First - before I write one more word - I have to say two things
- I’m OK. Really. I am. I have an obsessive tendency to worry about what other people think of me and focus on the teeny negatives instead of the overwhelming positives. It’s what I do - and something I’m working on. Fucking personal growth. Blech.
- You all are so much more than OK. Your comments were so sweet and amazing. Your emails were unexpected and appreciated. I don’t even have the words to tell you how cool it is to have you all reach your little arms out to me to try to make me feel better. Too sweet. Really.
And now that THAT’s over with…
Miss Britt is pissed again! YAY!
Seriously though. I was reading blogs the other day instead of working because I am lazy like that and I read about a new “product”.
Ladies and (well, just ladies I supposed), I present to you, The Stimulation Top:
Or, as I like to call it, further evidence that the world is losing its collective fucking mind.
Is this the latest fashion disaster? Well, yes. But no, no… not really. This hideous ensemble, dear readers, is a way that mothers everywhere can FINALLY stop being a Woman and start being a Mom - head to toe, day in and day out. YAY!!
OK, the destroyers of female independence manufacturer’s say:
“The luxurious soft cotton of the Yes! SuperBaby™ Stimulation Top, textured straps and attachment rings promote visual and tactile stimulation for the child. The top consists of one multi-colour stimulation zone which caters for babies of 4 months and older. This colourful design can be flapped open to reveal a high-contrast black and white stimulation zone for newborns up to 3 months.
The Yes! SuperBaby™ Top is worn by the parent/carer and thus allows the stimulation zones to be easily viewed and touched by the infant. The top also includes two rings that allow to attach rattles, teethers, books or small toys. The advantage of being able to add and remove toys is that a child can play with her/his favourite toys. Improves daily life for mothers as you can keep your child entertained while you can multi-task on the phone, internet or during travelling with the baby on your lap!”
Oh. My. Shit.
Reading this description again I am just flabbergasted. A fucking shirt that you wear so that you can stimulate baby all the time. A fucking piece of clothing that you can HANG FUCKING TOYS OFF OF so that your child never has a moment without stimulation and entertainment.
What the mutherfreaking HELL?!?!
People. Seriously. I have kids. I like them a good majority of the time. I am mostly grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. But the idea that I am expected to personally provide constant “stimulation” to my children is infuckingSANE!
The thing is, this product isn’t really all that revolutionary or even controversial - some how. This is just another indication of what we keep telling women motherhood is supposed to be. We’re spoon feeding women this idea that Motherhood is the Be All To End All and THAT’S ALL.
When you give birth your life stops. And it may resume again 18+ years later when your services are no longer needed, thank you, here’s your gold watch, good night.
Among the non-kid-haters (and don’t even get me started on the other camp… that’s a rant for a whole ‘nother day), there seems to be this proliferation of thought that the only way to be a good mother is to be “Just” a mother. (Oh my God! Did she just say “just” a mother?! JUST a mother?!?! Do you not KNOW…. yes, fuck you, I do KNOW.)
As a mom, I feel like I am surrounded by the idea that my life has to be about my kids and NOTHING else. If I want time alone, I’m a bad mom. If I let my kids go amuse themselves for awhile, I’m a bad mom. If I don’t sign my kids up for every cocksucking activity under the Notes Home From School sun and happily sacrifice every weekend and week night in the name of “enrichment” - I’m a bad mom.
And now, apparently, if I’m not willing to dangle teething rings from my nipples, I am not doing all that I can for my little prodigies. And obviously do not really love my children. And of course, I am a bad mom.
Fuck. This. Enough is E.Fucking.Nough.
Do you remember when parenting was a Natural Part of Life? Part. Part of. Part of a bigger fucking picture.
I mean yes, child rearing is intensive. And time consuming. And, to a large extent, life consuming. It’s overwhelming and at times all encompassing. Yes, you should do all you can for your kids and give them great opportunities and love them and nurture them and blah blah blah blah freaking BLAH.
But you know what, it’s not All About Them. At least, it didn’t use to be. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be.
