There can never be enough said about Domestic Violence. Ever.
And we have all seen the movies. And read the email forwards. And seen the afternoon TV specials.
And many of us, most of us probably, have or will at some point come face to face with Domestic Violence.
Maybe as an abuser, maybe as the abused - although chances are you won’t recognize yourself in either of those roles for a very, very long time. If ever.
And then there is the rest of us.
The watchers.
As men, we are repulsed and angry. We cannot understand the cowardliness that would allow you to hit a woman. We cannot fathom bullying. We simply cannot imagine how you cannot look at her and want to protect her, not only because it is right but because that is your job.
As women, we cannot understand what the hell could make you so blind. We cannot fathom why you would try to make excuses. We simply cannot imagine ever walking in your shoes, and not walking away.
I have been among The Watchers more than once in my life. I have watched as someone I love was broken down either emotionally or physically. I have clung to them when they called for me, desperately reaching for a way out. I have conspired and plotted and planned and organized with them.
And I have stood by helplessly when they went back.
I’ve listened to the explanations. About how there isn’t another way. About how they really aren’t that bad. About how, “I really brought it on myself in the first place.” About how, if you care about me you will support me no matter what.
Rinse, repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
The thing is, something inside of you dies after awhile. Or at least, it did for me. I could only stand to be The Watcher for so long before I had to shut myself off from it.
I wanted so desperately to help. And I did, I did help!
And it didn’t matter. And it wasn’t enough.
And it would never, ever be enough.
Somewhere along the way, my compassion was replaced with anger. And resentment. And bitterness. My pity and fear and sympathy and worry were replaced with contempt. The helplessness I felt from not being able to help was too much, and I had to turn my focus toward the fact that they didn’t want to help themselves anyway. I could no longer offer understanding, because it was safer for me to think of them as weak.
When I hear about your common place, garden variety Domestic Violence now (you know, the stuff that doesn’t make the news, or the court papers, but that any rational person knows shouldn’t happen), my whole face gets hot. I can feel the anger and the bitterness rising from the pit of my stomach up through the back of my throat.
I want to scream at society for letting this crap happen. I want to close my eyes tight enough that I can pretend that things are not still this way. I want to push it all away, far away from me so that I can no longer be touched by that world.
I want to shake the shit out of the woman who stays. I want to shake her so hard that she hears me, that she sees how much pain this causes everyone!
I want to shut off the part of me that hurts.
I know it’s not the expected response. I know it’s selfish. And unfair. And unkind. I know I’m supposed to run to the aid of The Victim.
But what I see is The Watchers. The Rescuers. The White Knights who are running so boldly into the fray, smack dab into the middle of a battle that I already know will wound them.
It’s them that I want to hold. It’s them that I want to warn. I want to tell them to run away. To give up now before their hearts are permanently hardened. I want to tell them to guard their compassion, to save up their sympathy, because it will leave them feeling empty and defeated and helpless.
And I want so badly to be able to tell them how to help.
I know the numbers for the Domestic Violence hotlines. I know the classic signs and patterns: isolation, belittling, erosion of self esteem, abuse, remorse, forgiveness.
But there is no number for the watchers. There is no Guide For Helping Those That Do Not Want To Be Helped. There is no healing potion for Granting Sight To Those Who Cannot See. There is no network to heal the failed healers.
And Oh God, there should be.
My mind cannot allow more than a fleeting fantasy of the abused finally breaking free. That is a disappointment I simply cannot survive again. But my heart still allows itself to ache for those I see just beginning on the path of supporter. My instinct is to warn them, to caution them that their efforts will be futile. The overwhelming urge now is no longer to create an escape for the victim, but to shield the rescuer from the cycle. The same cycle that they’re trying to fight, that sucks them in just the same.
That’s the thing about Domestic Abuse. It’s a cycle and it spins in an ever widening circle, sucking more and more victims into the spiral.
The abuser.
The abused.
The child who survives fear with contempt.
The friend who internalizes the inability to help.
The onlooker who cannot understand why you continue to “bother”.
And once you’re in the spiral, it seems like it is impossible to reverse the direction of the spin. The only way to save yourself is to get out. To stay out. To put distance between yourself and the life threatening suction that threatens to swallow you whole. Again.
