Dear Head of Bath and Body Works Email Marketing,
Quit fucking with me.
I do not want your super soft socks.
I do not want your $12 candles.
I do not want your free shipping or new temptations shower gel or antibacterial soap (unless it’s $3 again).
All I want is the return of your semi-annual sale so that I can buy fucking Wallflower refills for less than twelve fucking dollars!
2 for $20 is not a sale, bitch.
I have 16 foot ceilings and an open floor plan. I require four fucking wall units in the main living area alone to even get a *hint* of The Perfect Whatever Season We’re Promoting. I am not spending $40 to make my house smell like I bake. Shit, at that rate I might as well break down and actually bake.
I am down to 3 boxes for my entire house. Four bedrooms. Three bathrooms. And a cat. My kid spends 45 minutes in the bathroom every time he poops. I don’t know where he gets that from because his father can destroy an entire wing of a home in 5 minutes flat.
I need odor masking oil warmers.
Send me $5 Wallflowers and no one gets hurt.
Now.
Regards and well wishes,
Miss Britt
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Like this post? Try one of these! "Even Mayberry Had a Secretary" "Blah"
Like this post? Try one of these! "
RSS Subscribe
Yeah I need more of those too! But I am not paying full price for them! I did stock up on the $3 soap though. I love that stuff. Let me know what you can talk them down to because if anyone can do it it’s you!
November 16th, 2007 at 9:05 am
Instead of baking you can just get a few of those Cinnamon brooms they sell at Publix and spread them around the house.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:11 am
Amy should show you how to make candles. They work better than the wallflowers.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:13 am
It’s just like drug dealers, darling. They suck you in with cheap product and samples and freebies until you neeeeeeeedddd their stuff and then BAM!
You’re hooked!
Um - cut up a few apples and cinnamon and let it simmer on the stove?
Wait - no - baby - please don’t play with the stove.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Do you have an outlet store there?
Because that is where I get my fix. SO much cheaper than the stores. (usually, sometimes things are the same price- sometimes, not always)
November 16th, 2007 at 10:10 am
LMAO at MOM!!
Y’know you can always make your own… nevermind :unsure:
November 16th, 2007 at 11:49 am
You could have added my name to the letter you know. Only… I don’t time my kids pooping, maybe that makes me a bad mom.
Annnnyyyyyway… seriously… are there some people here who suggested MAKING something at home instead of buying, “The Perfect Christmas Spice” in the cute Christmas plaid box? Eeeeeeek.
Fucking BnB. Perhaps THIS is what my horoscope was REALLY talking about…
November 16th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Wow I didn’t even know bath and body works had that. I am content with Glade oil plug in things. Much cheaper and I sure equally as good, check them out at the grocery store
!!!
I have one in the living room and you can smell it as soon as you walk in, yummy apple cinn.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Kristin: yeah, no full price for me either - which is why I have tons of that $3 soap. ;-)
NotaGranny: that’s true, they don’t last very long though…
avitable: I can’t burn candles when I’m not home.
Mom: exactly, no stove, no fire. I’m dangerous.
themuttprincess: I didn’t even know BnB outlets existed!! I’ll have to check into that.
Mindy: lol, yeah, she’s a hoot
AmyD: you don’t have to time it because you’re not 30 minutes late for work because the kid is STILLLLL wiping!
deb: I urge you not to checkout the Wallflowers then. Because I assure you, once you have, you will never be able to go back to Glade. Or Airwick. Or anything that is not the Wallflower. They are THAT good.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Uhhh… you might want to reconsider those socks.
I’ve been giving them out as package-toppers on gifts, and everybody freaks out over them. Comfy feet are happy feet!
November 16th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Wallflowers ARE that good. I am out completely out and I have 8 dogs. They poop outside (I dont time them)but they can still sometimes stink up the house.
November 16th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
I don’t know where he gets that from because his father can destroy an entire wing of a home in 5 minutes flat.
BAHAHAHA! My ex-boyfriend was similar. I’m convinced he had a rotting skunk living in his ass.
Okay, I am SO MIFFED. I’ve been checking your blog daily for a long time now, and I kept wondering why you hadn’t posted something new since October. Come to find out, you’ve been posting this whole time.
Apparently I had linked to only one of your posts rather than linking to your entire blog. So, every time I’d click on your link from my site, I’d be directed to your one post about living in FL.
Dumbass, party of one!
I’ve since changed the link so I’ll be stalking you again.
November 16th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
P.S. That last anonymous comment was from me. Forgot to type in my name.
November 16th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Women totally take all the fun out of fire.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Bath and Body Email Marketing is probably managed by a guy… just saying…
November 17th, 2007 at 5:34 am
Dave2: I’ll tell you what, you send me a gift with sock toppers and I’ll try them. (Please make the gift inside a WALLFLOWER REFILL!!!)
Mel: like heaven, right? Heaven where dogs and cats and kids don’t stink!
BottleBlonde: excuse me, is this seat taken? *invades your party of one* I do that all the time! LOL
Diesel: my husband says the same thing every time I give him the *look* regarding the can of FUCKING GASOLINE! Which is NOT APPROPRIATE OR SAFE for starting a bonfire!!
DutchBitch: I would like to meet this *guy*….
November 17th, 2007 at 7:06 am
LMAO at your mom. She rocks! Is she seeing anyone?
November 17th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Well, less so than say… YOU.
November 17th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Ha, yeah…what Dave said. I am one of the people who freaked out about the socks. But then again, *I* did not have to pay for them!
Anyway, I have the same type of deali-o with the open floor plan and yeah….wayyy too many air freshener plug-ins going on!
November 17th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
ROFL, I am right there with you girl. I’m in a household of ALL males and also require multiple wallflower units. I have had to cut back to the cheap stuff just because BABW is too darn expensive. Let me know when they go on sale!
November 17th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
“I am not spending $40 to make my house smell like I bake”
Seriously, that made me laugh out loud!
November 17th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I have never bought a thing from them. And if you’re looking for yummy-scented dessert candles, go to Walgreens. Seriously. I don’t really care for candles or the oil scented stuff but I did notice the other day that they had chocolate brownies, fudge, peach cobbler and pretty much any dessert-scented candles you could imagine.
November 18th, 2007 at 7:11 am
First of all, I came across your website through Hilly’s. As I was reading I was laughing my ass off. You are too funny.
Ironically one of your readers must work for B&BW…they just sent out an email that Wallflower s are on sale for $5. Available online now or Friday in stores. Damn girl…if you have THAT power I need to be your friend.
I look forward to more good reading!
Rachel
November 21st, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Hilly: I repeat my offer to have them sent to me so I can try them. For free.
Domestic Diva: ummmm….. NOW!
Jozet at Halushki: thanks! come back! we love the easily amused here!
Lola Magnolia: how can you never have indulged in a little BnB??? :confused:
Rachel: and do you know those fuckers didn’t email me until wayyy later in the day, after I know for a FACT they had emailed other people, who were kind enough to forward it to me so I could spend $100 on refills?
I mean… uh.. Yes! I. Have. The power!!
November 21st, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Dear gawd, I feel the same exact way about those emails. I’d unsubscribe if only for those little rebates I’m always hopeful for.
November 22nd, 2007 at 4:10 am