Remember how I said “go here and tell me about me and here and tell me about me and it will be fun and I won’t care - WOOOOOO!”?
Yeah. Um. Apparently I’m a big fucking baby.
(and now I’m going to blog about it. shit. kill me now.)
ANYway, of course I was checking and checking and giggling and “oh you think I’m intelligent, yay!” and “oh you think I’m vulgar, hee hee, me too!” and it was big fun.
And then someone said I was dull.
And ignorant.
And predictable.
And suddenly overdramatic and selfish and intolerant and impatient and boastful all sounded ahelluva lot worse too.
The more I read it, the more I started to see this caricature of myself develop in my mind. Before long, she stepped out of my mind and sat down beside me (ala “Get Outta My Dreams” Billy Ocean style. does anyone else remember that?) and started poking at me.
I’m looking at Me Through You and I see this shallow, superficial girl who swears and shops and says mean stuff and that’s just about it. She throws tantrums and thinks the whole world revolves around her and no one expects much else from her.
And I’m not sure whether to cry or be pissed off.
The thing is, that is so far from how I see myself. Or rather (and probably more accurately) such a small part of who I think I am.
You see a pampered, selfish princess - and I think about the fact that most of the time I feel like I live my whole live for everyone else - my husband, my kids, our families.
You see smug and self satisfied and boastful and confident - and I think about the circles I run in my head trying to be better, worrying about not being good enough, obsessing over why I can’t be “as good as” or just get it “right”.
But mostly, the dull and ignorant thing really got to me. The idea of being a shallow, superficial shell of a person.
I think I’m an intelligent person. I think I’m compassionate and empathetic and warm and fun to be around. I feel like I have thoughts that go well beyond shoes and shoppng.
I look at me and see this complex person, with thoughts and ideas that sometimes I feel like no one else in the world has ever had. I see a person who is constantly struggling to do the right thing, to be the right thing for everyone else. And I also see someone who is vibrant and funny and…. fuck. Dull? Really??
Anyway. I’m not really sure how to wrap this up. I don’t know that this post has a point, or if it’s just mental vomit on a page. And I’m confident there’s no way to avoid the “whiney poor me wah wah wah” pity party tone.
And ironically, that’s all wrong too. I’m not having a pity party so much as I’m standing here, looking at Me Through You with my head cocked going “really? that’s what I look like to you? Seriously?”
And I’m just… confused.
And wondering how I can be Me… better.
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Sweetheart, you are most definitely not dull or ignorant. In any way. Don’t put too much stock in what some random idiot has to say, especially if they’re someone who doesn’t know you.
Secondly, the point was to pull out at least 5 negative traits that you possess. These aren’t your dominant traits.
Can you be selfish, self-satisfied, smug, overdramatic, and intolerant?
Of course.
But some of those failings also make you who you are, and the person we love. Without it, you’d be totally perfect, and then the angelic light flowing through you would destroy us all.
So, please, for the sake of all humanity, embrace your flaws!
September 21st, 2007 at 9:51 am
Am I really the first comment of the day, WOW! What an honor! Britt, anybody who has read your blog for any length of time knows you are wonderfully brilliant! Maybe people were just trying to be funny because you are so opposite of those things…it’s not like the words people clicked on are going to be on your tombstone so laugh it off, the person clicking all the “bad” stuff was probably laughing when they click it to begin with.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:07 am
Shit!! Adam beat me…he must have clicked submit two freaking seconds before me!! Ughh! I will be #1 one day!!
September 21st, 2007 at 10:09 am
And now you see why I don’t play that stuff. Either asking for it or joining in.
And, btw, there is nothing in the world wrong with being “ignorant”. All that means is that you don’t know about something. That’s all. Everybody is ignorant about something. “Stupid” is worse than “ignorant” and I don’t see a mention of that in your post.
Pfffft to them, then.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:20 am
Well, we all have those traits sometimes. Blogging is a place where you get to play - a place where you get to bring out the “you” that typically has to take a back seat to the responsibilities and commitments that make up the important part of your life. It isn’t where you’re raising your children, sacrificing for your family, doing what needs done instead of saying, “Fuck it! I’m laying on the couch for 2 hours and ignoring that the kids are sliding across the the kitchen floor in the apple juice they just spilled!”
