First, before I forget, my hits have dropped off significantly since the whole “let’s only talk about moving” thing started. BUT, those of you that have stuck around have been so awesome and encouraging and shit in your comments. Seriously. I can’t even hardly tell if you’re rolling your eyes at me and secretly seething “get the fuck OVER IT already”.
So, seriously. You guys are awesome. Bestest readers on the whole wide Internetz. Wooo! Fuck Yeah!
ANYway, back to life in The Transition. (Seriously, you had to know with all that sucking up the subject wasn’t going to CHANGE, right?)
Today’s mission: buy a car.
Actually, today it is my husband’s job to find me a car.
*Amy, pick yourself up off the floor please, that’s rude.*
For those of you who did not immediately fall out of your chairs in a mix of hysteria and shock, allow me to explain the potential disaster I have created for myself.
I? am what you might call a “control freak”. Or an “alpha female”. Or a “pyscho freak ass bitch who doesn’t think anyone in the world can do anything as well as she can. Especially her husband.” TomAto, TomAHto, whatever.
My husband? is what you might call a “retard”. No, seriously. As of last Friday he is no longer allowed to answer the phone at our house if it’s an unknown number because he cannot tell the difference between a “really nice lady who just wants to give us a housewarming present” and a fucking sales lady who is going to spend 5 minutes “testing” your water and 2 hours trying to sell you a fucking water treatment system.
Jared, God love him (and so do I, seriously, I do), doesn’t really make any of the major decisions in our house. His biggest responsibilities at home - aside from taking care of himSELF at least 60% of the time - usually involve garbage and kitty litter. And I still end up scooping kitty litter several times during the week.
And yet, still, he’s shopping for a car today. A car for me.
In his defense (because holy shit I am not really THIS bad of a wife, I swear), he has really stepped it up since we moved. Or rather, since the unpacking was finished. Or, um, since I lost my goddamned mind this weekend and I think he may feel like he’s on some kind of suicide watch or something (and I’m sorry, I use the word “suicide” loosely but not insensitively, but there’s just no other word that goes with “watch” the same).
*ahem* I digress.
Now that we are completely on our own, we both have to step it up. He in the balls and acting like a grown up department, and me in the trust and bitch arenas.
Yesterday he cleaned out the garage, picked up the kids, and managed to have the house looking pretty damn close to the way I left it when I got home.
Today, he car shops. Alone.
It should be fairly simple. All I’m asking for is a fuel efficient luxury car that will allow me to zip around on the freeway, look hot in a traffic jam, and fit two kids and their crap in the backseat. For less than $10,000.
Surely there’s no WAY for him to screw that up. Right?
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Unless his first stop is at some snake oil salesman’s used car dealership who convinces him to buy something on the spot.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:24 am
I Thought you wanted a mini van……I will even deliver mine. I will seel it to you for GREAT price……Fuel economy….23 MPG…32k miles!
August 29th, 2007 at 9:49 am
We sound like we are married to the same man.
But I could never send him out for a purchase like that. Salesman’s Dream = My husband
It got so bad around here that I quit my job (and I made more $$) to stay home and manage things or we’d be divorced, I’m sure.
Hang in there. Moving is tramatic as hell if you’re not having to do 95% of the work!
August 29th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Oh, I’m usually pretty much a lurker, but I’m a loyal reader, even with the talk of moving!
Life can’t be a big party all of the time.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I am already scared for you :what:
August 29th, 2007 at 10:30 am
First let me say :what: Are you NUTS?
This could be (benefit of the doubt there)a HUGE recipe for disaster. Jared could totally BE a clone of my husband. I don’t allow that man to walk into a dealership without an escort. (not of the high healed, short skirted variety either)
If he comes home with this:
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:wlFU44hwGTAE8M:www.howtobepoor.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/howtobepoor_geo_010.jpg
I swear not to laugh, M’k? :lmfao:
August 29th, 2007 at 11:01 am
The water softener/purifier wtf-ever lady was calling YOU too? Man, that bitch gets around. After the first year they stop calling.
No, I’m not kidding.