All I can say is to the abused, get out. It will never get better. It will get worse. And I hope and pray that someday you see that.
But to the others, to The Watchers, I offer you my utmost respect. And compassion. And a secret desire that you will be able to do what I never could.
—————————————————————-
* There are actually tips for helping someone here.
*And The Number For The National Domestic Violence Helpline is:
1-800-799-SAFE
Just, you know, in case…
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I love and admire you and that last link about “how to help” was awesome, sweetheart.
And, by the by, I AM THE FIRST TO COMMENT!!
October 30th, 2007 at 12:36 am
Thank you for writing this. It needs to be said and said often.
One of the things we do desperately wrong in dealing with Domestic Violence is that we don’t “treat” both sides–you’ll never stop it unless you treat the abused as well as the abuser.
I’ve been the watcher/rescuer more times than I can count–and you are spot on.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:49 am
I have to consider myself lucky that I’ve never witnessed domestic violence in anything other than a peripheral way. I can only imagine how hard it would be to be right there and be helpless. It’s hard enough being helpless from miles away.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:45 am
I have been on the other side of this issue and know that your frustration and pain does not in any way compare to the one that is being abused. I wanted help and I wanted out. I asked for that help from many people many times. Knowing it is wrong and wanting to get away is different from being ready to get away. It is like being under a spell and it isn’t until the fog clears that you can see clearly enough to even think about getting away from it. It was the hardest and scariest thing I ever had to do. It took strength I didn’t know I had and by the time I was able to do it there was no one around to help me. I lived in fear for months after that and I found out just how useless a protective order is. It isn’t something that anyone who hasn’t experienced it can understand at all. I can tell you from experience that your support means everything and your pain in no way compares to the one being abused. The only thing the one being abused is guilty of is giving control of themselves to another person. Until they realize that they gave that away and that only they can take it back, they are in no way able to be blamed for anything. Once that fog lifted for me, it was like a whole new world. It might take a million tries before they actually leave, but when they can finally break free from the control they will need someone to be strong with them because it truly is a really tough road ahead. You can choose to act like your friend is in control and wants to be abused or you can see that even though it is tough to be there for them, it could mean everything to them.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:23 am
I didn’t think it was possible, but I love and admire you even more now, my friend.
In so many ways such an important post, and in so many ways a post hard for me read. And yet I read it three times.
Thank you.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Darling Britt:
Both you and ADW are on me.
Signed,
The Same Page
Of course, you know where I stand after that “Ask Miss Britt” session a while back. Big tight squeezes your way beautiful lady.
ADW
October 30th, 2007 at 9:05 am
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I hope she listens. (And I know I’m being stupid for saying that, but I don’t care.)
October 30th, 2007 at 9:08 am
PS -
October 30th, 2007 at 9:09 am
terrific post. i’ve been in the mental/emotional abused situation and it sucked, yet i can’t even imagine how terrible adding physical abuse would be. there have been times when i was the watcher and unable to make a friend see how much greener the grass was on the outside of their terrible relationship. yet i was never able to put my frustrations nearly as eloquently as you. i’m printing this post. mailing it to a few folks. sitting down with others and having them read it with me. again, great job.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:11 am
October 30th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Mom: love you too.
turnbaby: unfortunately, I don’t know any way of “treating” the abuser other than a lynch mob. Which isn’t as helpful as you’d think.
avitable: actually, I think it is awesome that there are still people out there who haven’t experienced it first hand.
It reminds the rest of us that it is not, despite our whacked out perceptions, in any way “normal”.
noraisins: I’ve heard a lot of what you said vocalized by people I’ve known who were abused.
However, I don’t know that I would agree that no one hurts “as bad” as them.
Someone close to me who has been in that situation recently told me that for the people who live with it, who watch it and can’t do anything, it’s not “not as bad”. It doesn’t necessarily hurt any less. You just part of the scene from a different angle.
Mr. Fabulous: oh sweetie.
ADW: *squeezes back* thanks doll. And, quite possibly the best ever “me too” comment!