My daughter said one day, “Blogging is your life, only exaggerated and funnier.” I’ve turned it into a quote that I repeat frequently, because we need a place to laugh at our lives and bring out the part of us that we ignore the rest of the day - the part that is a little/lot self-indulgent. Then we go back to the rest of it and do what needs done, but we have helped each other laugh and changed someone’s perspective for the day…
So good for you that you can have a little escape - because if you don’t - eventually that funny little side of you disappears… and you become a mommy-blogger… and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with BEING a mommy-blogger - your readers don’t really want to read that shit… or we wouldn’t be HERE!
September 21st, 2007 at 10:47 am
when i got to the page with the negatives i couldn’t find 5 to pick from so i just didn’t complete it. bet many folks simply randomly clicked on words to get to the mandatory 5. don’t put too much weight on that stupid site. anyone who reads a few of your posts will see that you are without a doubt not dull. sheesh!
September 21st, 2007 at 10:53 am
I selected impatient but that was TOTALLY based on our conversation about shopping, remember?
And, come on, you HAD to know that some really ignorant, stupid, cow was going to say something mean. I’m guessing SHE (it was a female name) probably didn’t even leave her real name so why even pay attention to someone who is obviously a chicken shit?
Pampered princess my freakin’ ass.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:04 am
Well take heart in the notion that you can only get so much of someone’s personality through their blog, plus the fact that blogs are by their very nature somewhat egotistical, and there you go. I don’t think anyone in their right mind think you are truly a shallow person.
I have a feeling that I’m not typing this the way I am meaning it.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:13 am
Good Lord, I would never want to know what my blog readers thought about me. I play up the stupid girly princess crap as a fun way to escape the responsibilities of my real life.
It’s so easy to think that we know someone through their writing, but we’re only seeing a tuny fraction of who they are, and how they live.
I have only ever exchanged one email with you, but I learned from that one instance that you are a compassionate, intelligent person. And from your blog I’ve learned that you’re hilarious and real.
xo
September 21st, 2007 at 11:24 am
avitable: awwww honey. Your humanity is showing. ON THE INTERNETZ!!!!
Janelle: no, I’m sure most people were serious. And shit, I KNOW I have some of those flaws - especially the way the people closest to me describe me. And I’m ok with that.
Some of them were just… unexpected… I guess.
RW: I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea of being OK with ignorance. I’m trying…
BLECH. I just can’t.
It’s too often combined with arrogance.
Annie: I think the reason it bothered me so much is because the people who “know me in real life” who do read my blog usually say “yeah, that’s pretty much you”.
hellohahanarf:
that is all.
AmyD: impatient is TOTALLY valid - for lots and lots and LOTS of reasons.
I guess this whole fucking posts validates your “irrational” choice too, huh? Dammit!!
QofD: no, I know what you mean. It’s pretty difficult for a blog not to come off as shallow and egocentric and stuff. You’re right about that.
Princess of the Universe: awwwwwwwwwwww, thank you.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:42 am
Take into consideration that the persona you portray online and and the person you are are two different things.
Each of us *no matter how real we try to be* are different than we are behind the safety of our screens.
Many, like you I bet, gloss over the “ugly” things that go on, in favor of the funny and the light. You vent those things to Avi and Amy and maybe even your hubby. You don’t vent those things to “us” because they don’t always make good reading.
So those people who read this blog at exactly face value may miss all the “other” stuff. Some people can’t read between the lines.
The people who can read between the lines and take the time to learn the writing style behind the moods, those people are the ones who thought you were witty and confident and bold and brave and shy and kind.
P.s. This is why I never put one of these on my blog or fill them out for other people.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:47 am
You can have ignorance without being arrogant.
Better than knowing you know something is knowing you don’t know something.
But if you act like you know something you don’t know, or don’t know that you don’t know, you don’t know shit.
It’s important to know what you don’t know, and let people know you know what you don’t know.
See?
