I currently live in a small town. A very, very, very, very, very… small town.
No. Seriously.
Yesterday I went out to the house that is for sale that is empty (as opposed to the house that is for sale that I live in). A second story door (don’t ask me why there is a second story door) was wide open. Not just unlocked, open.
I went upstairs, cautiously waiting for a bat or something to leap out at me. Swoop out at me. Whatever. Thankfully - no bats.
However - I did discover a fucking condom wrapper on the floor in one of the bathrooms.
First let me say how freaking RUDE it is for someone to BREAK INTO someone else’s house to get their freaking groove on. Seriously. Go park your horny little asses on a fucking gravel road somewhere and do like the rest of us did. Get your freak on in your OWN backseat. Little bastards.
ANYway. Naturally, when I got home, I called the cops.
Or rather, I tried to call the cops.
Number rings and rings and rings and rings and rings. Number finally just disconnects me.
I try again. Ring. Ring. Ring. A bazillion times ring.
I call City Hall.
Me: “Um, I’ve been trying to call the police and it’s disconnecting.”
CH: “no, it’s not, it just keeps ringing, I can hear it”
Me: “Well, no one is answering”
CH: “well, yeah, no one is there” (DUH! Why in the hell would anyone assume there would be someone answering the phone at the fucking POLICE station??)
Me: “ooooookay, well, I need to call the police”
CH: “well they are out on patrol”
Me: Silence… expecting some solution to be volunteered
CH: Silence
Me: “So… lets say I need to talk to the police…”
CH: “is this an emergency?”
Me: “Heh, um, no. Thank God. I’d be dead.”
Apparently the procedure here is to track down someone who has the police officer’s cell phone, leave a message, and have him call you back. Yeah. Seriously.
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
Posted in uncategorized
The hell? I thought I lived in a small town. LOL
[Reply]
Ditto Kentucky Girl!! There are only six full time police officers here, and we have a swat vehicle. LMAO!! Apparently all of the officers are also SWAT. I’m being serious too..I saw it one day when I drove by the police station. :lmfao: :lmfao:
[Reply]
Holy Shit! I hope you never have a real emergency. :what:
[Reply]
I bet Deputy Fife was the one having sex in your house.
[Reply]
Naw-it was Andy getting a 3 way with Thelma Lou and….and….and….SHIT! I can’t remember her name! But you know who I mean. :sex012:
[Reply]
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahah!this is fucking hilarious.LMAOROTFPMP!
sounds like a scene from gilmore girls.lol.cheezus tha thad me in a fit!lol….
[Reply]
Let’s look at the positives:
1. They were using contraception so the chances of the world’s IQ dropping drastically is slim.
2. Officers on patrol in such a small town would surely not take that long anyway.
3. Officers on patrol - that just reminded me of the police academy movie - citizens on patrol. And that was a funny movie, laughing at funny movies is positive, ergo, somewhere along the way, the whole experience was a positive one…..I think???
Actually now I don’t know. I DO know that I now have an urge to watch a police academy movie.
[Reply]
Gotta love small towns.
The last time I called the Police was to report an out of control little teeny-bopper party down the street. That had spilled into my yard at times. Little shits.
Anyways, the dispatcher ended up being my neighbour and was pissed that they were in her yard too. Heh.
[Reply]
Now see if you lived in my neck of the woods, not only would you have the cops there pronto, you’d also have CSI, NSA, FBI, LMNOP and then The Prez would commute the sentance of the horny little bastard.
Now you tell me what is worse????
[Reply]
Holy shit. I’m speechless.
[Reply]
Darling darling, that’s out in the county. Call the deputies. 911.
Honestly.
But man that ticks me off.
[Reply]
Gotta love it. Sounds like my hometown, where the Chief of Police was also the high school custodian.javascript:moreSmiliesAappendSmiley(’:lmao:’)
lmao
[Reply]
Are you freakin serious!? hahaha I can just imagine the little jail cell with the two “town criminals” and the keys on a silver loop dangling dangerously close to the cell. Of course, no one around, and the criminals are fashioning something to hook the keys around so they can break free. of course, it’s all good cause all they did was get drunk in public again.
[Reply]
Since they can’t afford an answering machine maybe you could buy them one.
“Hello, this is the Shithole Small Town Police Department, (SSTPD) we are unable to come to the phone right now. All of our staff is busy parked out on Rte 10 playing with our new radar gun. Please call the City Hall for further information.”
[Reply]
Time to MOVE!!!!
[Reply]
That sounds like where I live!
[Reply]
wow - ok, that really is a small town. but i love how the person in city hall is like, “no, i can hear it ringing.” not going to do anything about it, but i can hear it…
[Reply]
Holy shit, at least we have a dispatch from the next town. But it’s the same thing, in a non-emergency, you have to call dispatch and then wait for the officer to call back.
But you DO have 9-1-1, right?
[Reply]
Hell, shit like that makes me happy that I live in a large city. Then again… Nevermind. Yes, the police come when you call them, they’re usually the ones doing the breaking in and will arrest your for interrupting.
[Reply]
Do you think they tried it like this? :sex001: :whistle:
Seriously though, thats very distubing, regarding the sex and the police. Hope you are having fun with Adam, Britt! We want all the details when you get back!!!
[Reply]
No Sam they did it like this… :sex012: and like this :sex011:
Thats crazy about the cops, what a crazy messed up system!
[Reply]
Just have to share that I know all about little Ia towns and it doesnt surprise me in the least. You should haave just driven to Casey’s, that is where he probably was. Glad it was a condom (though still disgusting)and the house was not burning down.
[Reply]
I didn’t leave the condom. I don’t use condoms.
[Reply]
Damn you do live in a small town
[Reply]
Wow, you must live in a town that’s even smaller than East Undershirt!!
[Reply]
jesus tapdancing christ. well, at least i know where to go when i finally snap and kidnap My Baby’s Daddy and toss him in the trunk of my honda…
[Reply]
At least they were practicing safe sex?
I was considering buying this house until you told me random people break in to have sex in it.
[Reply]