It’s time, once again, for me to pimp myself.
But this time, it’s serious.
This time, while purusing the list of nominees and past winners, it hit me that while I get nominated for shit all the time, I never win. Ever. And yet every time I get nominated, I stand up here and pimp myself, begging for votes. And nothing. Nada. And do you know what that makes me?
A whore with no pimp. And no money. Er… wins.
We just cannot have that people. So, who wants to wear the purple feathered hat and help me win something for once? Hmmm?
Here are the categories (that I was nominated in, hence, the only ones that matter)…
1) The 2 bloggers who (together) would have the best looking kids:
-Miss Britt with Avitable
Obviously! Plus they would be BRILLIANT! And FUNNY! And ILLEGITIMATE! What more can you ask for in fantasy children?
5) Blogger with the best boobs:
Ok. I know. They aren’t “big” or “full” or any of the things that we have been conditioned to think “best boobs” are supposed to be. But I nursed two babies out of these things! Surely that should be worth a vote or two. A vote for me and my boobs is a vote for the acceptance of real women everywhere!!
7) Blogger most likely to have the most kick-ass house EVER:
First, I would like to say that I have seen some of you already vote in this category. And I cannot believe that you would abandon me here of all places. Really. I’m crushed.
Now, I would like you all to remember MY new house… granite counters, jacuzzi tubs, virgin toilets, guest bedrooms and bathrooms leading out onto the pool (with vacancies for bloggers who vote - correctly!)… a slide from the second story bedroom leading into pools of jello…
9) Blogger you most want to have over for dinner:
I cook! I clean! I walk around the house topless on request!
Just think my pretties, I am about to be in possession of an all expense paid “hotel” of sorts in a very touristy location. Votes for me are almost like votes for yourself, really. And copying and pasting this on your own blog to attract even MORE votes for me?
Well, that’s as good as… say… clean towels in your bathroom every morning.
I mean…
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Is this where I am supposed to assure you that I voted for you - even though you cannot see my vote (because I hate voting in the comment boxes)?
Freakin’ duh.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:32 am
I nominated you for the house one.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 am
hmmm no one quite whores themselves out quite like you do! Why isn’t there a category for that? I am sure you would win! Off to vote!
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:37 am
I’ll give you the house award, but the dinner? All me, baby!
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:58 am
Honey, I voted for you at least 2 days ago… long before you pimped yourself. Actually, it was RW who was doing the pimpin’!
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:30 am
Done! In the comment box so you have proof! :lmfao:
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:46 am
I will get around to it.
Might as well make ya sweat.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:50 am
Hey Britt. How about this. I have a beautiful baby boy with Fab, you have a beautiful baby girl with Avi, then they can hook up and have more beautiful babies.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I voted yesterday, in comment box! We are doing our part.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
AmyD: yes
Although you could have done it without the “duh”.
heather: awwwwwwwwww….
debkitty: lol, I’ve never had a good pimp. Fuckers never take me on. Something about insurance liabilities…
avitable: pfft, you don’t even pay!
Geeky Tai-Tai: thank you!! Unsolicited votes are worth double points!
Princess of the Universe: lol, thank you much!
themuttprincess: this is about Prince, isn’t it?
heather: muahahahahahah - now THAT’S a genious plan!
Trish K: way to go! you rock!!
July 23rd, 2007 at 2:00 pm
It’s “have over to dinner” not “go out to dinner”. There’s no paying involved.
If it was “go out”, I’d totally pay. And tabledance naked.
July 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Oh please, you know our kids would be cuter. First of all, I’m not even sure Avi is human.
July 23rd, 2007 at 2:49 pm
avitable: whatever. You always make me pay. Whether I come over or we go out, I buy.
Mr. Fabulous: our you saying gorillas aren’t cute?
You heard it hear first people. Mr. Fab hates animals.
Vote for me now.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 pm
I am not saying gorillas aren’t cute, but do you want to squeeze one through your birth canal?
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:32 pm
It wouldn’t matter anyway. My DNA would kick his DNA’s ass too.
I’d just have another one to complete the set.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 pm
lmao you crack me up
and bathrooms that lead to the pool? That’s awesome!
No more peeing in the pool!
July 24th, 2007 at 10:03 am
I voted for you via email to the website, even though I just discovered your blog recently and have NO CLUE who the other bloggers are in the categories you weren’t nominated for (I just picked random names). Good luck! :dazed:
July 25th, 2007 at 8:45 am
You’ve got my votes… I found some interesting blogs from those nominees!
July 26th, 2007 at 10:33 pm