September 21st, 2007 at 11:49 am
I dont think you should cry OR be pissed off, but I do understand human nature and why you feel that way. I also dont think that is any of those so called ‘negative’ traits that define you nearly so much as you worry they do. If that were the case, you wouldn’t be sitting there all introspective like, wondering how much weight to give them. I happen to think you are a pretty cool shit. I LIKE ALL of these aspects about you, it keeps you real instead of just pretending to be one of those paperdoll people you wrote about earlier. And as far as overdramatic? It lends itself very well to your writing..it would be terribly boring if we couldnt hear your penchant for drama through your posts. to me, it equates to being passionate. I want reading that grabs my attention and holds onto it, not something that reads like the nutritional values on a box of rice cakes. I also want these traits in more than just the reading, but the person doing the writing. The person I call friend (albeit new friend).
You can be all of these things without any of it being negative, Britt. It keeps you from being the one thing that absolutely CANNOT be used to describe you accurately, and that is shallow. Whoever chose that adjective clearly has their head inserted so far up their own ass that they are having trouble breathing and have therefore lost their friggin mind.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:50 am
Exactly the reason why I am staying away from those Jakitori or whathefuckever windows!
Me luv U
September 21st, 2007 at 11:57 am
Well, shit. Ummm . . . I love your boobs!
September 21st, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Anybody who thinks that what’s written on a blog is reflective of the blogger’s entire life is gravely deluded. If you were to paint a picture of ANYBODY based solely on their blog entries, you’d probably end up with something completely different from reality.
This, of course, is a huge advantage for me.
September 21st, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Miss Britt Marie, honestly. First of all, that was DAYS ago. Second of all, what you have here on the Internet, other than the people who really really KNOW you, is a tiny slice of a caricature and let’s face it. Snotty/funny/cares-about-shoes “sells”. People don’t come here to read about your humanitarian efforts - and I happen to know about them. They come to snort coffee out of their noses about you losing a tampon - possibly.
Darling, I am the one person in this world who has known you longer than anyone else so I think I am better qualified than anyone to reassure you.
Dull? Ignorant? No idea where that came from.
But, uh, remember the NICE things people said about you?
I thought you said you already got your period!
XOXOXOXOXOX
September 21st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Dave, that’s not entirely true. I am exactly like I am in person the way I am on my blog. Aren’t you doubly excited about coming to Orlando now?
September 21st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
The reason I keep coming back, day after day, is that you continually surprise me. You never have and never will be one dimensional or dull.
September 21st, 2007 at 12:44 pm
First, I totally
your mom. She’s brilliant and made several awesome points.
Second, chickie-pie, we are BOTH totally capable of extreme irrationality. Then we get on the phone and talk each other off the ledge. But, I’m not the one who put up that johari nohari wtf-ever stuff because unlike you, I am incredibly insecure and have no desire to know what people think of me.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Ok, I thought that Nohari window would only lead to trouble. And you got me thinking. I bet a lot of people who come to my blog find it to be dull or boring at times. Sometimes I make an effort to be funny, and some days I just can’t, because I am thinking too much of my sister, or I am too stressed. Sometimes I exaggerate. Sometimes I act egotistical, even though I don’t think I am. I mean, I would give you the shirt off my back, if you needed it. (Wait. Let me wash it first.)
Now if you think of celebrities. Is there a celebrity you really don’t care for that much? And maybe you stopped going to their movies because you just don’t really like them to shell out the $8. Yet, you may be in the grocery store and hear a person say, “Oh I love [insert celebrity name here]!!” And you kind of winkle your nose and wonder why? Not everyone is going to find our individual humors as funny or terrific.
So, what I am trying to say is that while not everyone may have the same opinion of you, the papaprazzi is still going to follow you around. Try to think of the positive. We dwell on the insults and negatives too much, when we should focus on positives. I bet your family doesn’t think you are dull. And instead of this big ramble, I probably should have just said to listen to your mother. :twitchy:
And seriously, was that really Avitable who made that first comment?
September 21st, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Good job Miss Britt Mom! You have to take the negative traits and combine them with the positive traits. The two together make you. As one who did both tests (believing that you really wouldn’t hold anything against anyone!!) it was hard, because I kept thinking, I only know her through what she says on here. So, my choices were solely based on how I “perceive” you.