What the hell are we teaching our kids if we build our entire lives around them? What are we preparing them for? Because I guarantee you that when these spoiled rotten, entitled little “angels” get out into the real world - no one else is going to stop the earth on it’s axis because they need to be Stimulated. And they’re going to be pissed. Real pissed. And you know what? No one will give a shit about that either.
The thing is, I love my kids. And I take motherhood very seriously. I make it a point to be a proactive, conscientious parent. I purposely teach my kids the alphabet and numbers and manners and life lessons. I specifically make a point to get in their faces and look them in the eye and say “you are loved. And awesome. And always know that, OK?”
But I’ve also decided that it is not acceptable for them to interrupt me when I’m on the phone. Are you bleeding? No. Is your sister bleeding? No. Then you can wait until I’m done to tell me about whatever it is you have to tell me.
And we’re not doing flag football AND cub scouts AND junior golf AND future whatever the hells of the greater US this year either. We’re going to pick. Oh yes, that’s right, we’re going to choose what we will and will NOT be doing. And do you know why? Because I will lose my damn mind if I have something scheduled every damn night of the week.
And also? Yes, we live in Florida. Even though the kids “love snow and can’t understand why ANYONE would leave Iowa and when I grow up I’m going to live in the SNOW!” Because right now, I pay the freaking mortgage - so I get to pick. And when they are all grown up they can do it how THEY want to do it.
But until then… this is still my life too.
And I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend it with stimulation rings printed on my fucking outfit.
RSS Subscribe
Would you at least hang stimulating rings from your nipples for me?
And as much shit as I give you, especially since I’m in that oh-so-horrible kid-hating camp, you’re the type of mother that makes me realize that having kids doesn’t have to be the end of my life completely.
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:16 pm
that inventor definitely has too much time on his (surely it’s a he) hands.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:23 am
So, you want one of those shirts for Christmas? Okay. :cheesy:
September 24th, 2007 at 1:25 am
WOT TEH FU-UCK? Have they gone completely insane? I’d love to know if they have a men’s version. Because I can honestly tell you that there is no way that I would wear that shirt so it would have to go on Doug. And I’m pretty sure he isn’t into those colors.
People who wear shirts like this should just be pushed off a bridge. Or a cliff. Or something. :violent006:
September 24th, 2007 at 5:35 am
Oh I really must have one of those!! Perfect for the grandchildren, I can hang wine bottles and corkscrews from it! Attach a plastic wine glass and teach them early how to pour!!
I think that should be Avitables Halloween Costume!!
September 24th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Hey Sheila, I’ll go in 1/2 with you, LOL. No, Really Britt…this post NEEDS to be a magazine or something! I couldn’t agree more…I want to forward this post to every freaking mother that has ever pissed me off because dare I say, I work outside the home *gasp* and no I didn’t sign up Autumn for the fall softball league (ummm, three months in the spring/summer is enough for me each year thank you very much!) Some members of my family get a big kick out of the fact I don’t have my kids signed up for everything under the sun and my “perfect stay at home” cousin does…her kids will, of course, turn out to be perfect while my kids will surely end up on food stamps because I am teaching them to get off their ass each morning and go to work…wait that doesn’t make sense … I need to go ask my perfect cousin how to connect the dots again, she does knows all, after all she is a stay at home mom.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Now you will have to excise me while I print this out for a few fucktards I know…
September 24th, 2007 at 9:48 am
My mother never had one of those.
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. :dazed:
I always thought it was my pointy head.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:06 am
avitable: awwww, thanks, you kid-hating-FAKE!
You talk all the shit you want - I’ve seen you let my kids crawl all over you and actually try to have a conversation with the Wordless Wonder that is my daughter.
t: it has to be a He. Surely the inventor of this is not Working Woman!!
Sheila: actually, Halloween. I’m thinking of going as a Fucking Moron.
Kentucky Girl: oh yeah right, a men’s version. And they also expect men to leave work early for the sick baby, right?
