On my way to work this morning I was writing my post in my head, amidst mental tears and audible deep breaths as I tried to consciously stem the panic I was feeling.
I was going to tell you about how my husband did NOT find a car because he can’t fucking do ANYTHING without me. And how he left the fucking garbage OUTSIDE in FLORIDA and not on the mutherfucking CURB like it was supposed to be this morning. And how he called me to tell me he needed a $225 phone for work and a $100 monthly plan TODAY - just for him, just for work, on top of whatever plan we’ll need as a family. And how “they take it out of your check” is not the same as not fucking PAYING FOR IT.
I was going to talk about the walls closing in. About how any talk of unexpected expenses always makes it difficult for me to breathe. Literally. About the fear and doubt and regret and oh my god the FEAR that had just begun to ebb towards the farther recesses of my mind that was now all of a sudden on top of me, crushing me. About how sorry I was, how wrong I was, how pissed I was that I had been so wrong about this whole fucking idea of moving.
Oh. Lord. That would have been some post.
But then, he called back.
He almost never calls back. And when he does, it usually leads to a silent conversation as I sit and wait for him to say something, anything, and he sits and waits for it to just go away.
But this morning, there wasn’t silence.
This morning he called and said “baby, I’m not mad, and we are going to be OK.”
And then he talked. And talked. And talked. For almost twenty minutes, he talked. About the unexpected and the stress and the fear. And how it was going to be OK. Not just “we’ll be fine”, but really, truly, HOW we were going to be OK.
I felt the elephant get up off of my chest and walk to the corner of my room and the air return to my lungs.
I realized he was holding me up. Some how, inexplicably, from 30 miles away and across a cell phone connection, he was actually giving me strength. And air. And comfort. And hope.
For the first time in a very long time, when he said “and no matter what baby, we have each other,” I knew that that meant something.
Hell, for the first time in forever, it meant everything.
For the first time in an eternity, it was enough.
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It’s so cute when you’re maudlin!
August 30th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Oh fot God’s sake, this was no fun at all!
August 30th, 2007 at 9:37 am
fot (noun) - one of the four hundred words for “foot” in the Finnish language, in this specific case; a foot that has kicked a ball in the last twelve minutes…
August 30th, 2007 at 9:38 am
I have had that feeling about our new house for a week or so now! And, apparently Dave and Jared have switched roles! STRESS
August 30th, 2007 at 9:51 am
Do you think your husband could call ME and give me some strength? Or just good phone sex. Either one.. I’m easy.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Wow, see marriage works the same way parenting works. Our kids/spouse does something amazing just often enough so that we don’t kill them on the really bad days.
August 30th, 2007 at 10:04 am
It’s eerily strange how many times you post about something very similar to what I am going through at the same time. Quit it! It’s freaking me out.
I am glad that he called you back. Don’t get overwhelmed, get drunk. Good advice? No, certainly not from me….
August 30th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Okay, now that elephant needs to move from the corner of the room to the backyard, against the fence in the SW corner!!
August 30th, 2007 at 10:21 am
this post gave me chills. i’m so glad he stepped up. yay! somehow i knew he would.
(and i am in total agreement about you deserving a drink
)
August 30th, 2007 at 10:38 am
August 30th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Aww. We knew he had it in him!
Have to partly agree with Adrian though. :-)
August 30th, 2007 at 11:02 am
avitable: why is it again that I don’t have a flipping the bird smiley?
RW: I’m noticing a trend. Ever since I let it slip that you were my Blog Hero your comments have been decidedly dismissive.
I’m getting a complex. And canceling my subscription to The RW Webcam: All RW, All The Time.
*sigh* at least I still have Mrs. RW.
Lin: sure! And for only $2.99 a minute!
Adrian: and, just like with parenting, when he annoys the shit out of me this evening, I will be unable to recall what the hell I was gushing about this morning. I’m sure.
ADW: it’s almost like I’m in your head, or in your house, watching you through an unsecured cam link or something…
isn’t it? :whistle:
NotaGranny: yeah, but then I’d have PETA on my back.
hellohahanarf: really? in all my badmouthing on here you still get good vibes about him?
Sweet. Maybe I’m not quite the world’s worst wife.
themuttprincess: :-D
Fogspinner: you people clearly have more faith in humanity - or at least husbands - then I do! lol
August 30th, 2007 at 11:21 am
I hoped, really hoped, that moving so far away and having to really, really rely ONLY on each other would somehow work this sort of miracle. And, now it really feels as if it just might.
Not that you had this shit hole life or anything. But, I think you get what I mean.
Somehow, Jared has almost renewed my faith in humanity.
August 30th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Why would you want to flip me the bird? You
me!
August 30th, 2007 at 11:38 am
It’s that self-destruct sequence I get into right when things are looking up. A residue of the punk years I think. I’ll be good…
August 30th, 2007 at 11:47 am
See that’s why we haven’t killed them yet–they can do a good thing at just the right time.
August 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Awwwwwwww.
That’s why I love that boy - and just in time I might add.
August 30th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Moving is so stinking stressful. And yet, most often so very worth it. Here’s to peaceful times on the horizon. And copious amounts of cake of your choosing. ; )
(And um, also: the chainsaw smiley? Sort of scary. But somehow, still sort of awesome.)
August 30th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
See? You didn’t need me to move down there at all.
August 30th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Aw, that’s so sweet!
August 30th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
AmyD: I DO know what you mean.
I also know you were as shocked as I was. ;-)
avitable: Hm. Maybe. But not enough to take my clothes off and walk around the office in a robe or anything.
RW: No, no, it’s OK. I’m used to it. I give someone my adoration and they grow tired of me. It’s OK.
Turnbaby: Timing is everything.
Mom:
kerrianne: and here’s to it being low carb!
Wicked H: well, he still doesn’t SPA.
jennyryan: yeahhhh, it kinda is
August 30th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Baby, we are going to be okay too.
August 30th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Hey Britt! Paul, my hubby, and I had some MAJOR issues when we bought this house a few months back…the money thing was REALLY getting to me…after all these years of marriage, he actually sat down with me and we worked out the budget TOGETHER! It was major. It was the first time I felt like I was a part of this team thing they call a marriage and not just “his other mom.” Point is, I totally get what you are saying. When he said that “we can do this” I felt like, yeah! we can…..maybe…but I still don’t let him have the checkbook unsupervised, is that bad? LOL…hang in there Britt! You made a major and I mean MAJOR change in your life…it’s gonna take some time to get your footing, but you’ll get it. There’s no turning back now and really, that’s a good thing. Moving forward toward and following your dreams is NEVER a mistake!!! I’m rambling now aren’t I?? Oh! and I can just say that you are my Blog Hero!!
…oh! another point that we really are twins, I started going back to church a few weeks ago!!
August 30th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Mist 1: well, sure, if you’d lay off the Chocolate Cake.
Janelle: YAY!! Blog Hero!!
(you know that comes with gifts right??)
August 31st, 2007 at 8:58 am
Wait. WHAT THE FUCK, JANELLE.
I thought I was your blog hero?
I see how it is. It’s all about telling us what we want to hear.
August 31st, 2007 at 9:00 am
Avi: well, I have better boobs. Obviously.
August 31st, 2007 at 9:01 am
testing…..
August 31st, 2007 at 9:09 am
I just love when they step up to the plate like that.
It happens so rarely. heheheeee
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:46 am
September 15th, 2007 at 4:45 pm