I really enjoy reading you and I hope you don’t bannish me from Miss Britt land. (no I did not say you were ignorant or dull)
September 21st, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Fogspinner: focus on the good, focus on the good. I think I need that shit branded to my forehead.
RW: no, you’re right. And I’m a huge advocate for people being more willing to say “umm, I don’t know”.
But, by the same token, to pick “ignorant” as a flaw seems so… I don’t know - all encompassing. Or something.
DeannaBanana: shallow may have been one I picked to encompass “dull and ignorant”. Heh.
But, yeah, I’m NORMALLY OK with overdramatic, etc. and when I first read those we just laughed and laughed.
Ignorant and dull. Those were the ones that got me. And once I started… welll… you know, right?
DutchBitch: me luv u too!
avitable: pfft. you’ve never seen my boobs.
Dave2: are you trying to imply you are NOT hugely interesting and creative and cool??
My world… it’s crumbling…
Mom: FIRST of all - I had other stuff I posted over the last couple days - so :-P
And yes, I DID get my period.
Why are you surprised by my inclination to gloss over the nice things? It’s what I DO woman!
And also - I love you. :-)
gramps: wow. Thank you. And please God don’t be my real “gramps” or Christmas dinners will be… well… awkward.
AmyD: you? irrational? Nooooo
The two of us together are a picture of perfect rationality!!
:hearbeat:
Lynda: you knew this? Why did you not say “Britt, take this down, you are weak and judgy and have a tendency to obsess?”
That’s it. I officially blame YOU!!
NotaGranny: oh honey, I’m really not holding anything against you. Honestly. Nothing you said offended me in the slightest. I promise.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I think that pretty much every blogger out there has a certain voice that they use for their blogs. A persona that they put on when blogging. No one is completely who they portray themselves to be on a flat, one dimensional, screen. Even Avitable, despite what he says. We have proof – look at his comment up there!
Some people might see the “shallow, superficial girl who swears and shops and says mean stuff and that’s just about it, who throws tantrums and thinks the whole world revolves around her and no one expects much else from her.” But if they think that that is the sum total of you – then they are the ones who is ignorant.
As your mom put it - They come to snort coffee out of their noses, because that is what sells. Would a vain, selfish, princess be able to be a mother to such wonderful little munchkins, sell two house, and move across country, all with the grace and ease you showed? I doubt it.
Don’t change. Obviously we love you, or we wouldn’t be here reading you. And snorting the coffee (or Diet Coke) out of our nose.
:coffee: :cheesy:
September 21st, 2007 at 1:50 pm
britt’s mom makes me miss my mudder so very much. it’s wonderful to have someone who has seen so much of who we are and yet is still so supportive. yay, britt’s mom!!
September 21st, 2007 at 1:59 pm
:what:
:doh:
Ok, if it makes you feel better. But for the record, you didn’t consult with me first. I demand an email next time.
September 21st, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Turnbaby thinks: brave, extroverted, intelligent, energetic, complex, self-assertive.
The negatives I put were a stretch and I tried to enter only three.
I can’t fathom anyone ever describing you as dull.
September 21st, 2007 at 3:36 pm
I’m sorry if this is redundant, but I haven’t read your other comments.
That’s why I didn’t fill out the negative one. I don’t see any reason to come up with negative traits about you (or anyone else).
You are certainly NOT dull.
If you want to be You, better… Don’t worry so much about what other people think. (I know, I know. Easier said than done.) Do what YOU want to do. Be who YOU want to be. You’re awesome the way you are.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Crazy Lady in Vegas: well, luckily for you all then, I don’t think I could change all that much even if I wanted to.
I guess I just have to learn to be more comfortable with it. :-)
hellohahanarf: yeah, it really, really is.
Lynda: but if I email you I can’t blame you later. And then I’ll have to take responsibility for it.
We simply can’t have that.
heather: “don’t worry so much about what other people think”
Ahhhh, the constant struggle for me.
And very good advice as well.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Hmmmm…quite the dilemma. That’s ok. I will just deflect the blame to someone else.
After all, I am sweet and innocent!
