So, I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog lately. I know, I know - it doesn’t show. But really, the wheels are turning.
Mainly I’ve been thinking about how the plan to take over the world has become severely stalled by my lack of new traffic. It’s time to take it up a notch and start whoring more effectively.
Luckily, in a past life, I knew a thing or two about marketing.
Rule #1 in marketing: NICHE marketing
So, I’ve been thinking about what “niche” I should dominate first.
Mommy bloggers? Too broad. (Rule #87 - the more narrow your definition of your audience, the better) Pet bloggers? Too, well, fucking crazy to be honest with you. Right wing conservative poli-bloggers? Too Likely To Attract A Lynch Mob To My Front Door.
And then I remembered Rule #2: start with what you know
Or, pick a Niche that you would most easily identify yourself with.
So… what do I know? What do I feel? What could I most easily feign sympathy and interest in while trying to lure in new readers? Let’s see…
(please picture me going through this list, checking each one off with a meticulously manicured finger)
- Shopping
- Shoes
- Free speech and everything the ACLU stands for
- Prince
- Decorating and HGTV
- Money
- High Fashion
- Drama, drama, drama!
- A deep rooted love for musicals and movies that make you cry
Of course! It’s so obvious! My next niche market practically walked up and gave me a kiss on each cheek!
I will now be focusing all of my blogging efforts on Gay Men!
What?
Why are you looking at me like that?
It’s ok. Profiling is totally “in” now. Haven’t you ever heard of Homeland Security? Oh yeah, they’re bringing stereotyping back right along with skinny jeans! I mean, sure, for some people it’s still poo-poo’ed.
But I’m a straight, white, middle class woman. So I am allowed. I’ll just say putting people in a box makes me feel “safe” and it will be totally acceptable, I promise. Of course, being a “woman” knocks me down a few pegs on the Moral Authority pole. But I am from the Midwest, so that right there assures that my values are firmly in place.
And we all know I’m not talking about all gay people - just, you know “those” ones. The “flaming” ones and stuff. You know what I mean. Bigotry is totally OK if you acknowledge that there are exceptions that are straighter/smarter/hard working/articulate/etc.
Besides, I am allowed to make assumptions about gay people. After all, some of my best friends are gay.
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I thought we had an agreement…
I would send all the readers who were looking for blonde boob-enhanced bombshells to your site, and you would send all the gay guys to me.
Are reneging on this?
Really, do you have any other gay readers besides me? And if so, why haven’t we been introduced?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for a harness fitting.
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You make stereotyping and profiling sound almost, well, like it’s the right thing to do. :lmfao:
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I am not gay, but I very well could be, given the right circumstances, such as a shirtless Clive Owen showing up on my doorstep.
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:lmfao: I can see the trolls coming out of the wood work for this one.
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I’d read this, but I have to go watch some blonde chick porn. Because blondes all have huge tits and love to give blowjobs, but they’re so brainless that you can trick them into doing anything!
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Aren’t we all gay men at some point in time???
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For a second, I thought I was a gay man. But, I don’t really like musicals.
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jester:
#1 - why does everyone keep assuming my boobs are enhanced?! If they were enhanced there would be pictures. Everywhere.
#2 - Of COURSE darling my intention on getting more gay readers is so that I can pass them all along to you. Really. I’m a giver.
#3 - um, as far as I know you’re the only one. But I haven’t installed the “what’s your sexual orientation and are you left handed or right” access page yet, so who knows.
AmyD: What can I say? I stereotype with LOVE.
Mr. Fabulous: hmmm… well, I suppose if you could continue to send a few of your readers this way, I can count you in the “Not Gay, May Stray” column.
Maria: Would you believe I have never once had a troll, flame war, hate mail, nada??
But, a girl can dream…
avitable: blondes are supposed to love blowjobs? Wow. No wonder my husband is so pissed.
ADW: and Italian too, I think.
Mist 1:
You don’t hand jive to Grease?
You shan’t dance with the King & I?!
You don’t just adore ‘enry ‘iggins on My Fair Lady?!?
WTF?!?
Are you black? :twitchy:
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I will be your troll if you would like.
