that you’re starting the mindfuck with your children at such an early age. I am envious, and now I think Geek and I are falling behind in our job as irresponsible parents. Gotta get busy.
deb: neither is terribly flattering, unfortunately.
Honeybell: we haven’t quite worked up to “oh, he’s using it to compensate for a little dick”. Not just yet.
On a Limb with Claudia: hmmmm, this wasn’t really supposed to be about someone pulling out in front of me. That wasn’t really a big deal.
And yeah, right now, I am kind of lonely sometimes. It comes with This Territory, I think.
AmyD: yeah - nothing like keeping our pristine image in front of our kids, right?
Amber: you should see the bumper on the SUV I used to drive.
RW: don’t worry, she’s fine. That was the first thing I jumped out and checked. ;-)
Tense Teacher: remind me sometime to tell you the story of This Little Piggy.