Poppy: you’re not being stupid. A compassionate heart with a desire to help is never stupid.
hellohahanarf: believe me, there have been times this has not come out NEAR as eloquently and much more hurtful.
DeannaBanana:
October 30th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Amen to all of this….and you’re right, society doesn’t help. Take him to jail, he’ll be back out the next day, and be even angrier and more abusive.
The ones I really feel sorry for are the kids…they see more than adults think they do. And ironically, are often the reason it’s harder to leave (who wants to take their kids to a shelter, after all?)
October 30th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Maybe you are right. I can only see from my perspective. I would also have to say that I can admit a parent would certainly be an exception to this case as well. Maybe I have never had a friend who cared as much for me to see your side. This is only what I have experienced and I never had anyone express feelings to me that came close to the pain and frustration I was experiencing. I was living it 24/7. I also know that my pain continues years and years later and writing this response brings back feelings I thought I had long gotten over. I have the pain of the friends I lost over my relationship with my ex, I have the pain of knowing I wasted so many years of my life with that man, the pain of knowing I brought a child into the world with this person and I cannot protect him from his father, the pain of knowing I am weak and am unsure that I would not put myself in the same situation again. The pain does not end when the abuse does.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:59 am
I can not even try to express what you wrote today and how close to my heart it is. I have been on all sides of that fence, sadly. And it is hard knowing/feeling what someone else is going through and not do everything humanly possible to “help”. However I have learned that everyone has a different breaking point. Everyone has that “wake up call” on their own schedule…. All I can do is wait, and listen and try not to remember what it REALLY felt like to be in their shoes just a few short years ago.
Your post spoke to me A LOT today because of things I can not talk about at this point. I am in the middle of a court battle with a very emotional and physical abuser. And let me tell you, it has taken me YEARS to be strong enough to stand up to him. And in front of other people, watchful eyes if you will.
Thank you for addressing something most people would rather sweep under the rug!
October 30th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Actually there are some folks who really can get help and stop–it’s too complicated to go into all of the nuances here—but they do.
Sometimes it’s situational and you can give people tools to use to stay out of those situations and to sort how to deal with their emotions. But more often than not it’s chronic and won’t ever be “fixed”. Either way it’s wrong.
I had a client once whose wife kept hurting him–she finally ended up stabbing him. He took her back. I asked him why and he told me because he loved her and she didn’t really mean it.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Don’t ever give up on being the watcher…the abused needs to be ready, but if they ARE ready, & the watcher has stopped? Sometimes they stay just because then they feel there is nowhere to go.
Did that make sense?
October 30th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Hey Hon- Thank you for helping to wrap up Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Working in a dv center I know exactly what you are talking about. Many DV centers will offer counseling for secondary victims..family and friends, “the watchers” especially here in Florida. There are a lot of great books out there also.
I can give you all the stats, you know them, she will return 9 times before leaving for good, the cycle, the honeymoon stage. You want to know something else, the holidays are the worse. She stays to try and keep things “normal” during the holidays. We had a participant last year that was having her family down for Christmas, they hadn’t been here in several years. She knew his cycle and created it so that he would beat her in time for her to be completely healed before her family got here so they wouldn’t know.
“Watchers” are important, you are the ones that do make a difference. You are the ones that are finally, (I know it doesn’t seem like it) but finally get through.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
You are so right, it will never get better, only worse.
This weekend in my ER I cared for 2 gunshot victims. They were innocent bystanders at an acquaintance’s workplace, who happened to get in the way of an abuser trying to kill his wife.
I hope everyone who needs this post finds it.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
I have been the abused. I wanted out, I wanted help. I asked for it multiple times to just go back and get beaten down again. Each person has a bottom, just like a drug addict. An abused woman is addicted to the abuse, because when he is sorry it is so true that he is sorry and it is better than it has ever been until the next time. Abused women live with the abuse so they can have those few moments that are so good.
When you hit that bottom, that is when you leave. Everyone’s bottom is a little different. For some it is when the abuse goes to the children, for others it is a broken bone instead of a bruise, for others it is when he points a gun at you and pulls the trigger and misses, but you know he meant to hit.