September 21st, 2007 at 4:45 pm
We’ve all got negatives. You’re fine as long as you don’t let them overshadow your positives.
The negatives were chosen by the girls who are jealous of your relationship with Prince. :sex014:
As long as he loves you and Adam loves you, does anyone else really matter?
September 21st, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Uhm, yeah. That’s why I would never ask other people what they think of me. Another reason is because I could really give a shit less.
I can’t believe someone said dull. Hmm, I’m not getting a sense of dull.
September 21st, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Ok, let’s say that Miss Britt is actually dull… hmmm who’s “dull blogger” scale would that be? What kind of psychopath would a person have to be to have “Dull” say “see Miss-Britt” in the dictionary? Seriously - move cross country - new job - new schools - new hubby job - new friends - new house - difficult boss who has “naked days” at work…. what kind of alter-reality dwelling human being would find the person living that life to be dull…. I’m freaking exhausted when my daughter & grandsons come over on Sundays to do laundry!
September 21st, 2007 at 7:14 pm
britt - i’m a bit new here, but even i can tell you’re not ignorant or dull. i adore your blog.
AND YOUR MOM!!
September 21st, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Hey I made a reply that said basically all of the things said above, plus adding that I never would have teased you on Avi’s blog if I knew you were in crisis. I don’t know why the response did not get to you… but I did it from work and who knows… maybe somehow some work got in the way and I had to switch email accounts before spell checking (which I do randomly just to screw with people) Anyway, I feel that you and most of the bloggers in this group have an innate kindness that shines through your blogs. I have found most to be supportive, nurturing and pretty freakin kind hearted as well as funny as hell.
I have to assume that is a true reflection of your personalities… or you are just whore for hits on your blog site. Pollyanna that I am, I prefer to depend upon on the kindness of strangers. And that’s why I read your site, not just because it is funny but because I believe you are good natured, bright and interesting. In other words, a person worth reading
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:09 am
I cant say anything that hasn’t already been said to encourage you. Who likes a copy cats anyways? Just stay true to yourself, I promise you of all people will always have friends. Your personality and warmth will ensure that.
September 22nd, 2007 at 9:07 am
Britt,
If I played those games,I’m sure I would come across as a alcoholic whore with her very own personalized stripper pole who is obsessed with her ex, and swears entirely too much.
Sure I sound like a party just waiting to happen, but hell that image is impossible to maintain.
You’re funny, and you’re real, and you’ve got class and balls and that is a difficult combination to pull off successfully, but damn, you do it. And do it well.
I *heart* you!
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Dude, I’m a total prick a big percentage of the time. But I still think I’m okay.
September 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
everybody have said everything i could have said.you are amazing and without those “negatives” you would not be balanced.like avi said,we would then all have been destroyed by the angelic light u wud have emitted…
you are sweet.and funny.and we all love you.that is why when ppl love u they do not see ur negatives.i will start rambling so i sto here before i cease making sense…
September 23rd, 2007 at 4:54 am
You can’t win with the Nohari window. I was forced to pick five, but I only really had two that I thought remotely applied.
September 23rd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Lynda: may I suggest, Adam?
DaisyJo: Prince - why didn’t I think of that?!?!
Peggy: I wish I could get to that “not give a shit less” point… faster.
Annie: honestly, I can’t figure out WHY someone who thinks I’m “dull and ignorant” reads me anyway. But, maybe they’re just a reader randomly picking words. Who the fuck knows, right?
ygraine: welllll - thank you, welcome, and yeah - Mom’s a’ight!
Y2K: LOL, well I don’t know what happened to your comment - but thank you.
And that’s OK. Let’s just agree that my hair is many things… but not NAPPY!
geek: in rare circumstances, copy catting is definitely OK! ;)
Msbatman: I have class? I have CLASS?!
OMG, I’ve always wanted someone to say I had class!! YAY!!
Rich: it is realllllly difficult for me to imagine you being a prick.
maisha: next time my husband thinks I’m being bitchy, I will remind him of the alternative. Surely he would not wan to be destroyed by angelic light!!
Thank you :-)
Mr. Fabulous: you’re the one who submitted a write in for Fat - aren’t you?
Fucker.
September 23rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm