My husband and I have a date tomorrow night.
Not with each other, of course, because that would require a babysitter - and to date the only sitter we’ve found is available in like 75 minute increments.
No, no, better than spending a night gazing into each other’s eyes, we have a date with another couple.
I am so excited I could pee myself. (But I won’t Deanna, I promise!!) Not so much for me (because this will not be my first adult encounter with someone other than my spouse or co-workers in 2 months). I am absolutely giddy with anticipation for my husband (who has not had a significant adult encounter for some time now).
I kind of feel like I’m setting him up.
I hope Deanna’s husband thinks he’s cute funny charming BFF material OK to hang out with.
ANYway, in anticipation for tomorrow’s festivities (read: drinking on my patio. and I may feed you.), I thought I would share some helpful tips and “things to expect” when dating Mr. & Mrs. Miss Britt:
1. We’re the kind of people who freely say we’re dating another couple. Without worrying about someone getting uncomfortable.
2. Unless you actually bring “dating” props (read: Swinger’s Toolbox) - then we will get uncomfortable.
3. When we get uncomfortable we respond very differently. He will mumble and stutter and leave the room to go pee. I will likely say something to make the situation less awkward, like “have you lost your damned MINDS??!!”
4. He won’t actually leave the room to pee. He will go outside. And if we are already outside, he will step kind of sort of around the corner. I promise he will point it away from you.
5. He is going to call me a whore. Actually, he’s going to say “fucking whore,” and “why you gotta be such a whore?” and “well, honey, it’s because you’re a whore”. Please do not get offended. I am a whore, but he pays pretty well.
6. I’m not really a whore. But I will probably joke about taking your husband off into a room to do inappropriate things to him. Or say that I love him. Or look at my husband at least once and say “seeeee… “.
7. Seriously though. I’m not a whore. I am not trying to sleep with your husband. I am not thinking about how your husband clearly wishes he was with someone like me. Seriously. He isn’t. You know it - and honestly, so do I.
8. At some point in the night you will probably find yourself saying “really? you really act the same way in front of your husband?” Yeah. I do. He’s known me since I was 12.
9. We will fight. But don’t worry. We don’t really hate each other, and I’m not really going to put my “foot up in his ass if he don’t get his butt UP and get me another drink, beYOTCH”.
10. But when I call him retarded? 50/50 odds I’m totally serious about that.
Don’t you wish YOU were coming over this weekend?
(Give me a call. I have a feeling we may have just had an opening in our schedule come up…)
Posted in It's All About Me, Love and Marriage, just rambling, the transplant
it sounds like deanna’s going to have an interesting weekend.
Would it be possible for me to find out where this date’s going to happen? I’d love to just sit off to the side with a cocktail and be entertained.
Oh, don’t forget to mention that when you say “Oh, honey, it’s okay that you don’t understand” and pat him on his head in a condescending way, it’s okay to call you a mean bitch, too. Because you totally are.
*placing swingers toolbox back into coset* Aw, damn.
I don’t see what the problem is.
You two should write a marriage handbook.
I think your husband and mine would so get along!
actually i do. this sounds freaking hilarious.
we had a set of friends we used to be with all the time, but then they broke up with us. it was sad.
You forgot to mention that he will also beg your friends to procure sexual favors from you for him.
This is another one of the reasons I miss you both so much!
sounds like one hell of a night.
we expect pictures!
have fun without us…
t: if interesting = unbelievably fun. And possibly inappropriate. :-)
OK, sir: at my house.
And if it’s possible to you to find THAT out… well, I would be a little scared.
avitable: oh pshaw!
Kelly: yes, please, leave that shit at home!!
themuttprincess in which case, come on over!!
Lin: destined for bestseller status. Or, at the very least, an appearance on Dr. Phil.
And possibly Maury.
debkitty: EVERYONE gets along with him. It’s me they all hate. lol
rachel: OMG we had that happen too! so sad!
AmyD: oh yeah! (although, I think he might save that one especially for you)
Kristin: well, I am pretty awesome. We, I mean. WE are wesome.
hellohahanarf: I’ve already got the releases and waivers printed out.
We shall date twice a year, Cleveland in the summertime and Florida in the winter. I am jealous. WE could abuse our husbands together and then they could bond over it. Like professional athletes’ wives. Tee hee.
HAHAHAHA!
Aww, I’m so excited that we are setting our husbands up for a play date! My husband MAY be disappointed that you are NOT thinking all those things about him though Do you think you could pretend, just a little bit? And make it kinda convincing? Like, wink, or somethin? You do totally have the upper hand as you already interacted with both of us though…and he made fart jokes. Not just for you, but in public, at a restaurant. His theory is that “The Danglers” have an innate right to pee outside. It is some club or something, so this will make Jared A-okay, in his books. Just so long as he pees around the corner, its all good. We can thank the sweet baby jeebus right now that there is no snow for them to try and write their names in.
Im such a great houseguest, I even said you dont have to cook for us!
I am TOTALLY bringing my camera and capturing our first couple-date for the sake of posterity. Just sayin’.
You might be on to something there… playdates for adults… why the hell not!!! I have a feeling that you will have to start a planner for all your invitations
My Hubs hasn’t had a date in years….unless you’re talking about electrician’ dinners–old men, slide shows,yuck!
At the very least, it sounds like a pretty awesome spectator sport, visiting you.
Sounds like a kick-ass couples date. Let me know if those plans fall through. My husband and I would just love to fill in if you’d have us. Plus! I’d be more than happy to put a shoe up someone’s ass if they didn’t get you and I a drink as well.
Is there a list to sign up… Ya know… in the even that I finally land myself a man… so we can come over as well? :sex014:
Sounds like a really fun time. But, I gotta ask what is wrong with being a whore? Ive been one for years…
I don’t know if our husbands would get along, but I am pretty sure you and I would. And they probably would, too - whining and bitching about us to each other. Men.
ADW: AND I don’t have to deal with the snow and cold? Deal!
DeannaBanana: you did NOT bring your camera. Liar!
Mindy: well, none of my invitations are coming from Central Florida, so… so far the planner is still open! LOL
metalmom: men need to be set up I think.
Rich: you should get tickets ;-)
QofD: come on over!
DutchBitch: yeah, none of you fuckers live here!
geek: well, y’know, it’s harder for women to get away with that kind of behavior. ;-)
Sybil Law: my husband gets along with pretty much anyone. At least for a little while. ;-)
Now now, girl! Go and wash out your girlie mouth with soap… “fuckers”? Tsk tsk…
What if I land myself a Floridian guy? Hmmm?
I am serious, Mrs. Fab and I would love to come down and babysit, even long enough for you two to have an overnight.
Something tells me it would be blogging GOLD.
Well, how did it go?
Please come by and visit sometime.
J. :wave:
DutchBitch: I say fuckers with nothing but love in my heart and my mouth!
Mr. Fab: you alone with two small children? Blogging gold indeed! (and possibly an arrest warrant…)
HoosierGirl5: it was very, very fun!