I realizer for the “watchers” it is hard, but for the abused it is knowing not only can they not make the abuser love them and keep them happy, but they also let down their friends who try so hard to help.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Lexi: I remember as a kid watching those movies about the underground networks and shelters and stuff.
It looked like Disneyland to me.
noraisins: I think when you’re in survival mode it’s impossible to think about anyone else’s pain - let alone the idea that it might compare to your own.
It really does get easier. It never goes away. But with time and distance… it gets easier.
themuttprincess: as cliche as this sounds…
I’m very proud of you.
turnbaby: I have to admit, I’ve always thought that whole “counseling” bit was crap and just another stall tactic. I’ve never really heard of success stories with it. I’m glad to know there might be some out there.
Tug: it absolutely made sense. :-) Unfortunately, some of us do not have superhuman reserves of… Something…, you know?
NotaGranny:I have wondered sometimes if I could do what you do. I would like to, but I’m not sure if I could.
Honeybell: *shaking head*
October 30th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
deb: yeah, I’ve talked to people close to me who talked about that mixture of defensiveness and embarrassment you have towards your friends afterwards.
I think I definitely need work on understanding that everyone is entitled to their own bottom.
I’m just not good at emotional investment without becoming completely attached to the outcome.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Patience…
Love…
Faith…
Strength.
Did I mention love & faith?
October 30th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Excellent post. I think there are probably more of us who have been affected by domestic violence than there are those who have not been. That’s pretty sad.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I’m a survivor. This post is awesome. Thank you for speaking out for those who cannot find the courage to speak out for themselves. I have a post saved that I was going to post today in honor of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
This was an awesome post.
Domestic violence has hit close to my family and there really never is an easy way out for the abused. Standing back from it as a watcher, you may think all the help you give will make it easier, but it really never is until the abused person is really ready to end the turmoil.
Such a difficult topic and situation.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I am kind of with Avitable. I have never been in a domestic violence situation. However, I do remember watching the movie of the weeks and the class lectures. I also have read about it. Just out of curiosity:
Do you think this is possibly a normal reaction? I mean, abusers like to isolate their victims. If their friends shut them out, it is just another form of isolation.
I do remember in my old hometown that they closed down the women’s shelter, to move it to a new location. All the little boys who had their mom’s bring them to that shelter when they were a kid were showing up on the porch (as grown men) to take the wives or SO’s they had been beating home with them. When I heard that, it made me sad that the cycle wasn’t broken when they were little boys.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
I happened by your blog via Smiling. Interesting that your post just so happens to spell out my life for 20 years. I finally left a little over a year ago and currently have a friend going through the same thing. I am now on the other side but have distance myself in order to maintain the peace that I have acquired by leaving an emotionaly abusive relationship. After all this time, I still find days difficult. I question if I made the right decision, I doubt myself. Sometimes his words suck me in and I end up a puddle on the floor all over again. I won’t go back to life ever again and I pray every day for 100% peace. Wonderful post, thank you.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
I hope that whom ever you are writing this to, listens and reaches out for help
October 30th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
[...] Unwilling Victims Posted on October 30, 2007 by msbatman If you do nothing else today, go by Miss Brit’s and read this post about domestic violence. Everyone assumes there is only one victim in a domestic violence act. There are many. Obviously the person being abused, is one. If there are any children in the relationship, they count too. But what about the family and friends who’s hearts break and want to help, know where to get help, try to help, only to stand by and watch the cycle continue, helpless to stop it? They are the unknown, unacknowledged victims. [...]
October 30th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Everything said here is true, but I just have to say, if you really want to help an abused woman, open your home to her. It’s hard to “just leave” when you have no job or no money. I would have rather got beat every once in a while before I would go to a shelter, that was TOO scary to me! Sounds stupid, but it’s how I felt.
That’s what my best friend did for me, she took me and my kid in and just said “This is your home now, we’re roommates now.”
Luckily it was also 200 miles away from my ex, that helped, too. But since I had a new home, I didn’t want to mooch, I found a job within a week. She saved my life.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Tug:
Patience…
Love…
Faith…
Strength.
Yep - those are the ones I seem to run out of!
AmyD: yeah, it really is.
Angel: I hope you post it.
