Dear World Wide Wisdom,You have been given a mission.
Should you choose to accept this mission, you will be asked to go where few men have gone before. You will see things no man, woman or child should ever see. There is a chance, brave World Wide Wisdom, that you will be forever changed by this mission.
I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.
You see, I have a problem. Brace yourselves… and take a look:
Here I am. Naked before you. In all my no make up glory. Begging for your help.
What? You can’t see it? You don’t understand the dire nature? Everyone Lots of people have uneven skin and discoloration and white lips without makeup??
Obviously you are not seeing the severity. *sigh, deep breath* Here:
Here’s the thing. I have never in my LIFE had skin problems. Ever. Not through puberty or pregnancy or postpartum hormonefuckwithyouedness. Never. A zit here and there, out of control freckles with too much sun, and that was it.
And then. I moved. To Florida. (maybe you’ve heard that)
And my skin went all wiggity-wiggity-wiggity-wiggity-WHACK on my ass! (technically, my face - ass skin is fine, thanks.)
I’ve had to buy eye cream. And use cleaner stuff. And get zits and black heads and oil and crap “under control”. And over the last two months I’ve kind of been able to get things “under control”. (yeah, those things you are seeing on my face aren’t zits… they’re like birthmarks (read: not Moles! biiiirth marks!)
Except for the pores. I didn’t even know pores could be visible - let alone gaping. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my keys or something in one of these things some morning!
So… dear World Wide Wisdom. This is where you come in. I have written to Amalah at The Smack Down, but she hasn’t gotten around to dispensing her infinite beauty wisdom on the subject yet. And I’ve tried to wait, and be patient, and Google the ever loving shit out of “big ass pores”.
I cannot wait any longer. Saturday, I have a date with Sephora (the rich spoiled girl’s Ulta). I am getting a free makeover (um, consultation, I mean, I’m totally just going for the tips and advice, I swear.) and plan to load up on The Cure For Big Ass Pores - whatever that may be.
(I am also going to Aveda, if anyone cares.)
Please. I am desperate for your wisdom. I know money cannot buy happiness, but I am confident it can buy beauty.
I’ve got plastic in hand. Just point me in the right direction.
Love and Kisses,
Miss Britt
.
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P.S. Oh, um, yeah. This message will self destruct. Or possibly make your head explode and/or your eyes fall out of your head from all that rolling.
Posted in It's All About Me, just rambling
I’ve heard that a healthy application of semen can help those pores. Come over to my desk when you have a sec and we’ll test that.
I am not sure 100% what would help. BUT I do know that the GODS at my favorite store Sephora will help you. And if they for some godawful reason don’t Aveda sure as hell will.
Is it safe?
I see a pink Caddy pulling around the corner. It pulls into the driveway and you see the driver reach under the seat and pop the trunk. Angels start to sing and theres a bright light. A figure exits the caddy and goes around to the rear of the car. You see them pull something out of the trunk and head for your front door. You open the door and they say “Avon calling!”
It did wonders on Edward Scissorhands
Well, I know that it can be a little costly, but have you gone to a facialist (or whatever they are called)? I had one a whie back and it was wonderful. They do all kinds of gross stuff to you, BUT my skin looked all glowy and shiny afterwards….
Another Florida by-product, for sure. It drives me bat-friggin-crazy. My own pores, I mean, not yours.
Go to a skin specialist, thats what my sisters do. I’m pore free though
Tut-tut and piffle. My face looks like 27 miles of bad Russian road. i was one of those freshmen/sophomore high school guys for whom the term “pizza face” was invented. in fact i think I was the guy who invented the term!
Admittedly this becomes “character” on a guy when he is older - which is a double standard for sure but (have to say) is a thing women themselves say.
But, regardless, this is nothing - so far.
It’ll be what happens to you after you’ve lived in the near-tropical sun for the next twenty years or so. That’s when you can get an alligator bag to match… er… I mean… for style.
Yeah that’s it!
OH man! I did have skin issues, and once in a while still do! Before I move down there I need you to find the cure! LOL
Have fun at Sephora……..I love that store!
For the record - the pink Cadillacs are the Mary Kay people.
Gosh - I can’t even think of some hippie herbal mud remedy, and that is SO not like me!
Try lemon juice.
It didn’t work for freckles… maybe it’ll work for pores.
It is called humidity and what it does to skin. There is not a cure for it. You lived in a very dry climate and moved to a very humid one….have you noticed frizzy ass hair too???
avitable: um, I think that only works for moisturizing. Which I’ve got covered, thanks.
themuttprincess: here’s hoping!!
tallyho: I think the pink Caddy is Mary Kay :-)
Although, you bring up a good point. Why ISN’T Avon calling? Every other muthereffin’ sales person in the world has been.
ADW: I have had a facial, yes. And they are wonderful. But I’m trying to figure out what to do on a more daily basis.
DeannaBanana: so, then, you are of no help to me?
Sarcastica: I was at your age too. Just wait.
RW: nah, I moisturize and sun screen the shit out of my face to avoid not only leather bag skin, but sun burn. I do, after all, have the complexion of a red head.
Kristin: how is it we have never Sephora’ed together??
Mom: I can’t recall a single skincare tip you have ever given me, hippie or otherwise.
Wait. Except for the tea tree oil thing. Which I don’t think you actually gave me for SKIN - but it does work.
NYCWD: um, it’s not that I don’t TRUST you… but before I go spraying my eyes with lemon juice (because I WILL, inevitably, get it in my eyes) - could you please reference your source for such advice?
Clinique Pore Minimizer Instant Perfector!! It’s fantabulous, you’ll have China Doll skin.
Uh, good luck with that! I’ve got nothing… not even big pores.
:what: Oh hello! That remedy came from Miss Jan Frickin-Brady herself!!!
Granted… it didn’t work for the freckles… but its worth a try.
Oh for the love of… ok, here’s what you do. I’ve to a ton of experience in this. Go to the local mega mart and buy yourself a deep cleaner, something with alcohol. It’s not important that it’s one of the name brand cleaners, just something non-oil based that removes dirt and accumulated make-up. Then also buy alcohol for yourself. If you don’t already have it, be sure that your make-up isn’t the pore-clogging crap made from animal lard. Finally pick up something with citrus in it, like oranges or lemons or limes; just something citrus that doesn’t have any oils in it too.
When you get home, take a nice hot shower. Like really really steamy. Get those pores all nice and open. Wash your face really well with the cleanser. Then, after you get out and before your pores have a chance to shrink again, rub on the citrus stuff. The stinging you feel will mean it’s working and would likely be a good moment to consume much of the aforementioned alcohol.
Then wait, oh, I’d say about an hour before leaving the house. That should give it a chance to work. As a final step, before leaving the house, take the paper bag that you carried the good home in and place it over your head. Now, isn’t that better? :thumbsup:
See!!! I told ya!!!
They just opened a Sephora store here at Jordan Creek…
MUST. GO. SHOP. THERE.
Have fun!
My daughter is the QUEEN of girlie stuff, and she got me started on http://www.marykay.com/skincare/antiaging/10002339/10002339/default.aspx
LOVE it, & yes, I’ve got big pores. Since I’ve been using it, she’s noticed quite the difference.
and yes, so have I. Girlie or not. ;-)
Commander Adama from Battlestar Galactica? Is that you?
Honeybell: sweet! will definitely ask Sephora Goddesses about this one!
AmyD: bitch
NYCWD: he he he he he
Kelly: um, I don’t know how easy that routine would be to follow every morning
Blonde Chick: Oh sure, NOW they get a Sephora in Iowa!
People in the Sun: :confused:
Being a fellow transplant to Florida myself I feel that I can help you..maybe..
You will not need as much makeup down here.
Stick to powder foundations that allow the skin to breathe. Of course keep you skin clean using what you normally have used in the past.
Hope this helps
I’m sorry. That’s Edward James Olmos. He’s the pores king.
the hotter and more humid it gets, the bigger the pores get. i’d be very interested in anything you find to shrink em up.
Wall spackle?
I heard you can die from that…
I swear by Arbonne. The shit is expensive but skin looks damn good. No acne, not a sign of a wrinkle…looks flawless. Worth every penny I’ve spent and it lasts for 6 months. God I love that stuff!
Go to wwww.paulaschoice.com (or something like that… it’s called Paula Bergoun’s amazing face stuff… or something like that.) Anyway, when I moved and my skin went berzerk, it was the only stuff that helped. Seriously.
I believe you can only temporarily shrink pores. I love Bare Escentuals make-up. I’ve been using it for about 3 years. Covers up my rosacea like a dream. Totally evens your skintone. Check it out!