Damn. I’m bitter this morning! lol
NotaGranny: you’ll have the best sleeping grandbabies in five counties!!
Janelle: when I didn’t let my son sign up for baseball this summer because A) he was being an ungrateful ass about all the crap he was ALREADY in and b) hello?! trying to sell two houses right now!?! I got alllllll kinds of dirty looks and.. um… “comments”.
bluepaintred: I need a bow smiley to match the clap I think. LOL
tl: OMG, and yet you can read and write and like.. think and stuff now?!?! How can that BE?!?!
September 24th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Do they make one to stimulate adults???
September 24th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Hey Britt, I stole your topic for today, I hope you don’t mind! I gave you lots of credit
September 24th, 2007 at 10:57 am
You forgot to mention it comes in PURPLE!!
September 24th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Ummm, let’s see, first off, I agree with 100% of this post (eek, and I’m a stay at home mom too! I guess that makes me SUPER evil or something) - Ethan did the little league thing, we’ve done piano lessons, guitar lessons, etc. I own all the Baby Einstein videos on DVD.
However, I totally draw the line at wearing things to stimulate my kids and I completely agree with you that if you make it oh-so obvious that they are the center of your universe (center of your heart, of course, universe… not so much) then they will have no clue how to entertain themselves or God forbid, be alone.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:26 am
Yeah, Amy, you’re one of the parents that makes me terrified of having kids.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:38 am
NYCWD: yes, but you attach tassles instead of teethers.
Or maybe… um teethers.
Janelle: don’t mind at all!
Hippittee: merely a pathetic attempt to market to people whose brains go PURPLE?! As in RAIN?!? OH MY GOD I LOVE PRINCE!!
Fuck. I think I just ordered a Stimulation Top.
AmyD: I did the stay at home mom thing. Glad I did. I do NOT think SAHMs are EVIL.
And also? I not only own Baby Einstein’s DVDs, but also flash cards and books and all kinds of enriching shit. Er, stuff.
I also like to put the kids to bed and get drunk sometimes.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Gold watch?! Oops! *runs to post office* :unsure:
September 24th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Gee, how many different ways can I think of to say “Fuck that”? Head to toe mommyhood all the time? Kill me now, I have your tactile sensation right here… in the form of opening a bottle of beer for me kid, now get moving to the fridge.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
:thumbsup:
I completely agree with you. And that shirt is just plain ugly and such a stupid idea!
I am a woman, Mom, daughter, sister, Office Manager…not just a MOM! And I say this as a single mom who does have to do everything for her son because he has a father who can’t/doesn’t but damn it I still deserve MY TIME and ME STUFF!!!
I love this post!
September 24th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
You got all that out of a weird shirt? Not exactly Rodeo Drive, but each to her own, I guess. Do you figure that this shirt even existing means the world thinks you have to be a mom above all else? Maybe it’s just my being a guy, but it’s just a shirt, isn’t it?
September 24th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Oh FUCK NO!! Pick up and coddle the spawn? That’s what makes them feel ‘Priviledged’. Look where that got Britney and Lindsay!
September 24th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
@ Adam Uh… how about a big ol’ pile of fuckyaverymuch?
And, Britt, I didn’t think you thought SAHMs were evil, I didn’t clarify that and I probably should have. I was just making the point that not desiring that shirt might make me a bad SAHM. Although for the record I am a WAHM. LOL
@ Kelly Uh, no it’s not just a shirt. No one would purchase that shirt for the fun of it. It’s a shirt with a purpose, it’s meant to accompany the teething rings, mobiles, and floor gyms, and bouncy seats. They aren’t selling this shirt at Donna Karan or Ann Taylor. It’s another piece of equipment that you WEAR it just happens to also serve the secondary purpose of being a shirt.
September 24th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Brandi: well they’re entitled to SOME kind of jewelry, don’t you think?!
QofD: that’s impressive. I’m still trying to teach mine to wipe their own butts.
Cheri: and yeah to single moms!! God, seriously, you guys have it harder than ANY OF US!