SleepyNita: yeah, it’s kind of like look at a drug addict and saying “why won’t you just STOP?!!?” and they want to, but they can’t.
Lynda: yeah, that’s one of the things that makes it all so sad. It’s ridiculously easy to isolate a person from their friends and family.
Nettie: all I can say without knowing you is: you absolutely made the right decision. Without a doubt.
Crazy Lady: me too :)
annie: the 200 miles away definitely helped. But seriously, bravo to you for taking her up on that offer.
October 31st, 2007 at 9:39 am
We do see that we have to get out. We know what is the right thing to do. What we don’t see is the way to get out.
The abuser is always one step ahead of us. Always with their thumb on our tail. Pinning us down and holding us there until there is nothing left but an extension of them. They take away our friends by belittleing them and making them seem like the bad people. They blame our families for the way we are. They make us see the world from their point of view and we feel sorry for them. We think we can change the way they think. We can change the way they treat us. We remember how it used to be. Young lovers with out a care in the world. Then came responsibility and kids. Too much for two young souls to handle. She leaves but realises that he was the easy button. Everythings ok for a while. But something always sets him off. She thinks its her fault. He makes her think its her fault. Soon enough she believes its her fault. When she does get out, she needs to find herself again. But that may not happen before he finds her again.
I still have to find myself. I have to hide my insecurities from him so I can find myself. I have to be brave. 15 years is a long time to make up for.
October 31st, 2007 at 11:16 am
Oh my God. I think this is the most haunting description of abuse I’ve ever come across.
October 31st, 2007 at 11:41 am
It wasn’t about all about me “taking her up on her offer.”
SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO OFFERED.
My mom wanted me to go back to my husband because she didn’t want to have to tell her Catholic family about a divorce.
October 31st, 2007 at 10:03 pm
And Tally’s comment speaks to what I was saying–we need to deal with both people to help break the cycle–we can’t act like only one person has problems. They are different problems yes–but as Tally so frighteningly and accurately points out—it can keep recurring because we only address one side.
October 31st, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Children learn what they live.
I have never heard a truer statement in my life.
To the abused out there, just let me say this: Your kids - whether you think so or not - ARE LEARNING FROM YOU, AND THE LIFE YOU LEAD.
Actually that rings true for everyone…
October 31st, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Absolutely Tug–I often tell my clients they have to be strong so they can protect their children’s future–how they deal with anger and stress and relationships–how they think life should be
Sometimes that works–not often enough
October 31st, 2007 at 10:45 pm
[...] Suburban Turmoil awarded Dooce Miss Cellania awarded The Gunsmoke Files I Obsess awarded Nonlinear Girl Serendipity Mine awarded Absolutely Bananas Pundit Mom awarded Lawyer Mama Hotfessional awarded Redneck Mommy Toddled Dredge awarded Navel Gazing Our Life Together awarded A Day in the Life Suburban Kamikaze awarded I am Bossy Old Horsetail Snake awarded It’s a Raggedy Life Pass the Torch awarded Don’t Try This At Home MammaLoves awarded I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino Marie Mallard awarded This Just In Fertile Mertile awarded Magneto Bold Too! Something to Say awarded Twas Brillig Drowning in Laundry awarded Miss Britt Mrs. Incredible awarded Oh, the Joys Alex Year One awarded Playgroups are No Place for Children Dark and Divine and Toddler Planet awarded Crib Chronicles A Child is Born awarded Serving the Queens One Plus Two awarded The Silent I Mother May I awarded The Little Zygote That Could Chicken And Cheese awarded Sandy And Kurt Masked Mom awarded Lifenut All Rileyed Up awarded Three and Holding Blowtorch in the Middle awarded Toddler Planet Susie J awarded Whee! All the Way Home The Wooden Porch awarded Scribbit Pamela nominates Inland Empire Girl Midwestern Mommy awarded Mamalogues Letters to My Daughters awarded Momma Zen Petroville awarded WhyMommy @ DC Metro Moms Blog [...]
November 1st, 2007 at 6:43 am
annie: in which case, you both should be commended!
turnbaby: yep, definitely!
And Thank you SleepyNita - totally touched, honored, and stoked!