My skin went all wack-a-doo when I was getting divorced. I found a delightful boy at the local beauty college who hooked me up with cheapo monthly facials and skin peels. I
him still. If only I could remember his name. LOL
Mindy: I did recently upgrade my foundation to a water based foundation. Which has definitely helped with the clogged pores, etc.
People in the Sun: AHHHH, I see!
hellohahanarf: pray to the Gods of Sephora they hook a sistah up! (and I will share)
BOSSY: find me a brand in Ivory and i’m all over it!
Mr. Fab: so Sephora should be covered by insurance then?
Lisa: oooh - may have to look into that one, thank you!
WanderingGirl: thanks for the tip! will check it out!
Monique: yeah, I didn’t figure there would be a permanent solution - and I AM probably do for a facial. :)
I gots lotsa advice for you.
Every time I move (17 times in 18 years), I go through face hell. It takes me three to four months for my face to get used to the new climate.
To add insult to injury, you are now in a humid climate, which makes it worse; hence the bumps and rudiness (I can’t see it, but you indicated that it’s there).
Soooo, here’s what I recommend:
1. From dry to humid: Change your moisturizer. Pronto. Go to Estee Lauder ASAP.
2. Change your foundation. Get a mineral powder foundation now that you are in humid hell. It will actually get rid of all the pores that show, and any ruddiness that you are experiencing. I know it sounds weird to use a completely powder foundation, but I just started using it for the same reason, and I really like it.
3. Go to http://www.acne.org. Use Dan’s Regimen. I have been using it for years for breakouts. The 2% Benzoyl Peroxide is the same as ProActiv, and his tubes of BP are eight bucks. Also, the BP not only takes care of my acne, but my skin coloring is smooth and even now.
4. Use the following, every day, no matter what:
a. concealer under your eyes. Get special concealer that is either mineral powder, or special for eyes at the counter at Dillards, Nordstrom, or whatever. Don’t get the stuff at the grocery store. There are concealers for eyes that are two different colors; that’s what you need.
b. Mascara.
c. Get some highlight (like whitish/pearl) eyeshadow, and put it at least on your brow bone.
d. Use a bit of eyeliner.
That’s all you need every day when you go out to make things look better.
BTW, I am not saying that you guys need to buy all your stuff at the department store. I buy a lot of stuff at the grocery store. But there are a few things that must come from the department store:
1. concealer
2. foundation
3. moisturizer
And make sure; make very sure that you get a special moisturizer for your eyes. The pores around your eyes are much smaller than on your face, so the consistency of the moisturizer has to be much smoother. Also, moisturizers for our face contain water. Your eye pores will absorb the water and create puffiness. A lot of our puffiness comes from this, or from using the wrong moisturizer on our eyes.
Miss Britt, email me if you want any other tips or ideas.
Okay, guys. I am looking at this Arbonne stuff, and the website is huge and I am confused. Can anyone give a lowdown on it? I am so into trying all kinds of new stuff, and I need to get a new moisturizer anyway.
You have NO idea how much my Estee Lauder moisturizer costs (Try $185) so I don’t know if this is cheaper or not, or better.
Wow!! Thanks for the loads of advice!!!
I do have a good moisturizer - although I need to get more (the best moisturizer I’ve ever used is actually from Sunrider - OMG like HEAVEN).
And I HAVE broken down and gotten not one but TWO eye creams - one for “dark shadows” and one for.. uh.. sumthin else. And I do think I’m noticing a difference.
Have not gotten new concealer yet - though I know I need to.
HAVE been doing the white eyeshadow trick for some time. Yay me!
And I totally agree with you on the “good stuff”.
Thank you again for the tips!
OK Brit, if that’s too much to handle and your beauty is just too much freaking work, then just skip to the last step and wear the bag over your head. Now I’m just going to see how many more times I can crowbar the word “just” into this post.
Ummm…. OK. Although I think it’s possible there may be a solution somewhere in the MIDDLE of that.
And driving is a little difficult with a bag over one’s head, I assume.
I just got a minute to stop in and I learned that your blog is now in 3-D. Hmmm…. I wonder if mine can do that?
LOL, scary isn’t it?
You’re REALLY gonna freak when you get WRINKLES, huh?
Nah, the wrinkles are just CHARACTER. :-)