I am so lost. So betrayed. I feel as if my trust in humanity and friendship and goodness itself has been ripped from my chest – nay, my soul.
As you all know, I am moving to Florida. What you do not know is that thanks to a recent mishap with the butt of my swimsuit and a not wet enough water slide, I have found myself days away from being an official Floridian with no swimsuit.
I’m a planner, and so I hopped on the Internet ASAP and ordered myself a few suits. (On sale – YAY!) Now, being a planner I know that the shipping department of these outfits are NOT planners – at least, not very good ones. And no matter what the “shipping description” window may say, you never know exactly when your package of nylon goodness may arrive.
So, I entrusted my online purchases to a friend. I unchecked the little “shipping address same as billing address” box and entrusted my treasures to DHL and someone else’s door step.
Yesterday, I received this picture…
YAY! I thought. They’ve arrived safely and my dear friend is reassuring me that my purchases will be happy in my hot little hands soon enough.
And then, my world was shattered. A few short minutes later, I received this…
Those. Are balls. In. My suit.
Big. Hairy. Sweaty. Juicy. Balls.
In. My suit.
And you know the worst part? I got those bitches on CLEARANCE which means there is NO chance of replacing them now. NONE!
I’m just so… broken.
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Posted in Friends and Family
Now I know where the balls I ordered last week were shipped.
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Britt, the suit will be good as new. Here’s what you do: :violent006: just cut out the fucking balls, and throw that suit in the washer right away with some Oxyclean, and you will never know that there was ever ball sweat on your beautiful suit!
Although I feel sorry for the person that the balls belong too.
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Also, you might try telling Avi that he could use a Brazilian.
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:twitchy:
Thats just something that no one should have to see. I’m really sorry for you…
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What? No ass shot? We only get a “ball’s eye view”? I’m disappointed.
(Oh, and on the inside? I’m really cringing and becoming nauseous for you. Really.)
:lmfao:
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ha ha ha. OH HA HA HA!!!! :clap: :clap: :lmfao:
Points finger and laughs. I am so jealous! NOT!!!!!
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is it wrong that I immediately clicked the second picture to enlarge it?
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What, Blue, to see if he really had balls? No, I don’t think that’s wrong.
:angel:
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This post…this…let me just say I wept with joy.
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Well, at least I didn’t send you the photo that showed what it looked like from behind!
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You do realize if this was Estonia you’d have to marry him now, don’t you?
Another reason to be thankful you live in this great country of ours.
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I can’t believe he didn’t send a picture with it yanked high up in his ass crack. Sadly, you may have to burn that swimsuit.
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That is wrong, just so wrong, and disgusting and…you can use my mailing address for the next one…I will meet you to deliver
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Mist 1: if so, trust me, you would have asked for a refund anyway.
Angel: ah, how many times in my life the answer was so clear.
“cut out the balls”
Sheila: you should see the ones I’m not allowed to post
AmyD: ohhhhh… I got ass shot. I was too broken hearted to post it.
usedtobeme: I know, green with envy.
bluepaintred: no, I did the same thing and blew it up to full screen to check for damages.
Sheila: :lmfao:
Mr. Fabulous: you should see the thong behind…
avitable: the shot from below was enough, thank you.
RW: yeah, but in this country aren’t I required to stone him now??
ADW: I know. I’m not sure if ass juice is covered by their return policy.
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I laughed so hard I cried!
mg:
Perfect way to start my day!
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I saw that and all I could do was.. :twitchy: :twitchy: :what:
Now I need to go open my skull and scrub my brain with a wire brush. If you’ll all excuse me… :help:
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:clap: Too damn funny!!!!
Now just how did he do that without really putting his balls in your suit???
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Holy shit that is funny!
:lmfao:
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Stupid question but did you purchase the suit used or did they do you the curtacy of prewear? Oh My Gah! This is horrible.
mg:
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Ok, I just vomited a little when I enlarged the second picture. You can see a little nut actually coming out the side.
Don’t ask me why I enlarged it. Seriously, don’t ask. :help:
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We need to start calling him “A-vit-a-BALL”.
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I think you’re just upset it came so unexpected.
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You know since you went that far, you may as well as post the pictures of him wearing top and bottom…it’s not like our brains haven’t already been fried!
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Juicy?
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Melanie Marie: Yay! Although, personally, I prefer coffee. :coffee:
Kelly: I recommend a shot of vodka for brain scrubbing. Much safer.
debkitty: he used the prosthetics I gave him for when he’s not allowed to have his own.
themuttprincess: it’s very rare that balls aren’t funny. Like, when it’s your suit.
Brandi: um… no, I didn’t buy them used. I had them shipped to a friend’s house and the friend tried them on for me.
Peggy: enlarged nuts tend to make me gag too
annie: LMAO, for sure! Although, dog fucker works too.
Jay: yeah, yeah, that’s it.
Trish K: I’d like to still be safe for SOME work places.
Rich: am I the only one who thinks of big squishy balls and thinks “juicy”?? :what:
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Okay. I took a poll.
48%: July is an appropriate ball-descriptor.
35%: Juicy is an inappropriate ball-descriptor.
17%: “Get the fuck away from me!”
Sample of 300 New Yorkers @ Grand Central Station
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:eyebrow:
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Oy!! What is a good non-hairy balled address? I am sending you a martini back pack right away…..STAT!!!!
:martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini: :martini:
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Peggy Says:
Ok, I just vomited a little when I enlarged the second picture. You can see a little nut actually coming out the side.
OMG you CAN—I think I just gotta :heartbeat: that
tee hee
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This is Avi, and you were surprised?
LOL
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O.M.G.
All of us who enlarged the pic? Going straight to hell. Straight.to.hell.
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Rich: :lmfao: It’s so good to know I’m not alone! :lmfao
ScottsdaleGirl: :crazy:
Wicked H: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
Turnbaby: you people with the zooms! LOL
Michael: my innocence is part of my charm. :angel:
teebopop: LOL
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I gotta remember thiswhen people ask me to get stuff for them.
:lmfao:
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Of course you didn’t show us the picture of him wearing the top, thankfully!
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I already thought that balls were ugly to begin with …..that picture made me vomit in my mouth a little bit!
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:dazed: Um…with friends like that…?
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Adam wore your bikini? Um.
…
Disturbing.
But fucking hilarious.
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Mike: how could you ever forget it?
Lynda: who needs porn?! I know!
Poppy: yes, exactly. Exfuckingactly.
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I didn’t think it was such a big deal until I clicked the photo. Gross. Funny but gross. Unless of course they were Brad Pitt’s hairy balls. I take no issue with Brad’s hairy balls.
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I don’t know if they would look better on you :sex014: or off :sex001: Send me pics
Zack
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Zack – I’ve seen the pics. He looks better with them off. Will send over to you ASAP.
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