Kelly: I suppose it COULD be just a shirt… if you don’t have issues about feeling like the whole world is constantly trying to tell you how to be a better parent because we’re just not doing it good enough on our own.
Then, yeah, maybe it’s just a shirt. :-)
metalmom: woah - I’m not saying not to pick up your kids - or coddle them - or love them, or anything remotely like that.
I’m a huge believer in hugs and kisses and affection and all that shit.
I’m not even sure how to clarify this further… I’ll have to think on this.
September 24th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
There is a big difference between affection and feeling the need to stimulate and entertain your child, especially at the early age this shirt is intended.
I put that in the same category as these freak women who are trying to potty train their babies at 6 months old!
September 24th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Waoh, it’s possible to potty train a 6 month old baby?!
WTF? Do you know how much money I could have saved on diapers!??!
(how do they get to the toilet??)
September 24th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
“Provides Visual Stimulation” - because, you know, the World At Large isn’t enough.
September 24th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I think we found a Halloween costume for Mr. Avitable…we just have to attache the “appropriate” items!!
September 24th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
oops I meant attach
September 24th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
As a teacher, I’m POSITIVE that there is a connection between constant stimulation (via tv and stimu-shirts) and ADHD!!! I’m sure the shirt company needs to have a disclaimer about that somewhere…
September 24th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Unfortunatly, I was reading this quickly and while at work. I couldn’t get past the picture for a bit, because my brain wanted to stop and think about how a shirt could possible stimulate me without everyone around me knowing what was going on!!! Then I read some more and realized it wasn’t me the shirt was gonna stimulate, but the babies and so I didn’t buy one.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
A Postscript, entitled, “How Miss Britt and Her Brothers Were Raised - Which Should Explain A Lot”…
No, you cannot have junk food. And I am cooking one meal tonight, not something for each one of you little connoisseurs, so eat or go hungry. Go outside and play - no, I can’t play with you, much as I’d like to. I have to work, because you little buggers insist on eating and growing out of your clothes.
No, I’m not buying you the latest video game and 4,000 games for it - sticks and rocks were good enough for me, kid, they’ll be good enough for you.
Oh - and I love you. No, come here. What if I die in a fiery crash before you see me again? Come here. Yes, I love you too. Kiss kiss hug hug you know I think you’re the most wonderful thing in the whole world, right?
Good. Now, go play.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
And ANOTHER thing. These are the parents, when their kids DO reach the age of majority, have a heart attack and feel this deep sense of betrayal when their children GROW UP and MOVE OUT OF THE NEST which is what they are SUPPOSED to do.
Or…these are the kids who never find the “stimulation” that Saint Mommy gave them in the outside world, and thus are living at home in their room in the basement at 48 like the guy in the Brad Paisley video.
Jeesh! Kids are AWESOME and I would be lost without mine but I was the mommy, THEY were the kids, it was never a demoocracy in our house, ever. My vote always trumped all three of theirs. And we did a TON of stuff together, stuff for which they are scarred to this day like Miss Britt’s phobia of zoos. But I put them down and shooed them outside and they turned out to be successful, purposeful, compassionate, inquisite amazing people - for the most part.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Yeah Miss Britt’s Mom!!
:thumbsup:
September 24th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
i
Britt’s Mom!
and i so agree with her. we played in mud puddles and weren’t purchased every new toy under the sun (what? no cabbage patch doll? the horror!). we put on roller skates or rode our bike and weren’t purchsed jordache jeans or other name brands.
and we turned out ok. even without my mom playing baby einstein videos for us. bet she even let the dog lick our little faces.
yay for real moms!
September 24th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
BOSSY: yeah, what ever happened to being impressed with grass? and snow? and trees? and oh ma GA a BUG! a BUG MA!
NotaGranny: LOL, I’ll bring the necessary child sized accessories.
Paz y Amor: you know - that’s a good point. When we don’t give kids time to just - shhhhh… be still, be quiet - we wonder then why they can’t.
Vixen: :lmfao:
Mom: you’re blowing up my comments! LOL
Seriously though. WTF Brad Paisley video are you talking about? I is cornfused.