And… I apologize for being rude, although, only half of it was being rude, the other half was me being klutzy. I did get up and sit very ladylike for the rest of the post. Honest.
However… REALLY? WTF is the MATTER with YOU?!?!?! Fuck, welcome to Ford Escort land.
:what:
August 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am
One of the ways you can help curtail the severity in the trust and bitch universe is to get yourself a MINI. A daily attitude adjustment.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:14 am
As of last Friday he is no longer allowed to answer the phone at our house if it’s an unknown number because he cannot tell the difference between a “really nice lady who just wants to give us a housewarming present” and a fucking sales lady who is going to spend 5 minutes “testing” your water and 2 hours trying to sell you a fucking water treatment system.
Ooooh, this happened to us too. LOL Accept no housewarming gifts!
Good luck with the car!
August 29th, 2007 at 11:22 am
While I’m fairly certain we’re not married to the same man (mine hangs up on everyone who doesn’t sound like someone he knows within 10 seconds - including the ONE telephone solicitor who sells coupon books once a year and I WANT to buy - they took me off the list - I have to call THEM, now) I am pretty sure that our husbands are married to the same woman! Oh, I’m so sure I can do everything better, and while I sometimes feel pissed that this means I get to do more than my fair share… the stress of trying to be nice when someone else screws it up or does it MUCH less better (proper English, I swear) than I do is enough to make my head explode…
My husband says that when I’m aggravated one eye closes a microsecond faster than the other one when I blink… so it isn’t like he hasn’t a CLUE that I think I could’ve done it better…
It is getting better… or maybe I’m just getting worn down from too many years of this… but then, I’m older than you, so you have many years of Sole Competancy duty in your home ahead of you. :twitchy:
August 29th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Hmmm… is it wrong that the first word that popped into my head when I read your requirements was “Yugo?”
August 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am
avitable: WHO would send him THERE?
Blue Momma: yes, my husband is a salesperson’s dream as well. Except for that whole “not allowed to hold a checkbook” part.
And thanks for visiting AND commenting! ;-)
pnbzmom: no, no, it will be fine
it will be fine
it will be fine
it will be fine
(if you say it enough, it makes it so… I’m sure)
AmyD: no, no, he has very specific instructions against ANYTHING made by GM. Been there. Done that. Have the fucking mechanic bills to show for it.
RW: At 5 foot nothing I have enough issues about being referred to as some kind of circus act.
Lynda: well, you only GET the gift if you are willing to spend two hours on a Friday night with them. In which case, well, you fucking SHOULD get SOMETHING.
Annie: shit. My plan was to wear HIM down with age.
Kelly: is it wrong that the first thing I thought when I read your comment was “what the fuck’s a Yugo??”
August 29th, 2007 at 11:58 am
You don’t know what a Yugo is? Clearly you were not a child of the 80’s! hehe.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Hmm…Not A Grampy is NOT allowed to go near a dealership, alone, ever again. We have had 3 different vehicles in the last 5 months. yup, you read that right. Guess I will have to do a post on that. It all started with Home Depot Gift Card that he got for Christmas…
How about a Prius? Love mine!!
August 29th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Can you say 1962 Nash Rambler??? Everything runs for ever in Florida…
August 29th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Oh the “MINI As Clown Car” argument. Well, get in - there’s always room for one more clown.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
sending you some internet love. sorry i haven’t been commenting or hitting your site. went on vacation and still trying to get caught up on my readings using that google reader thing jester turned me on to. regardless, i don’t dislike reading of your moving adventures / trials / tribulations.
stay strong. this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass…
August 29th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Holy Hell. I hope he calls you before he actually commits to a car FOR YOU.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Kelly: well, I wasn’t DRIVING in the 80’s!
NotaGranny: can you even buy a used Prius??
Greg t: really? why is that? Fountain of Youth at the pump, or what?
RW: oh, now, are insults really necessary?
hellohahanarf: so… what you’re saying is… your LIFE comes before my BLOG?