November 1st, 2007 at 9:00 am
This post is such an important one. I was a watcher for many years and it only ended in tears. My best friend of over 25 years and I no longer talk. She was being abused by her husband and I helped her to leave him after he broke her jaw. Sadly, she went back to him after 6 months claiming everything would be fine. It wasn’t long till the abuse started again and once more, she turned to me for help. As I was helping her pack her bags her husband came home and started throwing punches. My eye met his fist. When my husband saw what had happened he almost killed the abuser. It was so ugly. I still feel like I am going to throw up when I think about it.
When it comes to domestic violence there are very few happy endings if the abused continues to return to the abuser. I am grateful to you because I still feel guilty that I didn’t do enough for my friend. Now I realise it was out of my hands. Thank you.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:01 am
[...] This week it’s been a combination of willfull wandering, and against my will stuggles. It started when Miss Britt wrote this post. That prompted me to write this post in which I went back and re-visited my nightmares but with different eyes, and therefore experienced different pain, even though it wasn’t my paid I experienced. I was just tip toeing around the edges of my nightmares and memories at this point. [...]
November 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am
I am also a survivor of DV. Strangely enough I tried to help 2 different coworkers get out of abusive relationships before I had mine. One of my best friends also works for our local shelter. I knew DV was not something I had to put up with.
But my ex literally held me and my 4 yo daughter hostage for 7 months. My own family didn’t even know where I was. The only people allowed around me were his family and when I begged them for help they ignored me. I was not even allowed to go to the bathroom alone. He was there 24/7. He sold my car so I couldn’t escape.
But I kept praying for a way out. God answered my prayers a year and a half ago. He trusted me long enough to let me drive to the nearest convenience store(10 miles away). He kept my daughter with him for insurance. I called my friend who worked for the shelter and she and the police showed up at my house after I got back with his beer.
It isn’t easy after leaving. I still have to change my cell phone # every few months. Somehow he manages to get it even though I don’t give it out. I haven’t slept a full night in a year since he found out where I live. I am on a couple of medications for panic attacks and PTSD. But my worst day without him is better than my best day with him!
Please don’t ever give up on trying to help. The person you save could have been me and my beautiful child.
Thank you for addressing this neglected subject.
November 4th, 2007 at 1:27 am
Selma: Oh my God, NO. It’s not your fault. It’s not necessarily her “fault” either - but it’s definitely not yours.
Gabrielle: what baffles me - angers me - about your story is why in the hell you still have to be afraid. How is a man like that not locked up for a very, very long time now!??!!
November 4th, 2007 at 8:34 am
Well, although I pressed charges the next day and went through all the proper he was charged with 3rd degree assault. This is the equivalent of spitting on a stranger. I was even asked to leave my the place we rented THAT WAS IN MY NAME ONLY! Granted I wouldn’t have stayed there anyway, but he got to stay even though I was had been beaten within an inch of my life the day before. I did everything I could to help my case. I even had an MRI that showed multiple head concussions in various stages of healing. I suffered short term memory loss for a year because of so many repeated blows to the head.
So perhaps the biggest problem isn’t that the victims don’t leave, it’s that they know the stat say they are actually in greater danger after they do. Survivors are NOT protected! States may have the laws in place to punish DV abusers, But it is up to each county and officer whether they are enforced or not.
Oh and this was not an upstanding citizen who did this to me; he was on PAROLE at the time! And yes his reporting officer knew about the charges, I made sure of it. Still he walked free.
November 4th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Which reminds me… there IS still afuckofalot the rest of us can do.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
I was reading all the comments on Avitable’s post today and the frustration of everyone reminded me of this post. It is so hard to be the watcher but it is so easy to get pulled back into it. You just keep hoping it will work.
November 21st, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Yeah, it is hard to sit back and watch. It’s hard to be supportive and open - to be honest without getting shut out. It’s hard to ignore your own helplessness and respect someone else’s “choice” - when you can see it stopped being about choice and more about survival a long time ago.
Thank God there are people out there who don’t give up. Because even if it only works 1% of the time… that 1% is worth it.
November 21st, 2007 at 7:20 pm