I would be good at it too. See :tongue:
:pissed:
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How about gay WOMEN? With pictures?
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Musical Theatre? Oh honey you are after my own heart, I was a Musical Theatre Major in college didn’t I tell you?? Oh how I love the gay theatre men!
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That’s why I talk about boobs.
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Maria: OK, but you must then talk shit about me all over the internet and leave links everywhere you go, m’kay?
Jay: lesbians rarely like me - I think that might be an uphill battle.
debkitty: OMG I did not know that. I would have never guessed you as a musical theater major! Remind me some time to post a picture of my first tattoo. ;-)
Robin: gay men like boobs??
I may have to rethink this whole strategy…
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I try not to care about my traffic. I also try not to lie to myself. Thus the dilemma.
And musicals are hawt.
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You are too funny. I am the number one blog whore. Most prople spend thousands of dollars in snorting coke up their nose, I spend thousands of minutes checking my email fro new comments.
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OMG Woman. Shut up! Now you’ve got me worried about what new marketing niche I should focuss on and my pretty little head is spinning…
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I mean talking about boobs is about all I know about and I figure nobody knows more about boobs than me…except maybe Hugh Heffner.
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ok
I found your blog through the best mommy blogger or something like that at the bloggers choice awards website.
I read somewhere that all heterosexual’s are like 10% gay or have gay tendencies….or something like that. Basically we are all a little gay in some way or another. I guess that also means that all gay people are a little straight sometimes too!
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yay gay men
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Britt - I wasn’t implying that your boobs were enhanced. I was stating that your body had been enhanced by the presence of boobs. (Yes for some reason gay men like boobs. Personally, I like to throw little balls of paper at them. I also occasionally use them for storage when out at a club.)
I expect to see a questionnaire posted in the near future detailing everyone’s sexual history and orientation. Must include photos.
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I went to school for theater and I’d have to admit I miss my gay boyfriends. They are seriously the best shopping partners a girl could have…
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Gah, next thing you know you’ll be initiating Gay Guy Friday or Thursday Gayteen.
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I live in a small town, and I only knew one gay guy. He was the kind of gay guy who loved to go shopping and talk about girly stuff, except… he was bipolar, depressive, and a little insane. So our friendship ended because he went nuts on me one day.
Plus he tried to sleep with my ex-boyfriend and almost suceeded. :whack:
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i’m sorry but you’ll have to rip the gays from my cold dead hands
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“Are you black?”
Nice. That got me.
All right, I’m out of the woodwork. No more lurking. I heart you. Thanks for not having bouncing boobies like yer friend Avitable. I guess if yer gonna cater to gays (yay!) you’ll need some penis smileys. They should bounce. And throb.
What was I talking about again?
Just sayin’.
-AD
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You have been awarded the “Rockin’ Girl Blogger” award. Check out my blog for the button and the details!!
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Kristi: the only personal improvement thing I’ve got down is brutal honesty.
Thankfully, I honestly think I am hot shit. :-D
MisstressM: heh, you said fro
DutchBitch: you get the lesbians, i’ll get the gay men, and we can swing. I mean… er… swap.
Robin: OHHHHHHHHHHH. Sorry. I may be hot shit, but I’m also retarded sometimes.
pnbzmom: Hottest Mommy Blogger, to be exact. LOL
Amanda: LOL, yay indeed!
jester: OHHHH. See. I have so much to learn.
will you be my gay mentor please?
Erica AP: and they can come in the dressing room - bonus!
RW: Gay Guy Friday - brilliant!!
Sarcastica: gay men are always hitting on my husband. I try to ignore the fact that something about him is setting off their radar.
Crys: I thought you only wanted the trannies?!?!
Amber Dalton: YAY! Nice first comment. :-)
Bouncing penises eh…
Angel: Awwww… sweet!! Thanks!!
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C’mon, aren’t we all just a little gay? :whip:
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Aren’t we all.
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Sarcastica: Yeah living in a town with only one gay guy I would be depressed too. Life without sex would suck. Or worse what if there was one other gay guy but he was fat and ugly….. ewwwww
Britt: Taking over the world using gay guys as your minions sounds like a plan. I will sign up just because I get to be in a army of hot gay guys.
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