Hmph.
themuttprincess: he’s called 10 fucking times. Hasn’t test driven a SINGLE car. And says “so, yeah, we can talk about the ones I looked at tonight”.
So… apparently I will be shopping for a mutherfucking car this WEEKEND.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Um. Well… yeah!
August 29th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I’m still here!! I don’t comment much. But, I’m HEEEEERE!! (Not like you care, but I do. Dammit)
So um….yeah….you’ll end up with a nice Ford Fusion. Or something.
August 29th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
my work before your blog? naaah.
my life before your blog? not usually.
my hawaiian vacation before your blog? fuck yeah.
sorry. still loven ya.
August 29th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
He is picking out your car? :sex011: Oh man, you are asking for it!
August 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Yeah right… no way in hell he could fuck that up… for sure… ish…
And we are NOT rolling our eyes… Not Evah! How could you think such bad things of us… Pffftt!!!
August 29th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
The HELL you say?
May I suggest you find a Church and then find out which of the gazillion blue haired residents of Florida who have no business driving anymore want to sell you the dream car for 10K.
Next problem, bring it.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
RW: and here I thought dignity and grace came with old age. Tsk, tsk.
Kellie: well YAY!!! I do care! So much, it’s kind of pathetic, really.
hellohahanarf: this is the part where you beg for my forgiveness by offering to let me come with next time. Right?
Crazy Lady in Vegas: well, he was SUPPOSED to. Apparently what he’s actually doing is more of “Making more lists”. Or something.
DutchBitch: well, not everyone.
Just YOU. :cheesy:
Wicked H: Oh. My. God. YOU are a freaking GENIUS.
You must move down here. Now. You have no idea how much your brilliance will improve the quality of my daily life.
August 29th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Oh good lord. You sent him out to buy a car? I hope he doesn’t come home with a 1984 Camaro or some shit. :lmfao:
And do they sell cars for under 10K? I don’t think there is such a thing. Maybe you could get one of those tandem bikes. LOL
August 29th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Hey! I found my way back here after a long hiatus via Bossy, and just wanted to say welcome to Florida! And to the Orlando area, specifically, we could well be neighbors.
I’m sorry to disappoint, but I-4 doesn’t get any better, although it is a tad bit congested right now due to the start of school…if ya need some shortcusts though, I can surely provide.
Also, I can give you the scoop on most good restaurants and fun activities too, if you’d like!
Again, welcome!
August 29th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
My DH picked out my first two cars. I’d come home after being gone for business both times and it was um just there in the garage.
The fact tht he is still living is testament that they can sometimes get it right.
That I’ve been in total control of the last three is testament to the fact tht we are still married
August 29th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
I didn’t see that coming or anything……
:whip:
August 29th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Wow, set the bar a little lower why dontcha? Just kidding, I am sure you will get a lovely car. The ten grand might have to go up a little, but what’s a couple, ten, thousand dollars?
August 29th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Oh dear,
Car buying must always be done by both people together. It is a practiced art. A good cop/bad cop routine. It is all about getting the upper hand psychologically so as not be be getting the business without benefit of lube.
August 29th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Yes, you can find them, usually at the dealerships because owners upgrade to a newer model.
Don’t let the mileage scare you. Mine is an 05 and I just turned over 50,000 miles. I get 53 mpg.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
That poor bastard.
August 30th, 2007 at 6:30 am
Kentucky Girl: I more worry about him coming home with a 2006 Jag or something and having NOOOOOO money left.
DeannaBanana: OMG that’s so cool!!!! So…. are you north, south, east or west of Orlando?
Turnbaby: wow, two cars while you were gone? That’s actually pretty impressive!
themuttprincess: you don’t look good in smug.
ADW: lalalallalalalalalal
(that’s me blocking you out! lol)
Adrian: do you think my pink fuzzy handcuffs will qualify me as Bad Cop?
TrishK: Holy. Shit. 53 mpg?!?!
*adding Prius to list to check into….*
Mr. Fabulous: Ohhhhh Fuck. You. :tongue:
August 30th, 2007 at 8:43 am
North of Orlando–you?
August 30th, 2007 at 2:34 pm