NotaGranny: yeah, she’s a’ight, in small, comment sized bites.
hellohahanarf: OK, now, hang on. This cannot turn into a crusade against cute clothes…
retro-active note to mom: Wal Mart jeans are not the same!!!!!
September 24th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
ok, that was SO not a crusade against cute clothes. especially if cute shoes are also involved. just trying to say that kids will turn out fine with lots and lots of love.
no go out and play.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
that should say NOW go out and play.
ok, i’m not allowed to comment any more today. i’m obviously having trouble communicating.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Britt, here’s the video if you haven’t already check it out…too funny!! You mom needs her own blog!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0
September 24th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I am so in love with you right now. Would you come speak to my students’ parents, please? I’m sure I can schedule an assembly for whenever you’re available. Mississippi isn’t too far from Florida…
September 24th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Ewwww. Uh, how about no!!!
Or better yet - hell effin’ no.
Now a shirt that has some booze running through it, a chiller and a spigot? Yes!!!
September 24th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I’m still not a mom. But I totally agree with you. My mother taught us to entertain ourselves. So we had board games and puzzles and sometimes TV. We played with sticks. (pick up sticks!)
I tend to think that constant stimulation shorts a child of the ability to entertain themselves. They don’t go out searching for a better life because they think it should be handed to them. Entertainment should be stuck to mommy’s shirt. And if I have kids? I plan to still be me. I think motherhood should be what you are, not who you are. And my kids will play with sticks and rocks and blocks.
September 25th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Will you be my mom?
September 25th, 2007 at 4:52 am
Okay, I can’t read through all of the comments so sorry for repeats but I’m sure we all pretty much agree with you anyways.
1. That is HIDEOUS!
2. I’d LOVE to see what Stacy, Clinton & Tim Gunn would have to say about it. :lmfao:
3. That’s what those brightly colored floor toys with toys baby’s can pull at, that light up & play music are for.
4. I am NOT A FLOOR TOY!
5. They forgot the lights & music, unless there’s an ‘upgraded’ version.
6. Kids don’t need stimulation all of the time, they get tired & cranky when they are overstimulated.
7. I am not ONLY a Mom - I wear a lot of other hats too.
8. It’s hard enough for me to feel sexy for my husband with my body after delivering two babies - this thing sure as hell won’t help either of us!
9. If anyone actually buys this shirt I hope it is strictly used as a Halloween costume or gag gift.
10. What would the Dad’s shirt look like if this is what a Mom is supposed to be?
You are hilarious! Thanks for sharing this.
September 25th, 2007 at 7:51 am
hellohahanarf:
Janelle: OH God, that is so funny… and so sad for all of us at the same time! LOL
Tense Teacher: I require someone pays for lunch.
ADW: that’s a whole ‘nother outfit…
ginamonster: and dirt - let them get dirty from time to time too, OK?
Mr. Fabulous: sure - but who’s paying the child support?
Rebecca: lol, yep, that’s pretty much what they said!
September 25th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Um, that top is super ugly. Why would anyone wear that? I think the people who make that top laugh every time someone places an order.
September 25th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Are you kidding? My kids will be the ones EATING dirt. but, you know, it’s good for them. Minerals or something in there. Probably some protein too. They’ll have permenant kool-aid mustaches and run around with olives on their fingers and thier shoes on the wrong feet. Just like thier mama. (I’ll also teach them to show their chewed up food at the dinner table just like MY mama taught me!)
September 26th, 2007 at 12:04 am
[...] Miss Britt is concerned about the stimulation rings on her new blouse. [...]
September 26th, 2007 at 4:09 am
Poppy: LOL, that never occurred to me - but THAT might be a fun place to work in if you think about it that way.
ginamonster: oh no, can’t do the look at my food thing.
But I’m definitely pro-eat-dirt! LOL
September 26th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Ok so like in Human Growth and Development I learned that babies are best stimulated by black and white… so the top is all wrong yo.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm